i always get bit by the "YOU REALLY WANT TO DO THIS NOW" devils every time my sub's at, like, less than two weeks left

this time around its "OHHHH GET A EUREKA WEAPON GET A EUREKA WEAPON!!! AND THE ELEMENTAL BODY PIECE TO GO ALONG WITH IT YOU NEVER DID THAT!"

all while chewing on an anima already.

spoilers for a bunch of movies i guess, its 7 am and i only marginally slept and now im pissed off at ad astra again

the worst part about The Bad Space Movie is that i'd bet my left nut that every single cis straight white men who work as critics are circle jerking about it

i don't want to look it up because if i'm right i'm going to be so pissed off

The Goldfinch gets set ablaze for being... idefk like boring or weird whatever i heard when i! was! not! bored! a! single! second!!!

WITHOUT having read the book, and I've seen here (on tumblr) and there (on twitter) people saying that it's better if you've read the book

NOT BORED. ME.

AD ASTRA MADE SPACE BORING I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS SHIT

~space is empty... but its not~

YEAH NO SHIT

YOU PLANTED YOUR DUDE THERE

take fuckgnnfjfd Interstellar. interstellar has a plot point where Shit happens because of someone who was planted there.

but its like... a plot point, a logical thing where theres A Bunch Of People Out There For A Reason, and one of them does bad shit. it's not the ENTIRE FUCKING PLOT OF THE MOVIE. it's interesting. it comes out of nowhere if you're a dumbass like me. its exciting and sad and terrifying, but also you understand the dude's reason for going bonkers like that

IN AD ASTRA, I... DONT... KNOW???......

WHY THE FUCK WAS HE OUT THERE... DID HE KILL THOSE PEOPLE? WAS THE WHOLE THING AN ACCIDENT???

WHAT THE FUCK

also in Interstellar i was not sat down and explained everything line by fucking line

ad astra is the perfect example of what happens when you tell and don't show!! ITS BORING AS SHIT A N D I DONT REMEMBER ANYTHING

except that Ruth Negga was there, i love her, she was perfect and beautiful and i love her

ALSO

the fucking fake science

Interstellar has a bunch of it but it WORKS because theres also a lot of REAL science and REALISTIC fake science, and when the black hole... does that, you've been in tears for 7 hours and are wondering how you're going to survive the next 5, and it doesnt matter bc at this point the film has paused being a space movie and started being about humans again. and you're in tears

ad astra... actually i think i cried, yeah, because at some point i yawned six times in a row and after four yawns my eyes automatically produce tears, idk, that's a thing they do, my doc says it's fine

i just got bit by a fucking mosquito, it's october man fuck off

okay, ad astra

it's just... it could have been cool... even with the shitty plot... ive seen movies with worse plots than that...

you know what

since im talking space movies, fuckig Jupiter Ascending... JUPITER ASCENDING DUDE

THIS MOVIES WEIRD AS FUUUUUCK AND THE SCIENCE IS SOOOO FAKE BUT

ITS SO GOOD???? THEY'RE HAVING FUN. IM HAVING FUN. SPACE QUEEN REINCARNATION IS RECOGNIZED BY BEES AND FALLS IN LOVE WITH DOG MAN SOLDIER

HELL YEAH

Jupiter Ascending isnt exactly good but SHIT its amazing? THATS a movie i DO cry do!!!

anyway if ad astra wins.... literally any award im flying to brad pitt's house superman style and im making him eat an entire aloe vera plant

