Hey!! It's the byler music fairy!! What are the songs you most associate with byler, Will, and/or Mike, and why??💙💛🎶🎵🧚‍♀️

Well, hello there, Byler Music Fairy!!! What a lovely surprise to see you this fine day.

OOoo and with a good question, too. I have an entire playlist of songs that remind me of Byler, so allow me to look through it and arrange this accordingly. But also, oh, boy, why? I think for explanations I’m going to pick a top three for each: Mike, Will, and then them together. Because otherwise this post would be an entire essay 😂.

Mike

Glimpse of Us - Joji

The second I heard this song, I was like: Oh. My. God. This is Mike Wheeler. Take one look at the lyrics and the battle between remembering a past lover while having someone else in your arms and it all screams Mike’s love towards Will and El. The emotion and the way that Joji sings with pain and regret coupled with the gentle piano really makes this song powerful and sweetly holds the internalized emotions that I perceive in Mike.

Watch Me Bleed - Tears For Fears

I feel like Mike goes along with Tears For Fears so much, and a good fit I feel for him is Watch Me Bleed, a song written with frustration, acceptance, wrapped in a tender cry for help. I feel like this song really reflects Mike’s role in his family as well as his view of himself and putting himself down in season 4. Basically, this song really carries the angst of his story for me.

LOST BOY - Troye Sivan

I can’t have a song list without Troye Sivan, and oh my gosh, this one is killer. Lost Boy sings a tale for s3 Mike the most, but it also carries over to his relationships all throughout the show, in my eyes. This song is about not being sure to commit to someone, to wanting freedom, to wanting someone to be free with him, to also not wanting to quite grow up. And as much as that idea of growing up is often tied to Will, I really feel like this song leans more to Mike’s side of the story, of loving so openly and maybe even too quickly that it leaves him in this state of uncertainty.

Will

tolerate it - Taylor Swift

THIS. SONG. HOLY. SHIT. This song was made for Will Byers. With a somber and soulful piano line, Taylor weaves a lament of her lover not noticing her works of art, her simple care, her presence. It’s invisible love as a song, and it’s every longing stare that Will gives Mike without him giving anything back. This is a reflection of Will’s heart when it cries - there’s even a lyrics about “use my best colors for your portrait” - and I just need to stop here before I go insane.

I’m Still Standing - Elton John

I call this cheating because I tried to keep away from using songs directly on Mike and Will’s Spotify playlists, but this one is way too perfect for me to leave out. I’m Still Standing highlights Will’s journey, his perseverance, and I love the chorus’ line: “looking like a true survivor, feeling like a little kid.” That succinctly captures Will’s story of going through hell and still coming through with his whole heart, enough to still feel wholly his age. It’s an upbeat kind of pick-me-up song, and it makes me really happy when I think about it in terms of how strong Will is.

FOOLS - Troye Sivan

And of course, another Troye song for Will. And this one is for Will as regards his queerness. This song is special to me for that. Fools is a heartbreaking dream that Troye knows will never come true, a forbidden romance, and he calls himself a fool for falling for the boy he loves. I also like to think of it as an ode to Will’s painting and the van confession. This is tolerate it but openly gay, and it’s so, so painful in a lovely way.

Byler

I Found - Amber Run

This song is another somber one, and like Fools, it’s about forbidden love. This time it’s much more general but also pointedly about a love that “wasn’t supposed to be,” of someone “right in front of” the singer. I love this song and Byler because it’s all about their struggle as best friends in a homophobic town, not sure what to do with their relationship. The many pushes and pulls and yet the gravity in Amber’s voice really brings out the almost inevitable nature of the pull and how it hurts with how strong it is. Powerful stuff.

Right Here Waiting - Richard Marx

When making this list, I was like, okay, I have to choose a love song. But which one? So many go with Byler! And then I came across this one that I found on the radio, and I immediately came back to this post to put it down. Right Here Waiting is a sweet ballad of long distance love, of looking back at all the good things grown between the lovers, of literally “going crazy” without the lover. So, I mean, come on. Crazy together, it’s all there. This is a love realization song for them that makes me think of them very fondly, like they were right there for each other and finally came to understand it.

The King - Sarah Kinsley

OH my god. I promised that I wouldn’t make this an essay, and I’m trying hard not to, but guys. Please. Of all songs here, please, if you go and listen to one song on this list, make it this one. The King is probably one of my favorite songs of all time, and I found it thanks to a mutual on TikTok (who’s currently a private account, so sorry, but I can’t link) who made a Byler edit with it, and my brain merely exploded. This song never even names, “love,” but it’s so intrinsically heartfelt and laced with emotion and want and beauty and I cannot express to you how gorgeous it is!! To me, this song captures all of Byler’s hopes and ambitions and forces of love. It’s such a thrilling song, and it makes me feel like I’m flying. It’s a spectacularly euphoric rendition of what their love is and can be in its full and realized greatness, and I think that that’s the most exciting part about this song. It feels like what Byler can be, like the peak moments of their flirting put to music and all the dreams in their eyes that flash back and forward in that single second.

And not only that! The lyrics are also scattered full of Byler things: of time, of phone calls, of the rain, of a castle built and falling, of wholly falling apart and getting back together, of future dreams, of being the “king of your heart,” just like that painted crown above the heart. This song simply is romantic Byler to me.

And that’s all I’ll say as this has gotten long enough. But thank you for coming to my TED talk if you made it here, and THANK YOU dear anon! This was a very fun write 🫶

[ xavier serrano , cisman, him/he ] have you seen JAKE CHAVES lately ? yeah, i heard they’re TWENTY-FIVE years old and a BOXER now in charleston city. i mean, i don’t know if it’s their CAPRICORN vibes or that they’re UNRELIABLE and MANIPULATIVE but also CHARMING and SPONTANEOUS but they remind me of NOT SOBER by THE KID LAROI here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble around here. (g, 21, she/her, est)

                                                 BASICS:

𝕟𝕒𝕞𝕖 : jake bruno chaves

𝕘𝕖𝕟𝕕𝕖𝕣 : cismale

𝕤𝕖𝕩𝕦𝕒𝕝𝕚𝕥𝕪 : bisexual *closeted 

𝕒𝕘𝕖 & 𝕓𝕚𝕣𝕥𝕙𝕕𝕒𝕪 : 25 , december 25th

𝕡𝕣𝕠𝕟𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕤 : he/him

𝕠𝕔𝕔𝕦𝕡𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟 : boxing champion / son of a former boxing champion & his mom is a heavily accoladed retired country/pop music star.

                  QUICK FACTS / CHARACTER UPDATES:

currently he just moved to SC as a mini vacation for himself. his job is his entire life. and so is his reputation and image. family oriented as hell. even on vacation, he’s still working. is so dependent on drugs and alcohol he's rarely ever sober, but he knows his way around the industry enough to function. he also heavily uses performance enhancers but these are all secrets to protect his image. has done other things like movies and tv shows. travels often when he can. all his relationships have been private from the public. minus one major relationship. has only lost one fight in his career so far. that’s a huge trigger for him, btw. rather laugh than be serious about things. talks to his mom on the phone daily. his dad is his manager. he has a thing for weird food combinations.

          ��                                BACKGROUND:

okay so here’s where it gets heavy and like ... long so bare with me. tw: drugs, child abuse

FAMILY BACKGROUND: jake’s dad is a retired heavyweight champion and was the poster boy for boxing in his time. bruno chaves came from nothing, his family not having enough money to even get him his first pair of boxing gloves. they did own a restaurant that his mother put all her effort into, but that was about it. he met jake’s mom as a teenager, megan cline, and the two created a relationship off of wanting better for themselves. she fell in love with music in high school and started singing at bruno’s family restaurant on weekends. and he began training with a retired boxer in his city for free. it was pretty much a disney movie how it worked out for them, but it wasn’t easy. infidelity, too much private information being released to the public, scandals, bar fights, too many losses to get his dad to where he ended up being. ( in terms of the status of his parents think of like ... the taylor swift and mike tyson of their generation but right now they're like in their late 50s so they might be your charries parents favs lol  ) even though the couple is married now and extremely successful, and rumored to be billionaires at this point, bruno holds a lot of regret for the things that are associated with the family name. they had two daughters before jake, making him the youngest and his fathers pride and joy. of course, this is why his middle name is also his dads first name. from the moment he was born he had a plan for him. 

CHILDHOOD/TEEN YEARS: jake gravitated to painting and the guitar the most as a kid. his mom tried her best to influence this, teaching him how to play and taking him to painting lessons in elementary school. his dad didn’t approve of this, he wanted jake to be his own personal project, especially since she already had two daughters to throw that on. which is interesting considering one of his daughters was ACTUALLY an athlete and gravitated towards sports like her dad early in her life. but anywho, he was set up for life already because of his parents accomplishments, but his dad wanted a mini him to correct all of his mistakes. so, by middle school he started to ‘train’ jake but A LOT of that was just him hitting on him in the home gym and forcing him to fight back. traumatic. so this started what we would all call child abuse. but, his family saw it as training. his dad was a force in the house so even if his mom or his sisters felt some way about it, they never wanted to say anything. when jake was in high school he finally sort of succumbed to the image of him his dad created. he shifted from sweet jake to a destroyed teenager who had a terrible temper. throughout this time he met his first and only longtime girlfriend. their relationship became more of a PR stunt than an actual loving relationship as the years went on. through this trials and tribulations of attempting to feel love for the first time, his dad was also on his back all the time about his performance. his body also wasn’t growing at the rate his dad wanted at the time and ya boy was just over it. so, his first experience with drugs and steroids was actually given to him by his dad in order to shut him up basically. and after that, and also many abuse episodes whenever else he tried to fight back, jake just conformed.

ADULTHOOD-NOW / PERSONALITY: jake has only lost one fight in his entire life, mainly because of the work ethic and pressure put on him by his dad. in fact, because of the pressure, he has had an addiction to performance enhancing drugs and still even uses them to do anything in life. but because of his reputation, he refuses to let anyone in on this secret. added to that, he makes everyone around him sign NDAs if they want to go to the parties he throws at his LA condo or even be his girlfriend for a month when he breaks up with his long time lover. these other relationships are secret because shes the only one he allows himself to be around in public. he’s heavily accoladed and has gone into the film industry a few times as well ( think like john cena in the fred movies ). he’s just super sweet on the surface. but is extremely chaotic when he lets you in. he just loves love but like.. he also has a priority to his job. due to all the abuse he isnt the most emotionally stable and can be very up and down and not reliable at all in terms of his emotions and the things he says. he can wake up one day and change his mind completely. and still at 23 while the abuse has laid off, his dad still has his hands pretty tight on the males life. in fact, going to SC for sometime was more of a reward for how he’s been pretty much the last decade. he doesn’t mind talking about his family because any problems he had with the way he was raised was suppressed a long time ago. in fact, he is grateful for his family because his judgement is so clouded and he’s been conditioned to think of that as normal. but, if you catch him on a bad day he might cry about it. he has a bad habit of having nightmares due to the things that happened in his home as well. 

                                        WANTED PLOTS

his partner in crime, best friend since high school vibes, probably the only person who knows how bad things can get with him but sticks by him anyways

idk i suck at these thanks just hmu !!

Aaron Dessner confirms: folklore is Taylor Swift’s goth record. Or, at least, it’s her most gothic record. It’s also a few other things, depending on your mood: an unofficial Big Red MachineDessner and Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon started Big Red Machine in 2008 as a loose musical collaboration. They released their official self-titled debut LP in 2018, and this year released “No Time For Love Like Now” with Michael Stipe. collaboration (Big RED Machine); a spiritual companion to The National’s 2019 album I Am Easy To Find, specifically its accompanying Mike Mills film, also shot in black-and-white and emphasizing a more natural setting; or just Swift’s attempt at a headphone record, one that, even if you don’t buy into the Taylor Swift mythology, rewards multiple listens as you pick up on all the intricacies of each song and realize wow, this is where the In Rainbows influence comes in. Dessner is the one to thank for all these little details.

