#i don't know when to hug or how hard and direct complements make me uneasy and i just | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theramblingvoid · 11 months

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Sometimes I think about how even when I'm trying not to be, I am entirely made of the people I love. I recently reconnected with a close friend I hadn't seen in about three years. Apparently they're into watching video essays now. I'm more of a gaming YouTube person, but to each their own, I've always known this friend to be a touch more academic than me anyway. Fair enough. We find other things to talk about.

It is two months later. My watch later list is entirely filled with video essays. Three years is not enough time to forget how to love somebody. I'm glad of that.

#voidrambles #how to explain. it's like #i don't know when to hug or how hard and direct complements make me uneasy and i just #affection in the way most people know it does not come naturally to me #i do it because it's detectable to other people and it's what they do for me and it makes them happy which makes me happy #which makes me sound quite disingenuous? i think that's the word. with my love #but #the games i play most are ones i saw one friend get very very excited about and i loved them before i even started playing them #i haven't thought twice about deep sea creatures since maybe middle school but i do now，all the time，and bugs too #i get excited when i see one because another of my friends would #in 2021 i made this one specific vanilla milk drink in the microwave dozens of times even though I don't like sweet vanilla that much #it tasted so good to me for the time i was close with the person i got the recipe from #i get excited when i see yellow flowers. yellow is not one of my favourite colours #I write because of all the things I've read and loved I keep a list of books friends speak highly of #I cook my pasta with oil even though it makes the pot harder to wash and i don't know if there's a difference to the taste #because i can't tell it apart from the warmth of someone else's proudly given tip joining my own routine #i don't know how else to say this #I'm running out of examples not because there are no more but because i can't tell them apart from things i am on my own #that used to upset me but i don't think it does anymore #this post stops here. it's late and i have a video essay to watch #i love you

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