#i'm normal about this and certainly don't have a bunch of headcanons and shit.
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i'm normal about @shepscapades' dbhc au. and uh. wrote a thing that's very much not canon but equally as much a love letter to everything shep's done. it's xbralis because of course it is.
“Shiswammy, I don’t think - Hm. Is this really necessary?”
[Voice Identified: Hermit Keralis1]
“I mean - maybe not. But, if I’m honest, it’d make me feel a bit better if you did use it?”
[Voice Identified: Administrator xisumavoid]
“It’s just - what does it even do, Shishwam? All this - this redstone and wires and bluey goopy stuff. You keep giving everybody robots this season - like, what am I even gonna use it for?”
“Well, we can just - here. It’s online. Can you hear us, XB?”
[Question: Audio Processor Functionality.]
“Yes.”
“Wonderful! Will you please give Keralis your initialization text?”
“Hi! I’m an XB2000 android. I can carry out basic tasks such as resource gathering and crafting, but my functional specialties are combat and exploration. I’m designed for high-stress environments, like deep oceans and naturally generated structures, and am enchanted with Aqua Affinity and Depth Strider, though I may be upgraded at your discretion.”
“At my discretion? Really, now.”
XB figures now’s as good a time as any to look at the Hermit he’s being given to. He’s been programmed with a knowledge of all this season’s Hermits, as well as the other androids Xisuma has brought to this world, so there aren’t really any surprises in store - but it is the first time he’s actually laid optical units on the man, in the flesh, and he quickly updates the player data from the previous season with the new input he receives as he looks Keralis over.
The Hermit’s wide eyes meet XB’s gaze, and his mouth twists in a smile, leaning his body a few degrees in XB’s direction.
The motion is not a threat - XB’s Hermit cannot register as hostile - so it goes mostly ignored.
“And what are you looking at, prrrincess?”
XB stares at his Hermit for a moment, watching the man’s smile falter and his eyebrows draw together, before Xisuma speaks.
“Oh! He means you, XB - Keralis likes his nicknames, he does.”
And while XB is aware of this already, has a certifiable database of aliases Keralis has given other Hermits, being given a new designation already is -
Well. It makes sense, actually. Keralis has just acquired a nameless android, and model numbers are unwieldy at best for casual address.
[Question: Visual Stimuli.]
“I’m looking at you, Keralis. Your appearance has changed since your documentation was last updated in season seven. My personal files will now match your current physical appearance.”
The furrow in Keralis’ brow smooths, and his smile returns, leaning in closer before he murmurs, “Anytime you want a closer look, princess? All you gotta do is ask.”
“Keralis!” Xisuma’s tone is scolding, but he also seems to be laughing, and Keralis snickers as he pulls away from XB, winking at him as if they’ve shared some sort of secret. He doesn't think they have.
“I’m being good! I’m being good, Shishwam, I promise.”
—
“Has anyone ever told you you’re beautiful, XB?”
His motions don’t pause or falter as the question registers, the light at his temple flickering as he cycles through his memories - it’s a short search, one XB doesn’t really need to perform, but it’s good to be thorough, for Keralis’ benefit.
“No.”
The man gasps, the sound of a second pick falling silent as Keralis stops in his mining. XB continues - the andesite Keralis requires won’t mine itself, and the vein XB is working away at is still projected to be decently large.
“No?” Keralis repeats, voice raising as he continues, “No? XB! How could this be?”
There’s - emotion, in his tone, that XB decides is best categorized as aghast. In talking to DocM and Xisuma during routine maintenance, he’s been assured that Keralis can be prone to dramatics - that his words and feelings are sometimes not as grand as he projects them to be. But XB doesn’t mind it, really - Keralis being demonstrative with his feelings, even if it pushes the line into exaggeration, makes them easier to react to in a way that pleases his Hermit.
“I mean, before you, I spent all my time with Xisuma and DocM. They must not have felt it was pertinent to tell me,” XB suggests, and Keralis huffs, his pick resuming its rhythm - XB’s answer is satisfactory, then.
“Well I think it’s necessary,” he declares, pauses between his words dragging on a bit longer to catch his breath between speech and exertion. It’s something XB has grown accustomed to; sometimes he’ll need to stop and compose himself even when he’s not working, simply growing too animated and tripping over rapidly-spilling syllables until he’s half-wheezing. “I can’t just - just send you off in the world, not knowing you have beautiful eyes! They’re like the sea, XB. You could drown a man in them.”
Along with his exaggeration, Keralis likes his figures of speech, his simile and metaphors. Technically, XB can sort of grasp what he’s saying - Xisuma has been rather accommodating when it comes to updating his verbal and linguistic processing, trying to make sure he understands what Keralis means beyond the base definitions of the words he says (in whichever language he decides to use that day - his Hermit was rather delighted to discover XB’s fluency in both Polish and Swedish) - but, sometimes, even with everything XB has access to, he still can’t quite parse the why of what Keralis says.
[Eyes: like the sea: blue? Wet? Could drown in them: deep? Dangerous? Negative?]
XB is quiet for a moment longer, watching the steady swing of his own pickax before he offers, “If my appearance is unsatisfactory, you can ask me to change it.”
“XB!” He sounds horrified, and this time the sound of his pick is replaced with the heavy stomp of his boots as he bullies his way into XB’s space, taking his face between work-roughened hands. XB’s arms lower gently to avoid hitting Keralis with his pick, obediently meeting his eyes as the Hermit usually wants, when he holds XB like this. “I would never!”
“But you can,” XB points out. Keralis’ face only folds more, stern frown seeming - almost out of place.
His Hermit usually smiles.
