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askthestans · 24 days

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Are any of you older than each other like by 7 minutes or something

Stanley: Oh boy, here we go. Anon, I'll give ya one piece of advice when it comes to dealin' with my brother Ford: do not - and I repeat - do NOT remind 'im of anything he's either good at or proud of. Your ears will thank me.

Stanford: I'll translate that for you. He means to say, "I'm the younger twin, and I'm incredibly insecure about it.". There.

Stanley: Pfft, like a few minutes means anything!

All of the sudden, Dipper and Mabel walk into the room, looking quite bored. They see Ford and Stan having an argument and they both get sly smirks.

Mabel: Grunkle fight?

Dipper: Grunkle fight.

Stanley: Kids, that's not gonna work. I'm not gettin' into a fight with Sixer here just for your entertainment. Besides, I'm right: a few minutes doesn't matter. And even if it did, me and Ford are past fighting over petty crap now, because we're mature adults.

Dipper and Mabel give each other a skeptical look.

Stanford: Stan's right, kids. We might have fought in the past, but no longer. Our bond's been strengthened over a year of traveling together on the Stan-O-War II, and nothing - absolutely nothing - can make Stan and I turn against each other.

Soos walks in the room.

Soos: Do my eyes deceive me? Is another Grunkle fight upon us, and will it serve as good canon material to inspire more of my Stanfiction? Not gonna lie, the canon material's been kinda lacking these days. It's almost like the writers have forgotten about us!

Stanley: No! No Grunkle fights! And I thought I told ya to quit writin' Stanfiction or whatever about me or my brother! Stanford: Nonsense. He puts his hand on Soos' shoulder. Soos, I encourage you to follow your dreams. Write all the Stanfiction your heart desires. Stanley: You're only sayin' that 'cause Soos always makes you the hero!

Soos: It's okay, Stan. Ford may be the hero of my Stanfiction... His voice turns into a whisper and he tenderly pets Stan's hand. But you're the hero of my heart.

Stanley: He rips his hand out of Soos'. Yeesh, I take it back! Write about Ford all ya want! Just keep me out of it. He sighs. Anyways, the point is, is me and Ford are not gonna fight. We never fight anymore!

Soos, Dipper, and Mabel look at each other. It's a mix of a knowing skepticism, a smirk, and a glance that almost seems as if an agreement made in secret is being referenced. For some reason, Soos just smiles, then runs off to the kitchen, where the sound of popping popcorn can be heard down the hall for no reason in particular.

Dipper: Oh, right, right. Of course. We all know you guys are over that fighting stuff. I mean, you're the oldest ones here! Surely neither of you would ever get into a fight so petty that you turn the whole Shack into a warzone over something as dumb as whether or not who was born first matters. He glances over at his sister. Right, Mabel? They're responsible, mature adults, our Grunkles?

Mabel: Totally! Definitely! The most responsible adults the world has ever seen! Although... that argument you and me had the other day... nah! Never mind. I shouldn't bring it up.

Dipper: Oh, the one over... Dipper pauses, as if he's just making something up. Right, the one about whether Ford or Stan is the more fun Grunkle. Yep. A real snoozefest, that argument was. It was obvious what the answer is, anyways.

Stan and Ford glance at each other, suspicious, as if testing the waters to see if the other will start arguing about it.

Stanford: We're both equally fun, kids. And that's all I'll say about it.

Stanley: Exactly! Equally fun. His grin widens. Even if Ford's summer fun ideas involve more dangerous explosions and injuries and strange chemical smells than a World War I trench.

Stanford: Yes... His smile fades a bit and shoots Stan a major case of stink-eye. And even if Stan's summer fun ideas are as entertaining as a nursing home activity schedule, yet still somehow end up with us in jail 50% of the time.

Stanley: He pauses, his grin fading as well. Well, we can't all be interdimensional criminals like Ford here! I'm just tryin' to take after my older by only seven pointless minutes brother. Imagine havin' a whole Multiverse hate ya, and not just Earth!

Stanford: Well, for your information, what you call 'explosions and injuries and strange chemical smells' is something you wouldn't grasp in a million years: science. Some of us need to actually contribute to society, you know.

Stanley: Yeah? And some of us need to look up the definition of 'rational' and 'safe' in the dictionary, because apparently you can't tell the difference between a biohazard symbol and a welcome sign! ~

Three hours later, Soos, Mabel, Dipper, and now Wendy are on the front lawn of the Shack, sitting in comfy lawn chairs and inhaling popcorn and Pitt Soda like their lives depend on it. Mabel's knitting another 'Stanwich' sweater, Dipper's got his arms behind his head and is smirking, Wendy is recording, and Soos is writing Stanfiction on a laptop.

