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mountain-lion-gremlin · 4 months

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a good reason to leave for me:

i honestly think it would be safer for me and therians to not be in the same space sometimes haha. P-shifting isn't safe for many and it can really hurt others.

Although I would love to stay, I know that it's probably safer for everyone to no longer teach it and keep to myself about things that involve how to shift and such.

P-shifting isn't a joke and can harm people who suffer from mental issues and other things of that sort. Its just not safe to teach in a large public space. It's something only some can stomach and be safe while doing. Plus some communities that are too unregulated exist and may mess with people's reality and how they perceive it. Some are too open to allow people to start p-shifting right off the bat and it's just too dangerous that way. (including those that say "oh just wait you will shift eventually but you cant control it at all" those are even worse.)

Theres a very good reason why newer communities are very apprehensive about teaching, or telling, or allowing new people who know nothing about it just hop in and start shifting. Usually if you are coming to the "learning" community (as in, you are following steps laid out by others to understand your identity) there is guidelines, there are warnings, etc. It's just too risky to not follow these guidelines and not listen to the warnings.

Dont start p-shifting right when you find out. Take the time to start a journal. Understand that what you are getting into isn't something that will make you cool or quirky. You risk your mental health if you are not careful. You have to be born to be a p-shifter. You must first mental shift before you can even think about p-shifting. P-shifting is not easy and will take years to even get to a point where you start getting somewhere physically.

The list goes on. When someone who is teaching shifting slacks in saying these things, you can harm someone. It takes a very long time to even get to the point where you may be ready to p-shift. Some never will p-shift. You have to accept these realities too. Not to mention how some older guides, although effective, can be so incredibly risky. (Such as completely shutting out the world and being an animal 24/7. Some people just take it too far and do it too early and ruin themselves.) Its just not worth it sometimes.

Thats why I'm leaving Tumblr. Too open, not safe for neither me nor others looking in. I know I usually don't have these sorts of posts, but I just saw someone in an anon saying how unstable their reality and they were after lurking in the community and it just.... its just so hard to see. Nobody deserves that sort of mental torture. Sometimes I forget that p-shifting actually can be dangerous to some if nobody teaches how important it is to regulate yourself, check in on yourself, and remember that p-shifting isn't for the faint of heart.

It's only for those who have spent so much time over years of their journey, exploring themselves, askong questions, taking breaks, questioning themselves so many times, and checking in, to finally be able to claim that they are able to p-shift. (There is so much more to it than that obviously.) My fourth year of shifting is coming up, and after so long I might be ready to leave the online community permanently and start my journey. (of physically shifting i mean. I spend more time teaching others rather than doing the practice itself right now lol. When i say p-shifting im trying to refer to the whole process, but really talking about the mental shifting and phantom shifting etc. Sorry if its been unclear, many know the whole community as "p-shifters" when in reality "p-shifters" are only those who havw actually preformed a p-shift. I havent yet in my conscious memory so i just call myself a shifter or nonhuman.)

Please be safe. Please, if you are curious about the p-shifting community, remember that it is a mixed bag and not for everyone. As always any community can be a mixed bag, but p-shifting "learning" communities can spiral and be too lax on the warnings and importance of these warnings.

Thats all. (make sure to read all tags fully too.)

#please be safe #if you are interested in p-shifting feel free to approach me but I'm not going to be as open as i used to be #this whole post isn't to claim that the p-shifting community is incredibly dangerous #i can be full of the most amazing kind people #the only issue is people forget how dangerous it can be to not remember the warnings that follow the community #many young people toss them aside because they think it's gatekeepers or a “cool kids only club”#(like i did)#but it's for safety and making sure you take it slow enough so that you can back out without being permanently damaged #p-shift #I will always tell anyone interested that you have to spend time researching thinking evaluating the list goes on #And it's nobody's fault #when you've been a p-shifter for a long time (like me) you forget the warnings that you followed in the beginning that protected you #from spiraling mental issues depression etc.#p-shifting can be done and practiced safely #hey i did it and I'm doing fine. I've lived with it for so long and don't hold onto it like a lifeline anymore #it's more of an aspect of my identity #im just trying to help others understand that it can be fun and safe but it's not something to joke with or play with #it is something that is serious and if the warnings are ignored usually very risky.#bro it's like rock climbing almost #“WEAR THE HARNESS. If you fall you won't plummet to your death!! Remember rules ABC and you will be okay!!”#it's sort of the same thing in that matter.#we do unsafe things all of the time but since we know the dangers and the warnings we will go about to be much safer in practicing it #Im just trying to say p-shifting from the “learning” side of it - these warnings should be heeded and taught.#Or else you get whats been happening lately with people wandering into places that are too lax with teaching the dangers #and people are traumatized and damaged from it #Many new people who I've seen wander onto my Amino don't even really know that there is even a process before p-shifting itself #it's scary and I'm afraid even more people will have to deal with the rough bumpy road of understanding that they aren't p-shifters #yeah so uh #this might not get any likes or anything but I still wanted to put this out there.#Please don't crop this and use this for out of context hate against p-shifting and p-shifters

