Winter Nights with Arelia

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Sunday 7

- So yeah, I got about a quarter of what I wanted to get done today done. The rain still hasn't started, but the wind came early. I whacked on the damn laurel bushes and ripped the chain off my poor pole saw. Thats going into Harbour Saw in the morning to get sharpened too. Then I tried blowing leaves in this casual breeze... not recommended. Speaking of which...

- Product review: My Husqvarna leaf blower absolutely puts out, but has no stamina. (Me, as a teenager! Lol). Seriously though, the thing creates a lot of wind, but I chewed through 2 batteries in an hour. The leaves were a little wet, but I got about half the yard done before the casual wind became dedicated enough that I had to stop.

-Which actually was a good thing, as I have aggravated my stupid left knee again. Can my lower body please quit buggering up? Ok, full disclosure: every night I've been doing a half hour on my excercise bike, which is great and I need to do it for my physical and mental health. But today, after throwing and dragging large branches, it was just destroyed. Why, why can't it just function normally???

- Speaking of which, I'm in anxiety land about this weeks appointment with my nutritionist. She's really nice, but has such a 'judging you' vibe that it fucking stresses me out to think about getting on the scale after this week. Im the first person to take the bull by the horns, but this feeling of her telling my insurance "hes not taking this seriously" because I'm not making fast enough progress is awful. Top that off with the already bad relationship I have with food and myself, and... ok, I'll shut up. Its just really getting to me.

- Speaking of food, H made turkey soup with egg noodles tonight with leftovers, and it was divine. Henry did his best impression of a vacuum cleaner, and I rejoice in his eating because he loves all the foods. I know, probably won't last, but im gonna enjoy it while I can.

- This week look pretty light for signings so far, so its going to be a catch up time. I bought accounting software, and I'm putting all of my stuff in a digital format (like a normal adult) so that taxes will be easier this next year. I have to apply for being a signing agent with a particular company who opens their ledger 1 day a month, and go talk to local title companies. Im sure more signings will crop up, they love to spring huge docs at the last minute. (And here I am wanting some guitar time...LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!)

- Anyhow, enough of me- how are you? Doing ok? Drinking enough water? Being honest with yourself about your needs? Much love and many blessings to you all, and thanks for sticking around. Y'all are peaches from the finest Yakima Valley orchard, truly.

what a productive day.

woke up at like 8:30 (planned to meet up w n and her gf at 10 but moved it to 10:30)

started vacuuming but got interrupted bc i had to leave to get the bus

arrived early at the cafe so i saved a bunch of snails while i waited (it was raining today)

met n at williams, chatted for an hour, her gf was nice and i probably made a good impression idk

got groceries at boardwalk walmart

was gonna cook lunch but it was already like 2 so i just got popeyes lmao

finished vacuuming

cleaned the bathroom

cleaned the dish rack tray/countertop

played fnv hehe

learned the chords for riptide and i think i figured out how to switch between the chords for to zion.

skipped dinner bc that popeyes meal was realllyy filling but im planning on making some stir fry tmr. but im drinking a hot chocolate rn which is probaby worse than skipping dinner totally but its fine

sidebar: tbh i think i had a head start on ukulele bc, even tho its been so long since i last played guitar, the “difficult” chords like g and e are actually really easy for me to fret. once i get better at ukulele and can actually strum patterns instead of just one strum per measure ill switch back to guitar. honestly tho its just soo much easier fretting and holding the ukulele bc guitars are so big and i have small hands and short fingers so its not that simple for me. i think i can do it if i try but building my skills/confidence with ukulele first is probably a better idea

i haven’t done the work that i wanted to do this weekend (pd and a little bit of work for ... well work lol) but its just annoying working during my free time lol. i should carry this momentum ive had all day tho and do it now so i don’t have to stay up late or scramble tmr morning