Stan and Ford are on the lawn in front of them, wrestling.

Stanford: I'm the more mature adult here!

Stanley: More mature? The only thing more 'mature' about you is seven stupid minutes and your ridiculous fashion sense! AKA, none!

Stanford: Trench coats and turtlenecks are stylish and classy, two words you don't know the definition of! At least I don't spend half the day in boxers!

Stanley: Yeah, that's 'cause I don't need to wear tight pants all day to hide a giant stick up my ass, unlike some people!

Soos: Tapping away at his Stanfiction. The Muses... they sing to me!

Wendy: Um... how long do these Grunkle fights usually last, anyways?

Dipper: Shrugs. Eh, anywhere from two hours to three days, on average.

Mabel brings out a scrapbook, showing a Grunkle fight prior. The pictures seem to indicate a squabble that involved the furniture turned over into cover to hide behind, a Stan and Ford with eyes more sleepless than usual and stubble that looked like it hadn't been shaved in days, a fist fight with oven mitts, and nearly the whole town watching at one point as Stan chased Ford down a street, both in Disney princess dresses, with a spoon and a goat in Stan's hands and Ford flipping a double middle finger behind him at Stan. Mabel: The world record is one week! Too bad you weren't there for Grunklegeddon, Wendy.

Wendy: Her eye twitches upon seeing the photos of Grunklegeddon. And what are the chances this one will turn into something just as bad or worse?

Dipper: Depends. Usually, we know it's gonna be at least four days if Ford brings up the meatloaf argument.

Wendy: Meatloaf?

Just then, Ford and Stan still wrestling on the lawn, Ford brings up said meatloaf argument. Something about their time on the Stan-O-War II, Ford making his favorite meatloaf recipe every Friday night, and a pack of mermaids always following soon after, asking if they had any more 'meat tasties' that the 'old man clone that smelled like cigars and regret' dumped overboard every Friday night right around dinnertime.

Stanford: You could have just told me you didn't like it!

Stanley: Newsflash, Poindexter, no one would like a meatloaf made of eel and gorgon meat!

Stanford: Come on, I spent thirty years in the Multiverse and ate way worse than that, and you couldn't handle a little eel and gorgon!? So what if it had some snake heads in it!? Besides, scientifically, gorgon and eel is much healthier for you than beef, and you did lose some weight, remember?

Stanley: Because I kept dumpin' that freaky slop in the ocean!

Soos, Dipper, and Mabel look at each other, excited. Wendy just looks concerned for a moment as Stan and Ford keep fighting, then shrugs and smiles, leaning back and watching the festivities commence.

#stanley pines #stanford pines #ford pines #gravity falls #askthestans #yes they're very mature adults #that's why we love these two old geezers

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i-have-a-wonky-eye-too · 3 years

Text

Devil in disguise... Part 6/?

Lee Bodecker x reader series

<Part 5<

Warnings: swearing, violence, fat shaming, use of the word whore as an insult

Part 6

"Oh, before they get here, I wanna talk to ya'." Mary whispered as the two of you took your seats at the movie theater.

You gave her a questioning look. "Before who gets here?"

Mary waved her hand, ignoring your question before she placed it on your arm with a soft sigh. "I think ya' oughtn't be seen with him so much."

You frowned in confusion at her, "Who? My grandpa?"

"No, silly, who'd ya' think." She huffed. "That fat shit. Bobby-Ray told us he ruined your date." Mary sighed. "Who'd he think he is?" She huffed.

"A loser fat shit." Your other friend, Sally, snickered from beside Mary making her laugh.

A scowl crept into your face as you realised who the two of them were talking about. "... You mean, Sheriff Bodecker?" You asked.

"Yes." Mary huffed. "Boy, does he get on my nerves."

"He's as crocked as they come. Pa says he killed a man before." Sally muttered around a mouthful of popcorn.

You glared at her and let out a frustrated sigh. "The Sheriff didn't ruin the date, Mary. I ain't wanna go on the damn thing in the first place." You huffed.

"You were just nervous, sweetie. Bobby-Ray said so himself."

"Bobby-Ray is a liar." You hissed.

She rolled her eyes. "Don't be so stupid." She scoffed. "Look, because I'm such a good friend, I thought I'd do ya' a favour." She grinned, nodding over your shoulder as she clapped her hands together.

You felt your stomach drop with dread as you looked behind you. "Why is he here?" You hissed at Mary quickly looking away from Bobby-Ray. He wore an almost sadistic smirk as he walked towards you.

"Because that loser of a sheriff ruined your date. Look... Bobby-Ray is mad about you, sweetie." She grinned as she leaned in, "Rumour has it he's gonna pop the question."