The National multi-instrumentalist spoke to Vulture over the phone from upstate New York a few hours after the surprise release of Swift’s eighth studio album. (“A pretty wild ride,” he admits, sounding tired yet happy.) He was clear that he can’t speak on behalf of Swift’s lyrics, much like he can’t for The National frontman Matt Berninger’s either, or the thinking behind Jack Antonoff’s songs. (Here’s a cheat sheet: Jack’s songs soar, Aaron’s glide.) But Dessner was game to speak to his specific contributions, influences, and own interpretations of each song on folklore, a record you can sum up by two words that came up often during our conversation: nostalgic and wry.

“the 1″

“the 1” and “hoax,” the first song and the last song, were the last songs we did. The album was sort of finished before that. We thought it was complete, but Taylor then went back into the folder of ideasMany of Dessner’s songs started from him sending files of sketches from a folder of ideas to Swift, who then replied with updated files of her ideas and additions. Swift also would start some songs by sending voice memos to Dessner, who would then flesh them out or write music to it. Dessner would also send files to his brother, Bryce, and other collaborators to flesh out the music; he sums up the process as “sending files around.” that I had shared. I think in a way, she didn’t realize she was writing for this album or a future something. She wrote “the 1,” and then she wrote “hoax” a couple of hours later and sent them in the middle of the night. When I woke up in the morning, I wrote her before she woke up in LA and said, “These have to be on the record.” She woke up and said, “I agree” [laughs] These are the bookends, you know?

It’s clear that “the 1” is not written from her perspective. It’s written from another friend’s perspective. There’s an emotional wryness and rawness, while also to this kind of wink in her eyes. There’s a little bit of her sense of humor in there, in addition to this kind of sadness that exists both underneath and on the surface. I enjoy that about her writing.

The song [began from] the voice memo she sent me, and then I worked on the music some and we tracked her vocals, and then my brotherOn bringing in fellow The National member, Bryce Dessner: “My brother lives in France and that’s where he and his family were in lockdown. I would send songs to Bryce for him to add orchestration, and then he would send them back. He would compose to them and then I would have people record them over here remotely.” added orchestration. There are a few other little bits, but basically that was one of the very last things we did.

THE MEANING OF FOLKLORE

We didn’t talk about it at first. It was only after writing six or seven songs, basically when I thought my writing was done, when we got on the phone and said, “OK, I think we’re making an album. I have these six other ideas that I love with Jack [Antonoff] that we’ve already done, and I think what we’ve done fits really well with them.” It’s sort of these narratives, these folkloric songs, with characters that interweave and are written from different perspectives. She had a vision, and it was connecting back in some way to the folk tradition, but obviously not entirely sonically. It’s more about the narrative aspect of it.

I think it’s this sort of nostalgia and wistfulness that is in a lot of the songs. A lot of them have this kind of longing for looking back on things that have happened in your life, in your friend’s life, or another loved one’s life, and the kind of storytelling around that. That was clear to her. But then we kept going, and more and more songs happened.

It was a very organic process where [meaning] wasn’t something that we really discussed. It just kind of would happen where she would dive back into the folder and find other things that were inspiring. Or she and William BoweryDessner explains of the one unknown name who pops up in the folklore credits: “William Bowery is who she wrote ‘exile’ with, and ‘betty.’ He’s a singer-songwriter.” would write “exile,” and then that happened. There were different stages of the process.

Okay, but is it A24-core? [Laughs.] Good comparison.

“cardigan’”

That’s the first song we wrote [in early May]. After Taylor asked if I would be interested in writing with her remotelyOn folklore being recorded somewhat on-the-fly: “I prefer records when they have an element where the paint is still wet. We’re allowing some paint to be human and raw, so [collaborations were] not hired out too much. That was important to me, and that was important to her, too. That is definitely different from her past records.” and working on songs, I said, “Are you interested in a certain kind of sound?” She said, “I’m just interested in what you do and what you’re up to. Just send anything, literally anything, it could be the weirdest thing you’ve ever done,” so I sent a folder of stuff I had done that I was really excited about recently. “cardigan” was one of those sketches; it was originally called “Maple.” It was basically exactly what it is on the record, except we added orchestration later that my brother wrote.

I sent [the file] at 9 p.m., and around 2 a.m. or something, there was “cardigan,” fully written. That’s when I realized something crazy was happening. She just dialed directly into the heart of the music and wrote an incredible song and fully conceived of it and then kept going. It harkens back to lessons learned, or experiences in your youth, in a really beautiful way and this sense of longing and sadness, but ultimately, it’s cathartic. I thought it was a perfect match for the music, and how her voice feels. It was kind of a guide. It had these lower register parts, and I think we both realized that this was a bit of a lightning rod for a lot of the rest of the record.

THE NATIONAL’S INFLUENCE ON SWIFT:

She said that she’s a fan of the emotion that’s conveyed in our music. She doesn’t often get to work with music that is so raw and emotional, or melodic and emotional, at the same time. When I sent her the folder, that was one of the main feelings. She said, “What the fuck? How do you just have that?” [laughs] I was humbled and honored because she just said, “It’s a gift, and I want to write to all of this.” She didn’t write to all of it, but a lot of it, and relatively quickly.

She is a fan of the band, and she’s a fan of Big Red Machine. She’s well aware of the sentiment of it and what I do, but she didn’t ask for a certain kind of thing. I know that the film [I Am Easy To Find] has really affected her, and she’s very much in love with that film and the record. Maybe it’s subconsciously been an influence.

“the last great american dynasty”

I wrote that after we’d been working for a while. It was an attempt to write something attractive, more uptempo and kind of pushing. I also was interested in this almost In Rainbows-style latticework of electric guitars. They come in and sort of pull you along, kind of reminiscent of Big Red Machine. It was very much in this sound world that I’ve been playing around with, and she immediately clicked with that. Initially I was imagining these dreamlike distant electric guitars and electronics but with an element of folk. There’s a lot going on in that sense. I sent it before I went on a run, and when I got back from the run, that song was thereJust how fast of a songwriter is Taylor? Dessner marvels, “It’s almost like a song would come out like a lightning bolt. It’s exhilarating. The shared focus, the clarity of her ideas, and the way she structures things, it’s all there. But I think she works really hard when she’s working, and then she tweaks. She keeps going, so sometimes things would evolve or change. By the time she actually sings it, she’s really inside of it. She doesn’t do very many vocal takes before she nails it.” [laughs].

She told me the story behind it, which sort of recounts the narrative of Rebekah Harkness, whom people actually called Betty. She was married to the heir of Standard Oil fortune, married into the Harkness family, and they bought this house in Rhode Island up on a cliff. It’s kind of the story of this woman and the outrageous parties she threw. She was infamous for not fitting in, entirely, in society; that story, at the end, becomes personal. Eventually, Taylor bought that house. I think that is symptomatic of folklore, this type of narrative song. We didn’t do very much to that either.

“exile” (ft. Bon Iver)

Taylor and William Bowery, the singer-songwriter, wrote that song initially together and sent it to me as a sort of a rough demo where Taylor was singing both the male and female parts. It’s supposed to be a dialogue between two lovers. I interpreted that and built the song, played the piano, and built around that template. We recorded Taylor’s vocals with her singing her parts but also the male parts.

We talked a lot about who she thought would be perfect to sing, and we kept coming back to Justin [Vernon]. Obviously, he’s a dear friend of mine and collaboratorSo, is folklore secretly a new Big Red Machine album? Dessner coyly offers, “I mean, you might not be far off the truth there, but I think I won’t say more.”. I said, “Well, if he’s inspired by the song, he’ll do it, and if not, he won’t.” I sent it to him and said, “No pressure at all, literally no pressure, but how do you feel about this?” He said, “Wow.” He wrote some parts into it also, and we went back and forth a little bit, but it felt like an incredibly natural and safe collaboration between friends. It didn’t feel like getting a guest star or whatever. It was just like, well, we’re working on something, and obviously he’s crazy talented, but it just felt right. I think they both put so much raw emotion into it. It’s like a surface bubbling. It’s believable, you know? You believe that they’re having this intense dialogue.

With other people I had to be secretive, but with Justin, because he was going to sing, I actually did send him a version of the song with her vocals and told him what I was up to. He was like, “Whoa! Awesome!” But he’s been involved in so many big collaborative things that he wasn’t interested in it from that point of view. It’s more because he loved the song and he thought he could do something with it that would add something.

“my tears ricochet”

This is one of my absolute favorite songs on the record. I think it’s a brilliant composition, and Taylor’s words, the way her voice sounds and how this song feels, are, to me, one of the critical pieces. It’s lodged in my brain. That’s also very important to Taylor and Jack. It’s like a beacon for this record.

“mirrorball”

“mirrorball” is, to me, a hazy sort of beautiful. It almost reminds me of ‘90s-era Cardigans, or something like Mazzy Star. It has this kind of glow and haze. It feels really good before “seven,” which becomes very wistful and nostalgic. There are just such iconic images in the lyrics [“Spinning in my highest heels”], which aren’t coming to me at the moment because my brain is not working [laughs].

HOW JACK ANTONOFF’S FOLKORE SONGS DIFFER FROM DESSNER’S

I think we have different styles, and we weren’t making them together or in the same room. We both could probably come closer together in a sense that weirdly works. It’s like an archipelago, and each song is an island, but it’s all related. Taylor obviously binds it all together. And I think Jack, if he was working with orchestrations, there’s an emotional quality to his songs that’s clearly in the same world as mine.

We actually didn’t have a moodboard for the album at all. I don’t think that way. I don’t really know if she does either. I don’t think Jack … well, Jack might, but when I say the Cardigans or Mazzy Star, those aren’t Jack’s words about “mirrorball,” it’s just what calls to mind for me. Mainly she talked about emotion and to lean into it, the nostalgia and wistfulness, and the kind of raw, meditative emotion that I often kind of inhabit that I think felt very much where her heart was. We didn’t shy away from that.

“seven”

This is the second song we wrote. It’s kind of looking back at childhood and those childhood feelings, recounting memories and memorializing them. It’s this beautiful folk song. It has one of the most important lines on the record: “And just like a folk song, our love will be passed on.” That’s what this album is doing. It’s passing down. It’s memorializing love, childhood, and memories. It’s a folkloric way of processing.

“august”

This is maybe the closest thing to a pop song. It gets loud. It has this shimmering summer haze to it. It’s kind of like coming out of “seven” where you have this image of her in the swing and she’s seven years old, and then in “august” I think it feels like fast-forwarding to now. That’s an interesting contrast. I think it’s just a breezy, sort of intoxicating feeling.

“this is me trying”

“this is me trying,” to me, relates to the entire album. Maybe I’m reading into it too much from my own perspective, but [I think of] the whole album as an exercise and working through these stories, whether personal or old through someone else’s perspective. It’s connecting a lot of things. But I love the feeling in it and the production that Jack did. It has this lazy swagger.

“illicit affairs”

This feels like one of the real folk songs on the record, a sharp-witted narrative folk song. It just shows her versatility and her power as a songwriter, the sharpness of her writing. It’s a great song.