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astrxealis · 19 days

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sorry to ffxivlovepost always anyway Man the way the devs & game did so good in making an mc that is Basically a blank-slate for the players, and there's so many opportunities to make your oc However you like but. the game itself adds so much story and character to that blank-slate guy. amazing

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚#i think abt this a lot. and also a lot of other ffxiv stuff LMFAO #it's amazing ..... drk is a huge example of this i think #bcs it plays into the guilt and whatnot the wol feels and all that. spectacular #endwalker !!!!! shadowbringers!!! the way the game uses the concept of hope is just always so beautiful and fascinating to me #and yeah bunch of games may have like. mc you create & design but not always can you like. ehvejfhsjf idk how to explain LOL #it is 4 pm i woke up 2 hours ago but priorly woke at 7 am after havingn a rlly. weird sleep.#to which my twin told me 'i wont tell u what time it is' as we went to sleep so it def was Really late #bcs we were going thru re2 and she was also playing games on steam i've been telling her to play #(to which i got her fav characters right and knew fr how'd she'd like the game LMFAO. twins amiright.)#actually that is also smth so fascinating to me bcs. i always have had someone w me in my life. i am literally never alone.#to which what i'm getting at here is Wow... it's like having a sleepover every single day. and i was a kid always sad never to have #sleepovers bcs my parents were strict (they r cool tho!) but i was a kid who wanted to experience all the kid things #but i didn't rlly but that's fine :P i am a grateful person LOL anyway back on track back on black #ffxiv... the game that u are.....#it's the 1st game that rlly actually made me invested in the ocs of others and also make a fully fledged oc that wasn't just originally mine #but for a fandom or something. and also it got me back into writing and Into making poetry and prose so. yeah.#it's amazing how much. oc x canon ???? yeah. ffxiv is so Wow #like eveyrhhting w themis or graha and how u can AAGGGHHH shit w your oc . so many possibilities #and that character. those possibilities. are already in game but also expanded by the player and the fanbade and #idk it's so beautiful to me WHAGHSGDJDH. and yes me saying themis or graha up there is self-indukgent bcs #both of them are so Insane it's so. insane!!!!! i will never forget what happened in abyssos in particular that Broke me #and anabaseios... :)) i cried so much it is almost embarrassing. and wow. asphodelos. wverything w themis just. yeah #anyway graha... self-explanatory if u know..... idk he's the character of all time to me. simply said. but themis is crazy bcs going thru ab #yssos made me think for a bit 'hey themis might be my fav character in ffxiv now' but No but also Wow. wow #kinda cute bcs me and my twin have a thing where she has a certain type of chara she likes and me too #so sometimes. most times. all times. we have our own characters we like anyway but sometimes they overlap but either the case we kinda #lowkey 'segregate???' idk if that is a good word but we do that w our fav characters. so like emet is her fav elidibus is mine.#and that was all the way in arrr alr and we barely knew spoilers so that's kinda crazy! anyway

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tomorrowneverreleases · 2 months

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Day 27 of waiting for Bond26 news

[ID in alt text]

Gel pens

Time: 7 minutes

#james bond #countdown #le chiffre #casino royale #daniel craig films #(me when the day is about to end: hey it feels like i'm forgetting something [then suddenly realize that i need to do the daily sketch])#(le chiffre is one of those characters who i can draw from muscle memory because i draw him so much and thank goodness for that)#(i would have done someone new but they require reference images and i did not want to break my daily streak)

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smallhatlogan · 4 months

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Been reading Gideon the Ninth all "I really like this Magnus guy, he's absolutely gonna die" lmao