"Stop!" You stood up abruptly. "Excuse me... I need to use the powder room." You faked a smile before you quickly moved passed her and Sally, avoiding Bobby-Ray successfully.

God damn, you hated the way people spoke about Lee. He had his faults, every man and woman did. And so what if he killed someone, some people deserve to die, especially in the shit hole place you lived.

Before you had even realised your feet had taken you to the payphone that sat in the lobby of the movie theater and you held the candy wrapper with Lee's home number on. It put a smile on your face, thinking about his sweet tooth.

"Yeah, Bodecker residence." His deep voice sent shivers down your spine and caused a needy little whine to leave your mouth. "Hello?"

"Sheriff," You sniffled, quickly wiping your frustrated tears away. You hadn't even realised they were there.

"Sugar, that you?"

"Uh-huh," You whispered. "I need ya' to come save me, Lee."

"Sweetheart, what's wrong?" Lee's tone had shifted more towards a panicked one as he listened to you sniffle again.

"Bobby-Ray," You glanced over your shoulder making sure you weren't being watched, "He's here, and I'm scared. Mary set us up on a date."

"Okay, baby, on my way. Stay by the doors and stay in sight of people at all times, okay?" Lee ordered softly.

You hummed, "Yes, Sir."

You weren't sure how long you were waiting by the doors before you decided you'd be okay stepping outside. It was getting stuffy inside and you'd make sure to stay in sight. You instantly felt better being in the cool air, even though you knew Mary and Sally would be wondering where you'd gotten to. And most likely Bobby-Ray, who won't hesitate to come looking for you.

You tried to ignore what Mary had said, but you couldn't help thinking about it. Surely Bobby-Ray wasn't going to 'pop the question'? You couldn't stand him. And he most certainly wasn't the man you wanted to marry.

"Goin' somewhere, sweetness?" You jumped at the sound of Bobby-Ray's voice. He smirked at you even more as he began to move closer. "It ain't nice to ignore your date, Y/N."

You glared up at him. "Y'ain't my date."

"Sure I am. I had to do something after that fat fuck of a sheriff ruined our first one." He stood close to you, reaching up to touch your cheek.

"Don't fuckin' touch me!" You slapped his hand away from you.

He grabbed a hold of your hand in one hand and your jaw in the other, slamming you against the wall. "Watch your mouth, bitch." He spat. "Maybe I should force it shut, hmm."

"Screw you!" You raised your knee into his gut hard, trying to push him off you but it was no use, he was much bigger than you.

Bobby-Ray pushed you harder against the wall, pressing his face closer to your ear. "He only fucks whores, Y/N. Y'know that?" He snickered. "Must make you a whore too, hmm, like his sister."

"Don't fuckin' talk about Lee like that." You tried to push him away but he dropped his hand to your throat.

"So it's Lee now. You really are a whore, ain't ya'. That why ya' went to his office? You suck his cock for money? Hmm. So your grandpa don't borrow no more money from Ma. You a whore?" Bobby-Ray squeezed.

You gasped for air and your vision began to blur but Lee was behind Bobby-Ray ripping him off you before you knew it.

Lee's anger spilled out of him and he punched Bobby-Ray in the gut before landing one on the side of his jaw. "I warned ya'," Lee spat as he held Bobby-Ray by the collar.

He was about to open his mouth to say something else but stopped when he heard you crying behind him. He looked over his shoulder before pushing the younger man away from him.

"Sugar," Lee reached out for your hand, pulling you into his chest as you sobbed quietly. "Shh, I go'cha." Lee pressed a kiss to your forehead, his hard glare set on Bobby-Ray. "I warned ya', never to come near her again. Watch ya' back, Bobby-Ray, and tell your mother I'll be seein' her real soon. Ya' hear?"

The moment Lee was sat next to you in the cruiser he drove off not even bothering to put his seat belt on. "Lee, can-" You let out a shakey breath. "Can... I sit close to you?" You sniffled.

Lee's heart broke. He nodded, moving his arm to the back of the seat as he continued to drive. "Sure, Sugar, c'mere."

You quickly slipped over the seat and curled up into him, breathing in his scent with a soft smile. Lee placed his head on top of yours and continued to drive the two of you in silence.

Eventually he stopped on a dirt road that hardly ever got used but kept you where you were. He was enjoying having you pressed close to him and he wanted to be selfish for a little while.

You sat back from him and looked up at him. "Thank you, for coming for me."

Lee smiled a little at you. "Ya' really think I wouldn't?"

You blushed, shaking your head. "I wouldn't blame you if ya' didn't. Aren't you gettin' tired of me?"

