#i just feel sad for the young fans who look like sammy and admired her for being someone famous and charismatic who looked like them | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thebroccolination · 1 year

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I remember one of the most influential moments I had on my body image while living in Japan.

One Saturday afternoon, my Japanese coworker and I went out to lunch, and as we left the buffet, stuffed to satisfaction, she said, “I shouldn’t have eaten so much. I’m already the fat one in my family.”

I was distracted thinking about something else, and I thought she was joking, so I made a noncommittal kind of noise. I’d only been in Japan for half a year at that point, and I was already tired of the extensive fat-shaming almost everyone took part in, so I just disconnected whenever it started.

Then I glanced at her and realized she was serious. She had a self-deprecating half-smile, and she didn’t seem to be setting me up for one of those, “No, but you’re so pretty,” responses. She was just stating a fact. This person, who probably couldn’t have pinched more than a pinky’s width of fat anywhere on her body, was ashamed of her size.

Meanwhile, I was twenty-three and deeply, profoundly hated my body. Back then, I would have given most anything to be her size.

And in that moment, I realized: it’ll never be enough.

No matter how petite, how skinny, how svelte, how toned, how whatever. The societies many of us live in profit off of the desperation of mass misery, and no amount of dieting would ever give me a pass from that misery. If I was thin, there’d be some other issue to “fix”, like “weird elbows” or something else that I haven’t even thought about because no one’s had the opportunity to tell me how much it costs to adjust it yet.

I realized in a mall on a Saturday that the joy I’d been chasing had to come from disengaging from the whole chase, not from changing my body.

And I mean, I’m not totally there yet, even over a decade later. It’s difficult to love what you’re repeatedly told is wrong about yourself, and I hated my body for much longer than I’ve been actively trying to love it. I cling to offhand compliments about my looks, and I feel a twinge of guilt whenever I enjoy the “wrong” foods, and I fantasize about how much easier or happier life would be if I looked the way my coworker looked then.

But at least I know to my core that it will never be enough for them. No size, no shape, no degree of perfection will ever be enough for the societies and cultures I’ve lived in that judge one’s morality by one’s body. Relatives of mine in the States over the holidays tortured themselves with “I was being so good so far” and “I’m going to be bad tonight” and it’s just so pointlessly cruel that we’re set up to think this way about ourselves.

I made a lemon-glaze cake over the holidays, and almost no one ate it because so many people were dieting.

I did, though.

I just love the irony that living in a culture so rigid about weight actually freed me somewhat from the chase for an impossible goal. I bought diet pills as a teenager, and I couldn’t believe as recently as last week that a woman I was attracted to was hitting on me, but at least I know I’m in this snow globe now, and it makes breaking out of it easier.

Since university, I’ve been committed to exercising to gain muscle because I wanted to lose weight. But now I do it mainly because I like the strength and the flexibility that comes along with it. My weight’s never hurt me or my immune system or any aspect of my life. My brain did that, and my brain was just reacting to a lifetime of fear-mongering.

It will never be enough until you disengage from the chase.

#this is somewhat about sammy’s ig post but it’s been on my mind for years #the beauty standards in asia hurt so many people #relentlessly #i’m a strong supporter of plastic surgery and body modification in general #if you’re an adult you get to have agency over your body and your life #you should be able to get tattoos or piercings or breast reductions or whatever you want to feel comfortable in your skin #but when that desire comes from a place of shame that you were forced to live with #then it’s cruel #this isn’t really about sammy #i just feel sad for the young fans who look like sammy and admired her for being someone famous and charismatic who looked like them #the entertainment industry can be so impersonal and merciless

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horanimal-10 · 4 years

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Okay, I know we still have the final to go, but given what we've seen so far what's everyone thinking about the Olympic roster? Who you think deserves to make it, who you want to make it, who is a definite no at this point, anything. Now, I basically know jack shit about soccer (I was a field hockey player, oops) but I definitely have some thoughts about who I want/think deserves to make it.

Let's start with the front line, shall we?

Christen Press. I mean, this one is obvious. In what universe does CP *not* make the roster? I'll tell you which universe - none. She's clearly having a moment, she's healthy, everyone loves her. She's in, signed, sealed, delivered. Put it on my grave.