Saw a post "what would you say to your ten year old self?" so... Dont worry so much about being the odd kid out those people are pretty lame and hell dude youll learn this long before you can put it into words but people generally like you if you actively listen to them... But yeah they dont really get invested back. So do what YOU like always. Dont hold back, you did okay about that but theres no point feeling like you're failing. Being social ISNT essential and youre not missing out on much really because again THEYRE kinda lame dude. Like seriously theyre not interested about your books or games or dont want to geek out WITH you? Then... Whats the point? And it sucks i know but you were right all along - do you. Fuck bras, fuck caring about weight, appearance, what other people think about how you look act and like especially fuck your aunt whos going to make you doubt that. Because honestly? Image of you reflecting on the family? ISNT a fucking thing except in very specific instances and you already KNOW that. Look I'm over twice your age now and let me tell you may be i feel a bit weird when i dress uber sloppy/comfy and its the same feeling I get when I dress "fun" but ive never regreted being comfortable in what I wanted to wear. But every time I dress for someone else? For how I should dress? Completely felt like shit the whole time not worth it. Another thing you were right about. The whole "like men but not going to missout on true love or whatever if they happen to be a girl or more than one person or something" THAT yes. Also you dont like guys. Its gross sex stuff I know you dont care about right now, but I know youll want to know in about two years so I'll just say - you dont give two fucks about whats in the other persons pants, what they look like or anything. Hell youre only demiromantic let alone sexual. Hmmm that may not be helpful youre ten and like i said you wont care for two years so how about... You want strong friendships. That love. Sex. Well you know. Youll figure it out and try it out long before youre really ready to know but thats okay. Just. Dont feel bad or obligated to like people back. You just dont and thats okay. You can date friends or not date. No biggy. But that thing youre craving is friendship and youll get it. Dont settle for less though. Another thing youre right about - I'm telling you the things youre RIGHT about so hopefully you REMEMBER them instead of doubting yourself - you dont want to be the center of someones world. You dont want to be responsible for other peoples happiness and YOU DONT HAVE TO BE EVER. And you dont need or have to want anyone to fill you up either. Its totally okay to just want to be you, do your thing, and make friends. I know, i said they were lame right? They dont share your interests. They dont listen. They dont care. I know. It sucks. But dont try to please them by changing you. Dude you meet so many wonderful people who do like things you like. Just. Make friends with people you like. Yes theyre scary and your definition of cool. Its better than being the token girl, making friends with gross people youd rather avoid. News flash: boys arent cool. Girls arent evil. Asshats are asshats reguardless of gender. Again just go talk to people you like and fuck everyone else. Now the really important thing. You love to read. Keep doing that. Steal all the time and dont regret it im so proud of you for being that person. Write. Write your stories and poetry, pretend its class notes, invest in a notebook cause lose paper gets soooo messy and crumples but yeah. Keep writing. No you dont have to know spelling or grammer or anything. Write whatever you want. People who think its stupid? LAME people trust me I know so many COOL talented people now and writing? Writing is cool. And youre good at it. You dont have to share it. But dont think its cringy or stupid. Write. Its really good and... I gave up thinking like that. And now? Now Ive been writing for about a year now. 26 and i have days where every word is a struggle and it sounds bland and boring but... In a year? Ive gotten so much better and people actually like some of my shit. So you just imagine if you keep writing? By the time youre me youll actually have published if you keep going. Keep writing. Because youll have had ten plus years of experience. Lastly... Its okay to not like shit. To be angry upset bored... Yes it makes things easier to find reasons to like what youre doing even though its sucky chores or doing things you didn't want to be doing... But you can hate it. To not what to put up with it. You dont have to shove yourself into a cage and smile and pretend things are okay. Being in trouble doesnt mean your wrong or have to change. Oh hey see if you can learn that sometimes youre not the one in trouble. They are ;) Youre stong. Smart. Clever. Creative. Pretty. Tough. You're a hard worker. Yeah I know I always tried to get out of doing things but dude You - I - We've never done things by halfs. Tend to give our all. No wonder we dont want to do anything huh? Its exhausting. But we keep going. We're stubborn. And... Theres going to be a lot of shit we're going to go through but... Youre always going to make it out to the other side. Youre going to be okay I promise. ... Lying is a problem with us but thats okay. You know why lying what we're always doing? Its because they made the truth the problem for us. If you can... It'll change things and I cant promise you it'll be for the better but... Only lie to protect yourself. Tell the truth when YOU trust people, not to the people you "should" trust - never do things just because you "should" listen to your gut and do what YOU feel is okay or not. - but do try to be honest about other people to yourself and to others. Dont... Lie to protect people. Maybe thingsll get easier if you do. You know how your parents treat you like the worst combination of adult and child? That never changes. Because theyre just kids too. I know they feel like they know and experienced so much so they must be right and you must be wrong but... Theyre kids figuring it out as they go along so SURE theyre right that they fooled you into believing it. They have a good prespective to work from but so do you. Theyre never yelling about you. Its never about you. They love you but that doesnt mean your dads not an asshole. Your moms not always wrong she just gives up arguing. Theyre arguing about the fact they suck at talking to one another and that they each always have to have thier way. It has nothing to do with you. Fuck grades. Just learn what you want. Also just do everything in school and then "do home work" - that is whatever the fuck you want - at home. You DONT have to be busy doing something productive every second but sense thats how they seem to want it, just use it against them. Youre "busy" on "homework" that you already had done so just play you game read write whatever. Fuck grades though. You learn better when you stop caring about them. Dont get sucked into dads humor even if you mean it positively or as a joke. YES its awesome that some people date the same gender as them. YES some girls dont have what you think - think not know - of as girl parts in their pants. YES people cross dress. Hell do it like youre going to want to. It IS fun. But dont CARE or deride people about whats in their pants or who theyre doing what with. Oh and some people DONT want to do anything sexual with anyone. Again. Dont laugh. Because guess what? Youre one of them. Do your "dumb kid shit". Just do it. Brag about it. Laugh at anyone who gives you shit cause theyre LAME for not liking it. Trust me. Also cussing - dude youre an adult and can do what you want... Though its WAY more fun to use made up curse I promise. Snail snot. Holey socks. Fudge it all to fudgedom hall up on old fudge hill. I know. Not much of a cheat sheet and a lecture to rivial any dads ever given. But... I still dont have all the answers. And thats okay. And even if you follow all this only YOU can control and experience YOUR life. If you actually get to read this... Youll grow up into someone different. Just as different if I told you in detail what happens from then to now. People who give you road maps and tell you to avoid the pot holes... They just make you feel like shit because you SEE it coming and do it anyways. So do you. Keep some of this in mind maybe. Youll be pretty cool either way even on the days you dont feel like it. Be safe Teddy (best nickname btw just saying)