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#i gotta like.... jddjjfjf
dockaspbrak
·
10 months
Text
I am so sad;
#he was my best friend man.....
#feeling like richie 2019 but instead of my gay boyfriend it was my son (cat with whom i had a strong attachment and we both had autism)
#i mean in my agoraphobic years he was all i had
#just me and him and he was terrified of anyone but me
#man. like the;;; not to be too sad but the ending life attempts he detered me from....a powerful boy
#i loved him sooooooo much
#i gotta like.... jddjjfjf
#regan dont read this
#ok good dont go on
#ok ok
#i feel like i overcompensated with being accomodating so much the last 6 months i dont feel like myself at all
#thats insane right?
#but idk i know living with someone is famously very hard
#but see even now
#im tired of like. constantly making excuses for every thought i have!!! talking myself thru shit like
#applying it to people around me and accomodating that even in my HEAD
#i gotta deal with these damn bad habits. i gave myself
#and FUCK i miss my boy!!!!
#u guys dont even know...he was so soft and sweet
#a kittens face even at age 15 with some kind of advanced as hell cancer that the vet didnt even understand
#he was my baby i miss him so much
#its like he makes me miss other things more too. like where i grew up
#and how trees used to look in the wind
#and feeling more comfortable in my body and with my own opinions
#im so pathetic now. i used to be so fucking strongwilled and annoying
#wtf man??? why does death touch everything
#i hope i see him again some day
#it hurts so much
#but like im glad it does still i guess bc its like part of him isnstill here bc it hurta
#haha;
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