a baby snapper a friend gifted me :] hes shiny !

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🦩dealer's choice (choose any quote at all! or the summary / ao3 tags thing! whatever! wild card!)

okay, i'm gonna give you two, because one of them is for a fandom im pretty sure no one but me cares about, and the other is actually for ted lasso. the non ted lasso one isj ust really funny even without context i promise

the ted lasso one

“No,” said Ted, still looking at him like he was a little dazed. “I—you believe me?” Trent tilted his head. “Why shouldn’t I?” he said. “Because it’s crazy,” said Ted. “Because I’m crazy.” “You’re not crazy, Ted,” said Trent, and he wasn’t sure where the steel in his voice came from, the iron-clad certainty, but he stood by it. “Oh,” said Ted, sounding very small indeed, uncharacteristically so. Trent hesitated, just for a moment, then put a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not crazy,” he said again, softer. Ted gave a wet little laugh, seemingly not insincere. And he leaned into the touch a little, just swaying a little like he didn’t realize he was doing it. “Sorry,” he said, and his voice was very fragile and tremulous in a way Trent had never heard from him before. “Sorry, I—I actually didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that.” He was trembling. Just a little bit, just the slightest, but Trent could feel it under his hand.

the other one

“…it’s easier if I just show you,” Dirk says. “Show me wh—oh my god,” MacDuff immediately looks away, shielding his eyes with his hands. “Dirk, pull your pants back up.” “MacDuff,” whines Dirk. “Just look.” “Dirk,” says MacDuff, mimicking his tone, obviously saying no, but as he tries to glare at Dirk through his fingers, he sees it. “I don’t want to see y—oh my god. Dirk, what the hell?” “Yes, you’ve spotted the problem,” says Dirk, pants around his ankles. “I seem to have misplaced my penis.”

i swear to god this is a serious fic in some ways. but also it's deeply stupid. <3

our water heater burst and flooded the spare room and the apartment doesnt know about our cat yet and ive been having an anxiety attack all dy and putting off a panic attack for weeks and i tried calling like evryone i knew and no one picked up so i started slipping into a panic attack and the water just would not stop and soaked thru a thick blanket folded double in less than five minutes so i had to go talk to the neighbors who scare me a little and i was anxiety stimming like mad and finally had my panic attack while talking to the guy and he was actually???? quite nice and tried to help me thru it becaues his sister has anxiety too aparently and he helped me call maintenacne cus idk the number so the maintenance guy came over and shut off the water at the breaker and the heater irself so now we have no water for the forseeable futuree and we might need a new water heater which means i have to clea nmy depression den(aka: the entier apartment) and the mainetnance guy isnt equipped to deal with this properly so hes gonna have to call another guy and i didnt call them from my phone and idk if they know my or nathans number so theyere probabl gonna have to come up to the door and answering doors gives me extreme anxetiy and ill have to hide cleo pretty quick if theyre doing stuff and also i only have 1 cup of water and i dont drink anything else so im sort of SOL for the forseeable future and also i need to use the bathroom but our water is shut off so :/

ive been having an anxiety attack all day and i havent eaten in like four days and life isj ust treating me really great right now