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tvrningout-archived · 2 years

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@violetueur said: 🤲 you know my ass has to send this for Kaigaku. Gentle as can be and thumbs brushing fondly over the markings on his face. help from: send 🤲 to cradle my character’s face in your muse’s hands!

he hasn't eaten in... well, a while. longer than necessary. he hasn't been able to bring himself to tell nicolette about the hunger gnawing at his stomach, let her know he's running on empty because he knows her. kaigaku knows she'll offer her blood to him, and he doesn't want her to. he doesn't want to chance harming her should he lose control ( and how prone to that he's been, how easy it's been to lose himself ).

but like most choices he's made, he was wrong to keep his hunger to himself. now he's frozen where he stands before their target's would-be victim, talons digging into his palms and teeth nearly biting his tongue in two. the taste of his own blood is nothing compared to the smell of the trembling man's. he's uttering something kaigaku doesn't catch, too focused on the gash across his leg that's left him immobilized and helpless. he can't think straight; it's like the blood is singing, beckoning him closer, and the only reason his self-restraint doesn't fall to pieces is that just as he takes a step forward, there's another body obstructing his way.

she smells of blood, too, but it's fainter, nearly concealed by ash and sweat and something familiar. it doesn't fully register that it's nicolette standing in front of him at first. he just knows she's in the way, and he's so damn hungry. fangs reveal themselves in a crimson-tinted snarl, when---

" hey, hey, kai! "

that's... that's her nickname for him. he's never told her, but he likes it. teruko used to call him that, too.

nicolette stands there with a hand outstretched as though to keep him where he is, brow furrowed and purple gaze worried. his snarl fades only to be replaced by a grimace. the blood isn't singing anymore -- it's screaming at him, wondering why he hasn't ripped through both of these humans already. it's what demons are meant to do, so why shouldn't he? monsters don't mind ending lives, even revel in it, so what makes him any different?

calloused hands cradle his cheeks, and kaigaku nearly tears away ( she can’t be so close! he’ll hurt her! ). his own hands immediately grip her wrists, unaware of the scratches he gives her in his panic, but in the end, kaigaku can’t bring himself to pull away from nicolette. instead, he squeezes his eyes shut and focuses on the thumbs gently brushing across his skin, how warm her palms are. it’s okay, nicolette says. this isn’t you. he’s just hungry, right? she gets a little cranky when she’s hungry, too. it’s okay.

“ you won’t hurt him. ” she sounds so sure and confident that he opens his eyes to meet her gaze ( how can she still look at him like that, like he’s deserving of her care? even when he’s like this? ). “ you don’t want to. ”

he doesn’t. he wants so badly to stop.

it takes a few more moments, a few more reassurances, but the smell of blood grows more bearable. his hunger still rumbles in his stomach like an impatient beast, but he no longer feels he’ll succumb to its gnashing teeth. nicolette is right -- he doesn’t want to hurt that man. he doesn’t want to be the monster who takes what he wants at the expense of others. he’s been that monster, and he hates it.

“ i should... i’ll wait outside. ” how awkward he feels as he pulls away ( and how cold, too ). how many more times will nicolette have to see kaigaku lose control? he turns to leave, teal eyes firmly focused on the ground, and quietly -- almost too quietly for her to hear -- he utters, “ i’m sorry. ”

#violetueur #the way tumblr tried to sabotage me while i was writing this!!!!#i was ready to post it when the ask editor deleted half of what i wrote and crashed B(((((((#but thankfully i was able to rewrite it mostly the same with some wee modifications that i think i like more anyway #BUT HI I KNOW THIS WAS MEANT TO BE SOFT BUT UHHHHH HAVE A LIL ANGST TOO BC WHY NOT : ))))#ALSO lemme know if what i wrote sounds ooc whatsoever for nicolette!! even the dialogue!!#i try to avoid writing other people's muses but sometimes it can't be helped with the scenario i imagine asdf #okay ilu thank you for sending this in and letting me write a ton for these two again :' )))#interactions | kaigaku #i'm a loser just like you | plotted au with violetueur | kaigaku

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tvrningout-archived · 2 years

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@violetueur tapped the heart!

the glower upon his face doesn’t do kaigaku any favors -- his demonic features only make him look all the more frightening when he looks so deeply displeased. but this isn’t the first time ( nor will it be the last time ) that nicolette’s seen him like this, all frowns and furrowed brows. “ we really have to bring him along? ” it’s like the question leaves a bad taste in his mouth, the way he spits it out. “ why? we don’t need him. ”

#violetueur #: ))))))#me every time i go to write a starter lately: oh haha what if i pull out that plot point we talked about a while ago hehe #asdfgh have fun : )))#interactions | kaigaku #i'm a loser just like you | plotted au with violetueur | kaigaku

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tvrningout-archived · 1 year

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“is there anything I can do to help?” (for kaigaku!)

