#i dont care if i get deactivated for this or what fucking ever my blog doesnt fucking matter when people
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Namibian and South African and Palestinian solidarity forever
#artists on tumblr#free palestine#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#i dont care if i get deactivated for this or what fucking ever my blog doesnt fucking matter when people#are being butchered. fuck colonizers and fuck israel sympathizers i hope you fucking rot.#my ancestors were wiped off the face of the map my culture decimated by colonizers i will NOT stand idly by and let#the same happen to palestine
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why is it mean for someone to tell you you should get help? you're obviously in a lot of distress and should see someone about it for your own mental health...these 'patterns' you're leaning into are only exarcerbating your mental condition. but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative
to insinuate that a.) i dont know about my own mental state & wellbeing and you need to “tell me” because the psychosis makes it so i cant notice how it affects how i function every single day of my life b.) i need to delete my socials because of what someone else did to me to put me in this state c.) you somehow have any idea whats going on in my life, if im being treated, what symptoms im experiencing, that I legitimately cant tell ~whats real~ d.) noticing patterns doesnt mean im going off the deep rail LMFAO is all the stupidest shit ever.
for future reference, how you and the other anon are approaching someone you perceive as experiencing active psychosis is going to put people in active psychosis in danger to themselves. its funny to see random anons tell me what im experiencing and what i need to do about it to fix it when its evident from how this was approached you don’t actually care about me you just want to make yourselves feel like youre above me for whatever reason. “but if you want to embrace your psychosis and go completely off the rails i guess that's your prerogative” and “Deactivate your TikTok, delete the app and go see a psychologist” are sooo condescending. yeah deleting an app is absolutely gonna fix this problem. a diagnosis ive had since i was 15. stupid shits idek what to say like are you both actual tiktok teenagers who think they know everything about everything because get off my blog you suck so bad lmaooo sooo condescending. Im completely capable of making my own decisions im 22 lol i dont need tumblr anons i cant see telling me to do shit im doing already. i have a psychiatrist. ive been seeing him for years. i have a therapist. i saw her after my psychosis got retriggered. i know i am sick! i literally cant leave my house! when i do… i freak the fuck out! for HOURS !!! my family and friends all know how deeply this affects me and i promise you none of them have said this shit to me the way you and the “other anon” did. i stopped socializing, i havent made any new friends, i cant trust the people i do know im not close to anymore. i promise you i know WAYYY more than you about how it impacts me way more than you. my socials are the one open window i didnt put curtains on. i completely control what you all are able to see theough leaving this tiny window unclothed for the internet to look into my life. i dont need random people to see my jokes on my blog about my delusions and tell me its a delusion like im being very tongue in cheek about all of my delusional posts. i absolutely believe them but im making fun of myself for how crazy i sound.
i really have not a clue why youd think this is an appropriate way to approach it but it leads me to believe youre a tiktok user who probably thought the dude that manipulated his way into a famous persons house while she was manic was a Good Idea because clearly she wouldnt get help. lmfao its bad in so many facets. imagine if i was fully and completely immersed in my paranoia and delusions of being a targeted individual (which is the root of everything im experiencing right now): ask yourself how would you feel YOU felt targeted by a higher entity and now random anonymous people are telling you what you’re experiencing and how youre treated everyday isnt real and youre crazy. like to us its so very real and no amount of rationalizing makes it better. i have only small interactions every once in a blue moon these days that makes me think i could be okay and that im not being targeted and then every single day multiple times a day its shown to me continuously. this included! you and the “other anon” should really reevaluate how you talk to people in severe mental crisis because this is like the exact opposite of how you should react to seeing someone delusion posting or whatever and it shows me you dont know a single loved one with who experiences this shit.
