#i was so relieved when i thought i botched my audition and idk the thought of going onstage doesn't bring joy anymore
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i wish i hadn't made it into this year's play tbh
#one of my classmates who's a senior and really involved with it told me to my face that this year's production is gonna be a shitshow#and so far it's been living up to it smh#no scheduling the only way to communicate abt it is a fucking facebook chat and now i'm missing the second rehearsal bcs of a trip i'm#ALREADY anxious abt bcs i have to miss that whole day of school#i just..... really don't want to deal with it#kiwifae says shit#honestly i think after this i'm taking a break from theatre for a year or two#i was so relieved when i thought i botched my audition and idk the thought of going onstage doesn't bring joy anymore#i don't want to be in this play but i really don't wanna be the kid who drops it after i said i would#especially bcs i'm in ensemble and i don't want it to be seen as me being pissy i'm not the main character#but. i just so don't want to be doing it for some reason#just seeing the days i'm going in and thinking abt tech week is just making me feel awful and dread it#i'm already having trouble with the changing season and the rehearsals go to five so i'm barely gonna see the sun#fuck i just don't want this#i wish i never auditioned and i wish i could leave without being seen like that and i'm dreading going to all those rehearsals#this might partially be the winter season and it being kinda late affecting me but god i wish i never tried out#vent#+random crying fit about this 🙄
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