🧸🎀

100518 & 110518

Dear Diary,

I feel uneasy. There’s a heavy feeling in my chest -- not the tugging of heartstrings, but a restless, anxious heart. Idk what I’m afraid of.... or rather, I’m afraid of what I don’t know. How do I counter this feeling? Every time I think of my school projects or whatever academic shit, I can’t help but feel awful about everything. Simply put, I’m not satisfied with current state of life. I’m super stoked for Zest (which is happening in about a couple of weeks) and my friend’s Chinese Orchestra concert next Friday, but that also means my assessment deadlines are approaching and I haven’t gotten my shit tgt yet. So, I dun really know whether to look forward to things or not. 😵 Conflicted af.

Ok, I’ve sorted out my schedule and realised I’m so screwed ‘cos Entrepreneurship is due next week and I STILL HAVE ZERO FREAKING IDEAS FOR IT. 🤦‍♀️  I’ve probably said this before, but I’m gonna say it again anyway -- I WANNA KMS. Since I have no activities tmrw, I shld really start brainstorming and coming up with an actual idea then. I’ve wasted too much time on this stupid module; my idea better be so fking brilliant that it’d blow everyone’s minds and crown me as one of the “idea champions” (the 5 highest-ranking ideas in class).

I ate lunch with my mum at Sakae Sushi. Rip food ban. Had a grp project meeting in school afterwards. I felt that I didn’t contribute much to the discussion bc it’s hard to keep up with everyone talking at once (but I know for a fact that I’m no freeloader) -- I just couldn’t think when I’m in a grp situation. Let’s not forget that I’m trying v hard to suppress my stress about Entrepreneurship. We watched a couple of ATLA episodes (ah, memories xD) and I spent some time in the lib chilling (& contemplating life) while waiting for VE practice to start.

Practice was quite productive. We did another new song -- “If Music Be The Food Of Love” -- which was originally a play written by Shakespeare, so we had a gd laugh figuring out what certain words meant. Like, who uses “cloy” anymore? xD

I may actually have an idea for Entrepreneurship, but I will not start work on it in case another idea pops up. I had Big Fish, Small Fish with my mum for lunch (oh fk the food ban) and pretty much spent the rest of the day idling at home. I’ve publicly announced to my friends about my Zest performance (happening in a couple of weeks), and I’m glad I already have 3 buddies who have registered for the event and are coming down & support us. 🤗 While I’m dismayed that my other pals aren’t coming (for whatever reasons), I’m so nervous ‘cos I’m nowhere near ready and I haven’t performed on stage in 2 years lol. i’M ALSO V CONFLICTED ABT WHETHER I SHLD ATTEND HALSEY’S CONCERT.

~Flameaura