#not quite sure how death is handled here. like. completeness/permanence-wise. I've had some vague things spoiled years ago #man idk this book is really doing it for me despite my issues with the writing #I think a huge strength is just that it's different from a lot of novels I've read?#like I'm willing to let a lot go if I'm seeing something I haven't seen before. maybe whole paragraphs blur together and I forget who #a lot of these people are and sometimes i feel like its trying a little too hard. but hey i'm having a good time #logan reads tlt

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cruelsister-moved2 · 1 year

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met a neopagan in the wild today and it was a psychically disturbing experience im feeling psychically disturbed is all I can say. my psyche is disturbed

#I'm so scared in csse they saw my blog or something like i don't think they have tumblr they were very tiktokpilled6 #I want to complain abt specifics but im like what if this identifies me or something #I hate being a hater honestly I don't like harbouring ill will to ppl #but it was actually like upsetting and fucked up and i had to txt like 3 ppl #being like hey am I being a hater or was this fucked up #and everyone was like yeah thats the worst thing ive ever heard #I mean tldr they were racist and super antisemitic and like #called me + another lesbian 'sexist' for not liking men #and like. it was a 'joke' but like #i kind of want to talk abt it n i kind of just want to pray on their downfall n try to forget it #nyaaaaa #there's like details to it that makes it worse than it already sounds but #I cant explain without like 1. oversharing abt my life and 2. talking abt other ppls personal business n #although this is anonymous I don't wanna do that #ugh i feel like i need to complain about this for like 4 hours before ill calm down

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salsflore · 8 months

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been almost 3 yrs and i am still struggling with the whole mikachi first meeting thing. bye

#for zl its something simple. i just saw cute fanart of it with another ship [ p sure it was someones 2 ocs ] and enjoyed the idea #i lost my black umbrella irl but tbf it doesnt really matter because i always fucking forget to bring it anyways. so sometimes i get caught #in the rain. so idk zl lends me his umbrella bc. fuck! heading in the same direction and is like hey loser . . let me help you . .#cue immediate heart eyes bc handsome stranger helped her. like Wow Yuo Are So Cool... ♡#afterwards she mentions this interaction to her friend [ yun jin or hu tao .. unsure but they are both so silly so its hard 2 decide ] and #then they are like wait i know that grandpa you're talking about! let me set you up lalala theres this whole thing i'm lazy #i'll write about it Maybe bc i do want to write for my platonic f/os. and also cover all the [ firsts ] in my self ships #its just: i don't like feeling obligated to stick to things (like a series or theme or whatever) so maybe not. would be nice though..#nobody in this world is allowed to laugh at me i'll die #as for childe my plan was he breaks into her house and then shes like wtf who r u?!! they make eye contact and kiss + get married asap #no actually i truly dont know. zl's is slightly easier because he lives a mortal life. just chills #has connections with a lot of the liyue chars. literally just enjoying his retirement era now #ajax doesn't have many connections ( other harbingers but they dgaf about each other i think x ) and i just cant imagine that. idk #just fucking. bumping into him would lead to anything. maybe i should turn into a fish and have him fish me up and then i transform into a #girl and then we fall in love what do you guys think (losing my grip on humanity)#💭#mika ♡ ajax #mika ♡ zhongli

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ruvviks · 2 years

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>> oc god quiz

was tagged by @strafethesesinners and @adelaidedrubman to take this test for my ocs, thank you so much!! tagging @awful-roffle, @coffeebucko, @radioactiveshitstorm, @dieselsardine, @coyote-skull, @henbased, @memaidraws, @shellibisshe, @bluemojave, @turbo-virgins, @necro-hamster, @eurodynamic, @reaperkiller, @aartyom, @morvaris, @arklay, @steelport, @ianeiras, @aelyosos, @swordcoasts, @cultistbase, @faarkas and anyone else who wants to do this :D <3

gust god

you were born free! as free as the grass grows! you could go in so many directions right now you might pull yourself apart trying. there are kites to fly and wheat to whip through and birds to knock around and- oh no, you've tornadoed an old woman's garage sale sign away. go pick that up!

force of flood

it's torture. you feel every blade of grass, every kitchen tile, every little set of running feet as you consume the land. you don't mean to! you're so angry! why do they treat you this way!? you were an ocean spirit once, calmly sending waves and rains inland. the people were happy, you were pristine. now every summer they have only built more, dumped more, stole more from you, why couldn't they be happy with the rains and grasses? "i will wash away your roads! i will sooner wipe you from the earth than succumb to your slow poisoning!", you bellow from roiling brown flood plains

god across the pond

you often appear as a small green light, constant as the north star in the eyes of longing souls. there you are across the bay that separates lovers. there you are, a faint green landmark on top of a mountain, inexplicably radiating a great ache for 'home'. many have tried to find your source and all have failed. it saddens you that you must leave before they reach you, but you have yearnings of your own. you are looking for your lover, looking for your home, every night

