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#i don't think i have ever received so many hugs in a 72 hour period before
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The amount of times I have had a thought to send to my sister and remembered she will never get it 😭
#kee speaks#we went to the funeral home yesterday and it felt so surreal#mom shared the note my sister left with me and my brother so we know what her mindset was like and her reasoning#but it hurts that she never voiced it to us when we could've reassured her#she parked her truck in one of our farming fields behind a row of thick bushes so the truck wasn't visible from the road#you wouldn't know a truck could make it there unless you've been in that field before like we have#but it's right next to a dammed lake and that's where my brother in law proposed to her and only four days before their wedding anniversary#and then he was the one who found her#none of my family made it over there to be there with him#my dad tried but he blew the engine on his truck just a few miles from the farm; not even a quarter of the way to the field#i think that was a sign that he shouldn't have been there#but my brother in laws family all made it over there so he had his immediate family with him and my family was together at the farm#when the cops were done talking to him over there him and his family came to the farm#from Friday afternoon until Sunday night it was just a continuous parade of people coming and going from the farm#even yesterday evening a bunch of people stopped by#i don't think i have ever received so many hugs in a 72 hour period before#we've definitely deduced that my parents church will not be big enough for everyone if all that showed up at the farm plus more will be ther#we picked a day almost two weeks away for the funeral so that people can make arrangements to come#im so exhausted though#i keep crying over things that feel stupid to cry over#like she was the one who convinced me to read the Murderbot Diaries and the next book comes out in the next couple months#i wont get to talk to her about it#i was going to lend her my PS5 so she could play Jedi Survivor#on Saturday i kept crying over a pin that has been sitting on my mug shelf in the cupboard that was meant for her#i convinced myself to wait until Christmas and put it in her stocking#and now I feel bad that i didnt give it to her when i bought it cause maybe it would've brought her some joy
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raefill · 6 years
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I would legit love to hear you answers to every single question. I don't know if you feel like actually doing them all, but if you did... I'm JUST SAYING I'D READ THE ANSWERS, ok.
1: Is there a boy/girl in your life?Yeaaaah but my romantic prospects are pretty bleak tbh, I graduate and move away in a few months
2: Think of the last person who hurt you; do you forgive them?No, not really. But I’m not mad about it anymore.
3: What do you think of when you hear the word “meow?”CUTE BABY CLOSE BY !!!!!!!!!
4: What’s something you really want right now?to cry, i’m having the big sads
5: Are you afraid of falling in love?always
6: Do you like the beach?i love the beach!!!!!!!!! i grew up in a seaside town, the beach feels like the best parts of home
7: Have you ever slept on a couch with someone else?yes ?? it was cramped and uncomfortable 
8: What’s the background on your cell?the photo of me, san, kahl, chez, frau, bagel and spags in the louvre
9: Name the last four beds you were sat on?mine(right now), Thea’s, Lizzie’s, .. Keir’s?
10: Do you like your phone?yeah but i’d like it more if the screen wasn’t so cracked
11: Honestly, are things going the way you planned?lol no, it’s definitely not
12: Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts?i genuinely don’t remember !
13: Would you rather have a poodle or a Rottweiler?rottweiler, i love dogs that look a little mean but have big hearts
14: Which hurts the most, physical or emotional pain?pffffft, that’s hard to answer but i’d say generally emotional, most of the time it’s harder to get rid of emotional pain
15: Would you rather visit a zoo or an art museum?both ?! i want to support the breeding of endangered animals that happens in zoos and see the cute animals but also i love a good rembrandt ?!
16: Are you tired?exhausted
17: How long have you known your 1st phone contact?since i was born
18: Are they a relative?my mother!
19: Would you ever consider getting back together with any of your exes?not a fucking chance
20: When did you last talk to the last person you shared a kiss with?a few hours ago, i think
21: If you knew you had the right person, would you marry them today?i don’t believe there’s a way to know nor do i think love works that way
22: Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?hell yeah i would
23: How many bracelets do you have on your wrists right now?none!
24: Is there a certain quote you live by?“if you make bad choices, own them” - my dad 
25: What’s on your mind?god, everything, idk im having a high key anxiety day
26: Do you have any tattoos?one pretty big one on my thigh
27: What is your favorite color?black !!!!!!!!!!
28: Next time you will kiss someone on the lips?maybe tomorrow, we’ll see how it goes
29: Who are you texting?uhhh, no one? everyone is asleep
30: Think to the last person you kissed, have you ever kissed them on a couch?yes
31: Have you ever had the feeling something bad was going to happen and you were right?all the time, my gut rarely lies
32: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex you can talk to?yes, his name is keir and he’s one of my best friends
33: Do you think anyone has feelings for you?i mean i’m dating someone so i fucking hope so
34: Has anyone ever told you you have pretty eyes?no ? i dont think ? i’ve had people say they’re big or the colour is interesting but idk
35: Say the last person you kissed was kissing someone right in front of you?i’d cheer her on
36: Were you single on Valentines Day?yes
37: Are you friends with the last person you kissed?yes!