Pinoe. Okay, okay, "she's only good on set pieces" people say. Yeah, and those are pretty important. And aside from last night's somewhat sub-par performance in that department, I think she's looked pretty damn good this tournament. Fit af. Plus there is something to be said for the leadership and experience the older players have to offer. I think the rest of the team respects her and values her, and she's super positive and supportive of everyone, which I love. As long as she stays healthy, she's in.

Heath. Whoo. Honestly, I don't think we got a good look at her, what with her limited minutes. But she's the nutmeg queen, she's great on corners, she's spicy, and she does that nifty little backheel thing. And again - experience. Definitely takes on a mentor role with some of the younger players. She's had some injuries going back to the end of the club season, but as far as I know they've been minor. I still cringe every time she gets fouled, but I think she'll be okay as long as Vlatko continues to be smart about managing her minutes until she's 100%.

AMorgs??? Okay, this one's loaded. I give her major props for continuing her training during pregnancy, and I 100% believe she has the drive to be match fit by July. That said, pregnancy and childbirth are unpredictable. If she ends up needing a c section (which I wish on nobody, fingers crossed for a nice, uncomplicated delivery) I don't think she'll be ready due to the recovery period. That is the only reason I hesitate to say she's going for sure but I am hoping for the best and want only good things for her.

Baby Mal??? I don't know. This is a tough one. As much as I miss her, I will admit to thinking (please don't kill me for this) that she looked kind of lost and unfocused in the friendlies last fall. She has the skills to be there, no doubt, it just seemed to me she wasn't connecting well with her teammates, wasn't anticipating where they would be, etc. But I love her and hope she works shit out.

Carlos??? She isn't starter material at this point. This tournament, for her, seemed to be about getting Carlos to the Olympics, not the USWNT. Not at her best, by a long shot, and unlike Pinoe I don't think the younger players really see her as a leader or mentor. Not gonna lie, I was rooting for her because I admire her drive and dedication to keep going, but she fell short here.

Now, I'm skipping ahead to goalies, because honestly that's the easiest.

Uncle Naeher. Biggest no-brainer along with Press. (Honestly...can anyone give me a valid reason for her not to start? I doubt it.) I think she proved both in international and club play last season that she deserves the starting spot. It's hers to lose, but she won't.

Ashlyn. I hesitate to say I'm 100% sure here, but it's a pretty good bet. Campbell or Bledsoe could sneak in there, but at this point I'm leaning towards not. We really didn't get a good look at where she is right now, what with there not being a whole lot of action on that end of the field, but apparently Vlatko likes her so I'm good with that.

Ugh. Now we have midfield and backs. Honestly the toughest spots to cut anyone because they're basically all looking rock solid.

Rose. Why tf would you cut Rose? That's right, you wouldn't. She's had a solid tournament. Would have liked to see more of her, but benching her against Costa Rica was prob a good call, given her yellow card from the previous game. (Confession - sometimes I feel like she falls in the "looks like she could kill you; would actually kill you" category. Anyone else get this vibe? Not necessarily a bad thing…)

Lindsey. Honestly, I feel like sometimes she doesn't get the credit she deserves. Does she ever have a *bad* game? Even when she's not at her best, she's still The Pretty Good Horan. Solid as a rock. Great one-touch passes. Has perfected the art of the header. Awesome volleys. Just got her first international hat trick, yay! Looks cool, calm, and collected, but is capable of being absolute chaos on main (exhibit A: That Game™ vs Utah). Leaves no square inch untouched as she roams from box to box. Minus last season's concussion (and maybe a minor hamstring injury last fall where she missed a friendly? Am I right?) she's been healthy, which is more than I can say for several others, so there's also that. And she's the love of my life, so I will accept zero criticism on this one.

JJ. She's fast, she's feisty (and sometimes ultra spicy), she and Dunn are adorable bffs, she's a leader. I have nothing bad to say about her. But I'm still kinda salty that Chicago beat Portland in the semis so that's as nice as I'm gonna get. (No hate though, really, she's fantastic.) She needs to stop giving me heart attacks with the couple-pics-that-could-be-pregnancy-announcements, though. One USWNT baby at a time, thanks.