"Oh, Sugar, sweetheart," Lee whispered as he reached out and lightly stroked your cheek with his thumb. "Ya' really got no idea do ya'?" He asked already knowing the answer as you looked at him with innocence swimming in your eyes.

"Of what?"

He smiled softly at you, using his thumb to wipe your tears from under your eyes. "Y'know you're the only person who ain't work at the station, who has my home number. Y'know why?" You shook your head. Lee smiled, "Cause ya' special to me, and I want ya' to be able to get hold of me, any time of the day. I'll always come get ya'."

You blushed and quickly looked down, trying to shy away. "Thank you..."

Lee hummed, tilting his head to the side as he noticed you frown, "What is it?"

"Bobby-Ray said... I was," You sat back from Lee taking a deep breath. "He said I was a-"

"I heard what he said." Lee huffed cutting you off, "He ain't know what he's talkin' 'bout, Sugar. You and I both know, y'ain't a whore." Lee placed his hand over your cheek. "Don't listen to a damn word he said."

You nodded with a soft smile as you placed your hand over his, pulling it into your lap. "He said something else... 'bout your sister,"

Lee frowned, "Sandy?" You nodded. "What he say?"

"The same thing about me..." You whispered. "He also said, that you, hmm... That I must be, a... A whore, because that's all, you-" Your face burned as you kept your eyes on your hand that still held Lee's.

Lee let out a long exhale through his nostrils, grinding his teeth in irritation. "What else he say?"

You shook your head, "Nothin', that's it." You lied. If you were being honest, you were a little scared to tell Lee what else was said.

"Don't lie to me, Sugar." Lee spoke in a commanding tone, moving to face you. "You can tell me." His voice softened as he lifted your hand in his as he pulled you closer to him.

You shook your head again, "Don't want ya' to be mad... Or upset." You whispered.

Lee sighed, "I won't be, promise." He gave you a soft smile.

You nodded taking a deep breath. "They said some things, that weren't nice... about you."

"They?"

"Bobby-Ray, and my friends, Mary and Sally... They called you a..." You trailed off, not wanting to say but Lee nodded for you to carry on. You let out a small sigh before continuing, "... They called you a fat shit... And, Sally said you were crocked... 'cause her father had said you'd killed a man." You frowned. "I don't care if you did, or didn't, but I can understand why you might... 'cause right now I wouldn't mind gettin' rid of 'em..." You huffed with a pout.

The corner of Lee's mouth twitched, threatening to break him as he thought about how cute you looked in that moment.

"Mary said, there's a rumor goin' round that, Bobby-Ray, is gonna pop the question to me. Why can't no one see, I ain't want nothin' to do with him..." You felt yourself tearing up again, "I try to tell 'em but they just don't listen."

"Shh, c'mere baby." Lee pulled you into his chest before you started crying and pressed a kiss to your forehead. "I go'cha." He let out a heavy sigh. "I know, y'ain't want nothin' to do with him... Y'ain't got nothin' to worry 'bout no more, ya' hear?"

You pulled back just enough to look up at him. "Y'ain't gotta get in trouble for me, Sheriff."

Lee began smiling, reaching up to brush a piece of your hair from your forehead. "I can get into trouble on my own, Sugar." He dropped your gaze momentarily. "Ya' really don't care if I've killed someone?"

You shook your head, "No, 'cause some people just have to die... And, I feel the same way 'bout you, as I do 'bout my mamma. She killed my daddy 'cause he was a bad man, but I still love her." You whispered, toying with the cuff of his shirt. Did you just admit you love the Sheriff? "Ya' know... I ain't think... Those things, about you, right?"

Lee stared at you in bewilderment. You were something else. "I'm no good, sweetheart. Ya' should believe those things."

Your eyes widened as you looked at him in horror. "Now who's lying."

Lee scoffed, "I ain't. I'm a bad man, Sugar. I ain't... Sweet, like you." He shook his head and looked out the window.

"You're kind, even if it is only to me and my grandpa, but that's all I care about. The rest of that shit hole of a town can go... To hell." You smiled at him. "If ya' didn't care, would ya' be here?"

Lee shook his head as he looked back at you. "Wanna get something to eat?"

You nodded, "... Can we share a milkshake?"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist: @est19xxshit @acciosiriusblack @stucky-my-ship @the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf @greeneyedblondie44 @saphic-susperia @moonlacebeam @charmed-asylum

#lee bodecker x you #Lee Bodecker x reader #sheriff lee bodecker #lee bodecker x y/n #lee bodecker x reader #Sheriff Lee bodecker x reader #devil in disguise #devil all the time #Sebastian Stan

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