#tag games #ask:mikhail #ask:vincent #ask:vitali #hey? hello? what the fuck #i hate and love how accurate these results are i'm just gonna [explodes]#there's something so [clenches fist] about vincent's result because. he just wants to live. he has always just wanted to live i'm OGH #and vitali's 'you're so angry' OKAY. OKAY OW OKAY THEN. YEOWCH #'you are looking for your home' for mikhail.... AND HE FOUND HIS HOME. WITH VINCENT AND VITALI [EXPLODES 2.0]#i have more thoughts but i won't put them all in the tags y'all are just gonna have to feel my vibes ig LMFAO #tagged so many people oh my god. i hope i didn't forget anyone and if you already did this feel free to beat me with a large stick LMFAO

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illgiveyouahint · 1 year

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The strategy for talking to my dad on the phone goes like this:

He asks how I am. I start telling him something absolutely meaningless, either about my job or about my flat. He at some point hooks on some detail of it all and starts rambling about his own experiences, and I know the next 20 minutes I can just tune out until it's time to say goodbye.

#hana's random text posts #the first 5 minutes are the danger zone where he feels like he wants to know about my private life #but he soon forgets it in order to tell me about his life #so it's just the survival of the first 5 minutes #I do feel the increased need to come out to him though #since I feel like he suspects something and wants me to say it #but I never do #and it's getting increasingly awkward the more time passes #'cause like at this point I will have to be like #hey dad I'm bi and have known for 6 years #and have been in the queer association even leading it for 6 years #and I just never told you #like it's inevitable that it will be hella awkward #and he will have a lot of questions that I really don't want to answer #*sigh*

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the-cinnamon-snail · 1 year

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#my intrusive thoughts don't make me Unloveable and disgusting #i say on repeat as my mind keeps thinking of the most vile disgusting things ever on this planet #how did this even get into my head and if I shared it would anyone want anything to do with me anymore #i don't want to keep this in my head but sharing it won't automatically stop it #but it will make others disgusted that those things could even be thought up in my mind wouldn't it #i feel. bad. and angry at myself. for even thinking of this.#i say I can't control it but the thoughts are in my mind. im still thinking it.#it's either pathetic that i can't control my own mind #or disgusting that I can think that and then subconsciously or something trick myself into thinking that it's not actually me.#and im sick and tired of all of these horrid thoughts but they aren't gonna go away soon #and hey it's usually not constant. im even able to (sorta terrifying considering what the thoughts are)#forget about it sometimes #so hey. can't be that bad right. ill push through it and be fine! im strong enough.#but I've said that multiple times before and it got worse and eventually was just a lie.#I'm horrible #sorry for the bother if anyone has to read these tags #i just. needed to think 'out loud' so to say

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ghostnebula · 2 years

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every single night without fail i think to myself "oh, it's past 9, i gotta take my birth control" and then i look down and remember why i very much do not need to bother

#ghost gabs #there's a person there #old habits die hard #i've replaced the pills with prenatal vitamins and STILL i feel like i'm forgetting something #and then think its my birth control pill #my brain is jello rn i think this level of stupidity can be forgiven #hey google will birth control work retroactively

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cyrsed · 2 years

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i’ve never actually finished watching cube before so i’m gonna like... actually do that today ghlsdkfj cause i watched meander yesterday and it reminded me that i really like this genre

#i also never got to one of the twists and i'm into it #i hope something doesn't like #Untwist it later #i also forgot about the disabled character :T #but anyway #meander was fun #it has bad reviews bc the story makes no sense and the only emotional complexity it tries to add is #'hey don't forget: the main character's daughter died!' whenever they need a break between stressful/gory scenes #but like idk i didn't go into it with the expectation that the story was going to be amazing #i went into it wanting to watch a fun gory movie that gives you that like rollercoaster adrenaline feeling #and anyway in that way it totally delivered for me #really gross and generally very good gore #obviously low budget set but it just makes it more claustrophobic #i don't wanna spoil too much but there's some fun design in it and i liked hte sound design #bc they definitely went a little overboard but in a fun way #good to listen to #so #if you like 'stuck in a cave' movies

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foone · 1 year

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I see a lot of people joking about the adhd thing of "I have a appointment/phone call at 3pm, guess I won't do anything all day!"