@slayersaided | comfort starters

i don't need help. the words are on the tip of his tongue and die there as kaigaku snaps his mouth shut, purses his lips. he doesn't have to keep doing this. he doesn't need to keep doing this, continuing to push people away and doubting their intentions, their sincerity. he doesn't have to be the same person he's been for years -- he isn't the same person, right?

nicolette managed to bring him back, and for what? to remain the same bottomless blackhole? to continue to act like a dog too used to being cornered, snapping at every hand that draws too near?

that isn't what kaigaku wants. no matter his choices until now, he doesn't want to be that person anymore.

even so, the teen doesn't know what to say, how to change behavior that's more instinct than conscious effort anymore. so he shifts as awkwardness sinks its claws into his chest and keeps his scowl turned away from haru's kind eyes.

" no, " he says, thankfully without the usual bite. " but could you find nicolette? " kaigaku doesn't elaborate and won't. the subject of his hunger, he can guess, will not be particularly pleasant ( and part of him, one he refuses to admit exists, worries how haru might react if he were to find out his appetite isn't exactly vegetarian ).

#slayersaided #see he was civil asdfgh #hi every time i think about how kaigaku secretly wishes for haru's friendship and approval i weep #he just wants to be a good person and friend :((#interactions | kaigaku #i'm a loser just like you | plotted au with violetueur | kaigaku

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tvrningout-archived · 1 year

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@violetueur | it’s time for spotify wrapped starters y’all

" i know, i've always known, in the end i'd be sorry. and--- " teal eyes narrowed with anger ( at himself, his shitty circumstances, his shitty choices ) disappear from sight as kaigaku turns away from nicolette. " i am. i'm sorry. "

#violetueur #listen i screamed when i read that lyric so i had to give this to you as well #hmmmmm what if kaigaku hurts or almost hurts nicolette yet again and starts spouting this mess #what if he starts talking about leaving or worse....... what if #: )))))))))))))))))))))))))))))#interactions | kaigaku #i'm a loser just like you | plotted au with violetueur | kaigaku

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tvrningout-archived · 2 years

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@slayersaided | it’s time for spotify wrapped starters y’all

“ listen--- ” he chokes, soft and unsure as his gaze drops to the ground. “ i would take a whisper if that’s all you had to give. ”

#slayersaided #i thought this could be maybe right after kaigaku comes back to the corps after becoming a demon?#but also could be a result of a spat -- take your pick!!#i'm a loser just like you | plotted au with violetueur | kaigaku #interactions | kaigaku

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tvrningout-archived · 2 years

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❝ Hey Kai... do you ever regret it? Staying, I mean... with me? ❞ And if she sounds uncharacteristically insecure, please don't think about it too hard.

@violetueur | unprompted!

kaigaku pauses in cleaning his blade, turning his teal gaze to nicolette as his brow furrows. she should already know the answer to that. if he hadn’t wanted to stay together, he would’ve killed her that night that seems so far away now. but he knows there are ways that they’re similar, and he knows that insecurity has plagued them both, even if nicolette is good at pretending that isn’t the case. he knows that he’s worried about it, too, whether nicolette might end up regretting her decision to save him. he worried most during the meeting with the pillars -- how could she be okay with risking her life for someone like him?

but she didn’t back down and proved her resolve wouldn’t waver. though more importantly to kaigaku, she proved her feelings hadn’t and wouldn’t change.

he isn’t sure how to do that for her. kaigaku hasn’t ever been great with this kind of thing, easily embarrassed and clumsy with his words, but he’s got to try for nicolette’s sake. kaigaku frowns at the slayer, though it’s softer than normal ( ah, progress! ). " do you regret convincing me to stay? ” he shoots back and settles his sword in his lap. “ you have your answer there, idiot. do you really think i’d be here if i didn’t want to be? or that i want to be stuck with anyone else? ” kaigaku looks away, then, busying his hands with his swords once again.

“ i... don’t hate being around you. ” couldn’t he have just said he likes being around her? the demon’s face turns a rosy hue, but hopefully the dim light will hide that little fact. gruffly he tells nicolette, “ so don’t think stupid shit like i regret staying with you. ” or as kaigaku meant to say, “ so don’t worry. i’m not going anywhere. ”

#violetueur #I LOVE THEM.......... WEEPS #kaigaku's trying nicolette okay :' )))))#THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THIS SARAH BC I LOVED GETTING TO WRITE THIS!!#i'm a loser just like you | plotted au with violetueur | kaigaku #interactions | kaigaku

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