Sammy. Well, she got herself two braces so far in qualifying (okay, that one goal was highly questionable, but the ref said goal so goal it is), so she's definitely made a strong case for herself. She's tall. She's able and willing to catch The Great Horan (you know, because she's the only one taller than The Great Horan). She panics over being the first one on the bus. The only thing I don't like about her? She plays for NCC. But honestly she's adorable, really fucking good, and I love her so I can overlook that.

KO. Okay, I'll admit I was nervous. Her first couple games were a little shaky, she had a few pretty big goof-ups (but I mean when she whiffed that one time she had literally just recovered from a savage attempt at breaking her ankles so I can't even blame her for that) but her ankles were away at war for like 6 months so what do you expect? Last night she was in fine form. She brings a great energy to the game, connects well with Tobito, has the Stanny connection with CP and some cute, newfound friendship thing going on with Horan, and is basically the ultimate hype girl (when she's not being the ultimate frat daddy). When you need a bitch, she's your woman. And she's hot. Like, HOT hot. As long as the ankles hold up, she's gotta be on that roster. I am rooting for those ankles. Hard.

Sonnett. Really did herself a solid with the minutes she had. No complaints from me. Almost scored a goal, and I'm not counting it out in the final. Not afraid to break ankles. She's scrappy, spicy, saucy, a sit-down comedian, a soft smiler, and a package deal with Horan. She deserves the world. The world (or at least the USWNT and its fans) deserves her. Please don't cut her, Vlatko. I beg of you. (I'm not saying if you cut her, I'll cut you, but like...I'm not NOT saying it, either...)

Krieger. What do I need to say except she showed everyone why Jello was an idiot not to play her. She's a beast. And I really, really, really need the wives to both make it bc I will cry if one does and the other doesn't.

Dunn. I mean, have you seen her? She's all over the field. She almost scored during her 100th cap. I've never seen her have a bad game. Voted best dancer on the team. The only problem? See Sammy above. F'n NCC. She deserves better, dammit.

Dahlkemper. Okay, don't sue me, but I really don't have any feelings toward her either way. A lot of people love her. I've never heard anyone say anything bad about her (except this one time I saw someone roast her on IG for following Honkle, but that's her business I guess) so that's good enough for me. Also she's pretty and posts thirsty comments on her teammates pics so basically I stan a supportive Abby.

Broon. Cool as a cucumber. The voice of reason. A literal angel. Captain Becky never lets us down.

Okay. Now for who I don't think will/should make it.

AD. This makes me really, really sad. I love AD. But she's the only player on the roster who didn't get any minutes, so I think that says exactly where she stands in Vlatko's eyes. It's a shame, because she's amazing, but it's super hard to choose between her and Ash.

Lynn. Clearly Vlatko sees something in her, and tried really hard to make it happen. It didn't happen. I was kind of rooting for her, just because everyone else seemed to be against her, but she just didn't seem to connect with the rest of the team. She's fast, I'll give her that, but it's not enough.

Jmac. Another one I was rooting for just because everyone else was against her. She has talent, and when she's on she's great, but she wasn't connecting with the others.

Moe. Nothing against her, just no compelling reason to cut anyone else for her. Injury-prone, which obviously isn't good.

Allie. See Moe, minus the injuries. Bonus points for social media content, though.

Baby T. No clue where she stands with the injury. If she's 100% I have absolutely no reason why she shouldn't be on the team, but I don't know who I'd cut to keep her. If she isn't 100% I'd rather she take the time to heal completely. I know it was reported that she'd be ready to resume training around February, but a while back she herself said she didn't think she'd be 100% by the Olympics so who tf knows. She's SO young and could have 2-3 Olympics (and World Cups) ahead of her so no need to risk a career-ending injury by rushing it. But if she IS ready I'm down for her being an alternate (or, heaven forbid, making roster in the event that anyone else is injured). I like Tierna. I want a long, successful career and only good things for her.

Player I selfishly just want on the team because I like her.

Midge. She was a Thorn, so maybe I'm a little biased, but she's good, she's young (but not *young* young and inexperienced), she's versatile. I like her. A lot.

Okay, that's all I got. Let me know what y'all think.

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