38: What do your friends call you?rae ?
39: Has anyone upset you in the last week?yes
40: Have you ever cried over a text?pffft, yah
41: Where’s your last bruise located?my knee
42: What is it from?i fell over my own computer chair
43: Last time you wanted to be away from somewhere really bad?today
44: Who was the last person you were on the phone with?my mum, i think
45: Do you have a favourite pair of shoes?not right now, most i just wear my plain black docs
46: Do you wear hats if your having a bad hair day?no, i just tie is back
47: Would you ever go bald if it was the style?no, i really dont like my ears, idk why
48: Do you make supper for your family?yeah, my mum and step dad can’t cook
49: Does your bedroom have a door?ofc it does? what kind of bedroom doesn’t have a door? get these pretentious loft bedrooms out of my face
50: Top 3 web-pages?tumblr, ao3, youtube
51: Do you know anyone who hates shopping?plenty!
52: Does anything on your body hurt?period pains are all the rage today
53: Are goodbyes hard for you?yeah but i don’t tend to cry until they’ve already left so i look like i take them just fine
54: What was the last beverage you spilled on yourself?water......... this morning
55: How is your hair?fine? a bit damaged from the cold weather
56: What do you usually do first in the morning?wish i was still asleep
57: Do you think two people can last forever?yes
58: Think back to January 2007, were you single?i dont fucking know
59: Green or purple grapes?GREEN or get out of my face
60: When’s the next time you will give someone a BIG hug?tomorrow~
61: Do you wish you were somewhere else right now?yes
62: When will be the next time you text someone?tomorrow!
63: Where will you be 5 hours from now?probably in bed still, but asleep
64: What were you doing at 8 this morning.sleeping
65: This time last year, can you remember who you liked?no, i was getting over the end of a four year relationship
66: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?no
67: Did you kiss or hug anyone today?no
68: What was your last thought before you went to bed last night?this sucks
69: Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end?many times
70: How many windows are open on your computer?ten! and they’re mostly your fics corey, go figure
71: How many fingers do you have?ten
72: What is your ringtone?i dont know, my phone is always on silent
73: How old will you be in 5 months?22 ~
74: Where is your Mum right now?sleeping in bed probably, idfk, she lives hours away
75: Why aren’t you with the person you were first in love with or almost in love?we grew up and grew apart but we were still okay until i had about four-six months of depression where i had to stop myself from doing something stupid daily and he didn’t notice despite us living together and sharing a bedroom (and those times i told him and he shrugged)
76: Have you held hands with somebody in the past three days?yes
77: Are you friends with the people you were friends with two years ago?yes! i still love them very much
78: Do you remember who you had a crush on in year 7?annabelle
79: Is there anyone you know with the name Mike?yes, there’s some grad students in the psych department called mike, they all look kinda the same too
80: Have you ever fallen asleep in someones arms?yeah, i miss being able to do that regularly
81: How many people have you liked in the past three months?more than i can count, my polyamorous ass has a crush on about seven people currently
82: Has anyone seen you in your underwear in the last 3 days?no
83: Will you talk to the person you like tonight?i’m talking to one of them
84: You’re drunk and yelling at hot guys/girls out of your car window, you’re with?i’d literally never do this
85: If your BF/GF was into drugs would you care?depends which drugs and how often, no one cares about a joint every few months
86: What was the most eventful thing that happened last time you went to see a movie?i spilled my popcorn and managed to hide that i had spilled it from my date pahaha
87: Who was your last received call from?my mum, wow it sounds like i talk to my mum a lot more than i do
88: If someone gave you $1,000 to burn a butterfly over a candle, would you?yes, i hate bugs, give me the money
89: What is something you wish you had more of?time, energy, patience, money
90: Have you ever trusted someone too much?no, i’m not someone who trusts easily
91: Do you sleep with your window open?only in the summer
92: Do you get along with girls?yes, anyone that doesn’t get on with someone because of their gender is an asshole
93: Are you keeping a secret from someone who needs to know the truth?nope
94: Does sex mean love?hell no, it can be an expression of it but no
95: You’re locked in a room with the last person you kissed, is that a problem?yeah she wold be freaking the fuck out because she’s locked in a room!
96: Have you ever kissed anyone with a lip ring?no, actually, i haven’t
97: Did you sleep alone this week?yes
98: Everybody has somebody that makes them happy, do you?yes ? 
99: Do you believe in love at first sight?no, not at all
100: Who was the last person that you pinky promise?one of my besties, holly
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