But no one seems to make the connection that it's a time blindness thing. One of the symptoms of ADHD is not having a good and accurate sense of time. And not doing stuff prior to an event with a hard deadline is an obvious coping mechanism for that.

Can I go to the store? It's 10am and the appointment is at 3pm. How long does going to the store take? An hour? Three hours? Five hours? I DON'T KNOW!

I get anxious trying to do things before appointments because I'm aware that I don't know how long those things take, and that if I think I do, I may be very wrong. Too often I've been like "hey I can walk to the corner store and grab a drink, that'll take like 15 minutes!" and then an hour later I get back and whoops my rice has burnt.

Plus there's also the fact that ADHD people know that motivation and focus is a two-edged sword.

Like, let's say you decide to play a video game. You've got time, you can pause/save whenever, so this should be a perfect fit to make good use of your waiting-time. So you start playing and WHOOPS you get really focused for some reason today (because people with ADHD do not get to pick when their brain decides to focus) and the next time you look at the clock it's 2:49 and you haven't showered or dressed and the appointment is 30 minutes away. Fuck. (you could have set an alarm, but now you're asking people with the forgetting-things-and-time-ignoring condition to remember it set alarms)

And with motivation, it can be almost worse. Instead of playing a game, you so something useful or creative. You clean your room or fix your plumbing or write a story or draw a picture. And suddenly it's great. Your brain is firing on all cylinders. You've got all the motivation you can ask for, and you are FLYING. the ideas are brilliant, your hands are nimble, you're getting stuff done you've been putting off for weeks or months. And then the alarm goes off. Time to go to your appointment. Fuck.

You drive there, your brain still full of ideas and plans. But by the time you get back, the motivation is gone. You may still have the ideas but you don't have the drive to write them down. You can't force yourself to do it. Your sink is still in pieces. Your room is half-cleaned, and you have to shove all the sorted clothes into one big bin just so you have somewhere to sleep. You've left things half finished again, in a cycle that has been repeating your whole fucking life. It seems sometimes that nothing ever gets finished.

So next time you don't even start. There's not time. You've been burnt too many times. Why add another half-completed project to your pile of shame?

My point is that people seem to be going "lol I can't do anything all day if I have an appointment at 3pm" like this is a quirky "oh I'm so scatterbrained!" weirdness they alone have, and not a major complication of a disabling mental illness.

(and that's not even getting into the secondary effects. If you know that having an appointment ruins your whole damn day, you're going to avoid them. Even when it's things like "going to that party" or "meeting your friends for a drink/game" or "going to a movie with that cute girl from your math class". Things you should enjoy. Things that'd help you be social. Things that make you feel human.)

#ADHD

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helloidkwhatimdoing-0 · 5 months

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Woke up today so excited it was christmas eve and then was cruelly reminded by the world that I actually dislike christmas

#moss mumbles #in theory i LOVE christmas #SO MUCH #but in practice. every single year i forget peoples gifts. someone gets mad at me for something #i realise. hey i love all my family members individually but they should never be allowed in a room together !#and I'm dreading opening my presents because my mum is gonna want to film me #and opening presents in camera is fucking awful bc i have to fake being excited #and then im too focused on looking excited and i don't get to actually feel happy #even if i love the gift #and just #agh #i hate Christmas but i don't but i do

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sapsolais · 9 months

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#i think i might like to start posting my poetry again #it'd be nice to have a separate space where i can just talk freely #n share things #(even if the only one listening is myself a month later)#i am trying to be gentle with myself and remind myself no one needs to be listening for me to still have things worth sharing #that my thoughts and feelings hold value regardless of the amount (or lack thereof) of people i can share these things with #i was lamenting a while ago over not feeling very heard. or stifled rather.#n i realized well. hey. I'm listening. n maybe other people are too (quietly) but that's besides the point #it's a funny thing being so forgetful. you just keep going and going and chugging along experiencing life and moving forward that sometimes #(when you remember)#you look back n see a note you left for yourself and somehow it's something you really needed to see #or sometimes #you look at that note. or maybe musing from a time in your life where you thought something to be so True in that moment #and you gently correct yourself. like no #you're alright. and no you aren't as (blank) as you thought.#dunno. just had a moment like that tonight. n i think it's important #i wrote something down i could have used a while ago and i'd like to share it in case some one else could use it now i guess #(but i am a shy thing)#we'll see #sap says

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tarjapearce · 10 months

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Tentateur

Miguel O'Hara x Cheated on!fem Reader

WARNINGS: MINORS DO NOT INTERACT. SMUT at the end, bit of angst, fluff, adult situations. Cheating, divorce.

