#i'm on antidepressants and i have people i care deeply about. what the fuck would i need a partner for lmao
Text
SAVE ME | KTH (02)
summary: You were determined to kill yourself, but instead of ending your life, you ended up summoning the devil of death.
Alternatively:
The Devil: I’m here to ruin you, I’m here to save you.
genre & content warnings: demon au, e2l, angst, fluff, roommate au, oc wants to die, invalidating feelings of others, drug overdose, physical violence, and mention of character’s death (minor)
pairing: devil!taehyung x doctor!reader
word count: 2.6k
PREVIOUS CHAPTER
"I'm the devil and I'm here to save you."
It seemed like the world stopped spinning the moment you heard those words. You were deeply rooted in the place where you're standing and suddenly, you couldn't speak. You tried parting your lips, unluckily no word came out.
The stranger who claimed to be the 'devil' furrowed his brow that caused you to momentarily shut your eyes—hoping that once you opened it again, this stranger's reflection would go away.
It didn't.
The man was still standing behind you. An evil grin was actually plastered on his face while twirling the handle of the black scissors in his pointer finger.
This devil was pretending to keep his cool, but in reality, he's pissed off. Well for starters, he did not want to be here. He's literally just chilling in the deepest part of hell when you called him.
What the hell does she need from me anyway? The devil mused.
He thought that his question would be answered the moment you turned to face him. Unfortunately, you only looked at him hoping that your mind was just playing tricks on you—that you were actually the only living creature here.
Did you overdose with antidepressant pills again?
"Fuck off!" You scolded yourself thinking that the things you were seeing weren't real. This was simply one of the effects of taking too much pills.
Tears painted your cheeks as you covered your face. You were just hallucinating, right? If not, then why would a fucking devil appear in your already pathetic life?
Demons did not exist. They're just an illusion created by people so they could blame someone or something as to why their lives were miserable.
You took a deep breath as you talked to yourself: 'Demons don't exist. Stay calm. You're doing great.'
'Focus on your breathing, sweetie. I'm here for you.' You even played your mom's usual reminder inside your head. 'She's here with me. I'm okay. I will be okay...' You continued to distract yourself.
Minutes passed. When your heart started beating at a normal place, you then placed your trembling hands on your chest. Your labored breathing turned steady. This meant that the devil was gone now, right?
"You done meditating, dollface?"
You choked on your own spit when you saw the stranger casually sitting on the couch. His tails was still wagging while grinning from ear to ear.
"Just fuck off!"
The devil lazily rolled his eyes when he realized that anger was taking over you again. You were hysterical. You're throwing everything your hand touched at the stranger.
"Fuck off! Fuck off! Leave me fucking alone!" You shrieked.
The lampshade was heavy in your arms so you threw it at once. Sadly the devil was agile. One moment he's dodging your throws and now he's stopping you from breaking more stuff.
The devil had enough of your bullshit.
He pinned you to the floor length mirror, causing the glass to shatter. Its pieces pierced through your body.
You yelped in pain.
The devil let out an exasperated sigh.
"Listen here, Barbie." He rolled his eyes while emphasizing the 'ie' in the word Barbie. He also stared deep into your eyes.
You could only watch as his lips danced.
"As much as I want to leave your Barbie world and ignore your plastic life, I can't." You could feel his hot breath on your cheek. It made you shiver. "You are the one who summoned me. Therefore, I'm stuck with you."
His statement made you huff. You didn't like the tone this devil just used. You were crankier than usual and it’s probably because you had taken a lot of pills today.
It's like you weren't scared of him anymore because really, who did he think he was to insult you?
"Did you just call me a Barbie?" You usually took this as a compliment, howbeit his voice sounded so cynical that you could practically taste the insult in your mouth.
"Hmm. Let me see," the devil pretended to think. He moved a few inches away from you just so he could eye you from head to toe. His gaze was so sultry that your fight-or-flight response was to cover your chest and gasp.
