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horse-girl-anthy · 1 year

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Stupidest Ikuhara Man Roundup

hello all: results are in for the most important poll of the year. in honor of our low intelligence men, I am going through each contestant and giving them the appreciation they deserve.

our first contestant is Reo. he received zero percent of the vote because I forgot to include him, which is a shame because he's a real contender. I define stupid in Ikuhara works as "out of touch with feelings, others, and the broader reality" and oh boy is that true of Reo. he comes to no realizations without being forced into them and is ultimately brought down by his own blindness. sad!

with 1.5% of the vote, Tooi is tied for last. I agree with this result; I think he's one of the smarter males included on the list. however, he is still pretty thick. there's the fact that he simps for his pretty boy friends, and he is another character who doesn't realize what would be good for him until it's too late.

it's impressive that Shoma is so low on this list, given that around half of Penguindrum's humor revolves around how dumb he is. truly a testament to the lack of intelligence found among Ikuhara men. on the one hand, Shoma does have a certain kind of emotional intelligence, but he's just as capable of harming others through his self-centered perspective. despite his lack of smarts, Shoma received only 1.5% of the vote.

after Shoma is Mikage, who in a way is Shoma's opposite: considered a genius but with no emotional intelligence. he's so delusional that he's rewritten the past and can't see the obvious, instead continuing to repeat the same cycle over and over. unwilling to grow up, he only leaves Ohtori when Akio no longer has need of him.

tied with Mikage at 3.5% of the vote is Chikai. his low score is a true miscarriage of justice. the man is very, very dense, helped along by the fact that he thinks he's really smart and realistic. he has catchphrases which he repeats on a loop, and they only seem to impress 14 year olds. like most Ikuhara characters, he's a tragic figure brought down by his own flaws and unwilling to face what he really feels. he's also significantly older than most other characters on this list which should give him some extra stupid points in my opinion.

next is Kazuki at 5%. he's emotionally closed off, disconnected, and unaware of how people around him feel, leading to plenty of interpersonal stupidity. he also is a silly teenage boy; when faced with an obstacle, he always seems to come up with the most convoluted solution possible. I don't know if "I have a hard time talking to my little brother, so I'll pretend to be his favorite idol" is stupid or brilliant, but it's sure something.

with 5.5% of the vote, Enta has been chosen as the dumbest Sarazanmai character. it's funny because most of his cunning is motivated by very stupid feelings. he has an emotional intelligence to him, he can be quick on the uptake, but all of those moments are weighed down by his ridiculous, out-of-control crush.

Akio got 7% of the vote. I know he's an evil mastermind and all, but I think he's really quite stupid. he's so set in his ways, sure he knows everything, that anything outside of his field of vision may as well not exist to him. he chooses to live in an empty, meaningless way since it gives him power, yet he's miserable, but all he does with that misery is feel sorry for himself. a pretend prince indeed.

Kanba tied with Akio. he was my personal pick on this poll, although my vote may have been different on a different day. the boy has no sense; he spends the entire show trying to be the man, the protector and provider and savior, but if he'd read ahead a little he would have found out that he was the one who needed saving. the threads of denial and delusion on this character are impossible to unravel. to me, "thick" means "impossible to reach," and oh boy is that true of Kanba.

in second place, with 9% of the vote, is Touga! on the one hand, I don't know if I think he's dumb; like Anthy, his alienation means he's ahead of his peers in certain ways. but on the other, yeah he's dumb, he's REAL dumb. he's a living reminder that pride comes before a fall, and by the end, even the best friend he's looked down on for years is calling his dumbassery out.

and the winner of the dumbest Ikuhara male poll is Saionji, with 56.3% of the vote! let's all congratulate this absolute fucking moron on his accomplishment. he's the butt of every joke, constantly making a fool of himself; his own show implies that he's on the same level as a pet monkey. and that's why we love him.

thank you to all who voted! the poll received 199 votes, which was way more than I expected.

#ikuhara #i wont do a dumbest Ikuhara girl bc the only true answer is Ringo #i also will go on record and say that the only intelligent Ikuhara males are Mamiya Mabu and Haruka

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