“invisible string”

That was another one where it was music that I’d been playing for a couple of months and sort of humming along to her. It felt like one of the songs that pulls you along. Just playing it on one guitar, it has this emotional locomotion in it, a meditative finger-picking pattern that I really gravitate to. It’s played on this rubber bridge that my friend put on [the guitar] and it deadens the strings so that it sounds old. The core of it sounds like a folk song.

It’s also kind of a sneaky pop song, because of the beat that comes in. She knew that there was something coming because she said, “You know, I love this and I’m hearing something already.” And then she said, “This will change the story,” this beautiful and direct kind of recounting of a relationship in its origin.

“mad woman”

That might be the most scathing song on folklore. It has a darkness that I think is cathartic, sort of witch-hunting and gaslighting and maybe bullying. Sometimes you become the person people try to pin you into a corner to be, which is not really fair. But again, don’t quote me on that [laughs], I just have my own interpretation. It’s one of the biggest releases on the album to me. It has this very sharp tone to it, but sort of in gothic folklore. It’s this record’s goth song.

“epiphany”

For “epiphany,” she did have this idea of a beautiful drone, or a very cinematic sort of widescreen song, where it’s not a lot of accents but more like a sea to bathe in. A stillness, in a sense. I first made this crazy drone which starts the song, and it’s there the whole time. It’s lots of different instruments played and then slowed down and reversed. It created this giant stack of harmony, which is so giant that it was kind of hard to manage, sonically, but it was very beautiful to get lost in. And then I played the piano to it, and it almost felt classical or something, those suspended chords.

I think she just heard it, and instantly, this song came to her, which is really an important one. It’s partially the story of her grandfather, who was a soldier, and partially then a story about a nurse in modern times. I don’t know if this is how she did it, but to me, it’s like a nurse, doctor, or medical professional, where med school doesn’t fully prepare you for seeing someone pass away or just the difficult emotional things that you’ll encounter in your job. In the past, heroes were just soldiers. Now they’re also medical professionals. To me, that’s the underlying mission of the song. There are some things that you see that are hard to talk about. You can’t talk about it. You just bear witness to them. But there’s something else incredibly soothing and comforting about this song. To me, it’s this Icelandic kind of feel, almost classical. My brother did really beautiful orchestration of it.

“betty”

This one Taylor and William wrote, and then both Jack and I worked on it. We all kind of passed it around. This is the one where Taylor wanted a reference. She wanted it to have an early Bob Dylan, sort of a Freewheelin’ Bob DylanBob Dylan’s second LP, released in 1963, features some of his most stripped-down acoustic folk songs, with plenty of harmonica. To this day, its lyrics still cause debate. The album’s famous cover, shot in New York on Jones St., is one block away from Cornelia Street. feel. We pushed it a little more towards John Wesley Harding, since it has some drums. It’s this epic narrative folk song where it tells us a long story and connects back to “cardigan.” It starts to connect dots and I think it’s a beautifully written folk song.

Is ‘betty” queer canon?

I can’t speak to what it’s about. I have my own ideas. I also know where Taylor’s heart is, and I think that’s great anytime a song takes on greater meaning for anyone.

Is William Bowery secretly Joe Alwyn?

I don’t know. We’re close, but she won’t tell me that. I think it’s actually someone else, but it’s good to have some mysteries.

“peace”

I wrote this, and Justin provided the pulse. We trade ideas all the time and he made a folder, and there was a pulse in there that I wrote these basslines to. In the other parts of the composition, I did it to Justin’s pulse. Taylor heard this sketch and she wrote the song. It reminds me of Joni Mitchell, in a way — there’s this really powerful and emotional love song, even the impressionistic, almost jazz-like bridge, and she weaves it perfectly together. This is one of my favorites, for sure. But the truth is that the music, that way of playing with harmonized basslines, is something that probably comes a little bit from me being inspired by how Justin does that sometimes. There’s probably a connection there. We didn’t talk too much about it [laughs].

“hoax���

This is a big departure. I think she said to me, “Don’t try to give it any other space other than what feels natural to you.” If you leave me in a room with a piano, I might play something like this. I take a lot of comfort in this. I think I imagined her playing this and singing it. After writing all these songs, this one felt the most emotional and, in a way, the rawest. It is one of my favorites. There’s sadness, but it’s a kind of hopeful sadness. It’s a recognition that you take on the burden of your partners, your loved ones, and their ups and downs. That’s both “peace” and “hoax” to me. That’s part of how I feel about those songs because I think that’s life. There’s a reality, the gravity or an understanding of the human condition.

DOES TAYLOR EXPLAIN HER LYRICS?

She would always talk about it. The narrative is essential, and kind of what it’s all about. We’d always talk about that upfront and saying that would guide me with the music. But again, she is operating at many levels where there are connections between all of these songs, or many of them are interrelated in the characters that reappear. There are threads. I think that sometimes she would point it out entirely, but I would start to see these patterns. It’s cool when you see someone’s mind working.

“the lakes”

That’s a Jack song. It’s a beautiful kind of garden, or like you’re lost in a beautiful garden. There’s a kind of Greek poetry to it. Tragic poetry, I guess.

source

My Life in Glee

Hi everyone! Basically I got the idea awhile ago to do a thread of what my life would be like if I were a character on Glee. This inspired my good friend to do a thread of her life, later expanding on that life in a tumblr post, which has inspired me to do the same!

Starting off with season 1, I would be a sophomore who has newly moved to Lima from Kansas. The reason behind me being a sophomore is that I would much rather graduate with the originals than the newbies (plus if I were a cast member of Glee, I would only stay on for three seasons in order to keep my schedule open for other acting opportunities). I would most likely be bullied for being openly trans and bi (thankfully, bullying isn’t something I’ve had to deal with in my personal life but I know WMHS isn’t a very accepting place). I also think Puck would be my biggest tormentor. 

Hearing about the glee club starting up again would be a bit of a touchy subject for me. I’ve always kept my love of music hidden from people except for close friends, plus I would be afraid of putting yet another target on my back for joining “the weird club”, so I would be against anyone joining the club. 

So when my boyfriend, Finn - one of the only people to accept me for being trans and bi -, joins the club, I would most likely break up with him (not something I would ever do in real life, but like I said I would be against people joining). About four or five episodes in, I would end up auditioning for the club and risking being even more of an outcast. As I mentioned in my thread, my audition song would be “No Good Deed” from Wicked. I’m a huge fan of both Idina Menzel and Kristin Chenoweth, who were the original leading ladies of the Wicked on Broadway, and “No Good Deed” is one of my favorite songs from the musical. Either in the same episode of my audition or in the episode following, I would sing Kelly Clarkson’s “Since U Been Gone” due to still struggling with by breakup with Finn. 

After joining the club, I can see Finn and I reconnecting, but I can see his obvious attraction Rachel and I decide to just remain friends. This is great because I then take an interest in Mike, and we soon start to date. I also form a quick friendship with Santana, and we become a close duo. 

Between the break of season 1 and season 2, I temporarily move back to Kansas due to one of my parents getting a job offer. Unfortunately, Mike and I decide long-distance wouldn’t work for us, and we end things. However, Santana and Finn both keep in contact with me. 

After two or three episodes, I move back to Lima to live with an aunt after having missed the glee club too much. While digging through some boxes in my aunt’s house looking for something, I discover that my parents had left some papers in her house. I decide to read them to find out if they are important, and I find out that Quinn is my sister and had been put up for adoption due to my parents not being able to afford a child when she was born (she would be 11 months older than me and our parents got a better income by the time I came around). I tell her about this and we start to bond, eventually forming a close friendship.

One night, the glee girls are hanging out and having fun - which leads to Mercedes and I singing Lady Gaga’s “Telephone” together. Also in this scene, Santana confides about her struggles with her sexuality with her close friends. This leads Tina to also question her sexuality, and Tina and I eventually end up dating. Shortly after we begin dating, I sing Taylor Swift’s “Back to December”. After Blaine transfers to McKinley, he and I form a close friendship. Santana, Blaine, and I form a trio known to fans of the show as Sartaine ([Sar]ina/San[ta]na/Bl[aine]). Obviously, my prom date would be Tina this season. 

Now to season 3, a pretty difficult season for me. Throughout this season, I struggle a lot with depression brought on by my fear of failing after graduating high school. However, with the help of my best friends (Santana, Finn, Blaine, and Quinn) as well as my girlfriend, Tina, I am able to make it through everything. At the point where the girls start leaving for the Troubletones, I sing P!nk’s “Funhouse”, being frustrated with how the New Directions used to be so fun but has now turned into this battlefield for solos. I later join the Troubletones after Santana convinces me to do so. At the end of the season, I graduate with the class of 2012. After graduation, Tina and I have a discussion where we mutually agree that we should move on as friends due to her being a senior the next year while I’ve already graduated from high school.

Now onto season four, where I would be a recurring character. It’s announced on episode one that Santana and I have started dating after years of being close friends, and our chemistry is shown several times throughout the season. Due to my demotion from main to recurring status, I don’t have a lot of storylines. My only performance from season 4 is Little Mix’s “Madhouse”, performed with Brittany as we both feel sort of lost in our personal lives.

During season 5, I’m seen even less but I do have more performances and a more stable storyline. In this season, it’s revealed that I’ve started my acting career and got a guest role on “Law & Order: SVU” (something a lot of people have guest starred in). My two biggest performances this season both revolve around Santana, with both of us singing Shakira and Rihanna’s “Can’t Remember to Forget You” within the first five or six episodes and me singing Demi Lovato’s “Give Your Heart A Break” after I break up with Santana due to her obvious attraction to Brittany. 

Now onto season 6, the final season. Early on the season, both Mike and I get drunk and end up having what we think is a one night stand. However, we later realize there was more to it and we sing Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”. We soon rekindle our high school romance, and we end up being one of the endgame couples along with Fabrevans, Brittana, Klaine, Puckleberry, and also Tinacedes. 

In the 2020 time jump, Mike and I are seen happily married with three year old twin sons - Michael Robert Chang III and Christopher Hudson Chang, named after Mike and Finn. Quinn would have been the surrogate due to her DNA being similar to mine since we’re sisters. Also in the time jump, I have become a well-known actress with a main role in “Grey’s Anatomy” and Mike owns a dance studio where he teaches people of all ages how to dance. 

I hope you all enjoyed reading this, it was so fun to write!! I’m interested in writing some for my other favorite shows now :)

REVIEWING THE CHARTS: 06/02/2021 (Fredo’s Money Can’t Buy Happiness)

This is an odd, scattered week - a slow one thankfully for the day after my birthday - but we do have a bigger album bomb than I expected from Fredo, even if “drivers license” is still at #1 for a fourth week, blocking EDM remixes of sea shanties because of course, it’s the UK after all. Let’s just get back into REVIEWING THE CHARTS.

