#i need to eat spicy food like at least twice a week or ill die i think | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

hereitalkonandon · 5 years

Text

Title

I told you in my first letter that I didn't eat meat or dairy, only because it was really important to me, but I wasn't expecting you to remember, it was also just a sentence or two. And I really didn't think you would answer with a long letter, just probably say something about feeling relieved and that it didn't look like I was someone that actually knew you in real life or something.

I didn't say I stay away from most foods, though. I eat bread and pasta too, I eat everything that has nothing to do with animals. Yesterday I actually made pasta because it was this small package and yet it was over 800 calories, I only used mushrooms and this 450 grams jar of tomato sauce.

If I feel like it I will make spaghetti today. I've decided to try to eat a lot of pasta while I'm here, since it's fattening. What I meant is that if I wanted to eat a lot of calories I couldn't just do it with a jar of peanut butter a day or something similar, a week would be fine, but if I tried to keep that up it would be way too much fat for my heart no matter how healthy I was. Three spoons a day would probably be healthy, but that's not even 300 calories. And that other than that most fattening foods have something to do with animals.

I also eat anything unhealthy that I feel like having, but really, without cheese, is there any tasty junk food left? I loved cheese so much. I don't miss it because I know that most cows go through hell. But I loved it, that was the thing that I ate the most, chocolate milk too, but cheese was beautiful, and there are so many types.

Then I also ate enough butter. Now I try to compensate with potatoes, they are great too. I had some pizzas made with potato cheese and they were great, it tasted like real cheese, sort of like cream cheese but the texture was like mozzarella. But there are probably a lot of awful potato cheeses out there. And that's the only fake cheese I've had.

I used to eat Mexican food at least twice a week, I never liked it that spicy and I used a lot of cheese and sour cream, it's good, it depends, I don’t like all the dishes.

Obviously they make a lot of awful stuff and call it Mexican food, but I feel like Taco Bell is probably decent even if it's not the real thing, I just never got to try it. It looks like junk food, that's why I assume it should be good. I loved junk food, I still would.

I don't care for jalapeños though, only when you can't see them, when they mix them with nacho cheese. Not that I have nacho cheese anymore, and nacho cheese is actually American of course.

Before I dropped dairy my favorite foods were Mexican, Italian, and also burgers and Mac and Cheese, many things that Americans love, now I can't tell, I would probably say "potato."

I often eat bananas, beans, avocados, mushrooms, bread, tortillas, either made from corn or flour, sometimes soy chorizo. It's this sort of meat, but fake, obviously. It has always been so common here, though, you can get it made from pork or from soy in every store. I guess it's that common because of pork allergies or something, it tastes the same as the one made from pork, probably because it has a lot of condiments.

And they make tacos out of everything but the best were the ones made with adobada, which is pork too, it looks red because of how they prepare it. Anyway, I sometimes make tacos with soy chorizo, they taste the same.

I remember that Victor liked Mexican food too, and yesterday I thought that, though I don't feel like I would have wished my ex-girlfriend ill or hated her if my break up had happened back when I was Victor's age, since we had some fights back then and I never behaved like that, maybe he wouldn't have behaved like that if your break up had happened when he was 24. It also didn't speak more badly of him than of most men, I know most men and even women behave just like him after a break up no matter how old they are.

But until yesterday I wasn't thinking of Victor's age at all, as I've said, not that it was an excuse, but he was too young. It also surprised me when he behaved like that because even if he was sort of basic, he wasn't like most men, in the sense that he was too sensitive, and genuinely respectful of women. I wasn't expecting something that hateful from him.

I sort of probably read the whole story about that one girl, and even more now that I saw a lot of your old posts, from back when he was still with you, I assumed she was the same girl. I never sent you any anons about her, I read two anons or so, trying to be helpful, and after your break up I saw his cheesy posts too, just didn't know she was Irish or anything.

Oh, I hadn't even read the part where you mention his age too when I talked about it. I just don't see why people cheat, because if it gets to the point where you want to try something with someone else then you should just break up and be honest, like the stupid thing my ex-girlfriend did, which I think was awful but it was the best way to go about it if she was going to sleep with him no matter what.

I know they do it because they are not sure that the relationship is over, but I don't see how they can convince themselves that they have the right to deceive the other person. I understand that Victor threatening to kill himself was also a factor, I never did that because, what’s the point, first of all, I have never liked lying, but even if I did, I wanted her to be with me because she wanted to.