He only chuckled at your reaction before proceeding to tell you his stupid reasons.
"You're living in a grand apartment, you have hundreds of shoes and expensive clothes too," his eyes roamed around your big room while snorting. He was suddenly reminded of those people who tried to kill themselves because they didn't have enough money to provide for themselves and for their families. It's funny that you're just taking for granted the things other people would kill just to have.
You were really the classic bimbo Barbie.
"You literally have everything, yet you're still acting like life is so hard!" He imitated a high pitched voice of a woman while rolling his eyes.
"How dare you!" You couldn't take his insults anymore as you were already stepping on his ridiculously long tail.
He had no right to accuse you of being ungrateful when he knew nothing about the hell you had been going through.
It was unfair.
You stomped your feet on his tail one more time before running away, leaving him crying in pain.
Your heartbeat doubled as you stepped out of your abode. Running mindlessly brought you to the parking lot. At times like this, you couldn't help but give yourself some credit for always putting your car keys inside the pocket of your jeans.
You drove away from your apartment building.
You could still feel your heart thumping loud as you stepped on the gas. You needed to get away before you lost your mind.
You thought you already got away with the stranger who claimed to be the devil, but then you suddenly felt a strong pang of pain in your chest. It also felt like someone's punching your lungs because you could hardly breathe.
"No!"
Profanities escaped your mouth when you almost hit a group of pedestrian crossing the street. You wanted to stop to ask if they’re okay; however, you couldn't seem to stop driving.
What the hell was happening!?
"Careful, Barbie. You might kill someone..."
"I said leave me alone!" You stepped on the gas harder because using your peripheral vision, you saw the devil casually slouching on the passenger seat.
Your tears fell as the devil's wicked laugh erupted. He's about to lean closer, but you're quick enough to stop the car, throwing him back on his seat.
You hastily went out of your mini cooper and then you ran inside the hospital where you worked. There were a lot of people in this place. You were sure the devil couldn't get to you while you were here.
Or so you thought.
"Hey, what are you doing here—wait! Are you okay?"
Huh. If it wasn't your luck. Out of all the people you're going to run into while running away from the devil, why did it have to be another devil?
"Dr. Bae..." You said breathlessly.
Bae Joo-hyun only winced as a response to your lame greeting. You could actually see the disgusted look she's sporting as she eyed you from head toe. The scowl on her face deepened upon seeing your bare feet. Joo-hyun always hated the way you dressed because she could never beat your style.
However, it looked like today was her lucky day. Her scowl turned into a smirk when she noticed your outfit of the day: black jeans and plain top. You didn't apply any makeup. You were one hundred percent sure that the bags under your eyes were visible.
Acid dripped into your stomach, sadly you didn't have any choice but to pretend like you were not affected by Joo-hyun's judgmental stare.
"How are you?" You flashed a smile at you enemy. It's the kind of smile that hid your real emotions. No one would have guessed that you just spent the past hour of this gloomy afternoon from trying to kill yourself to summoning the devil and now, just casually saying hello to your nemesis.
Seriously. What's up with your life?
"I should be the one asking you that," Joo-Hyun quirked her brow, feigning sympathy.
"Are you okay? I've heard that Cha Areum passed away because of you. I mean—" She paused mid-sentence just to laugh. It was the type of laugh that said 'Oh, silly me!' because the answer was damn obvious.
You glared at her. Joo-Hyun really knew how to annoy you.
"—she died because the operation which you lead wasn't successful, right?" Joo-Hyun patted your bare shoulder which caused you to flinch; however, she acted as though she didn't notice your nervous movement.
"Condolence by the way. I know how much that patient meant to you."
Tears filled your eyes as you let out a shaky breath. If this was an ordinary day, you would most definitely make Bae Joo-hyun regret opening her big mouth, but today wasn't like any other day. This was the time you should be ending your pathetic life.
It wasn't happening because you were running away. Again.