Rundown

Now, I predicted last week that Fredo would have two songs debut high up on the chart from his most recent album, Money Can’t Buy Happiness, and the pre-release single “Back to Basics” would rise to the top 10. That didn’t exactly happen, as “Back to Basics” actually dropped out of the chart off of the debut for being one of the lowest-performing Fredo tracks, or at least less successful than the three songs that debuted, as that’s all the UK Singles Chart allows. Speaking of drop-outs from the UK Top 75, they’re all mostly inconsequential, made up of recent debuts like “Wellerman” by the Longest Johns and “Bad Boy” by the late Juice WRLD and Young Thug. In terms of notable drop-offs, we do have some arguably premature falls for minor hits, like “champagne problems” by Taylor Swift, “Body” by Megan Thee Stallion, “Lonely” by Justin Bieber and benny blanco, and, finally, “Diamonds” by Sam Smith. This is a slow week outside of the top 40, so we just have some spare oddities to cover outside of the drop-outs. For our fallers, we have “34+35” by Ariana Grande fading its remix boost at #14, “Therefore I Am” by Billie Eilish at #30, “SO DONE” by The Kid Yaoi at #52, “All I Want” by Olivia Rodrigo at #54, “Lo Vas A Olvidar” by Billie Eilish and ROSALÍA at #64 off of the debut and a couple real crashes at the tail-end of the top 75, those being “Holy” by Justin Bieber featuring Chance the Rapper at #71, “WAP” by Cardi B featuring Megan Thee Stallion at #72, “Notorious” by Bugzy Malone featuring Chip at #73 and “Dynamite” by BTS at #75. This may explain the otherwise inexplicable returns for songs that are always clinging onto the back half of the chart, like “Dreams” by Fleetwood Mac at #74, “Perfect” by Ed Sheeran at #70 and, incredibly, “Mr Brightside” by the Killers at #68, the highest it’s been in a while (and that’s a feat considering how long it stays on the damn chart). For gains, we’re really not picking up much traction here. Sure, “Baby Shark” by Pinkfong is back at #73 for some reason, but otherwise we just have middling songs with middling gains, like “Martin & Gina” by Polo G at #61, “Take You Dancing” by Jason Derulo at #59, “Watermelon Sugar” by Harry Styles rebounding to #44, “Your Love (9PM)” by ATB, Topic and A7S making a surprising and scary gain to #42 (and I’ll admit, I’ve warmed up to it quickly), “i miss u” by Jax Jones and Au/Ra clawing back in the top 40 at #39, “Friday” by Riton, Nightcrawlers and Musafa & Hypeman dopamine re-editing itself up to #24 (Please don’t make this a hit) and finally, “Streets” by Doja Cat continuing its rise up to #12. Oh, yeah, and “Skin” by Sabrina Carpenter is down to #41 off of the debut but everyone’s forgotten about that song considering how big “drivers license” still is, so yeah, let’s just get to our new arrivals, because we do have some interesting things to touch on this week.

NEW ARRIVALS

#66 – “Higher” – Clean Bandit featuring iann dior

Produced by Mark Ralph, Grace Chatto and Jack Patterson

Well, they made a song with 24kGoldn, and that was awful, so... I guess it’s Puerto Rican emo-rapper iann dior’s turn. They might as well remix “Mood” while they’re at it. Instead of Mabel filling in for the singing where 24kGoldn couldn’t on “Tick Tock”, however, we have honestly a less charismatic singer in iann dior playing all the parts, without a rap verse to speak of. Okay, so this could work if he just fills in the spot of generic anonymous singer, and it fits exactly within that mold if he wants to, even though that’ll take away any of the character he had – not that any of that character was likeable or interesting, but hey, baby, he is not your dad, so maybe he’ll blend in well with Clean Bandit’s decreasingly unique production. This is a tropical EDM track where iann dior’s non-existent range and raspy, uncaring tone zaps the energy out of the touches of steel drums and orchestral stabs. This drop is nothing more than a vocaloid loop, and a pathetic one at that, with iann dior’s really gross falsetto proving that Auto-Tune can’t really fix bad singing, not that it needed to be proven. The lyrics here are nothing to write home about, wrapping a love song with ocean metaphors probably just so he can say “I’mma get her wet, oh, baby, then slide”... Gross. There’s like zero build-up to this drop at all as well, so there’s no stakes, no climax, and hence not a good EDM track. Come on, Dan Smith of Bastille wrote this, can’t he get the lead vocal? At least it would sound competent.

#63 – “Grown Flex” – Chip featuring Bugzy Malone

Produced by the Fanatix

Ah, my favourite duo. Apparently this is from a Chip album that I didn’t even know existed, thankfully because it’s 21 tracks, over an hour, with two consecutive Young Adz features. “Grown Flex” is another collaboration with Bugzy Malone, probably here because of the video and the sample of iconic UK bass tune “Heartbroken” by T2, one of the most popular songs in that wave of EDM and a pretty damn great song. It has been sampled before by people like DJ Khaled and Drake but no-one’s made a better song, so maybe these formerly feuding Londoners can make a good song with this sample as the base? That isn’t a question actually, but if it was, the answer would be no. They pitch up the (honestly ahead of its time) vocaloid loop, and put an obnoxious UK garage-adjacent drum loop over it that’s barely on beat with all of the chiptune sound effects distracting from Chip’s also off-beat flow. The chorus is really awkward, with him being off-beat and uncredited female vocal backing vocals with entirely different vocal processing coming in and sounding equally janky. This beat isn’t broken inherently, it could work but it’s too shrouded in these two rappers void of personality. Bugzy Malone is here but his rough tone does not work on this beat, regardless of how much he wants to pretend there’s any melody to his drawl with the Auto-Tune and multi-tracking. He’s still somehow the best part though because, yeah, this is just... incredibly awful. The production is onto something by the end with the horns coming in but they immediately fade out and eventually it just abruptly cuts to some pointless chiptune beeping sounds that have been there the whole time but play alone right at the end for no reason. This is aggravating, I know I’m pretty much nit-picking but there’s nothing of substance to pick apart here anyway. This is pure incompetence and a butchering of a good sample... that they should be allowed to use freely, though, by the way. Abolish copyright law.

#62 – “Ride for Me” – B Young

Produced by Mike Spencer and Pacific

Since everyone seems to have forgotten how to actually make music this week, at least we can always count on B Young... okay, no, but at least he’s given up on trying to be a rapper or R&B singer at this point, as a lane of generic guitar-pop probably would work best for the guy’s voice. I mean, we have an acoustic loop here that sounds like it’s jacked straight from a Shawn Mendes demo. At least the incompetence here is charming, with his rougher vocals being a pretty nice contrast from the otherwise kind of ugly mixing, especially on the flat percussion. I do like the lyrics here, as he’s simply love-struck and enjoys the company of this woman, for more than just sex and appearances. He just hopes that things don’t change and the relationship lasts forever. Sure, it’s shallow but it seems genuine. Sure, there’s some drug references and him being pushy to ask her for no make-up, though it does come off as just enjoying her presence instead of any stuck-up preference, especially since he offers his tracksuit and they end up watching some crap Netflix original film. Yeah, this is just a sweet track if nothing else. Since I did do a full song review for his song “Jumanji” years back, I feel a weird sense of almost parenthood for this guy, like I’ve seen him grow and finally he’s made a good song, even if it’s a bit out of his wheel-house. He’s never not been genuine, just only now that’s given him some more likeability, even if it’s just to make a cute love song. He sounds like a good boyfriend, and that’s really the appeal of the song, so, yeah, good job. I’m honestly kind of surprised.

#60 – “Gravity” – Brent Faiyaz and DJ Dahi featuring Tyler, the Creator

Produced by DJ Dahi

This is the most frustrating song I’ve heard this year so far, I’m almost fascinated by it. Before we get into that, I’d like to say that it’s good to see Brent Faiyaz finally debuting a song relatively high, and this is DJ Dahi’s first ever credited UK Singles Chart entry, although he’s produced top 40 hits before for Kendrick Lamar. Faiyaz has been a bubbling artist in R&B for the past few years, and honestly he might have had the most successful career off of the three artists that propelled themselves off of the back of “Crew” with GoldLink and Shy Glizzy. It was a minor hit that ended up producing no rising stars until around five years later, where we have a genuine hit potentially coming from the guy who sung the chorus, of course with some help from Tyler, the Creator. I do think this song is good but owes a lot to that to the production and charisma of our artists, as I can pick this apart way too easily for my taste. This beat is good, with some incredible guitar work from Steve Lacy as he would always deliver, but feels very aimless, especially with the pointless air horns in the background that if anything distract from Brent Faiyaz, who needs room to breathe. I mean, he’s an R&B singer, of course he does. The beat takes certain left turns during the verses that seem like meanders and if it’s not deflating any of its groove for the sake of guitar loops, it’s got this really tense percussion that does not work for the content or performances here, which are both pretty checked-out, especially Tyler, who’s as stiff as always but without any really interesting lyrical moments or a shift of flow. It’s one of his worst verses in my opinion, and he really goes in one ear and out the other with how short it is, which surprises me because of how Tyler usually either steals the show or meshes really well with his collaborators. So, our two performers are mostly checked-out with little to no chemistry, and the beat is awkward and unfitting for the content, which is about them being brought back down to Earth by their loved ones, hence the name, despite their travel habits due to touring – which isn’t a thing that’s happening right now at all, so maybe this’ll be a slow burn hit before it can really resonate. If we listen to these lyrics more closely, we also don’t get the sense that Brent Faiyaz is even likeable here, as we have no reason given for this woman to not feel uncomfortable that he’s paying little attention to her. Instead, Faiyaz just comes off a dismissive ass to this undeserving woman who is reasonably upset at the lack of time spent with him. It’s never made clear that she’s pestering him, so I honestly don’t get how Faiyaz wants to frame this. It doesn’t help that Tyler has the opposite reaction, longing for his partner when he’s on tour instead of feeling annoyed by her, but ultimately with no interplay so this means nothing. Oh, and if the songwriting weren’t janky enough, the chorus is barely catchy and covered in pitch-shifted multi-tracking that takes any of the focus off of Brent Faiyaz, who’s constantly crushed by backing vocals, being pitched down for no reason with unnecessary censor bleeps when they both swear freely at other points in the song. This type of maximalist production works but only when there’s any grandiosity to make it feel warranted, and if there isn’t that, the gunshot percussion is out of place and there ends up being a lot of empty space. There’s nothing smooth about this, and that’s frustrating as you’d expect these three to bring a really relaxed tune with some great 70s soul vibes and... I mean, that’s obviously what they’re going for here, but it is painfully over-produced and ultimately immensely disappointing. I can see people enjoying this a lot but no, this doesn’t work for me at all. Sorry.

#45 – “Dancing on Ice” – Yxng Bane featuring Nafe Smallz and M Huncho

Produced by Don Alfonso and Quincy Tellem

Oh, Jesus Christ, these guys again... and Yxng Bane, I guess. So, you know what the deal is with this UK ‘trap-wave’ type stuff, right? There’s a vaguely interesting synth loop drowned out by cheap percussion and crap bass mastering, as well as awfully processed vocals from everyone involved. They can trade verses, but more often than not don’t say anything that doesn’t embarrass themselves. You get a sense of really toxic masculinity, misogyny and materialism without any charm in their delivery, inflections or wordplay – which is usually non-existent. Here, it’s not any different. Yxng Bane has some good melodic flows – and I really like his line about his Rolex Presidential Watch being discontinued but since he’s “going Donald”, he wears it anyway – but he also threatens... presumably the listener with gay conversion therapy in the first line of the verse, so all good will’s lost. Nafe Smallz sounds better than usual but his nasal flow is still whiny and insufferable, and M Huncho is here to waste time and sound bad doing it, although he’s probably the least worst sounding vocally out of these three clowns. I misread his line about his rucksack being heavy as “nutsack”, and that’s all the positive engagement I could claw out of this. I ask this every time but honestly, who listens to this?

#21 – “Ready” – Fredo featuring Summer Walker

Produced by Mojam

Much like the end of a Morrisons sweet aisle, past this point, it’s all Fredo. Admittedly, I didn’t end up listening to the record but I have heard a select few songs, this being one of them, and I’m not really a fan. I do like the eerie loop but it seems a bit unfitting for a triumphant flex song emphasising a rags-from-riches narrative, especially since the mix really crushes both Fredo and Summer Walker in this blend of boring skittering trap percussion and the ambiance, making her hook impact a lot less. Fredo’s verses are pretty damn heartfelt, I’ll admit, and I really like his lines about pleading with God that he should be let into Heaven. In fact, Fredo’s bars are pretty consistently great, focusing on how his criminal past in the streets of London refuses to escape him despite his efforts to make it out using rap, and by the end, he sounds pretty defeated when he says, “Yeah, I’m lonely, but that’s just a player’s life”. Honestly, for a song that initially builds itself up to be a triumphant flex song, it ends up just being kind of sad, and that’s fine, more fitting for the instrumental but it really makes the hook feel even more out of place. Ah, well, the song’s fine, really, just a blend of ideas that never really stick the landing together.