Since you said you wouldn't cheat on your boyfriend, that at least not now. I don't really see any reason to do that ever, it was enough with Victor, I understand why people make a mistake but not why they keep repeating it. Maybe you can't help it though, that you can't be sure that you would do the right thing in two or five years. I just don't understand it, but I'm not asking you to explain yourself either.

You talked about having no respect for Victor, but I was always surprised that you could even be attracted to him because of his personality, to me it was like being attracted to a child, other than his looks, he actually looked older than he was. So I understand what you said even if it doesn't excuse cheating, but you have also said that yourself.

Even if I don't know anything about poetry, art is about whatever you want it to be, as long as something it's good I don't think it should be annoying because of the topic, unless it's racist or inappropriate. And I also believe that bad art shouldn't be annoying either, maybe other three people would like it too, and just the fact that the artist liked it should be enough. I don't like it when people laugh at someone else's art. Since art shouldn't be about money then just the fact that someone enjoys it whether they are good or bad at it it's fine.

Not that art that is about money is necessarily bad, a lot of great TV Shows and books were made thinking only of the money. So it really doesn't make sense to me that some would find people making art about themselves annoying. But it wouldn't surprise me. People tend to find anything self-centered annoying too. I've never understood, as long as you are being respectful they shouldn't care.

They don't care with me, since I'm respectful. But I always see people complaining about those who aren't humble, and praising humble people. Why care about how high someone’s opinion of himself is, that seems like such a stupid thing to worry about. I couldn’t care less if someone else thinks he is a god as long as he is respectful and as long as he doesn’t want me to say he is superior to me. Yet I would feel like slapping someone if they listed humbleness as one of their virtues. So you don’t think you are a big deal, but you think that’s some big deal, please release me.

I've read that about Cleopatra but not with your words so it was good to read your version, other than that and what little I watched in Rome I don't know that much about her. But when it comes to her it makes sense, assuming what they say is true, she wasn't betraying him over nothing, most people would put their children's lives over everything else. So if most women had to choose and they thought it was a good idea, they would sacrifice their husbands too even if it was true love.

I would never do that and that's why I know I shouldn't have any children and I won't. I would never sacrifice my wife for my children, and I would always think that my wife is more important, even if I can’t know if I would sacrifice my children for my wife, but I probably would.

I wouldn’t sacrifice my dog for my wife though, but it’s different, he wouldn’t understand and he would feel betrayed, he is a dog, maybe the child would since he would love his mother and I would dare then.

That’s sort of why I said you definitely wouldn’t murder Cersei, in some anon, though maybe you would. She is not a dog, but she is so arrogant and selfish she wouldn’t be able to understand, no matter how paranoid she is, at least that’s the way I feel when it comes to her. So if I actually knew her and cared for her and had to murder a few people she would never be an option even if I cared for the other people just as much. I personally would be sure that she would be incapable of understanding why someone needed to sacrifice her, why someone would choose not to murder other people before touching her, she’s so immature, I wouldn’t want her to die feeling so desperate, angry, and shocked.

I never expect you to remember anything I say, and I repeat this, there's nothing wrong with that, I’ve a great memory, but that’s me. My grandma always says so and she always forgets everything I say, my mom forgets most things too. Lately my whole brain has been affected, including my memory, because I don’t sleep. I also don’t interact with anyone other than my family and my dog.

But I've talked about my journals enough times, I bring it up so you don't think I'm just saying that, now that you ask, not that you were judging me because of it, I know you weren't, but it's not something I'm doing, keeping some journal about you.

About how I've always wanted to keep a journal but felt that I didn't have much to write even if I talk a lot, but that once I started back in August of 2017 I've actually somehow filled a lot of notebooks.

So I don't write our conversations because they are too long and I don't know how long they could get or if they will stop soon too, since copying them would take a lot of time I'm not currently doing that. As I told you yesterday.

But ever since I started my journals I wrote whatever anon I sent you and the answer, and I do that whenever I talk to someone over the internet or send a text message, since I barely do it, otherwise it would be impossible to keep that up. But not with my friend, she annoys me, I don't think I've ever mentioned her in my journals, and not with the man that I sometimes write to.