"Have a good day, Dr. Bae." Your lack of energy to deal with the annoying doctor was apparent when you decided to simply walk away—no. You were running once more.
Admittedly, when you were driving a few minutes ago, you didn't really know where to go. You were just certain that you needed to leave your apartment—that you needed to get away from the stranger who insisted that you summoned him, but then you found yourself taking the route going to this hospital.
Your safe place.
Ever since you were a kid, you had always dreamt of working here at Cornelia Hospital. You wanted to take care of other people and extend their time in this world—this was what you promised Cha Areum, the little girl you failed to save.
Bae Joo-hyun was right. The operation which you had led wasn't successful. It ended the life of a ten year-old girl.
She was so young.
'She shouldn't have trusted me. I am a failure. I failed her!' Your thoughts cut deeper than a knife. You firmly believed that you deserved to die as well.
"I'm so sorry, Areum!" You stumbled on the ground.
This place felt like home to you. Aside from cutting your hair, you also went to the rooftop of this hospital just to feel the fresh air—a gentle reminder that you were alive and lucky enough to experience simple things like the warmth of the wind.
Today, instead of being in the morgue, you were back on the rooftop.
You plopped down on the floor as you succumbed to the pain of losing the first person whom you loved after the death of your mother.
'I am a failure.' You continued to screw this in your head.
"Sorry. I'm so sorry!" You clasped your hands together and then you rubbed them as fast and as hard as you could.
You also looked at the sky; the harsh ray of the sun didn't matter to you.
It's unbelievable. Where did the sun get the audacity to shine brightly when people were mourning?
The sun was not fair.
"You look horrible, Barbie."
Your eyes instantly landed on the stranger beside you.
The devil was back. He was hugging his legs while placing his chin on the top of his knees.
He flashed another evil grin at you.
You wiped your tears away.
"Look," you stared hard at him. "I don't care if you're really a devil or not. In fact, I don't care if you want to kill me at all."
You stopped talking when you remembered what he said a short time ago. He claimed that he didn't have any intention to end your life. Actually, he said he came to save you.
"—but if you're just going to pester and insult me, I suggest you go back to hell before I kick your ass to heaven."
Your threat must have been funny because the devil burst into laughter. He laughed until he choked on his own spit.
You rolled my eyes.
"You're different from them." The devil chuckled again. He's been in this world since the beginning of time, yet this was the first time he encountered a mere human threatening him.
People were usually scared of him. If they're kind, it was because they needed something from him. Fame, wealth, knowledge, or anything they wanted.
The devil could give any diabolical favors to humans in exchange of their souls.
"Whatever," you pursed your lips since you seriously didn't care about what he was implying.
You simply wanted to rest and to your surprise, the devil actually kept his mouth shut.
Silence engulfed the two of you.
Just when you thought your heart was finally calmed down, the devil spoke again, causing your anger to ignite once more.
"You don't really wanna die today, do you?"
You were so ready for your rebuttal, but his question surprised you.
It rendered you speechless.
The only thing you could do was to look at your shaking hands. Shame and guilt crept into your heart.
You honestly thought that you were ready to die today, but come to think of it, if you really wanted to kill yourself, would you seriously allow yourself to look mediocre in your last day here on earth?
You were vain. You firmly believed that whatever you're wearing when you died would be your ghost outfit.
Knowing this attitude of yours, you were certain you would never ever allow yourself to wear ugly jeans and an equally ugly top if you were aware that you're going to die.
Your ghost outfit should be fabulous.
"W-What are you doing?" Your body trembled in fear when the devil abruptly leaned closer to you.
He touched your chin, urging you to look at him. When you did, your breathing hitched. Not only that, your heart also skipped a beat as you finally took in his appearance.
Maybe they're not lying when they said that the devil came in beautiful form to deceive human beings.
This demon was perfect. His face was symmetrical. He had this heart shaped face. This was the first time you saw someone with rich golden eyes in your more than thirty years of existence.