#18 – “Burner on Deck” – Fredo featuring Pop Smoke and Young Adz

Produced by RicoRunDat and Yoz Beats

Now this is what I want from Fredo. Now, this is posthumous in Pop Smoke’s case but it’s far from an unexpected feature, as whilst this is one of his first UK drill collaborations, Pop Smoke was known for his pioneering of the New York style of London’s grittier, more menacing drill music, and even named Fredo and Young Adz as some of his favourite rappers. Okay, so he had questionable taste – I mean, Young Adz? - but Pop Smoke felt more of a connection between New York and London beyond just instrumentals, with a shared slang, street culture and arguably most importantly, inequality. This is all cited from a Complex interview, by the way, but you can tell even from his music what a great respect he had for British hip-hop, especially considering his main producer, 808 Melo, is from London. The song itself is pretty great too, relying on these spacey synth loops that build up with more eerie keys before finally crashing into an intense drill beat, with all artists sharing the Auto-Tuned hook, but Young Adz probably shining the most in how he plays off of Pop Smoke’s deeper, rich voice with his nasal whine. The lyrics may be generic gunplay and flexing, but the delivery saves it for me, with Fredo enthusiastically shouting out Gorillaz of all people, and the chorus being way smoother than it would usually be for a drill track, as well as being really catchy. Pop Smoke absolutely kills it here, going with his typical stiff, fast-paced flow for a verse that is really short but just as powerful as he usually delivers. You can tell this was made for this track as well from the interplay on the hook and him shouting out Young Adz in his verse. Fredo pretty much completes the second verse by chiming in and showing more of the charm I enjoy from him as he mentions coughing the bar before he coughs for basically an entire bar. It caught me off-guard at full listen and it still leads in perfectly to the oddly-mixed sombre piano that comes in for the final hook. With a better mix – and even then, it kind of works without it – and maybe some extended verses from both London and New York drill artists, this could bang even harder. Maybe for a remix, this beat could bring the best out of Swarmz, DigDat, AJ Tracey, Hardy Caprio, Tion Wayne, Fivio Foreign even... I could go on, this could be a great posse cut. As it is, it’s still pretty damn good, and again, rest in peace to the late Pop Smoke.

#3 – “Money Talks” – Fredo featuring Dave

Produced by Dave

At first, I was surprised this debuted at #3, which seems high for a British rap track, but then I remembered that the last time these guys collaborated on a single it debuted at #1 without an album attached, and it helped that “Funky Friday” is also a great song, admittedly something I didn’t think at the time. It does make perfect sense that this debuts so high, especially since this album was actually executively-produced by Dave, so given these guys’ track records together and alone, I did expect something great, and, well... okay, so instead of a drill beat as this pretty vocal sample would be fit for, as would the flows, we get a lightweight trap beat with odd vocal and bass mixing. Admittedly, the 808 slides here are pretty excellent, but that’s the only shred of intricacy I see here, which is usually commonplace in Dave’s production. There’s also simply not enough consistency or variety here to make it worth the four and a half minutes, with the chorus being awkward if anything. There’s less depth to the rags-to-riches stories here, with Fredo probably giving more commentary than Dave does, which seems odd but fitting for how checked-out Dave is here. There’s just a resounding lack of anything to this song other than a boring beat and performances that could be a lot sharper and interesting. Sure, Dave flexes his technical piano skill by the end but the beat had already run dry by about two extra minutes before that – this could have run through your second verse, Dave, or you could have added a bridge instead of repeating the chorus. I do like some of the lines here that are obviously more personal and introspective, like Fredo’s conflict with the justice system and Dave explaining how he got robbed when he was a child and to cope with the trauma of this, he started toting weapons. I guess the EastEnders reference is funny but it just reminds me of DigDat making a similar cocaine joke with arguably funnier source material on “Guten Tag”. Yeah, this could be a lot better but it’s not offensive and hey, it’s competent at least. I mean, it’s Dave, it won’t be anything less, just a tad disappointing. I mean, come on, “coochie freshly shaven, man’s got expectations”?

Conclusion

This week is so disproportionately male, huh? Ironically as I say that, none of the women represented here – in the form of soulless EDM production and boring guest feature – get Best of the Week, as that’s going to Fredo’s “Burner on Deck” featuring the late Pop Smoke and, yes, Young Adz, with an Honourable Mention to B Young of all people for “Ride for Me”. Worst of the Week will obviously go to Chip and Bugzy Malone for the pathetic “Grown Flex”, with a tied Dishonourable Mention this week going to both “Dancing on Ice” by Yxng Bane featuring Nafe Smallz (for being gross and offensive) and “Higher” by Clean Bandit featuring iann dior (for being remarkably inoffensive). Yeah, Brent Faiyaz and Tyler are safe there but that’s still a fascinatingly bad song, though I don’t think I’ll make any friends with that opinion. Anyway, here’s the top 10 for this week:

Thanks for reading. If you enjoyed and want more of my cacti-branded rambling, follow me on Twitter @cactusinthebank. I can’t make any predictions for next week that aren’t depressing, but we may have to discuss death and politics next episode if a certain song gets renewed traction. Happy times. See you next week!

same anon that sent the mike ask and i’m back with an eddie appreciation post. i’m probably as awkward/uncomfortable (not the best word but it’s also 6am so i don’t need great words rn) about NSFW stuff as he is and i just. man i McLove that kid!!! so eddie tell me your thoughts on music bc i’m not sure i know what kind of stuff you like to listen to! also what’s the best pizza topping and would spider-man beat the hulk in battle??? (i’ll sign off with a 🏳️‍🌈 in the future so u know)

good morning, anon. thanks for appreciating me i guess...really i just dont like talking about that stuff...and its okay to not want to. honestly, i dont talk about my music tastes a lot because theyre pretty...girly...and its kind of embarrassing...i really like ariana grande, taylor swift, katy perry, adele...i dont know, thats just the type of music i like. maybe its partly because i have to listen to that stuff over and over at cheer practice and im literally the only guy on the team. and every song we do routines to is that type of music...i guess i should just stop being embarrassed and accept that i like it, because im not embarrassed about being a cheerleader or the clothes i wear or anything, even though i know that stuff is girly, too...for pizza, my favorite is just basic margarita. i dont really like toppings that much; if im sharing with richie we have to order half and half because he literally has like every topping. i dont know if spider-man could beat the hulk in a fight, but id like to think so. spider-man is probably my favorite superhero, because hes kinda small and skinny but hes super strong. i guess he could outsmart the hulk, at least...

- EDDIE

here is a perfectly sane response to the climate emergency

Right so like 3 days ago once everyone found out a couple weeks too late that the literal amazon rainforest is on fire I went into a sort of anxiety/depressive spiral and it was terrifying!!! I was scared and shocked out of doing anything and kept thinking of all the bad things that are happening and how we are all going 2 die and kept thinking of how to make more ppl understand that climate destruction is part of the same racist project as white imperialism and I’m !!! Stressed !! And I was scared and freaked out!!! I remember as a kid one of my favourite things ever was the book Journey To The River Sea by Eva Ibbotson and I s2g that book made me a person it taught me so many things about what it means to love a place and to be alive in the world and how to sustain a sense of self and community in meaningful connection with that it means to be alive and here and breathing and it’s a book about the rainforest and the river and so I’ve just been,, thinking of it a lot, little blue butterfly from the cover floating thru my brain and all that. It’s hard!!! I thought I was afraid of not saving/earning enough money to do a masters next year but I was actually afraid of the consequences of the climate emergency. Pay more attention to your emotions and honour them for what they are and figure out what is at stake for you, what does it make you feel that the world is in crisis. I think that’s important

Depressing chat aside after I panicked and felt radicalised (what does that even mean?) I found this twitter thread which was basically like these are all the terrible things that can happen and here is how we stop them and at first I felt SO SCARED because there’s NO WAY we can actually organise mass strikes at this scale!!!! We have never had to organise at this scale before, I panicked and got really scared and went on a rant about how we have to use existing structures to fix things because we don’t have the time or resources to organise at this scale but like. I now think we actually do, I found this resource for organising strikes globally from 20TH TO 27TH SEPTEMBER and like, we have the Internet and we have a month to plan and prepare and if you are able to strike you absolutely should !!!!!! There are people smarter than me speaking to the urgency of this, I’m just having some feelings and writing this on my phone notes, but like. Read about strikes in your area. If there aren’t any, find resources to help organise one. Text your friends your colleagues your family whatsapp group the people you went to school with, spread the word and organise how you will sustain your community in that time

As a side note after I went on panic rants all over my social media I think I realised that terrifying people into frenzied action won’t work because it’ll often just scare them into inaction (that’s what it did to me) and I felt better only once I found that resource for actual organisation, the mass general strike felt like an impossible project until I found out it’s already being planned. So like, don’t be helplessly scared, we have multiple years to fix things, and I think this is important: REMEMBER TO BE ALIVE AND HERE AND BREATHING, it’s important to actually feel the absolute miracle that is consciousness otherwise all of the saving the world will have been for nothing. Take photos of your friends and give hugs to your pets and get drunk and go dancing and remember that what matters is that feeling of being so achingly alive and aware of your existence in the world when you look at the sky and feel dizzy with how small you are and how yet the whole universe is inside of your brain, remember to breathe and feel glorious and loud and bright and reckless.

On that note, I was having a hard time giving a shit about much but I copped on a bit after I talked to my friend Naoise Dolan (buy her book it is out soon !!!) I felt like calmer and more like I was allowed to enjoy things and write things (that’s why I finally pulled it together enough to do this) and so I LISTENED TO THE NEW TAYLOR SWIFT ALBUM ON REPEAT and I’ve decided I love it, here is my ranking of all its songs from worst to best, I have so many thoughts, the lyrics are golden, I’m so happy to be alive in the world at a time we can make things better and listen to music like this that’s tailor made (sorry) for us to forget about any guilt we may feel from bopping to boardroom produced songs about corporate feminism

18. Miss Americana and whoever the fuck

Idk what this obsession is with high school motifs (shout out Mike Dolan for pointing this out) like it’s just weird for a 29 yr old to use school as a metaphor for her love life. The “you win stupid prizes” bit sounds nice though. It’s like a low-key creepy obsessive song like why is she doing that funny voice? Is it meant to sound vaguely haunted? What’s going on

I’m also just tired of “America” (the white kind) as a cultural construct and it being used as an expression of identity in popular culture like we get it you built a nationalism out of “gas stations” and “hallways” and “whatever” but you’re still racist, Stop. Like it’s just an inherently violent construct and nobody white is reckoning with it responsibly so at least maybe stop romanticising it or just shut up. Heck yea I’m reading too much into this. I do what I want

17. You Need to Calm Down

This song is bad. It’s so bad. The lyrics are pointless, the ohoHHHH is annoying, her voice is irritating, it’s also just gross and patronising and tries to do twelve things at once (are we leading a parade to pat ourselves on the back for telling homophobes to “take several seats” or are we saying we “all have crowns” wtv that means?)

