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magisterlys · 4 years

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Unwanted

I blame Discord conversations and my continued avoidance of writing the next chapter equally for this ridiculous dose of angst and softness. I apologize in advance.

The more one shots I write the closer we get to that kiss in Chapter 1 being not quite so out of the blue >.<

Set in Season 4 during A Star to Guide Us, Storm Tracking

She’d been looking for a quiet spot to be alone and think, a rare commodity in the increasingly crowded Sun’s Refuge, but honestly, she didn’t mind much when she discovered her quiet spot had an occupant.

Braham was sitting on the water’s edge, hidden in the shadows of the bridge overhead. His knees drawn up, his forearms draped over them as he watched the water with a pensive expression. The commander made her way nimbly down the rocks, the soft soles of her boots shifting in the sand as she landed.

The sound alerted Braham to her presence and he lifted his head, started to rise, “Commander. Did you need something?”

She waved a hand, motioned for him to stay put, “No, no. I was just … do you mind some company?”

“Depends on the company?”

“Mine, in this case.” She chuckled softly.

He shook his head, gave her a half-hearted smile, “I don’t mind, no.”

She made her way over and sat down beside him. It was a nice spot, really. The quiet trickle of the water, the sound of people going about their business far enough off to be a pleasant murmur. She looked over at Braham just in time to catch him looking at her and laughed awkwardly, giving him a smile, “You know, it’s good to see your face again. Without the helm, I mean.”

He ran a hand over his head, looked a bit sheepish. “Yeah, I’m … done hiding.”

“Good.”

Silence hung between them, filled with too many things.

“Listen, Commander.” He began, “I’m sorry …”

She stopped him with a brief touch on his arm, shaking her head, “You’ve already apologized, Braham.”

“I mean, generally yeah. But I’ve been thinking about all the little shit I did to you, said to you …”

“I’ve already forgiven all of those.”

“All of them?”

“Every one, before you apologized even.”

He exhaled slowly and picked up a pebble from the sandy bank, tossed it out into the water. The silence returned, long enough for her thoughts to turn toward her own worries, to lose herself in the details of what could go wrong with their plan.

When Braham broke the silence, the quiet quiver in his voice shocked her, “Why didn’t she want me, Commander?”

Lys blinked several times. The way he spoke made her heart clench, and she didn’t understand what he meant at first. “You mean … ?”

“My mother. Eir. Why didn’t she want me?”

“Braham!” The two of them had only really reconciled a few hours ago and that made her hesitate, made her second guess her instincts. But as she saw him struggling to keep his composure, saw the way he swallowed and stared down into his lap she took the risk and shifted to lean toward him, rested her hand on his arm, “That’s not … her choices weren’t your fault. None of this was you.”

“Everyone respected my dad’s wishes, no one told her. But doesn’t it …” His voice still quivered, this time with a hard edge of anger, “Doesn’t it seem like you’d check in on your son sometime in eleven fucking years?”

Lys spoke quietly, supportively “It does.”

“I mean. I thought … I thought when we finally met, here is my chance, you know? Here’s my chance to finally have a family again. But she still barely wanted anything to do with me.” He was shaking, his shoulders quivering with anger and grief, “And then she fucking died and I blamed you. You, who’ve never been anything but … but loving and supportive and I was too god damn stupid to see it because my mom was gone and I could have had her back if I’d just had time but that was … that was …”

Lys didn’t say anything. She just lifted her hand from his arm and gently placed it over his. He reacted instantly, turning to press their palms together, to lace his fingers between hers.

“She wouldn’t even talk to me, Commander.” He was looking at her now, the light of Kormir’s fires reflecting in the unshed tears welling in his eyes, “Is it too much to ask to let me tell her that I love her? To say a proper goodbye to her son? Do I really matter that little?”

“You matter, Braham.” It’s all she can think of to say. She squeezed his hand tightly, felt a rush of warmth as he returned the gesture.

“Comes back from the damn Mists, from the dead, and can’t manage … can’t manage …”

“Can’t manage to be a loving mother for five fucking minutes, even with the world ending?” Lys spit out the words, surprised at her own anger.

Braham blinked at her, gave the sort of quiet chuckle that falls somewhere between a laugh and a suppressed sob. “Yeah, that.”

“Sorry … “ Lys shook her head and looked anywhere but at him, her eyes settled on their intertwined fingers. “... sorry. She made me angry.”

She felt something brush her cheek and realized with a start that it was Braham, caressing her. She glanced back at him, but he’d already dropped his hand and looked away.

“That’s like you.” There was warmth in his voice again, “You never did get mad for your own sake, just for ours.”

“Yeah, well …” He was right, she admitted to herself as she looked out over the water. There wasn’t time for the Commander to be angry, too much to do. No time for worrying either. She took a deep breath and let herself fall to the side, her shoulder bumping Braham’s arm as she leaned against him.

He turned to look down at her, blinking in surprise.

“It was her loss, not getting to know you,” She offered, “I can’t imagine what you’re feeling but … it was her loss.”

He followed the commander’s gaze out onto the water, to the softly flickering firelight above. Then quietly he jostled her as he released her hand and slipped his arm around her back, leaning casually with his hand in the sand to the side of her hip. She took the silent invitation, pretended that there was no invitation at all as she leaned back against his side.

“I guess I should thank her.” He looked down at the commander, thankful that she was still looking at the water as he took in the sight of her tucked into the curve of his arm. “For knocking some sense into me, making me see what was right in front of me the whole time.”

“She could have done it without being hurtful.” Lys took comfort in the fact that Braham couldn’t see her face, “But I’m thankful for that too.”

He tore his eyes away, “Do me a favor, Commander?”

“Yeah?”

Braham moved his hand forward, subtly drawing her closer, “Come back from the Mists in once piece.”

She pretended not to notice, just as he pretended not to notice as she let her head fall back against his shoulder, “I’ll do my best.”

When he turned to speak to her he found his nose brushing her hair and had to take a steadying breath, breathing in her scent as he spoke, “You’re pretty important, you know.”

Lys sighed, her thoughts already returning to Kralkatorrik, to their foolhardy plan to chase after him into the Mists, to Aurene and what rested on both Scion and Champion’s shoulders, “So they keep telling me.”

#tyriaslibrary #lws4 #braham/commander #Braham Eirrson #gw2 fanfiction #my writing #I apologize to Eir fans there was emo to be had

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