The best things in life arent free

Nothing I love better than response advertising, months ago…Colgate had to shut down a promotional stall at London’s Waterloo “BrushSwap” promotion which gave costumers a chance to switch  old electric toothbrushes to new ones worth £170, there was such a large turnout that the crowd numbers forced the staff to close the stall due  to limited supply of the products mentioned in the offer. Some costumers had even arrived at the stall London Waterloo as early as 5am to claim their free toothbrushes! Imagine that! Well their rival Philips’ Sonicare toothbrush brand quickly thought up a way to poke fun at the failed giveaway attempt and deployed creative agency Ogilvy and media agency Carat to create a teasing ad campaign with the strapline below And that’s the headlines on my babble today. They say you don’t realize how hilarious your upbringing was until you’re an adult, and looking back at all the things my parents made me believe when I was young they were pretty funny and creative…and so serious at it. Havent our parents all told us things when we were young… like, you melt when you walk in the rain, there’s a little man in the fridge who turns off the lights( wasted half my childhood looking for this man), cars have little people under them who carry them and run when your father puts the key in the ignition. The chain is endless…its things people tell us when we’re young and don’t expect us to believe them as we grow…we’re supposed to grow and discover the sad truth that There was  never any Santa Clause, am not sure about other African households but my parents refused to let the credit of Christmas presents go to an old white man they didn’t know, they made it very clear from the beginning they bought the gifts especially for us and the name tags were very specific. Love, Dad and mom. We indeed knew for a long time this strange man we saw in movies did not exist…unlike the other children.   We’re supposed to grow and discover that babies do not come from flying birds and you don’t get pregnant by spending too much time talking to boys, this one was from my darling mother oh that lovely woman knew how to scare me, 'spend too much time with boys my dear, and boom you're pregnant' she knew exactly how I would interpret it, and it  worked for about 10 years, I was quite naïve and internet was really rare..conversations with boys were short and general in fear of a bulging belly if I spent 1 hour in a male’s company. I have to admit, I was a stupid one.  Then that’s it you see…you grow and realize that all these things were just things people tell children to guard their innocence Then again I feel some of us are children still, holding on to things we shouldn’t, still. Not discovering that the things they told us were just, things they told children.The best things are free.I don’t know what ‘best things’ means to youBut me you see, Im not a fancy gal. Im actually quite simple oh yes, I like the little things in life. Little things, yes, that’s me.A little yatch, a little plane, a little giant house in the mountains, with a little golf course in the back yard and a little swimming pool with a tinny little sport cars parked in the front…yes, little things.  So best things for me is little things, but even these little things aren’t free. So what does ‘best things’ mean to youMany would say, air health happiness, the target of lazy thinkers. But I love to call them ‘important things’ surely important, for us to live and the like. But even these important things, water, air, land ..are they free? they are not really free for us we’re paying the price of preserving them.  Paying the price for them all.But what’s your ‘BEST THING!’Your dream! Your wildest desire! That thing the child in you always craved, what is it? Is it Free?Even if you’re gonna go the hypocrite route and say ‘a good healthy environment’ its not free, a lot of work has to be put into it to be good and healthy. My definition of free is without any sort of cost and sort of payment howsoever…love health friendship think about if…are they really free? if you water your garden and you pay for the water the garden is not free if you have a house with a lovely view then you bought that view when you bought the house…If your travelling cross country and admiring the sights the cost of it is the t price of your fuel/ticket, my definition of ‘not free’ is anything you have to pay for directly or indirectly is not free…which makes me think…well we pay indirectly for almost everything in this world! Do you see where Im getting at ‘ Nothing is FREE’ Call the press! Release your findings! They’ve been brainwashing us all alongAnd some of us are so brainwashed we think we’re entitled to all the best things…For Free.Now don’t think im equating everything to money value …cost may equal time, effort…They were striking once at a school I went, call me a traitor but I was never one for trouble of the sort, and the president of the campus walks upto me and asks ‘so why aren’t you striking Princessa? (this was the beginning of the la princessa name era where everyone thought the ‘la’ was stupid) Now I was quite tiny at the time and the president or head girl was quite tall and there I was with my little 'shamba dress' in the middle of a grass field lying on my back as my peers were striking for God Knows what, you could almost see the gulp in my throat when I gave my cheeky response  as the tall cross faced individual stood right infront of me ‘That’s Way too much work for free’ cause in my head I thought why hand free effort to a cause that didn’t make sense or benefit me or the immediate environment anyhow, no one hands me free things why should I?...There was that and the fact that I was an extremely lazy kid.Nothing in this world is entirely free, someone somewhere put some work effort and energy into it…if it looks free, someone somewhere is paying the price for it! as we grow we learn, to get those ‘best things’ there need be a lot of effort. Gone are days where we’re spoon fed on a walker. Because the best things in life, aren’t as free as we were made to believe…the best things indeed need a lot of time effort energy.And there we go ladies and gentlemen…now that we’ve established that nothing is free, Even the best things. When its ‘free’ for you, Appreciate it. Because someone somewhere is paying the price for that. Maybe with a liver, maybe with cash, and sometimes just sometimes…with expectation  but there are two sides to every coin and  best believe also sometimes… if its free…its probably not the best thing.

