Dear Neptune

Since when I was born, you may have chosen me to be your child. My dominant planet you are. Who ruled in my chart, and my whole life. Since I was a child, i felt lost, things pocking on me, trouble me or make me an invisible pal towards others. And it grew more, and more into me. Mystic, unbearable most of the time, but quite intriguing. I have understood that because of you, people do not know the whole me. And misunderstan people towards me. And kinda blurry the vision people have from me. You took something from me, and flavored with your energy utself. You gave me the ability to live in a dream, that may never be possible. To live even in dreams which may turn into reality. Imagination and visualization to its finest. But still giving me awareness of what's going on in current reality. You gave me a stuttering voice when for the trouble you kinda "made" me do, well-known that I had the perfect answer to give. And make me a lovely person in someone's life bcs of the power-dynamics, them people be above. Make me the evil villain to someone's who were on the wrong and projecting on me. And make me an invisible human towards the world , and people who loved me but forgetting I was with them. It's kinda staggering when i see this in my life. And I sometimes blame you. Bcs people don't know me, but know what they perceive its true to them, ABOUT ME. Kinda ironic and devious from you. People blamed me for kinda everything, I was a punching bag to certain people, i was the venting hermit who could hear them bluffing about their problems and needs, and a victim under people negative energy. Who picked on me so much and treated me so badly. A scapegoat to his relatives and friends too, who all the nerves they had towards other people, put on me.

You gave me good heart, also God gave it to me. While i suffer from low self-love, self-esteem and depression how i am living my life. I know its you NEPTUNE. But why? Maybe that's how life it is. But why? I won't get the answer.

Neptune gave me delusions. In a way that makes you think that certain people are meant this way in your life, and making me prone to illusion myself in certains delusion. Idk if they will become true, but its a way I cope with my life, miserable life. Idk why to do? To believe them, to make me aware more to not fall into delusions of not only myself, but the whole earth. How other people create delusions in real life. Idk man, its kinda crazy.

It gave me love for the spiritual world, how certaion things go hand in hand, how people connect with each-other emotionally, and how their souls interact. But you gave me the worst perception to think people about me. And also, them creating rumors and spread false info about me. You gave that power to me, and to illusion others. I hope you understand what I mean. But still remaining a mystery, a puzzle with missing pieces, hard to pin down, and also a truly unknown person.

You made me cunning, vigilant at the same time as being delulu. A chameleon, truly knowing how to blend in with people, unconsciously or not. Its weird how you work, and so mysterious how you play your cards. You made me wanting peace, but still wanting chaos. Hou made me love light, but also darkness. You made me be aware of my reality, but love my delulu reality. What's your plan? You made me feel like im blessed, but also cursed. U made me a victim, but also a hero and also a villian.

You made me a person full of emotions, sensitivity, empathy as nature. But also people not value these things about me. How unfair life is. I can never know that I have such a great soul, such a powerful soul that instigate people to envy, or hate me about my beautiful energy. Or not. Idk. Addictive, but also a repulsive, who push people away. Attractive but also not that much.

Mystic, mystery, an unexplored and yet not daring to go through. Eager to, but not taking the risk.

So NEPTUNIAN of you!!

It's the season of love! and you know what that means, time to find yourself a valentine! and who better than one of your beloved mutuals? answer these questions, and the mutual with the most mentions your tumblr valentine:

Mutual you can always rely on?

Mutual who never misses a post?

Mutual you share the most interests with?

Mutual you have the most in common with?

Mutual you look up to?

Mutual you'd run away and live in a cottage with?

Spouse material mutual?

Mutual with the best personality?

Mutual that never fails to make you laugh?

Mutual you'd have a crush on if you knew them irl?

Mutual you absolutely cannot live without?

figured i’d actually do a game for once 💀 im sorry y’all i swear i’ll get to them one day…. until then keep tagging me i may not do them but it makes me feel good being included anyway 🥰🤞

mutual who never misses a post — without a doubt @j0swhiterice 🤭🤭 my number one supporter since she started following me <33 she likes pretty much everything i post HAHAHAHHS thank u for that ily

mutual you’d run away and live in a cottage with — @1-800-lixie she gives very cottagecore vibes idk ,,, i feel like it’d be very fun living somewhere idyllic and tending to a cute lil cottage w a pretty garden w her <33

mutual that never fails to make u laugh — @yujipg sae ur so funny im dying literally every time u post/comment how do u do it (also off topic but u genuinely make me smile sm every time u interact w my posts ur so fun to talk to 🫶)

spouse material mutual — @cutieseo fae’s so lovely i think she defs fits this one 🤭💓 would get down on one knee if she asked

mutual(s) you look up to (this is less a ‘look up to’ section and more an excuse to compliment my moots 🌝) —

@torhues ur so smart and cool and funny and u have rly good writing … that was rly badly worded but i want u to know that i think ur great ☺️