in the future, fucking look into how you approach someone struggling. if i wasnt as lucid in my psychosis or in touch with reality you genuinely could have put me in danger. im going to send you and anyone on my blog watching me like im a circus act off with this so you never put anyone in my position in a state of self harm. but if youre too lazy to click on the link im showing you anyways
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okay…. like…. not to assign “burnout culture” or “hustle etc culture (🤮🤮)” to this hellsite….. but y’know the genre of posts on here that are like “me logging into this hellsite is practically just a habit at this point and i’ll never leave” or what have you???? it’s like we’re all so burnt out running our blogs that we’ve just accepted it. because i’m pretty sure my whole “i don’t want to start another blog on wordpress or start another social media platform because building a following is fucking tiring as fuck” thing was/is just me being burnt out over many years of posting and cleaning out my archive….. and for me, just generally having stress over losing followers in my earlier days (now i dont really care if i lose followers- because i always gain some back eventually)…. because i was constantly losing sleep over this hellsite and constantly debating with myself if it was healthier to just deactivate or not because leaving this blog and this hellsite that became such a huge part of my life over the last 10 years was/is hard….. and just took/just has taken its toll.
and let’s not even get started on the amount of political stuff (mostly US centric obvs, but also canadian and european from time to time) that was on my dash that made me feel depressed and stuff…. and even the donation posts filling my dash made me feel sad. but i just couldn’t bring myself to take breaks from here. all because i’d lose followers or whatever the fuck reason i was giving myself during those times where i felt sick of tumblr; because i felt so obliged to churn through posts to reblog to keep people reblogging or possibly even clicking onto my blog. (although i learnt through my one-time drunken excursion to google analytics with this hellblog that barely anyone ever bothers to click directly on my blog to view it 😂😂).
and the burnout with this hellsite definitely hit me hard personally last year while i was in the ICU after getting my stomach tumour removed. because while in the ICU, i realised i actually no energy at all to update my queue everyday to 250-300 posts…. all so that i had a constant stream of posts for the hours of 11pm-8am so that i could sleep. i basically spent of my ICU time sleeping when i could; and most of it during the day for a good while…. even though that annoyed my doctors 😅.
so that’s why i’m no longer running my queue at those hours anymore…. i basically just forgot about it. and plus it was annoying that the tumblr app didn’t remember the new Q tag which an entire sentence long for a good while….. and that i had to get my laptops to remember it too when i got home from hospital. so that’s the main reason i no longer run my queue. but yeah. i got super burnt out with trying to run this blog while i was in hospital in late 2020 and january this year.
but yeah. maybe all those posts about “tumblr is just my habit at this point and i don’t know how to leave even though this hellsite may drain me of energy” is really all of us manifesting burnout with this hobby (or for people who actually commission art/writing etc, their job through here); but we’re just trying to be funny about it. but really it’s not. because we’ve managed to burn ourselves out on this silly let hellsite lmao 😂😂
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i got tagged by @mari-kigold!! this was so much fun, thank u for the tag artzyy <3
1. why did you choose your url?
very simple actually. it was gay-jesus-official for the longest time but i needed a change of pace, SO here we are! im gay, i like birds, and my name is magpie—hence, many gay magpies.
(more under the cut)
2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.
i have three but in only really use one of them sjfhdffgfgc
@bambihee, for moodboards! (it's mainly enhypen-centric at the moment, as is my main)
the other two are old blogs from back when i was in the koc. one of them was my koc "main" that is 99% dead, and the literal only reason i havent deactivated yet is because of the past messages with a close moot that i dont want to lose ;-; the other is a koc rant blog-turned-normal rant blog that i havent used in weeks, honestly i dont know why im keeping it. attachment? pretty jeonghan layout? who knows. anyways im not tagging either of them because theyre both dead af and there would be literally no point <3
3. how long have you been on tumblr?
hold on uhhhh *sounds of a gay doing math* i think like 19 or 20 months? cuz i joined in october of 2019
4. do you have a queue tag?
i barely use the queue BUT since i recently started making moodboards i have a tag for when i promote stuff from my moodboard blog which is just q: bambihee
but other than that no
5. why did you start your blog in the first place?
i'd been kind of wanting to do it for a while cuz i kept seeing screenshots of tumblr posts on pinterest and it seemed gloriously chaotic (it is), but what really made me take the ✨deep dive✨ was me wanting to see what the kpop, particularly stray kids, fandom was like on tumblr
6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?
it's a picture of heeseung because i'm whipped for him and it's this PARTICULAR picture of heeseung because he just looks so soft in it :(( like seriously his eyes are so big and beautiful
7. why did you choose your header?
i don't have a header at the moment, BUT my last header was a screenshot of heeseung from the fever mv which i don't think requires an explanation <3
8. what's your post with the most notes?
i don't know for certain, but im guessing its the one onlyoneof post i made about the members' reactions to wooksung's ✨move✨ in the libidO dance practice
9. how many mutuals do you have?
i havent counted and i dont really care to to be honest
10. how many followers do you have?