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Alton Beckett To: Dick Tracy

Dear Dick,

Good God its past midnight.

Im so sorry.

I meant to reply to you much earlier today. Really it was all I wanted for most of the day…….. which strangely went a little better than days have been lately. Maybe thats why I was struck by inspiration as I made my way home. Written in a frenzy for about six hours….. finished sex among the stacks. Its filth but its good filth.

Tomorrow morning (or later this morning…….? Hmm) I will check it to see how much of it is actually my work, and how much was written by the red wine I might or might not have been drinking……..

Then I will post it. I hope you enjoy it.

Now hornier than I have been in weeks. On a day when Ive been pretty much nothing but horny.

Youre probably not even awake.

God.

story of my life. Reaching out and no one reaches for me.

Dick….. why do I have to be horny AND miserable? could I not be one or the other?

Would cope if it was misery alone. there is peace and quiet in misery.

Instead I keep hoping.

Soooooo I am going to wrap this up now.

thanks for listening. Maybe in the morning I will get someone to wipe your inbox before you read this. Except then work will find out. Hmmmm. Lets hope I am sobered up by then. Think of the paperwork. Oooops hitting send! Too late now.

hornily - and miserabibly (miserabelly?),

alton x

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Dick Tracy To: Alton Beckett

Hello Alton,

This is a surprise, I didn’t expect you to reply tonight.

I am glad you have had a productive evening. You seem a little - Pissed? I hope you don’t regret this in the morning!

Also, glad today was kinder for you. For me too. You must have sent some good vibes my way, a little problem I’ve been having for the past few days, seemed to evaporate whilst having a coffee today.

So, you are horny? May I ask what has brought this on, or is it an accumulation of a lot of fantastical imaginings, and lack of opportunity?

I’m a horny bugger today as well. But not miserable……. I’m sorry that you are.  Maybe you could get a little relief from a little ‘practical fantasy’. Maybe you could imagine, my hands on your cock instead of your own? My fingers…… well – it’s your fantasy…. But feel free to tell me how it plays out.

I too might indulge tonight. It’s been a dry few weeks. I am looking forward very much to reading your latest work.

Your Dick x

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Alton Beckett To: Dick Tracy

Oh my god.

Honestly right now… i would love to give you head. Ive always loved it. I dont know why. Have heard I am good at it.

If I had you sitting on the edge of my bed… just knelt before you in the dark. Taking you into my mouth. Your hand on the back of your head.

Oh fuck.

Okay I am a bit pissed.

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Dick Tracy To: Alton Beckett

Whoa…. That’s a bloody nice thought….  Yeah you would like me to fuck your mouth?

Mmmm I can’t type like this… I’m off… we will discuss further….

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Alton Beckett To: Dick Tracy

Oh my god no! Dont go.