This song is actually just gross and it doesnt even SOUND GOOD

16. ME

It’s less problematic than you need to calm down and that’s the only reason it’s slightly less bad. It’s a garbage song idk why it exists i’m so mad at it

15. Paper rings

IM SORRY tHe mOoN is HIGH like your friends were the night that we first met I’m sorry WHAT miss swift we get it you have been near drugs, Jesus CHRIST this song is a juvenile childish self important mess. The lyrics r awful and her voice is sneaky and weird and she does weird noises and the chorus is dumb like the “uhuh that’s right” makes me want to give CHITTAR. Also she says darling WAY too much in this album like we get it you’re dating a Brit. It’s not The Worst song because if you pay zero attention to the lyrics or her voice it’s kind of fine sounding? It’s so bad tho lol, I remember when she wrote Mine and the video came out I was like wow wild this is weird and adult and why are you pregnant but this one is even MORE weird. I also HATE every time she says dreary mondays and “baby boy” (GROSS) and I hate that she keeps repeating it lol. The I hate accidents line is kind of fine

14. I forgot that you existed

I hate the lyrics and I hate the premise (we get it you’re indifferent that’s why you wrote a whole song about it) BUT it’s such a bop, it’s very /this feels like a perfect night to make fun of our exes/ vibes and I would be LYING if I said I didn’t enjoy that. Yes we exists

We are pretending her fake laughter and starting to talk in the middle of songs things isn’t real though. It wasn’t cute in we are never ever etc and isn’t cute now

13. I think he knows

I love the 16th avenue bit, it fills me with giddy happiness, the rest of the song is shit, and also lazy. Also stop being obsessed with being 17, it was weird in starlight and is weird now

The bridge is also sort of nice but not nice enough to redeem the rest of it

12. London Boy

Im sorry I promise I know this song is bad. It is bad. I hope it’s ironic? But it’s bad. It’s a weird colonialism complex fetishisation of posh brit whiteness and its even more gross when it’s like “btw IM american, DOUBLE whiteness”, it’s icky and bad. It is a bad song. I apologise for enjoying it and I promise I am ashamed but also u know what, if you ignore the lyrics entirely and pretend you’re 15 and un-enlightened about the violence inherent to the fetishisation of an english identity……….maybe a fun tune. I know. I know. I am sorry. I promise I enjoy it only ironically

11. The man

Corporate white lady feminism? With the word HUSTLE in it? In this economy? Yes obviously

The lyrics are a bit ehhhh but some of them are quite clever and I think she’s quite honest in this song in a rare sort of way without trying to exaggerate it for shock value and it’s a very like, this is my life, here you go, sort of tune, it doesn’t do anything for women’s rights but I think it sounds nice and is probably fun to dance to, and “I’m so sick of running as fast as I can, wondering if I’d get there quicker if I was a man” and “if I were a man, I’d be the man” are fUN lines !!! Idk how wild this comparison is but like, I feel this song is trying to deal with similar things as I know places (a very privileged rant, if you will, without much self awareness) but I think The Man does it better because it’s less self important and has less ambition about it solving or expressing the world’s worst problems.

10. False God

Ok, so, what is it with the religious motifs in this album, i don’t get it, though it kinda works a lot in this song? I wanted to rank this higher but after a few listens it got slightly grating, the beginning is a bit unecessary too? Like it’s trying to create this weirdly artificial aura of glamour and sophistication, it’s quite an unnerving and haunting song and I quite like that about it and it makes me a bit surprised and startled. This thing she’s doing with like slow, building, repeating tunes i think has worked the best in this song (we might just, get away with this, religion’s in your lips e-,ven if its a False gOd) also, THE ALTAR’S IN MY HIPS, OOF, the chorus does the trick honestly and i love when she’s like slightly laughing but in a wry sort of way. Love it tbh, something about it just makes me a bit stressed though and not in an intentional way (i think)

9. It’s Nice To Have a Friend

Miss taylor who gave you the RIGHT, to shove your hand into my chest and grab my heart and step all over it. I love it and it makes me cry and it’s so soft and sweet. Zero complaints abt it it’s a beautiful song. There r just MULTIPLE EXTREMELY GOOD SONGS that’s why it’s not like my absolute fav and im confused too as to why it’s so low but like. Idk. it is a very soft and sweet song. I love it. If anything maybe it’s a bit uncreative n lazy but i think that’s slightly on purpose so doesn’t rlly constitute a criticism

8. Death by a thousand cuts

I like this song a lot a lot. The lyrics are SO GOOD IM SO HAPPY SHES DOING GOOD LYRICS AGAIN. I love the “one for the agEs” line and i’m generally a slut for any mention of chandeliers in music or poetry (dont ask), her voice is delicate but proud and wild and i’m a fan, honestly, cannot wait to bop to this. The My my my bit is annoying tho

7. The archer

I HATE the bit where she says CoMbAt but otherwise this song is soft and lovely and gentle and I love it !!!!! I love the lyrics and I love her gentle restraint of how she slowly unfurls them and then let’s go in “help me hold onto you”, there is such a commanding frankness to it, it’s an ask for collaboration, an ask for honesty, an ask for I want to do this with you

I think it’s one of the strongest tracks lyrically and she also shows like great skill vocally which has been annoyingly missing from so much of what she’s recently produced. I feel like there’s a bunch of annoying stylistic choices (the they see right thru me bit is grating) but like the song overall is lovely, I think you can feel in her voice she knows she’s created something good and it’s not the usually insufferable IM A GENIUS vibe. WHO COULD EVER LEAVE ME DARLING, BUT WHO COULD STAY !!!

6. Soon you’ll get better

Made me cry. We’re not talking about this one

5. Lover

This song is soft loving, slow whispers, careful realisations that you can build a life with whatever you like and love will save everything, I love it, I love it I love it I love it, “can I go where you go?” moves me to tEARS it is such a soft and gentle expression of care, it is such a kindness, it’s such surrendering, such reckless care, I love it so much, it’s so hopeful and also sure, it’s so frightful but also unafraid. I think this is one of Taylor’s most earnest songs ever and it does the thing of combining that earnestness with brazen daring that doesn’t turn into embarrassment only because she commands her lyrics with such certainty, and that’s rare and often I think that daring has ended badly for her (LOL most of reputation) but here it’s done so beautifully and w so much happiness and LOVE, this song is truly just a beautiful lil piece of art with so much happiness dripping thru it

4. Cornelia Street

This song. This SONG. It builds up so beautifully with this ever so slightly hesitant fascination with its own emotions, i’m so obsessed with it, the lyrics are lovely and perfect, i was expecting it to feel slightly forced and oddly specific because wtf is a cornelia street anyway, but it WORKS. I think it wants me to think of like a glowy streetlighty street and it DOES THAT, “filling in the blanks as we gooooo” sounds so gorgeous and does that thing with her voice which literally is just showing off that Yes She Does Know How To Sing and it’s so certain and sure and restrained and open and bare (again in “i thought you were leading me onnnnn”). Also, “the city screams your name” should be a tired cliche but its just an excited expression of abandon im,, in love. The song is so shaky and uncertain but completely confident and relaxed at the same time and it FEELS EXACTLY LIKE COMING TO TERMS WITH BEING IN LOVE AND WANTING IT TO LAST FOREVER, also like, when did she learn how to write good bridges again because yEs

3. Daylight

Solely for the lines “i’ll tell you the truth, but never goodbye // i don’t want to look at anything else now that i saw you” she deserves a grammy it actually pierces my emotions and makes me want 2 explode, this song is sooooo lovely and it has the vibe that makes me feel like i’ve already heard it years ago (but maybe thats because ive had the album on repeat 2 days straight) but it’s just,,, very good and it feels like sunset and glitter and i think is a perfect ending to a great album i love how it builds intensity and then strips it down and just,,, love it.

2. Afterglow

This is i think, one of the most beautiful things this woman has ever produced, one of the loveliest and most powerful songs ever made, i love it so very much. She finally learnt how to do autotune properly lol, this song is like, a crescendo of emotion, everything is falling down around it and it’s like a little haven of bare, frank honesty and complete surrender, of complete vulnerability, the whole song sounds like an act of care and an act of expressing pure emotion, it’s so gorgeous. It moves so softly and doubles in on itself and she’s sorry and sad but so proud of this love and so certain of its importance, “i’m the one who burnt us down”, it’s such a zooming in on a very specific emotion and it’s done so well, i love it

1. Cruel summer

I LOVE THIS SONG. I LOVE THIS SONG. The lyrics are flighty and exciting and shivery, WHAT DOESNT KILL ME MAKES ME WANT YOU MORE- plug that shit into my VEINS. This song makes me feel like it’s 2015 and nothing is real yet and I’m living inside a YA novel and my biggest problem is my crush being mean to me and I’m RELISHING in that freedom and indulging every last drop of emotion because being alive and paying attention to it is incredible and Extremely Cool Actually (I DONT WANT TO KEEP SECRETS JUST TO KEEP YOU, dead right gal)

That said. Organise for the climate strike. Read up on what’s going on so you can answer questions in your family whatsapp group. Field those conversation, DO THAT EMOTIONAL LABOUR (again, what even), spread the word. But take care of yourself !!!! Listen to Taylor swift and remember that we are an absolute joke of a species, we went to the MOON, we can do this, I love you

48

since britty hasnt answered this yet and i’m desperate im  gonna do this

1. i fucking love spot conlon

2. im single ladies hmu ;)))

3. my fingers are flexible as FUCK

4. my kneecaps are little bitches and ive dislocated both of them since may 3rd

5. i love lifesaver mints holy shit

6. they are the light in my life 

7. fun fact : they’re also kinda like crack at my school

8. my favorite high school musical character growing up was kelsi

9. i got nightmares from Disney Princess: Enchanted Journey (2007)

10. i dont really know how tall i am ??? i think i’m somewhere around 5′7″ but its been y e a r s since ive been measured and boy do i grow fast

11. speaking of growing fast my HAIR grows way too fast

12. fast enough to the point where if i wanted to keep it at a consistent length i would need to cut it basically once every 2 weeks

13. its also soft as FUCK

14. i can almost do the splits i guess

15. i have so many fucking moles. all over my body

16. natural hair colors ? who ? i only dye my hair brown because of Jesus

17. ive never made a good decision in my life

18. one time i had to share a bed with my crush when i was 7

19. he’s a douche now and it was hands down the worst sleeping situation ive ever been in

20. im left handed

21. makeup ? who ? i’m a lazy bitch

22. GAY

23. im cold as fuck but i refuse to put on pants i gotta look decent when i burn shit tonight

24. im not committing arson dw

25. i have 2 cats and theyre both assholes

26. seriously theres a couch in my basement that theyve fucking destroyed just by pissing on it

27. speaking of which i spend most of my time in my basement sitting in a lawn chair

28. why, you may ask. to which i respond. “fuck if i know”

29. im so out of shape oh my g o d

30. i can actually cook like wow

31. i love my aunt’s dog more than i love myself

32. i got four hours of sleep and most of that was due to the fact that i was laying awake contemplating on the concept of sleep

33. seriously what the fuck is sleep

34. im really irresponsible

35. i can and will rant for HOURs if given the opportunity

36. i havent shaved my legs all summer

37. my nose is GREASY

38. i can do things with my joints i shouldnt be able to do

39. all 2 of my cousins are younger than me

40. i have no clue where i get money from i dont have a job

41. i can and will drink 2+ gallons of arizona in a day

42. ive only lived in city my whole life and i hate

43. so ?? many ??? repressed ??? emotions ????

