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#i just find myself stuggling to click off with others and maybe its because im unsure of who i can trust
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#sorry sorry this ones gonna be a vent so look away if you're not into that#alright we good? cool cool#cw: vent#a lot of my friends both internet and irl has made advancements in their own circle of friends like they're hanging out and bonding outside#-of school#i feel left out. but this is my fault and im very aware of it#its just... its hard for me to find people that i think id have a close connection with#it makes me think im gonna be really lonely at the end of the day#sometimes texting isnt enough. i want physical enjoyment and fun too#i just find myself stuggling to click off with others and maybe its because im unsure of who i can trust#idk my classmate always talks about hows their day and compared to mine; theirs always seems so much funner to do yeah dbfbbfbfbdbdbr#i dont know. a lot of my close friends. or even best friends if you will; arent physically close with me anymore because they either#actually no its not either. they just moved out#its hard to stay in contact with them too so i dont know what's life like for them anymore#that's why I really appreciate every connection ive made here because it feels very personal here. but i feel the more i keep being here—#without actual physical communication — ill just get worse#and i always think about my faves just to cope with it but i guess i just got slapped with reality check today and came to realize that now#theres this one day in school where a problem arised during an event and i was so anxious and scared — i started crying#my schoolmate who used to be my old classmate (we're in different sections as of present) immediately comforted me and#i really appreciated that. he gave me a hug and even lent me his handkerchief. something about that moment made me realise that this is#exactly wanted. just that feeling of warmth and comfort from a friend dhfhfbdbdb it sounds petty but i really like physical languages yeah#ive been trying to finf ways to say hi to him again but its hard since our school schedules are different#im not close with anyone in my class tbh so its hard for me to feel that physical closeness too#i firmly believe in action speaks louder than words. so yeah#thats all. yeah#ill go continue reading my notes
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