Please. Tell me anything else. Anything. this is the closest Ive had to sex in years.

Id let you fuck my mouth all night. Fuck any of me. Just dont go.

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Dick Tracy To: Alton Beckett

Hmmm, Keen are you? A little begging?  Well, maybe I would fuck your mouth at least for a while….. but then…. God I would love to Kiss you.. does that sound lame? It’s so long since I’ve had a good snog. I would love to taste you, your tongue,  then your jaw, your neck….. rain little kisses over your chest, (Maybe you have a hairy chest?)

I would run my fingers through it, If not my tongue will glide over you, down to your belly. Then I will nuzzle down till I reach the base of your cock, take you into my mouth and mouth fuck you…..

Tell me you are hard right now…

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Alton Beckett To: Dick Tracy

Oh my god.

This is making me harder than anything i have ever written. ever. The thought of you sucking me……. touching me. Kissing me.

do you like to kiss as you fuck?

Last time……… some bar. Some man. didnt like to kiss. Oh my god two years ago. maybe three.

I would love to kiss you as we fuck. dont care who on top. would just like to hold your face in my hands while we’re inside each other and kiss you.

Dick I am really drunk. I am embarasing you. tell me to go away.

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Dick Tracy To: Alton Beckett

Oh Yeah, I love kissing, I love fucking, I love sex.. I’ve missed sex.  

I’m not averse to being bottom, for you sweet thing, right now?

Well - God! I would love you on your back, your legs over my shoulders while I ready your sweet arse.

Would you let me kiss you - there?  Tease you? Open you?  With my tongue?

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Alton Beckett To: Dick Tracy

oh god. And moan and beg you. feeling your tongue opening me, easing me. wriggle inside me.

oil your cock for you with both my hands. Tell you I want you. Tell you I cant cope without your prick inside me right now. cry out as you fill me. whimper as you fuck me.

Drag scratches down your back.

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Dick Tracy To: Alton Beckett

Jesus - Fuck -  Alton -

We must meet… I’m gonna come ….. Jesus…… Fuuuuccccckkkk

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Alton Beckett To: Dick Tracy

fuck…….

I just came so hard…….. oh god I can barely type. thinking about you on top of me. Coming into me.

we have to meet up. Please. Please I cant be like this anymore.

I think i need to sleep now.

alton xxx

*

PRIVATE MESSAGE

From: Dick Tracy To: Alton Beckett

Till tomorrow - sleep well - I know I will.

Dick x

(04/02/2017)

So my dad bought me a new watch ystd and it’s like a really nice watch and I like it a lot. He bought it online and yayyyy i really appreciate that he buys stuff for me and dote on me like that. But sometimes he srsly like just needs to let go a bit more and give me more freedom like omg I’m alr 18. Okay, the watch isn’t like anything branded but I’m not materialistic so I don’t mind cuz it actually looks pretty nice to me :D The last few times my father bought watches for me but I didn’t really like the design that’s why I stopped wearing it after a few days. But im really afraid that my father will be like sad thinking about how I might be materialistic as the watches he buys aren’t branded. But like I really didn’t like the colour and design sooo :((((

And I started Dayre ystd. I didn’t like really start on it. I just kinda read Wu Li’s entries from May last year all the way to today (she started writing in Dayre like last year May) It’s like a blog too but it feels more like an online dairy but okay whatev it’s the same lol. But like i don’t want to shift to like dayre cuz I’ve alr got Tumblr and I don’t want to change so yeaaaa. Anyways, Tumblr also allows the personalisation of your own blog to suit our own selves so I personally think it might be better than Dayre even if it might be harder to use.

FUCK I JUST ACCIDENTALLY DELETED THE WHOLE THING. AND UNLIKE MICROSOFT WORD THERE ISNT ANY LIKE “GO BACK RECOVERY BUTTON” SO I HAVE TO FUCKING TYPE OUT EVERYTHING AGAIN?????