325
11. how many people do you follow?
350
12. have you ever made a shitpost?
what, really, is the criteria for a shitpost? what is "shitposting"? what is our purpose in life?
(the answer is yes)
13. how often do you use tumblr each day?
ahahAHA
hAHA
hA
ha
14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?
if i ever end up fighting somebody, even just over tumblr, i will probably cry, have a panic attack, or both. i would rather walk into a tree than engage in conflict with a person.
i did disappoint someone once and frankly i think that was just as bad
15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?
i do not like them. i used to reblog like every one i saw because i was always like "but what if", but i have since decided that i will not be giving a fuck. i reblog your post when i want to, thank you very much, i dont care if madame zeroni or whoever the fuck curses me for all eternity, that shit is an unnecessary stressor for already plenty-stressed human beings and has no place on my blog
16. do you like tag games?
yes!! not that you'd know it from how little i actually participate in them svfhfhfgdg
i appreciate you tagging me very much i am just forgetful and stressed :<
17. do you like ask games?
ALSO yes! tho i dont get them that often tbh
the ones that are like 'mutuals send this emoji in an ask to see what your mutual thinks of you!' lowkey stress me out because im afraid i wont know what to say ghdhghvh (it doesn't stop me from doing them tho <3)
18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?
uh. none of them? i dont know
19. do you have a crush on a mutual?
nope, and i never have <3 (not a serious CRUSH-crush, anyway)
20. tags?
im gonna tag @ateezaligned @baby-dinobean @markismybxtch @sunghoonseyebrowcult and anyone else who wants to do this! you don't have to if you don't want to ofc ^^
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What what tf happened where were you
It’s a loooooong story but i was planning on explaining everything so i’ll do it here! Short ver: i got suspended for saving & not using a huge amount of URLs.
Long ver: under the read more (for anyone that loves drama and wants to waste 5 mins listening to me complain)
So! 23 days ago, on Monday 26 of February i got an email from Tumblr informing me that my account got suspended because i had saved and never used a huge amount of URLs. Ridiculous reason to get suspended right? but i did have a LOT of URLs i didn’t even want to use (more than 100 for sure) so it makes sense why Tumblr wanted to “take action”. Now, if you’re wondering why i had all those URLs saved, it’s pretty simple. I saved them when i first started this blog, almost 4 years ago and i never deleted them because it takes a lot of time and i was lazy and i didnt thought tumblr would actually suspend me or anything fdkjdfjkfdk
Anyway on that sad Monday i wake up, go to work, scroll through my dash and notice that i cant reblog or post anything. At first i thought it was a bug but then i noticed that i cant post from my phone too (browser & app) and i couldnt find my blog. That was when i panicked real hard. I checked my Line account and i saw my friends trying to figure out what happened with me and if i was okay cause they thought i deactivated or smth. At that point i (still panicked and scared af) send a message to the tumblr support team asking what tf happened to my blog. After i send that message i checked my email to see if they got it and that was when i found out about my suspension and everything. The email Tumblr send me about it, it said that i had to delete all the URLs, inform them and they would restore my access to my account. I was pretty shocked tbh but that line “Let us know when that’s been done so we can restore your access.” made me feel a lil better cause i thought my blog would go back to normal very soon lmaoSo then i started deleting all the URLs and they were so many and it takes so much time that i had to stop and finish deleting them at home (i was at work and i had to actually do my job you know fdjkdfkj). At around 8pm my time i was back home, all the URLs deleted and ready to get my blog back. I replied to the email tumblr send me, telling them im sry and that i deleted all the URLs and that was it, that was when the drama started.
