#i really need to write about ny friends weddinf | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ablazeinhim · 11 months

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I went out with my childhood bestie's friend group the other night and it really made me realize that I'm very picky about my friends. 😂

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As I've been reflecting on it the past couple days I've put a few things together about like who somebody was and stories my friend has told me. And girl, some some of these situations and some of these people's actions and attitudes, like... I find it a little hard to believe that these are my friend's type of people.

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And maybe they were all just having really bad days/times in life when those things happened and they acted that way, but some of them I'm like yeah I would be pulling away hard. I would always rather have fewer friends and know they're supportive and dependable and honest and loving, than many friends who aren't a perfect fit. And often that means I do shit alone, because my friends are busy people, or they live far. And I'm ok with that.

I don't wanna mask in front of my friends, or watch what I say, or be scared to talk about what I believe. I need open communication and mutual respect.

***I rambled about the night and decided it was distracting from what I actually wanted to say so I cut that part out of the middle and put it here in case you want to read the post in it's og form:

I can fall in love in an instant and vibe with people so hard, so it's not that. Like the other week I was in Ohio for a friend's wedding and I got to meet his twin brother and childhood friends and fucking loved them all. The vibes were excellent, the energy exquisite. Me and one of them laughed constantly when next to each other. No awkwardness at all. We took stupid group pictures in the yard. I left longing to be their friend.

That was not the vibe of the other evening. I didn't have a bad time, but I didn't gel with any of them. My friend and I carpooled, so on the way home she did tell me that it was kind of a weird night.

But I don't think it would have made a difference.

It was clear a couple of them were "partiers." I love a party, and I *am* a good time. But I don't drink and it was clear that was typically a big aspect/the main activity. My idea of a fun night out is a light dinner(so I don't have to worry about leftovers. Definitely snacking later at home) followed by something entertaining (my top choices would probably be a drag show or an arcade) and then dancing. I NEED dancing. Please God get me in the room with the queers and the neurodivergent DJ. I could skip all the other things as long as I can vibe on the dance floor with my loved ones.

We went out to dinner and to the gay bar. Both things I like!

And there was no dancing! One of them was adamant, "I don't dance." WHY. Why would you deny yourself the joy of movement. The embodiment of sound. Why would you declare it like it's something you can't wait to spit out of your mouth.

Why was there so much talk of past times getting fucked up (and presumably that was a positive experience for them). [This also probably wasnt discussed a TON, but it was multiple times and since I'm not into that personally it really stood out to me--like if you wanna tell me about the party that's great, but like can you tell me a funny story from it or something, instead of just how much your bar tab was?]

One of the people was abrasive and aggressive (in energy) in a way that did not make me feel safe or at ease.

Maybe it's because they're an established group and it was my first time with them. Maybe it's because I'm neurodivergent and introverted. Whatever it was, it just wasn't my scene. And that's ok. None of them were mean.

Someone we ran into that night is not really someone that my friend likes, but despite that, my friend still buys this person's art and still is considering doing a group activity with them before this person moves like an hour away. And internally I was like...why? Why would you spend time with people who send you mixed signals and act in an emotionally abusive manner???

#wow this post really got away from me there oops #after the readmore is very long and rambly you have been warned #i really need to write about ny friends weddinf #maybe ill try some prose/hybrid #such a good time 😭#=#experiences

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