I didn’t go training yesterday and it was kinda stupid because I got caught in the rain while on the way back home and I had no umbrella so I gotta wait at Macpherson Mrt until the rain stopped and by the time I reached home it was alr 8;45 and it’s probably alr halfway through the training. When i got home I showered, eat and stuff by the time I started revising it was already 10.10 its like when training ends and I might as well go training lol. So ystd was damn unproductive I didn’t even do a single shit???

I’ve always wanted to be a captain or vice captain of something like idk. I’ve always wanted to be the captain of my Softball team but  I wasn’t really chosen because like lmao I have no leadership qualities??? And yeahhhh before Coach James announced the captain and vice-captain of softball I actually prayed that I would be chosen but hahahahaha. So like actually I was the rebel in softball I was the first person in the CCA to have a heated argument with coach James and I guess it actually matters. Like im the ace because of my skills but I definitely couldn’t be the captain because hahahaha like I said I had no leadership qualities, like really. Seniors be like making sure the Juniors wouldn’t slack and I will be there teaching the juniors how to like fake train and stuff lmaooo. The Juniors loves me but like I was kinda bad for them too HAHA. But apparently being a captain in softball back in secondary school and being captain in tkd in poly is like two different things. Back in softball, the captains didn’t have to do Admin stuff you see. Their job was just probably lead the team, that’s all. But for tkd there’s like so many admin stuff to do and I guess it’s a pretty tedious job. So when I heard that Daina or I was gg to be the vice-capt I was kinda glad like tbh. But the more I think about it, the more I feel that I would only like this position as a vice captain maybe cuz idk the recognition? If I’m given the responsibilities, I don’t think I would be responsible to deal and handle them appropriately. And tbh, i would really like to be the vice captain of something. I mean ive never taken up any leadership roles once in my life ever before. So it would rerally be pretty cool if i can be a vice captain of something.

So yayyyy the demo tea people are coming to my house tmr and I’m fucking excited. There’s like gonna be 13 of my friends coming to my house??!!!! That’s gonna be like the first I’m so excited. It would also be the first time Bryan is gna come to my house?? :D i really can’t wait for tmr I never had so many friends in my house and it’s gonna be fun I hope. Actually, I’m like vvv afraid it might be awkward? idk i have a feeling that it might end up awkward, then everyone will start using their phones and there wouldn’t be any f2f interaction then I’ll be so sad :((((

Okay, I’m like so distracted from really studying because i keep day-dreaming about the things I would do during the holidays and it makes me vvv excited until I can’t study at all. I’m alr very very very excited for the holidays. That means exams are over and I can finally enjoy myself. I have also so many plans for this holidays and it’s making me really happy whenever I think about my plans for the holidays.

So for the holidays, I would definitely find a job and work part time, and hopefully, their shifts are flexible so I can request to work for alternate days for a week. SO SO SO I wanna meet like Bryan duhhhhhh. Hopefully he has same job as me so like I can see him every day for the holidays hehe. I also wanna meet Geralyn, WuLi, and Yi Le. It’s been vvvv long since I last met all of them 3 tgt but yeahhh I wanna go shopping or idkkkk take cute photos tgt. I also want to spend more time with Jazlin, she’s a really cool person and like we don’t speak and meet out so often now a days. I also wanna like spend time with tkd people like they’re really cool and funny HAHA. Apparently, Bryan and I also planned to go to the zoo (maybe with his small sister) and to the beach too. I would love to take many cute photos with Bryan during the holidays idk I wna print them out too, if I had the money. I still wanna buy more clothes online tooo I’m outta clothes for school already. I’ve got so many things I would love to buy like idk all the lip products I want to collect different shades, so like I wouldn’t use the same old shade every day. I need a new foundation powder too, mine broke the other time, I think it still can be used but like I want a new one.