44. im so desperate for attention oh my god

45. i’m also desperate for a gf hmu ladies ;)))

46. my hairs bright fuckin red and it doesnt match with a n  yt hing 

47. please help me

48. im GAY AND SINGLE

-julia

my turn i guess

1) I hate @luminatione jk ily

2) i have been alive for 17 years

3) I am giant (6′1)

4) i’ve dyed my hair purple(tips), blue, red, and pink

5) I am soon to be a senior in high school

6) i am mostly gay

7) i have a girlfriend

8) I stayed up till 2 am the other night talking about clumch

9) i fucking love musicals

10) i auditioned for Annie at a community playhouse but didnt get cast

11) i guess i sing?

12) i will be in 2 choir classes next year (and voice lessons)

13) i sit in my shower because i am too tall for the nozzle to hit my head

14) i unsuccessfully stole 2 packs of silly bands and got kicked out of a department store

15) i have ADD, HAAD, and SAD

16) i love harry potter

17) i also love the lunar chronicals

18) if its not obvious i love reading

19) julia is one of the bitchiest (ily) and funniest people i have ever met

20) i have taken 3 years of chines and i have retained barely any of it

21) everyone else in my family speaks french

22) i am mostly german

23) in fact i am directly descended from german royalty and have castle ruins in frankfurt germany

24) i had never seen newsies until i met julia and then she talked non stop about it so i watched and loved it

25) i was born April 3 2000

26) i was named after my older sisters barbie doll

27) if i was a boy i would have been named benjamin

28) i have upwards of like 20 cousins on my moms side (including second cousins)

29) i am part bohemian (not a lot but still)

30) until 4th grade i only had one friend and then i had two because everyone hated me

31) i have an identical twin sister

32) i also have an older sister

33) i had 10 boyfriends in high school because i was repressing my gay thoughts

34) i love all of our 10 followers

35) i want to kiss literally all of my friends

36) if youre nice to me i will fall in love with you

37) fuck i guess i have an eye kink?

38) starkid productions is my one true love

39) i started singing mainly because of avpm

40) my favorite video of all time is potter puppet pals

41) i love mike faist way more than i should

42) also will roland

43) and ben platt

44) and pretty much the entire DEH team

45) have i mentioned how much i love and appreciate julia? what a bro

46) i used to be obsessed with taylor laughtner

47) like i had a poster of him on my wall that i would kiss everyday and i would make a poster of taylor swift watch cause they were dating at the time and i hated her

48) hsm and shrek is my SHIT

~britty

Nashville : June 2017

This recent trip to Nashville was easily one of the top two vacations of my life. Since there are so many memories I want to hold on to, I decided to write them all down.. Early morning on Tuesday June 13th we headed out of Columbus. On our way down we stopped by Chik-fil-A, of course, and then at Dinosaur World in Kentucky. They have 150 dinosaur statues set up throughout their wooded park and allow dogs. It was the perfect place to stretch our legs for a bit before the final leg to Nashville. We got into Nashville around noon. It was too early to check into our airbnb so we headed downtown to the farmers market and bicentennial park. We let Samson cool his feet in the Rivers of Tennessee fountain park while we waited for our Bella Nova pizza. Then sat in the shade and ate lunch. After that we walked around the park seeing the Court of 3 Stars and Bell Carillon. We walked down the Pathway of History stopping to see their World War II Memorial and Statehood Memorial over the McNarry Spring. Next we killed time by driving around the east side, locating some spots we knew we'd be visiting and finding some iconic Nashville murals. We also stopped into Project 615, a clothing store in the Fatherland District. We bought each other a Nashville tee, since the traditional two year wedding anniversary gift is cotton. The girl working in the shop was so nice. She gave Samson treats and gave us 615 stickers. She also suggested we check out the pet shop a few doors down so we did. Samson had his fill of treat samples and we purchased him the most adorable rain poncho (even though it never ended up raining when he was out of the house, haha). Our airbnb was so cute. It's was a remodeled upstairs loft space near Eastwood. It was so close to everywhere we were going. My favorite feature was that we were able to leave Samson home alone when we went out to dinner or a show. (most dog friendly hotels won't let you leave dogs unattended in rooms FYI). Once we settled into the house we decided to just run out real quick and bring some dinner back to the loft. We decided on Dino's which was just 5 mins from us. Dino's is a serious hole in the wall but Chelsea Lankes swears by their burgers. Jerry and I agree, they were so good! Wednesday morning we woke up at the crack of dawn ready to start exploring the city. Our first stop was in the Gulch to find the #WhatLiftsYou wings. We then got some refreshing drinks from Starbucks to try and combat the already sweltering heat. We parked in Hillsboro and got some pastries from Provence Breads & Cafe. Everything we tried from there was delicious. They even gave us a free pastry for choosing them over a chain bakery. Hillsboro is such a great area full of local restaurants and cute shops. From there we walked over the Fannie Mae Dees Park in hopes of seeing the Dragon Statue but it was currently being repainted. But we carried on and traveled over to Love Circle. It's a large hill that has great views of downtown and the surrounding hills. At this point we were really second guessing our choice of this trek on such a hot day but since we were halfway through we carried on. We made our way up to Centennial Park. There was a great fountain right where near we entered which Samson loved walking through. Then we took a nice long rest on a bench swing in the shade. As we walked towards the Parthenon I bought some lemonade from the cutest little boy collecting donations for his friend at Children's. It was so refreshing on such a hot day. After Centennial we crossed through Vanderbilt campus to get back to Hillsboro. While passing by the football stadium we noticed the tunnel was actually open so Jerry walked onto the field. Once back in Hillsboro we got a patio table at Fido and had some delicious sandwiches for lunch. That evening, if you can believe it, Jerry and I got the amazing opportunity to meet and hang out with THE Chelsea Lankes. We've been such fans of her music for years. It's was indescribable to chat her up like a friend. We met at Barista Parlor in the Gulch and she bought us all a round of iced coffees. Chelsea and I had a bourbon vanilla iced coffee while Jerry had a caramel whiskey. We talked about mine and Jerry's trips to Nashville, Chelsea's time in LA, relationships, our jobs, dogs, how people don't know how to pronounce Lankes, true crime pod casts, long term goals, family and Chelsea's new music. At one point Chelsea checked her phone and said "it's 6:15" and Jerry and I both died, haha. She invited us out to her car to listen to some demos of some of her new songs which was seriously amazing. Every one she played for us was bangin', we can't wait for her to release the singles this summer. While listening, Julian pulled up. They're seriously so cute together. She got out of the car and they started dancing in the street. Jules climbed in the backseat with me and when Chelsea skipped to the next song he said "why'd you turn that off? it's about us cuddling". So cute. We snapped a quick photo together and had Chelsea sign our vinyls before she had to run off to hot yoga. At her suggestion, Jerry and I quickly checked out a roof bar at a nearby hotel and caught some great sunset views of downtown Nashville. After that Jerry and I being true tourists hit South Broadway. We grabbed a quick bite of hotdogs from a street vendor while we meandered through souvenir shops and listened to live music. We of course had to stop at Savannah's Candy Kitchen to load up on chocolate covered marsh mellows, rice krispy treats, candied apples and fudge. We stopped by Luigi's for a drink at the bar and a pizza to go. On the way back to the car we passed by the Country Music Hall of Fame to take a pic with the TS Education sign bc Taylor Swift owns my ass. So then we went back to our loft for the night. It was much later/darker than it had been the night before when we took Samson for his walk. The alley behind our house was basically pitch black. But honestly it was alright because as we were also smoking up ya feel. So we're walking and we turn up onto a main street. It was a little more lit but still pretty dark and we, ourselves, were feeling pretty lit. As we're walking up the street I see something just sitting there. At first I thought it was a rabbit because it wasn't moving. Then as we got closer I could tell it was just staring at us even though I couldn't see it's face, which is always a freaky feeling. For a second I thought it might be an opossum or a raccoon, both which would have freaked me the fuck out. As we got a little closer we realized it was just a cat and literally as we were realizing this we hear the nastiest low gurgling growl coming from a yard to our right. We look over and the whole yard and house are pitch black. We can only see a small white picket fence and hear this dog that sounds like it wants to kill us. So we're fucked up, already a little freaked out from the cat and now pretty sure some beefy dog is gonna lunge over this small ass fence and try to eat us. We power walked our asses out of that street as fast as we could! It was seriously the craziest experience! To update, we drove by that house like three more times trying to find out what breed of dog that was and how it was secured in that yard but never saw a dog there. Thursday morning, our anniversary, we woke up and took Samson with us to South Broadway to walk the John Seigenthaler pedestrian bridge, which Samson shit on haha. We saw some great views of the Titan's stadium and of the downtown skyline. Afterwards Jerry and I went out to breakfast at Fenwick's 300. Chelsea had recommended it because Julian works the bar there. It was a very cool restaurant. Their bar top was made from a lane from a bowling alley that had previously been in that location. The food was amazing. We toasted to our anniversary with some mimosas. Jerry got breakfast stir fry while I went with basic eggs, bacon and toast. We also shared the amazing french toast. It was great to chat up Julian. We mostly talked about dogs. I tried to talk him out of wanting a husky but I don't think it took. We were showing him a picture of Samson when another server brought our food. Julian elbowed her, "look that's Samson" and after briefly looking she responded, "uh huh, want some hot sauce?" Jerry and I thought it was too funny. We had planned to walk around 12 South for a bit after breakfast but 1) we'd misjudged our time and had a standing appointment at noon and 2) it had started raining. We decided to just drive through 12S to see if Amelia's flower truck was still there or if they'd left due to the downpour. Luckily, they were! We figured we better buy some flowers now rather than track them down again later. By this time the rain was really coming down. We maneuvered around swept away garbage cans to park on a side street. Jerry had to jump over a 3+ foot river flowing down the gutter to bring the umbrella around for me. Even with that, we were soaked through by the time we made it up to the truck. But I didn't mind. The flowers were so lovely. They traveled well and they're still giving off an amazing perfume in our bedroom. At noon we had an appointment at Gold Club Electric to get our matching 615 tattoos. It was so special to us to get the tats on 615 in the 615. The guys at the shop were so nice. Our artist chatted us up about Columbus, he used to live in Cleveland. The tattoos went so easy and quick. Once done the employees even helped us take an awesome pic of Jerry and I holding hands while showing off our matching tats. We then went just around the corner to Soda Parlor, probably one of the cutest places in town. They're known for their killer floats made from craft sodas and local ice cream. They're all topped with whipped cream and sprinkles and served in a Mason jar. I ordered the Freakin' Fosters which was a mix of Mike's vanilla ice cream and Sprecher's Orange Dream soda. Jerry got the All Hail Starstream with vanilla ice cream and Maine Root Mexicane Cola. They were both so delicious. Another very cool feature about the Soda Parlor is that they have a free arcade. I had to play TMNT. I just wish the game let me play as Michelangelo instead of Leonardo, haha, but I still kicked ass. Since the rain had stopped and we had some time to kill we decided to head back to 12 South and actually walk around. (We stopped by the airbnb to pick up Samson and change since we were still a little damp and the temp had dropped. When we walked in the house I asked Samson if he wanted to smell my Amelia's flowers. He did... and then tried to eat them. Haha, still laughing about that.) Walking around 12 South we mostly window shopped. But we did find the I Believe in Nashville mural as well as a few others. We never did find the "make music, not war" mural but that just means we'll have to go back. We also stopped into Five Daughter's Bakery. The donuts are expensive but seriously worth it. What I would give for a chocolate sea salt donut right now ladies. Later that evening we had tickets for the Bluebird Cafe. It's an iconic listening room in Nashville. Artists such as Garth Brooks and Taylor Swift were discovered there. We were ecstatic to get tickets since there are only about 60 seats able to be reserved. Luckily I was able get two tickets are soon as they went on sale. As for the show, I wish I could put into words how amazing it was. The artists, David Seger, JP Williams, Darryl Macquarrie, and Jeremy Busser were so personable. They joked with the crowd, told the stories that influenced their songs and played an amazing set. It's honestly a surreal experience and I'd recommend it to everyone. Friday was our last morning in Nashville. We didn't have to check out until noon so we decided to hit Shelby Park, a metro park right near our airbnb. We decided to walk around Sevier Lake. When we pulled up the parking lot was full of sleeping ducks and geese. I got out of the car and they literally came rushing over quacking and honking. Honestly, so sad I didn't have any duck feed on me. Walking around the lake we saw a man feeding the squirrels, lots of turtles and water birds. It was such a chill area of people just hanging out and fishing. My favorite part was a huge willow on the south end of the lake, so dreamy. We also hopped over to the Shelby Dog Park so Samson could run loose for a bit. After that we packed up the car to head home. Our last stop on our way out of Nashville was Consider the WLDFLWRS, a jewelry store that's owned by Emily (the wife of Ben who is the musical talents behind My Red + Blue). I've been following the shop's instagram and I love their pieces. Jerry bought me a small pendant with an H stamped into it. I adore it. The girl working the shop, Hannah, was so sweet. She loved meeting Samson and told us about her new pup Dolly. We got to chatting about how I knew about the store. Hannah mentioned that if I liked Ben's music I should check out Yøuth (aka Chelsea's boyfriend Julian). Turns out Julian was in Hannah's wedding and Chelsea is one of her very good friends! Nashville is such an amazing city, it's really like a big town. I cannot wait to go back xxx

Mad’s Top Ten Worst and Best of 2016

Late, but I did it. If you need a refresher, these were my lists for 2011-2015 (X). 

