been feeling an unreasonable amount about wade and vanessa lately and you should too 

The Wolf Moon

I've been trying to figure out why I was so emotional the last two days, so I looked up the moon phase. Tonight is a full moon. It's about letting go and moving on, moving forward without baggage, cleansing. I have an irresistibly strong urge to get naked and get in water under the moonlight. I text a few people asking if they know of anywhere I can go do that. Coyote was the person I thought would know, but she doesn't. I can't think of anyone I know with a pool or hot tub. On a whim, I text Jaguar. I thought he might just say no and think I was a little out there. Instead he says, “Best question I have heard in a long time! I'd love to go if you find somewhere". Then about 20 minutes later, he texts back with an idea. There’s a lake nearby that has a campground. Yes, perfect. We make plans to go together. 

Honestly I just completely lost my fucking mind with this full moon. I am a very outdoorsy person. I’m from the north and have real winter gear. I was nowhere near as prepared as I should have been, because all I could think was naked-water-moonlight. So that’s how, a few hours later, I ended up at a campsite in the woods with a boy I’ve met exactly once. And it was literally the most magical evening.

He brought way too much stuff given we had to hike into this campsite, so we had to take a few trips back and forth to the cars. But on the other hand, I brought exactly as much as I could carry in one trip, and I maybe should have been better prepared. It was a low of 34F that night. I had some warm clothes, extra layers, and two sleeping bags. He brought an extra hat, socks, and jacket for me - which was just so sweet and thoughtful.

The campsite wasn’t right on the water, so we had to walk down a hill through the woods a bit to get to the water. Jaguar was so cute and found a sturdy branch I could use as a walking stick, to help me down the hill. We got down to the water, and it was pretty obvious there was no way for us to get into the water. We would need to either wade through about 20 feet of sticks, leaves, and muck; or walk down further and hop off about a 5 foot drop off into the shallow water. Neither of us was confident that I would be able to get out of either situation, so instead we just stood next to the water under the moonlight. None of the trees had any leaves on them, and the sky was almost perfectly clear. The moonlight was so bright, the water still, and everything was mystical. You could taste the magic in the air. We stood near the water and talked for over an hour, until we got cold and decided to go build a fire. 

He built the fire, and made some sausages. We stood around the fire and talked some more. We both just kept looking up at the moon through the trees. It was so surreal. Occasionally a plane would fly overhead, and break the spell for a minute. We talked about how that moon was about letting go and moving on. I had several things I needed to process still - the situations with Deer and Scorpion primarily. We talked about that and he said essentially the exact same things as what Dick Pics said, which was comforting to get the same perspective again. We talked about what he wanted to let go of, and he said he still has feelings for his ex. We also had just random conversation, like if we were any other mammal, what would we be? I said I would want to be a big jungle cat, like a jaguar, because I wanted to go to places humans never go, and to tear and shred my food with my teeth. He said that was a great answer, and told me about how he worked at a wildlife rehab in the jungle for a while, and they had jaguars. He said they were terrifying and so cool. We talked about how tonight was exactly what we both needed. It felt right. Like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. The right place, at the right time, with the right person. It felt peaceful. I felt present. It’s the strongest and clearest I’ve ever felt that I was right where I was supposed to be. It felt really good, to follow this crazy instinct, and to end up there.

We got into the tent at around 1 or 2 in the morning. It was cold, so we each put on several extra layers. Then we ended up taking a few of them off each other, and playing around in the cold. He made kind of a roaring noise while kissing my neck, and I laughed and asked him what that was. He said, “A jaguar”. 

We woke up around dawn, after getting approximately 35 seconds of sleep. And I felt fucking incredible. I felt so alive and refreshed. We worked together to pack up camp and carry everything back to the cars - which was a lot easier when we didn’t need to carry firewood. We said goodbye at our cars, and there was a cute moment when he gave me a look and said, “I want to do this again.” I said I did, too.