Oh yeah, and the day before this, Vincent asked me for sex again but I rejected him the second time. I’m like really proud but like actually, why would I even be proud. Like I mean I’m just being a proper human being so it’s nothing special like omg (shi wo gai zuo de). But tbh, vincent should stop this shit. like he knows i have a boyfriend and like HE HAS A GF TOO??? wyd girl wyd with him. Vincent is a nice friend but like he should seriously know when to draaw the line omfg.

(05/02/2017)

So yay the tkd demo ppl came to my house to like celebrate cny it’s like the first time I ever had friends to my house to celebrate cny with me yayy. It was like really fun ystd. It wasnt even a little awkward and it seems like everyone was enjoying the food and having fun too :D

(06/02/2017)

OH NO MOCK GRADING ON TUESDAY. I have to learn all from like blue tip to red help that’s four patterns I must know very very clearly. and there’s like cpes i have to study. cepp assignment which i need to complete fuck. i wna kms like rn

a short week

I know this is the first thing that i post after last Wednesday and i know that i said that i will keep posting stuff and work but although i didn't it doesn't mean that i didn't attempt to i guess it still counts as sth lets say half point. Basically i started writing the next day but i got interrupted so i saved all i had written in a draft so that next time i start writing i can keep it from where i was. Untill now all my posts were directly written in tumblr so excuse me if sth is not correct but im not doing this anymore probably. So after i got back to work and finnished my post i posted it and idk why but the only thing that appeared on my wall was the first draft that i saved and the rest was gone. Like two days after i wrote it all over again and even more it was like 1500 words and after i posted it it didn't appear on my wall and again all my work was lost idk why and what happened but i was feeling really bad... Basically today i will write all i had written on thise posts cause i remember most of it cause i already wrote it twice. So basically is is also the event of the last week. It was a change of my lifestyle so that i will study more and be more efficient at my studying. I said to myself that i will spend most of my time in the library and gonna go home only when i eat or sleep even i could take a lunch with me so at least i get used to trying to study. Basically i think it was a pretty positive change but honestly im not doing enough work for all the time i spend in the lib so im not efficient enough. I need to be more focused and i need to remove all the distractions. I also need to know what i am doing cause often i just open 5 different works and try to work on all of them  and at the end im not doing anything so at least i know what i need to do and thats what think is so helpful about it. So basically last week on wednesday i wrote my latest post actually i think they were two so I just had that decision to lock myself in the librarry i called it the first day in the bunker and thats how i named my post that i never released. After the lecture i went out to kebab rush so that i take my lunch cause its really easy to get hungry while studying so i had a good lunch with my wriends. After that there was a guest lecture. A very famous and good graphic designes was here to explain some stuff to us. I forgot his name i wrote it down but lost it with my first post. So he was showing us his work and saying why it was good he shiwed us some of his ancient designs from the era before internet. They weren't anything special to me but i bare in mind that there was no internet and media back than so im capable to appreciate it. There were some interesting ideas if maps made for pedestrians on streets and airport things and stuff like that. I think that was insightful but only to kniw it in any case its always good to know where the things came from but honestly i dont think it was worthed. I did learned some stuff but it was really hard for me to focuse. Honestly the lecture was so boring. I sware i was the only one trying to pay attention. Everyone around me were sleeping or scrolling through the facebook news feed. The designer once gave example how somebody said to him to be quiet and said loudly "Shhhhh" And my friends got suddenly scared of that thinkin he says that to them cause they've been talking among them. Although they've been quiet the designes was also quiet and we all were sleepy and was so easy to fall asleep. My tutors didn't like the fact that there werent many people cause it wasn't mandatory and people just don't wanna go to this lectures cause they are straight boring. My tutors didn't stay till the end and probably they had some classes but idk i still think that they were just borred and i think that they just pretend to be interested just to give us the right example cause if they are not should we actually be. See people start to lose interest in these lectures cause they are all boring. Than after that frankly i just wanted to go home but i tryed to make the right decision and go to the library so that i can study. I didn't have my catalogue started. At least the work on computer. But i was having the idea so i didn't have to take time for plans. I started with the basics