Requested here

Summary: Miguel can't stand watching you being neglected by your husband.

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If there was something Miguel hated, was life being too generous upon those that didn't deserve it, not even the slightest. Meaning, a dickhead for a coworker and sadly, your husband.

How could such a guy like him ended up with a sweetheart like you was beyond him, The man was apathetic, little to no charm, rude and an absolute bastard.

"She's uh, my wife." He had said flatly. Your name felt like sandpaper on his tongue as it rolled out of it while introducing you to the rest at a small party at Alchemax.

Miguel had noticed the little stab of hurt crossing your angelic face. He wanted to punch him straight in the face, even some of the other couples had noticed the small tension. But you just stood there, trying to give your best smile. The golden band around your finger and the loving stare your eyes casted on your husband was a clear 'Don't even try it' for him.

But for once, Miguel didn't care.

----

He didn't exactly know how the crush on you had started. At first he thought that was just him feeling lonely and that his eyes wandered too much. But when you visited, lunch bag in hand, looking for your husband only to give him a bedazzling smile upon seeing him, and he receiving you with a tight-lipped smile, made his heart to break a little more.

"Hey" You were about to kiss him but he just backed away.

"I'm working."

"Alright, alright. See you later?"

He just gave a quick nod and put the lunchbox on his desk. There wasn't love in his goodbye kiss, Miguel noted. Once you were out, he rummaged through its contents while rolling his eyes.

He looked around and spotted Miguel with a mug on his hand.

"Hey, pal." He called and offered him.

"Want some?" Miguel seized him from head to toes but just nodded. It felt the only way that he could have a bit of you at the moment.

"Take whatever you like. Wife always goes overboard with food." Miguel took the small dessert container. It tasted divine. It only matched your own sweetness.

Lucky Bastard.

Oh he was. His eyebrows pressed together as he kept giving away all the food you had so dotingly prepared him.

----

"Can we talk about this later? You can't just keep visiting me every time you feel so"

"But you keep forgetting lunch at home, can't leave you like-"

"It's fine really, we have vending machines here." Your husband grumbled, but you couldn't help but hold the lunchbox tightly against your arms.

"I see. Sorry." You gave him a small smile, "See you later?"

"Im busy today. Might get a couple hours late. Don't wait for me."

You just nodded as Miguel jaw tensed.

How dared he?

You left.

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You had bumped into him at the supermarket on a weekend. Your cart was full of food, food that would end up in his hands and the rest of the team but never in your husband's mouth.

"Miguel, right?"

He nodded as he pulled some items for himself in his basket.

"Thanks for helping me." you smiled, his heart thumped harder.

"Where is..." He cleared his throat and you looked up at him.

"My husband? Oh, he said he had an extra shift today. Working in Alchemax surely is hard, I mean, I try to make it less... bad for him."

Miguel's mind was sneering, not at you but at the fake pretense of a hard working man the son of a bitch had put up with you. He knew the truth, he knew your husband only went there, did things wrong and half assed, and lately he had been flirting shamelessly with a lab technician from the upper floor.

His hatred for the man only grew, just as his admiration for you. What truly made you marry someone like him? That's the biggest question he had so far.

"I'm kind of nervous, today's our anniversary. I wanna surprise him with something" Your cheeks tinted red.

God you were killing him. He wanted to grab you gently by your shoulders, and say 'I can be better' cause of course he could, he was. You'd never have to settle for less with him.

'I appreciate you' cause he did, unlike the fool you had married. 'You'd never have to beg me' because in truth, he was already at your feet.

But you weren't his. Not yet.

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Sighing, Miguel put the lab test equipment away, then headed for the main office to get a couple more samples of a liquid he tried, but stopped dead in his tracks at the sight.

Legs wrapped around a man's waist, as his pants were down at his ankles. The woman shrieked once she noticed Miguel standing there with a frown and disgusted face. Miguel’s anger froze when the man next to her turned to be none but your husband.

The man recoiled to himself upon Miguel glaring holes his way.