The devil's eyelashes were so long you were convinced he didn't blink, he batted. You were also surprised to see his eyelids. His right eye was monolid while the left part was double eyelid.
His tail wagged, halting your enthusiastic heart from praising his Godly feature.
The devil stared deep into your soul. He pulled you closer to him and then a gasp escaped your mouth when he touched the back of your shoulder.
"You can't kill yourself." This was the last words he said to you before disappearing into the thin air.
You blinked once. Just a few breaths ago, you was determined to end your life because you blamed yourself for Areum’s death. Right now, however, the only thing clouding your feeble mind was the gorgeous creature who you summoned.
You were drinking in the physical features of the devil like a love-struck fool as you wondered what in hell had gotten into you.
The devil came into beautiful form, but he also came to totally turn your miserable life upside down.
This was not good.
NEXT CHAPTER
#kim taehyung#bts taehyung#taehyung series#taehyung fic#taehyung fluff#taehyung fantasy au#taehyung roommate au#taehyung romance#demon taehyung#devil taehyung#taehyung devil au#taehyung angst#taehyung x you#taehyung x reader#taehyung x y/n#taehyung x oc#ficswithluv
198 notes
·
View notes
Note
hey z I hope it's okay to message you about this. you don't have to answer if you don't want. you've just been really open about mental health so I feel like talking to you would really help. i'm a newer writer in the fandom and I feel like I just can't keep up with everyone. so many writers put out so much content on a consistent basis and with my depression, I struggle to get things out regularly. I just feel like i'll never succeed at this rate. do you have any advice? thank you
So, to get this out of the way: you can ALWAYS message me about ANYTHING AT ALL, and I’m so glad you felt comfortable reaching out. You are very loved.
First off, I want to say congratulations for getting into fic writing! It takes a lot of courage and energy to share your creative efforts with others! You deserve to feel proud of that.
Your feelings about “not keeping up” are absolutely not uncommon. I don’t know a single author friend in the community who hasn’t had that gnawing feeling of “not enough-ness,” and I’ve felt that way more than I can say. Society teaches folks that productivity is the norm, and that ~not being productive enough~ is a moral failure—which is blatantly not true.
Also, life with depression is fucking hard. You’re given a limited amount of energetic resources (emotional, cognitive, and physical) each day, and so much of that energy goes toward sustaining yourself. I so deeply understand how it feels to look at neurotypical folx (or even just higher-functioning people) and think “wow, look at everything they’re doing that I struggle with; I’m such a P.O.S.”
But friend, YOU’RE DOING THE DAMN THING! You’re getting through every day, even if it’s a struggle. I try to think of it like this: my job every day is to choke down two liters of water, consume food, take my antidepressants + antipsychotics, take care of my dog, and say hello to one (1) other human being. If I do LITERALLY ANYTHING more than that, I’m a goddamn superhuman. Listen here: writing and publishing fic is SUCH EXTRA CREDIT! Think about that for yourself. Like, holy shit! Not only are you subsisting, but you’re making and sharing art with your community!
My main piece of advice? Try your best to be kind and tender with yourself, to recognize your creative efforts as being something extraordinary, because they are. As for advice on a logistical basis? I find that figuring out the times/environments/circumstances when you write best is extremely helpful. When I have my face washed and clothes on and a cup of coffee in hand mid-morning is when it feels the easiest for me to write (... or stupidly late when my brain won’t let me sleep.) What about you? Also, if writing feels like drudgery, let yourself step away from it for a while. You’ll come back more refreshed and excited.
There is no quota for you to meet. No deadline you need to rush toward. Your pace is just fine the way it is.
You’re enough. You’re doing enough. You’re doing an amazing job. I’m rooting for you, and I’m always here for you.
28 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
k8-obrien-blog
Baby O'Brien
poorphonephotos
902 poor phone photos / [email protected]
joanangelique
A Little Piece of Dark Sunshine.
loyaltytm
—- FIDELITY ,