#i have angelo and i have lian. but i feel so close ro losing her bc i'm so fucking braindead and unable to just be normal
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not to be super negative bc i'm not feeling really bad like i usually do but sometimes i genuinely do feel cursed
#i just. i don't know.#vent#negative#rant#sorry forgot to add those first n e way so#idk lmao it's just like the people i feel like i genuinely have loved have died#my grandparents my mom#my dad is still alive and i do love him don't get me wrong but i just wasn't really around him as much#he's an enigma and also really troubled. i always have loved him but i've never felt particularly hurt by our separation#if anything it made me feel closer to him. if that makes sense. it probably doesn't#but even then. one of my favourite content creators /dies to cancer/#god i cried when i found out he was diagnosed and i fuckin screamed when i saw he died. i got the stupid channel notif#and then read the channel notif. god#i just feel so alone#so so alone#i have angelo and i have lian. but i feel so close ro losing her bc i'm so fucking braindead and unable to just be normal#like i want to kill myself so fucking badly and also want to kiss her and she doesn't want either so#it's dumb#i'm dumb#i just want to die#i want to hold my puppy and go to sleep together with him cradled in my arms#and maybe see my mom on the other side. i don't know what i expect anymore but i just want to see her again#talk to her#i need therapy#but i don't have health insurance so thats not happening lmfao
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