Two weeks ago or so I sent this girl some information about tags, we had never talked before and that was the only time, because it looked like she didn't know that only the first five tags show up, at least if you are not using some extension and I don't use any, and she would often write the most important tags at the very end. I had wanted to do it for a long while, but one day I suddenly decided it would be a good idea, at first I kept wondering if she was aware and she didn't care. I think she actually cared, but whatever it was she answered that she didn't already know it. I wrote that in my journals too.

I write about trying a new brand of bread also, or about somehow finding something I’ve always eaten tastier than usual or about eating something for the first time in years, I write about how much I want my neighbors to rot in hell. I’ve always just loved words and writing with my hand, keyboards too though, but never fiction, just my thoughts. One day I noticed my reflection while washing my hands, it was some jar made of metal, I liked the angle, it was odd, I wrote about it too.

And I'm not a good writer, talk a lot, (with my mouth too whenever I have the chance) and keep repeating myself, in my journals I do nothing to avoid repeating myself, I enjoy it, they are still words.

I like to paste stuff on them and I also write whatever quote I like or lyrics. I haven't skipped a single day ever since I started, sometimes it's just a sentence, but I still write a lot of pages when I feel like it, I used to write in my journals even more before I started writing to you.

I just remembered that since the first journal I started was thick you actually got to appear there, I was still using that one after your break up, I started it on August 27/28. I remember I had just watched the latest episode of Game of Thrones that has aired, less than 24 hours before I started it and the first thing I wrote about was that episode.

I was mostly avoiding you back then though because you love jumping to conclusions, and spoilers, (I never forgot that one Kylo picture that someone somehow managed to believe it was Finn’s chest though it was clearly Kylo’s, I wasn’t even wondering about it and never did, I was surprised when I saw that post, that there was any doubt about it, so it stayed with me forever, not that the scene was what the trailer made it look like anyway, well it was, but Rey says that one line to Luke) I’m afraid of spoilers. So I also was avoiding you once The Last Jedi was close enough. The Last Jedi is my favorite movie ever which speaks so much about how I have barely watched any movies at all.

Back in 2013 I had this thing called Ask.fm, I only sent questions to myself, sometimes my friend asked me things too, she also made one, I wrote enough things there, and once in a while I visit and I copy whatever I like in my journal, I want to eventually copy everything that I find interesting from that account.

I would like to do that with my Facebook too, the one I had when I was with my ex-girlfriend, which is always deactivated, I only activate it every five months or so, to see it's still there.

And I want to copy her Last.fm and have already written some pages down, (the fact that both pages end with “.fm” is just some dumb coincidence) it's way too long though, and so is the stuff from Facebook.

Our MSN/Skype conversations (I only have the ones after 2009, but sadly we broke up for some months and I deleted the ones from the start of our relationship since I thought it was over, and then I was way too young to know a thing about keeping memories when we were friends back in 2005 so I have nothing) are even longer and I would copy most of them, but maybe the conversations would be too much, I don’t know how many books. So I don't know, sometimes I think I should wait and see if I get over that relationship in a year or two and save myself the trouble.

When it comes to triggers though, no one can really do that, but since you ask, just don't say anything sad about animals, I guess, it makes me extremely sad, I feel something in my chest for weeks whenever I accidentally read something bad that happened to an animal, luckily it goes away eventually, but it lasts for a long time.

My mom's boyfriend isn't really patient and he is often stressed, he doesn’t have anxiety or anything, he is just a moron. But he is also like your description of a dog, he is pretty lazy and doesn't care about anything, but watches action movies and plays games on his phone, he hates reading, he likes soccer too, like a dog chasing a ball, he barely sees my mom, can go weeks without seeing her for something other than leaving her some envelope with money under the door, sometimes even months. He is definitely not asexual but he is likely not an average person when it comes to sex, he even once told my mom that he liked sex but that he had never been crazy about it. He is pretty odd when it comes to everything, actually, not just sex.

Back when the Pokemon app was really popular he was catching Pokemon at the beach. He isn’t childish though, his friends call him “uncle” because he acts like an old man. And he probably doesn't care that much about children either, but whenever he visited my mom's family, the boys would kick him and punch him and he would just sit there and not say anything. One time one of the boys even told him, not angry, wanting to play with him "come here, come so I can hit you" and he was about to get up and allow himself to be kicked but his mother heard him and told him to stop.

0 notes