[Software instability.]
“But I won’t, XB. And that’s that. No buts.” He stares back at Keralis for a long moment, committing the serious face to his memory.
XB would rather not have many examples of the expression. Among his top priorities are his Hermit's health and safety, after all, and his happiness is a decent indicator of both.
“Yes, Keralis."
#xbralis#my fics#dbh hermitcraft au#i'm normal about this and certainly don't have a bunch of headcanons and shit.#nope. not me.#sorry i'm annoying about xb.
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Not sure if this counts, but how do you explain the ninjas ages? How are they teachers but also like 16? I always love hearing people's thoughts on this
For a while now I've been entertaining a headcanon that I think would perfectly explain this in a way that makes sense. Note that this is just a circumstantial theory with no explicit basis in canon, so feel free to take it or leave it as you see fit.
Okay, so. To understand the teacher situation (as well as my theories for why Ninjago's education system is fucked to hell and back), we first have to talk about the Serpentine War for a sec. Bare with me, I promise this will make sense.
This seems like a no-brainer, but a war requires people to actually, yknow, fight in it. Which means large demographics of people have to leave their homes, families, jobs, and communities. Naturally, this forces the ones they've left behind to compensate for the economic deficit caused by their absence. Anyone familiar with American history could tell you that this happened to the US during WWII - as swathes of men shipped off overseas to fight in the war, women back home had to take charge of the economy and participate more actively in the workforce.
I think it goes without saying that this kind of situation probably happened to Ninjago during the Serpentine War. But the thing is, we know women fought in the war stood at the front lines alongside the men - we've seen them. So if that's the case, then who stepped up to help run the economy while Mommy and Daddy were away?
I think you can guess where I'm going with this.
That's right. With so many people leaving to fight in the War (and also dying from Serpentine raids), I don't think it's unreasonable to conclude that some subset of kids and teens had to step up to the plate and take up some of the vacancies their parents had left behind. Obviously I'm not saying all the adults were gone, but it was enough to warrant kids entering the workforce prematurely.
And of course, if kids are getting jobs at younger ages, then I think it's valid to extrapolate that to teacher positions as well.
As you can imagine, this shift created a few new social precedents: 1) expectations for kids, especially teens, to get jobs and become mature at younger ages was normalized; and 2) requirements for certain careers, including education, became much more lenient.
This labor expectation imposed on older kids and teens would actually explain a lot more than just the s3 teacher situation, when you think about it.
Not only are unqualified teens allowed to become teachers, but also undead skeleton warriors from the Underworld (see s1ep4). I'm sorry, but you can't convince me that Kruncha and Nuckal are licensed educators.
The existence of Darkley's, and how it was able to exist for so long without any kind of administrative intervention. The education system is in shambles, and it's because Ninjago's infrastructure never fully recovered from the Serpentine War.
Disparities and gaps in people's historical/world knowledge. No one knows shit about anything. Because again, the education system in in shambles. (If you doubt the validity of this point, let me just remind you I'm from the US. I once met a college student who didn't know what 'north' was.)
The existence of the Paper Boys - how they can devote what seem to be entire workdays to an extremely dangerous job, with minimal adult oversight (if any).
The entirety of Ninjago society seems totally chill with the fact that their saviors are a bunch of kids. To them this isn't cause for concern or even distrust in the ninjas' capability, it's just the norm!
In s15, Lloyd was able to get a job, presumably without a high school diploma or GED of some kind. Or, yknow, any formal education past grade 3 (although we know from supplemental material that he did get some kind of tutoring from the ninja, so this point is debatable).
If some kind of in-universe CPS equivalent exists, then they certainly don't do anything. No one has ever reported or raised issue with Lloyd being homeless, Cole also being homeless for a while, the ninja not being in school, Kai and Nya being parent-free since the ages of ~6 and 3 respectively, and other such things that would ordinarily be cause for alarm.
While there is canon evidence that Kai and Nya received some degree of aid from their community, especially when they were younger, this seems to be completely absent by the time the series begins. Perhaps the community's assistance began to withdraw over time as the siblings faced increasing expectations to become self-sufficient despite still being children. Like, "you're 10 years old now, Kai, it's time for you to start pulling your weight and taking care of the shop by yourself. You need to grow up."
If we approach Ninjago's worldbuilding from this context, suddenly the teacher arc becomes less of a plothole and more...depressing, tbh.
And in a weird way, this interpretation actually fits in nicely with Ninjago's themes of generational trauma. Think about it. Society was damaged by the Serpentine War. And because they never really healed from what happened, the kids of future generations continue to face the normalization of their childhoods gradually being ripped away from them before they're ready. Kinda like kids in a broken home taking on adult responsibilities to cover the slack. Kinda like Cole handling house chores while his father grieved away from home. Kina like Kai and Nya running the shop while their parents were gone.
And everyone is just...used to it. The only times in all 15 seasons that anyone stakes a complaint about this system are in seasons 1-2 when Lloyd was a little child, in season 8 when Harumi was ridiculing the ninja, and in season 15 when Wu refused to lead the Paper Boys into battle.
(I do think it's worth noting that young children are still regarded as kids, of course, as seen with how the ninja were treated when they got de-aged. But this isn't really a refutation of my argument, as much as it is a clue to help us identify society's cutoff for childhood innocence.)
Again, it's more of a circumstantial theory than anything based in fact. So you're free to dispute it as you like. But you have to admit it would explain a lot, wouldn't it?
Anyway, that was...a lot longer than I was expecting it to be. Damn. I'm beginning to think that's gonna be a running theme with these theory posts.
Thanks for the ask! <3
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