@hwangsify i know u arent on tumblr anymore but ur writing was genuinely some of the most beautiful stuff i’ve read on tumblr i still come back to it sometimes bc its SO GOOD

@byhees too !!! i’ve only just become moots w u recently but ur writing is so beautiful and u seem like such a lovely person !! 🫶

@acaiasahi ur themes always slap and u have the most based opinions 🙏🙏

@i-luvsang i havent interacted w u very much but u have such a pretty acc ++ the cutest fics ever

@jennaissantes u seem like such a cool person i’d defs wanna be bsfs with u if i knew u irl

mutual you’d have a crush on irl — @astrozuya based off vibes i think i’d find you cute too 🤭🤭

@dokiyeom also bc she gives cute girl next door vibes i think🫣 🫶

mutual you have the most in common with — @ everyone bc we’re all obsessed w unobtainable korean men ….

@ox1-lovesick honourable mention bc U GET ME when it comes to my struggles on atzblr/blr in general 😓 ty for being there at my lowest 🤞

mutual you share the most interests with — see above ^

mutual with the best personality — cmon guys i feel like it’s pretty obvious that it’d be me 😒 (/j)

mutual you absolutely cannot live without — @cheezbot my love ever since u left me i havent been able to live with myself … u pieced my heart together and then ripped it out of my chest, leaving me unable to love and trust ever again ☹️☹️

mutual you can always rely on — @n0vad ty for giving me ur english answers 🙏🙏

@svngcore i can always rely on you to be my most delulu moot 🙄

im sorry if i didn’t include u! i love all my moots very much but im a bit forgetful 😞

in a pickle

so not bts related BUT I need someone to help me calm down super badly lmfao sksk but i visited my cousins this weekend for a housewarming party and she invited some of her friends, naturally there were some dudes and they were really cool but there was like one dude who didn’t really talk but it was obvious he was social in school you know? irrelevant lmfao but like he didn’t introduce himself to me and all of the other guys did and it’s fine I didn’t care but like some time later into the party when I changed out of my indian clothes and into my American clothes (damn I’m so glad I brought nice clothes sksks) like istg he was looking at me but like not in a creepy way you know just like in a way IDK anywAYS i come into the room w my sister and my cousin and we’re like talking and I can see him I CAN SEE HIM looking at me thru my peripheral vision and idk what’s like up u know I was like “shit is there something on my face? am I ugly?? Didn’t your mom tell you it was rude to stare???” lmao I was so confused but then he asks if we wanna play cards and that’s when I REALLY saw his face and he wasn’t super cute ( my standards are ruined due To BTS) but he was cute and his face was so clear and his teeth were so gd white and I was like “YES I WILL PLAY” sksks I didn’t scream it but I said it so quickly ahHahHAH. Ok so we’re playing this game called scum and him and I are giving each other looks but DUDE IDK WHAT’S CONSIDERED FLIRTING AND WHAT’S CONSIDERED FRIENDLY OK IM NEW TO ANYONE EVEN PAYING ATTENTION TO ME LMFAO but it’s like fun and all but then we start playing the card game ‘bs’and oh. my. fucking. god. It’s like I understood the true meaning of chemistry (I hate myself I’m so dramatic forgive me) like the whole time it felt like it was just me and him playing (ew I’m so sorry that’s so cringe lol) like he would keep giving me looks and would only try to see if I was bullshitting and he wanted to call me out but he never did. Like the first round I bs’d but he didn’t call me out but he knew and the second the other person went I started giggling cuz him and I both knew I didn’t actually put down the right card and he goes “shit I knew it” And he had this big goofy smile ::((( And he asked my name like a million times but it’s so fucking ironic I never got his and I AM SO FUCKING MAD and it makes me so sad cuz he was so sweet and nice and I’ll never see him again cuz he lives in another state so I did something. Obviously, duh. I stalked my cousins insta and I found his account and I freaked for an hour but I got peer pressured by like twelve of my friends to just full send that shit and request and so I fucking did and GUYS. It’s been 9 hours. 9 GODDAMN FUCKING HOURS AND HE HASNT ACCEPTED IM LOWKEY UPSET SKSKS LIKE WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? I THOUGHT WE HAD SOMETHING?? ALL MY FRIENDS ARE DYING TO SEE WHAT U LOOK LIKE ACCEPT MY REQUEST IVE NEVER BEEN LIKE THIS FOR A BOY. ugh yeah anyway he’s been on my mind for the last day and I lowkey miss him sksksksk I sound like such a creep I hung out w him for like three hours and I’m whipped bc of what??? He asked to play cards??? I’m delulu BUT IDC ANSWER MY REQUEST YOURE CUTE AND YOU MADE ME LAUGH JUST LIKE PLS DONT DO THIS TO ME IT WAS RLLY BOLD OF ME TO EVEN REQUEST YOU DONT EMBARRASS ME MAN ALL MY FRIENDS ARE WAITING,,, yeahhh so that’s that Um idk what the pt of this was besides that he was cute and I’m scared of rejection lol