and that made the illustration... Damn that simple illustration took me soo long at least a few hours after that i was placing the different elements like date and place some text about the exhibition and such things. I couldnt finnish it. It was really hard fir me to concentrate and create interesting ideas the graphic design skills were missing i made everything quite basic. At least the folding was more more interesting so is not the wirst thing ever but i was having a bit more to finish it. I stayed in the lib from like 2 to 9 and than i came come made some food for dinner and for the next day cause i cant afford kebab rush every day i wanna study at the library after uni and also i can't wake up early enough so that i can have breakfast. The next day we were having crits and i woke up on time i wasn't really sleepy but it was raining a lot so i waited to stop and i was late with less than an hour but i got on tine for the crit session. I got some feedback on the catalogue i did the previous day. I also got to talk to Zornitsa. She was guest lately and halping us and giving us some feedback. I was lucky that she was bulgarian as well so we were talking to  each other to more understandable language for me so i got mire insightfull feedback. For now i had changed the type cause of her advice and some other stuff. That was the work that we should have been doing while the others have been doing the gifs for the web site. Damn this site... Before i know that we gotta do coding it  from scratch i thought that im actually having some chances to pass but niw man... I feel so fucked. Basically i hate coding. Everyone hates coding. And if i wanted to study coding i would sign up for programming cause its better paid that design. We are suppesed to learn to code for half a month and all the lessons we are having are once a week and we should also make the camplicate design of a site and code it that way so is not a simple cading and i had never done this. It sucks for me cause even for the lessons that we are having in uni im so far behind  cause in the begining of the course i went to bulgaria for my concert and i was having a bit of a trouble there and missed the first few lessons and than when i was back i just couldn't catch up with the group. Everyone have been doing some crazy stuff and i didn't understand anything. Im also having a dislection and its not only hard for me to read huge amounts of text. Like books and stuff. Here theres no logic context and sentences. Heres signs like dots slashes and colins and stuff. All that so confusing to me end don't get me started on when i make a mistake and i have to find it where is... Is cool that when a code isn't working its says where is the mistake but it takes a lot of copying ant stuff like that. You know thats why i never corect my posts its so hard to find and correct all my mistakes cause i just can't see them. I know it sounds stupid but i guess theres sth wrong with me. Is not that bad im handling in normally but im concerned that i might not be able to pass the module cause if that soecific breaf. The problem is that i should be doing it on my own and all the things i borrow fro another weds i have to mention them so i was planning to save the skeleton of some simple site and than change it like the pics banners and words similar to mine i can at least try but even that is not allowed so im really worried and i aint got no idea what should i be doing maybe i can try doing it my way and than say that it was actually me the one who wrote it its at least possible to pass it like that and if not i cant imagine honestly starting from scrach it will take  ages fir me to finnish it... I will focus now on the other stuff and leave it for latter cause at least i wanna get sth ready. So after the feedback from Zornitsa i was trying to be helpful to my group for the group project for the web site.  I was just standing there for atendance and litterally loosing my time i couldn't understand shit that was happening and i was getting tired of doing nothing and honestly i soent way too much time there i don't think that my team actually needs me but ill be there to help if enything else. Eventually we've been working untill 4 or 5 o'clock and actually i was verry tired so altho this was the second day of the "locked in the bunker" Series i was feeling that we actually had done some work like for the day i was having enough feedback and we had done some parts of the group project on top of that i was quite sleepy and it was a real challenge fir me not to leave. So i came home and on the way back i spread some CVs so i can say that although i didn't go to the library today i had done enough work and was a quite productive day. Honestly i forgot what i was doing the rest of the day but i think that i went to bed a bit more late. Next morning i got up late again, had breakfast and than i played a game that we recently bought and im starting to get quite adicted so i played for a bit. I wanted to go letter to the library to go study so  in order to avoid playing for hours that game and waste my day i put an alarm so that i know when is time to go. I went than to the librarry and i started writing in my blog basically rewriting this post. I was writing it for like an hour and half and than im almost