----

His shoulder was poked by none other that the cheating pig.

"Uh, hey. Can we.... Can you, I mean-"

He stumbled on his words, Miguel towered over him, his eyes belittling him. He was bold.

"You saw nothing, yeah?"

And oh so phony. Disgusting.

Miguel just went back to his work.

It was the last straw.

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To his surprise you were sitting on a café, puffy and tear crusted eyes staring into nothingness, a phone on your hands. You knew.

He didn't know whether to approach you, or just leave you be. As much as he wanted you, he knew that coming at you in your most vulnerable state would not only make a bad impression oh him, but he didn't want to act like a vulture, looming over your broken heart for him to take.

He approached carefully.

"Hey"

"Miguel..."

"Are you okay?"

Your eyes avoided him.

"May I sit?"

You nodded with a hiccup and he offered you his handkerchief, fresh hot tears spilled in the soft fabric. His chest constricting at the sight.

"He cheated on me."

Much to your dismay, he knew. Of course, he wanted to tell you, but knowing how careless your husband acted, it was a matter of time for you to discover the cheating.

"I'm really sorry to hear that."

Shaking your head, you sniffed

"He has been doing this for months. Should've... saw this coming. I mean... I found so many pictures of a woman and... God"

He was pretty sure that he would punch the man next time he'd see him.

"He never came home to our anniversary, but even way before that. He just... I wasn't enough."

He frowned and took your hand softly.

"Stop. Cheating is a personal choice, guapa. You can't blame yourself for other's choices. He decided to do so, to trash away his marriage. It has nothing to do with you."

"Maybe if... I was-"

"No. You're... you're perfect. Puta madre, you're more than perfect. He's a lucky bastard just to have you. And... If I was him-"

He stopped his words and pursed his lips. You didn't need this. He'd have to be patient. You stared at him gently.

"I'll file for a divorce. He's barely coming home anyways and... that pretty much says on it's own that is over."

Miguel just nodded.

"Might celebrate it." You chuckled after wiping your tears.

"Can I ask you something?"

Again, you nodded.

"I know it's none of my business but, I'm just genuinely curious as to why you'd marry him?"

"Impulsiveness, I guess." you shrugged, your hand resting some inches away from his.

"He just proposed one day out of the blue, we had been dating for six months. Don't... don't look at me like that. I know it was stupid." you groaned.

"It's alright. You thought it was love." His hand inched closer, you nodded.

"We had our problems. A lot, actually. But... instead of speaking things like a fucking adult, he went on cheating."

"Mira, guapa... yo" He trailed off unsure of resisting any longer, his resolution to wait vanishing, "I know that this is a really bad time for you and-"

"Please... don't. Miguel I-"

"Just listen, ok? Please?" His hand finally took yours gently.

"I know this is the least of things you need right now, but... You have no idea how... how perfect you are. I always saw you visiting him, being loving, and he just threw all that away. He lost you. You're way too much for him."

Your body tensed upon sensing where this was going. Of course you weren't ignorant, you'd notice the glances he would give your way, the yearning in his eyes every time you kissed or acted like lovesick fool with your glacial husband.

" Let me show you, how would I treat you, if you were mine."

"Miguel, I don't want to-."

"Let me take you to dinner. If you don't like anything and I mean it, anything, I'll stop and leave you be. Just a dinner. Hell, you could ramble about him for hours and I'd just be happy for you to be there."

You sighed, it was a rather simple choice to say yes or no. There was nothing that actually tied you to your ex husband now. Just a very skewed moral code.

" Just a dinner. "

His heart fluttered and he nodded

"Just a dinner and I'll drop you home."

----

Miguel helped you out of his car, eyes drinking in your form. He would be lying if he said that he didn't feel jealous of the dress you were wearing, snugging all your curves in the right spots, just a tiny thing to make your own beauty to stand out even more. Gorgeous, flawless, divine and perfect.

You gasped at the location

"Are you sure this is the place? It's quite expensive."

Your concern was endearing, he offered you his arm and guided you inside.

"You're worth it, princesa."

The place seemed like being inspired from an old movie, elegant, classic and of course fancy. Never in your life your ex husband would actually treat you to places like these. His card would explode, he said once. Other places were good, but this was in a whole new level of luxury.

Miguel held the chair for you, and you sat, he followed.

"This place is gorgeous." He chuckled and took your hand to kiss your soft knuckles.