I waited 2 days and Tumblr didn’t reply to me. Not a “we got your reply, we’ll restore your account soon” no anything. Complete silence from them. I messaged them again and again for a whole week and nothing, no reply from the support team. I ended up making a new blog and messaged them from there (in case they blocked my email or smth) and no answer from them again. My friend Ana emailed them too about my blog and they told her “tell your friend to contact us” (lmao i was doing that for a week and yall ignored me but okayy). I messaged them again and again and nothing. I even send a report at Tumblr Security, complaing that the support team is ignoring me. I send that from a different email (in case the email tied to my blog was indeed blocked) and i did get a reply from a dude named Doug, saying i should email tumblr security again but from the email connected to my blog. I was so happy when i got that response, i thought Doug was my hero but sike, i couldnt message Tumblr Security from my email and when i told Doug he ignored me.
After about 50 emails from me and some friends who messaged tumblr about me (and got ignored just like me) i had lost all hope, i stopped messaging the support team and my plan was to message them again after ½ weeks when they would have forgotten about me and how they were ignoring me and maybe someone would reply to me by accident lmao (i didnt really believe that would work but i wasnt gonna go away without an explanation). But i was rly convinced i wouldnt get my blog back so i made a new blog a few days ago and saved the 3 good URLs i could use for my new blog.
That was until today. Today i woke up thinking i will finally start my new blog and i was thinking of ways to track all the gifs i posted on chanshine and reblog them so i had them on my new blog etc etc. Later at work i decided to message tumblr one more time (before i gave them a break and started my plan from above) and that email was so ridiculous lmao i srly send them this: “hello, its me your sad girl Mary. I just want to ask a lil question from the lovely support team. Will i ever get my blog back or should i just make a new one lmao”. I didn’t think anyone would reply tbh, i was ready to get ignored but after some hours, when i got home i checked my email one last time and saw that they did ignore that message BUT! they replied to the one they send me 23 fucking days ago! Their reply was very simple “Hello, Thanks for letting us know. We’ve restored full access to your account.” and tbh i wont even ask for an explanation, they might suspend me for good fdjkdfjkdf
After i saw this email i freaked out, opened tumblr and saw that i had messages (before i couldnt open the messages cause my blog “didnt exist”) and i saw that i can make posts and find my blog and url and all dfkjdfjk
So yeah, thats all it, thats what happened and after living all of that i got a few last things to say:
1) DELETE ALL YOUR SAVED URLS I DONT CARE HOW CUTE OR RARE THEY ARE IF YOU DONT USE THEM DELETE THEM ALL DFKJDFKJDF (or at least reblog smth on them from time to time so they arent completely empty)
2) The Tumblr Support Team is a joke, i don’t know what they were doing all these days, i literally informed them i deleted all the URLs on the same day they suspended me and they have done absolutely nothing. So try your best to never end up needing the Support Teams help cause you aint gonna get it.
3) I think my suspension (more like, tumblr checking my blog) came after an american dude claimed my olympics gifs cause that literally happened on the same night so yeah, be careful of not giffing stuff that “Jonathan Cheban” thinks he owns or he’s gonna claim them and make tumblr delete them
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so, basically, you're pissed because one of your friends got deactivated. which is understandable, i would be too. anyone would be. but it also seems that you're upset that she got deactivated and someone else dodn't? really? that's pathetic, imo. but let me guess. not as pathetic as hiding on anon, right? because im sure you were going to bring that up instead of answer the actual questions/statements. as usual.
so, basically, you are blissfully unaware of the situation. my friend got deactivated prior to being my friend. and although that’s fucked up, that she got deactivated, I mean she’s here now and we’re cool now so why should I be worried about what happened months and months ago. I am “pissed” that there is another way more popular blog on this site that is bullying and harassing her, and her previously feeling like she could not stand up for herself without getting hate and all the reparations that go along with it, which it doesn’t even really seem like she got any from this, only me.....but whatever....
I dont care what happens to Lanas blog. never ever did. ever. she’s here? ok. she’s not. that’s ok too. my world is not going to fall apart because she’s gone or not.
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