Rules: I only rank songs that end up on the end of the year Hot 100 so there are always better and worse songs absent but them’s the rules. Also, I never repeat songs from one year to another because having someone like Adele two years in a row is just unfair.

Top Ten Worst Hit Songs of 2016

           10) Jumpman by Drake and Future

There’s not much to say about this song other than it sounds like garbled mush-mouth speak. It seems like everyone is trying to either sound like Drake and Future in the mainstream hip-hop crossover into pop music scene and I find most of it pretty boring and sleep inducing. It’s fine white noise when I’m in the car but nothing I would want to listen to out at a club or anything. Future’s incoherentness coupled with Drake’s moody, whiny mono-tone does nothing for me.

           9) One Call Away by Charlie Puth

He was boring last year and he’s still boring and will probably always be boring. Superman doesn’t have anything on him but that only works in the Zach Snyder world for Superman.

           8) Work by Rihanna ft Drake

As much as I love Rihanna as a person, I find most of her music to register as a 6 out of 10. This song is no different although more repetitive and more annoying than normal. Also, if anyone can’t tell already I do not like Drake.

           7) 7 Years by Lukas Graham

I think this one bugs me more than it should since the Grammy nominations were announced. I don’t get it. It just feels like a humble brag of a song. The crowd cheering in the middle of the song which is supposed to be all about your human frailty? Do I sound horrible because the song is about his deceased father? Maybe but the song is still boring and more than a little douchey.

           6) Same Old Love by Selena Gomez

I have no idea why Selena Gomez is even a pop star. She doesn’t seem to enjoy it, she’s a pretty shaky singer on a good day, and it seems to take its toll on her. This song was written by Charlie XCX otherwise known as the good version of Selena Gomez and if the song was anywhere near good she would have kept it for herself.

           5) Don’t Let Me Down by The Chainsmokers ft Daya

I really thought the Chainsmokers would be this one weird internet nostalgia I would get older and reminisce about my last semester of college. “Selfie” would be the crappy version of “Gangam Style” and would be the hallmark song of 2014 we all laughed at in hindsight. However, The Chainsmokers owned 2016 and this song was an unfortunate consequence. The song reminds me of a car alarm, the lyrics are vacuous, and Daya lacks all personality or presence.

           4) Hands to Myself by Selena Gomez

Basically, it sounds like a shampoo commercial (which it is!) and Selena trying to be sexy is still confusing to me because she looks and sounds like she’s still 16. Everything mentioned earlier still applies.

           3) Pillow Talk by Zayn

In most instances, a song about the art of love making is supposed to sound like and reflect some sense of the physical act. This song sounds nothing like that. It’s lyrics are angry and violent and yet in no way seem to describe some sort of angsty relationship that would explain the anger. The beat is somehow slow and exhausting and yet thuds like a brick dropped on the ground repeatedly. Zayn’s lack of personality also does nothing for this song.

           2) I Hate U, I Love U by Gnash ft Olivia O’Brien

In a year of boring white rappers, this song made me miss Macklemore. Honestly though, the lyrics make no sense. Olivia seems to be singing about a former flame being in love with another woman and the guy also seems to be angry at a former lover but did these two used to be together? Are they both singing about the same woman? Or are they both singing about similar but unrelated experiences? Basically he sounds like a douche talking about an ex still in love with him and him being the best. Ugh.

           1) Treat You Better by Shawn Mendes

I honestly do not understand why people thought we needed another young male popstar from Canada. Bieber is still around isn’t he? I was not at all impressed with “Stiches” last year but I figured he would be a one-hit wonder due to his bland mediocrity and his sounding like he’s always straining to hit most notes. But it looks like ladies and gentlemen we are going to be subjected to another white guy with an acoustic guitar and this one is even going to bring back the “nice guy” card that I though we all collectively decided to leave behind once we crossed out of the 2000s into the 2010s. I know some people view it as a song about helping a woman escape an abusive relationship and that’s good for you. Art is supposed to have multiple interpretations and if it legitimately helps someone that’s fantastic. I just happen to have too much experience that it comes across to me like a guy whining about being in the friend zone and how I’d be better off with him when I have no interest. Also anyone tell me he doesn’t sound god awful screaming “better than he can” repeatedly sounding more distorted and nonsensical each time. But if there was one way to summarize mediocre white men dominating 2016 and trying to seem like the victims it felt like this song.

Top Ten Best Hit Songs of 2016

         10) Roses by The Chainsmokers ft Rozes

So as much as I bashed on The Chainsmokers in my Worst Of list, I gave them a spot here and I hate myself a little for it. Closer eventually made me want to gash my eyes out from having to hear it so much but Roses has a solid beat and a specific build that works incredibly well. Also, Rozes works in all the ways Daya doesn’t.  

           9) Cake by the Ocean by DNCE

The song doesn’t have much to it and it’s only notable that Joe Jonas finally got back in the public eye since the end of the Jonas Brothers and his brother becoming more famous than him. And while the song isn’t anything too impressive, it’s funny and easy and I enjoy it. Even if the sex metaphor isn’t the greatest because sex on the beach sounds more fun than I imagine it would practically work out with sand getting in places it shouldn’t be.

            8) This is What You Came For by Calvin Harris ft Rihanna

So maybe I love this song mostly because of the drama and shit show it started, but I stand by it being a good song on its own. And despite the controversy, what makes this song good has nothing to do with Taylor Swift’s lyrics or Rihanna’s vocals, it is all Calvin Harris. Those composition of those distorted “oos” that we found out were both Rihanna and Taylor’s and his decision to start them at a high pitch and then go low (completely backwards in the rules of pop music) are what make the song so catchy. And considering this and “We Found Love in a Hopeless Place”, I’d say Rihanna and Calvin need to make a lot more music together.

            7) Cheap Thrills by Sia ft Sean Paul

While this song was originally written for Rihanna by Sia, I’m glad she ended up with it herself. Otherwise it would just be another Rihanna song with the Caribbean beat and even Sean Paul. I think Sia is a better vocalist so I’m also happy she kept it in that respect. I’ve heard this song a billion times and it hasn’t gotten old yet which is what you want a pop song to do.

            6) Starboy by The Weekend ft Daft Punk

The lyrics kind of make no sense but add Daft Punk’s groove to anything and it sounds like a masterpiece. Enough said.

           5) Here by Alessia Cara

             As a huge Lorde fan, I was not looking forward to the copy cats that the music industry would spit out to try and replicate the success of “Royals.” However, Alessia Cara is the one I think has the best potential to be something more than Lorde 2.0 and here is easily the most relateable song of 2016. The song exemplifies everything I feel when I go to a club or a massive house party (even though I’m an extrovert and not “an antisocial mess” like Alessia here). The desire for actual thoughtful conversation and to listen to music you actually like than the Top 40 playlist the host went with is something even after college you can still relate to. Alessia has a very solid flow and a terrific voice that I’m excited to see what she does in the future. 

           4) When We Were Young by Adele

Don’t get me wrong, I love Adele. But “25” originally was a bit of a let down for me because I felt it was too much of a retread of “21.” I know Adele can write and perform a breakup song better than 99.999999% of the artists out there and wanted more. That’s why “Send My Love” annoyed me when it became the follow up to the terrific but still retread “Hello.” But I’ve come to realize that while “21” is the breakup album “25” is the moving on album and “When We Were Young” is the final conclusion and acceptance. Obviously, Adele’s vocals are better than anything you’ll hear. She’s like a 5-star restaurant, even the worst thing on the menu will send you into a food orgasm.

           3) Sorry by Beyonce

I have a confession to make, I used to kind of think Beyonce was a bit overrated. I always like Beyonce and her music but I never got the intense love and some of her fans rubbed me the wrong way. With the release of “Lemonade” I can say that’s no longer the case. All hail the queen! This change was mostly as a result of finally feeling like I could hear Beyonce through her music and in the public eye no song made that more apparent than “Sorry.” The song that caused all the controversy (well at least with the non-conservative faux police outrage controversy) about if it was biographical and who Becky with the good hair was. On a masterpiece of an album, “Sorry” does not disappoint.

           2) I Took a Pill in Ibiza (Seeb Remix) by Mike Posner

There is no song that sums up 2016 better than this song. I’ve been seeing a lot of people questioning its Grammy nominations and I don’t understand that. The lyrics to the song are heart wrenching and thought provoking about depression as a consequence of failed brief fame. The line about “showing Avicii I was cool” is just one of many personal digs Posner takes at himself. And considering his douchetastic debut with “Cooler Than Me”, I believe it. The original version of this song is acoustic and his doucheyness comes through so this is a case of good lyrics being added with good production from Seeb coming in with that remix create the genius. The depressing lyrics with the club beat reflect self-deprecation pretending to fain happiness. Couldn’t be closer to 2016.

 Honorable Mentions:

Normally I don’t do these but I have two this year that need to recognized. “Formation” was the best song of 2016 and my stupid rules about only ranking songs on the year end Hot 100 made me leave this out. It’s political, it pissed off conservatives enough their surrogates quoted it to discredit Hillary Clinton, and it’s the first time I ever felt I was finally hearing Beyonce in her music and I understood who she is. And the next honorable mention might have something to say about Beyonce not winning. Kanye West’s “Famous” is a shit song. But the shit show it unleashed was glorious and considering this years Grammy commercial and someone else’s album to come, I’d say the cultural impact of this song ain’t over yet. And onto number one.

1)    Into You by Ariana Grande 

As I mentioned earlier, while I’ve thought Ariana was a great vocalist, I’ve never gotten into songs of hers that don’t feature other artists. It’s why I’ve felt the Mariah comparison was not quite there yet, she doesn’t have the songs (or honestly the annunciation technique). But what sticks out about Ariana as a singer in the female pop area is her acting background that I think punches through in her music compared to her contemporaries. I’m glad I was able to finally find a song of hers I love. She’s too good a vocalist to not. She deserves to be a superstar in pop and I hope she’s around for the long haul.