"Just like you."

----

Time flew, the night had been to your surprise one of the best things that you have experienced. You had tasted things that didn't know existed, Miguel had fed you the dessert, pampering you to no end. The wine was delicious.

As night advanced, his little touches had turned more and more risqué, his fingers would take a taste of your exposed thigh skin, your hands would brush his, fiery and small caresses that sparked a silent yet mutual fire.

Once home you couldn't get your hands out of eachother. He had to be careful to not rip your dress to bits, he needed you. The wet kisses in your neck and his wandering hands all over your heated body the proof of it. When was the last time that someone touched you like this?

Not even him, the man that oathed to love you and be with you through thick and thin. A gentle rub on your clit by expert fingers made you forget about him. Lock his memory in a vault and you'd throw the key somewhere. Your hips would buck against his hand, rolling on waves after waves of pleasure.

"He didn't touch you?" You shook your head as your mouth gaped open.

"When was-"

"Shut up." you moaned breathlessly. An I don't know nor care.

Your body responded so well too him, be the need you tried to sate with your own hands, or the loneliness that had made you so desperate that had you squirming and soaked and he was only using his hands so far. With Miguel, things felt differently. He did things differently. And different was good. So so good.

His hunger for you shown and conveyed in every caress and touch he gave you. He was gentle enough for his desire to permeate your skin. You didn't feel alone. You felt needed. Loved even. There was no turning back once you discarded all the clothes on both ends.

----

Opposite to what you believed, your heart wasn't flooding with guilt. No.

There were no longer what ifs and what not constantly echoing in your brain. There was no longer that constricting sensation in your chest you always had. No more uncertainty. You were free.

Last night Miguel, whose arms cradled your form to be snuggled in his chest and his thigh hooked on your hip, hoarding you. As if fearful you'd go away, had made you experience a whole new concept of pleasure. Your body soared in bliss, you were glowing, He had given you climax after climax, making every single one of them more shattering and intense than the other.

That's all you wanted really. Feel at ease and blissful. Miguel had given you that and more. More than you actually ever though deserving. It was just a matter of time that you'd finally take him whole.

You wanted him. His kindness, his care, his love, his grumpyness during mornings, the way he cursed in spanish whenever he'd stub his toe in the nightstand. You wanted it all.

Of course you had filed for a divorce as soon as you could, your husband was more than happy to comply. He hadn't been home for a while, Miguel even told you that he had quitted. It was as if the universe was removing him from your life ever since you started with Miguel a couple months ago.

But none of that mattered. Not when he had plopped you down to bed, hands holding a firm grip in your sweaty and smooth skin, hips straddling yours and plowing into you from behind, prone bone position. His hips buried himself deep, hitting that spot over and over. He wasn't gentle, but that's just exactly how you liked it.

Before you could actually reach the stars he flipped you over, your thighs resting ontop of his. He sheathed once more inside. Your phone buzzed.

You growled in annoyance, Miguel sighed. A number you knew all too well. Finally you'd get the news you so needed to hear.

"Y-Yeah?" Miguel smirked as he held your thighs together and pushed in further, his tip kissing your cervix so deliciously you had to bite your lip to suppress a moan. The little baby bump in your abdomen barely noticeable.

"Shit's done. Papers are signed."

There was a bit of rustling and the clinking of glass. By his tone, you knew he was getting drunk, celebrating. Miguel took the phone and put it on speaker.

"Ya know? I'm glad I did. Couldn't stand you, nagging all the time. But I'm a free man now, baby." His gulping, something you secretly hated, could be heard on the other line.

Miguel frowned and spreaded your legs once more.

"You there?" Your ex chuckled, "It's okay if you're crying, won't judge"

So so annoying.

A smirk appeared on your face as Miguel focused the camera on your body. He then turned the video call on. The man's face instantly fell upon watching you bouncing on a cock that surely put his to shame. Spine arching, breast jiggling and mouth spewing the lewdest of moans and needy whimpers he hsd ever heard from you. One tan hand secured you in place, preventing you from squirming too much.

"Sorry, pal." He grunted as he started to ram his hips in abandonment, making your toes curl. Your face and body said it all. The video image shaking at his thrust

"Just like that, bonita?" You choked a sob as he went balls in deep, nodding and begging him for him to not stop.

"She's busy." He hung up the call before the man could say anything and tossed your phone somewhere in the bed.

You felt so good, perfect for him, And now you were all his.

------

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