sure that i posted it but.. Yeah i did post it but than i checked my profile to see how it looks like, and i didn't see it at first so i waited a bit. I refreshed the app a bit times rested my internet and i was feeling so bad... At least i know now to write it always on my NOTES app cause there everything i write is saved automatically. So basically i was trying to code my site cause there was no way fir me to start doing all this stuff all over again so i decided to change the topic cause for almost two hours of writing i was soo fed up and i mean... The way im writing is i just pick up my phone i concentrate and  i start instantly writing everything that comes to my mind and is almost with no pauses, maybe only when i need to translate some words but apart from that i am constantly writing and i think that this is one of the little things that i can keep my atention to... maybe its because my phone is much smaller and i can controll where it is and keep my focus where it should be and for the computers in the library they are too big and it takes more of my peripheral sight and amont with it i see other distracting things and.. Idk its just much more easy for my phone to keep my atention instead of the PCs. The only thing thats holding me back from writing in my post is i guess the will to actually start writing its like i know that right now i might be free but i fill probably decude to do sth stupid in the next 10 min and i don't actually wanna spend an hour writing. Good ting would be to write befire i go to bed and orobably i could make this as a habit but right now its rather sth that i wanna do but i never do. So i spent the rest of the day trying to make the code for my site and i saw how hard it actually is to check all the codes and make them work property and i got kinda depressed about it cause honesty idk how im gonna pass it.. Basically untill now  i was focusing more on my other stuff like the catalogue and the poster cause this is a thing that i still have to do and is the most denanding thing cause i need to be in track with the lectures so that im having propper feedback. And this is sth that i learned from the last semester that if i dont have corect feedback than i will have many incorect things and at least when im handing out my breafs i would have talked to my tutors and i would know what they are looking for  to be done and i will have it done till then so if theres anything that i didn't do well i will know it cause they already told me. So thats for friday. Honestly i forgot what i was doing on saturday and sunday i know that one of the days i almost finnished my catalogue at least i made it look better i had my poster almost done basically i dont know what actually i should be doing on it anymore i took Zornitsas advice so i changed the type that i was using and than i repaired the little details. And about the catalogue i ictually folded it and i saw that i was having some technical issues so now i have to repair tham but it wont take too much time. On monday i was working no the modules from my last year and unfortunately on tuesday i couldn't attend on my lectures cause i was having a job interview finally.. It was about a work in a hotel on the road between Coventry and Birmingham. I was instructed to take the bust to go to one of the stops and than i should have been waiting for the hotel minibus that would take me to the hotel. So what happened. I went there an hour earlier so that im sure that everything is all right. Than when the time came i started to look for that car and i didnt see it. I called the hotel number but nobody picked up the phone. I kept looking for it than i saw it going  the oposite direction without to stop. I was calling them again for like 20 min  than a woman picked up the phone. I explained the situation and wanted from her to connect me with the man who sent me the invitation. In another 20 he called me. And told me that in an hour i will have to wait for another car. The point was that i was cold and my hands were blue yet from cold. But i needed that job so i waited for it. This time i instantly saw it and got there. It drove me to the hotel there i saw the man i was having conversation with before. He interviewed me, i think i did well but unfortunately i didn't have enough expirience and depending on the other peoples expirience he will write me in a week if i get the job. The think that worries me i that i lied in my cv that i used to work in a bar for a few months but honestly if i didnt write it i wouldn't be called anyway. He asked me some interesting questions and i got to answer all of them and than i got to talk to him so i tryed to convince him that im actually really good about that job. It was well done. Im really hoping to come up well for me. So than i went home but when i got to the bus station i got the bus the other way to Birmingham. I know... I just can't change. Ive always been like that and i swear im still trying... I got home at 6 it was a long travel. I didn't have time and energy to study so i had a dinner maybe played some game and went to bed and thats basically my last week. I think that it was quite busy and its much more productive than before. I hope that in the future ill get used to being more efficient and productive at what im doing.