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#i didnt even experience the trauma of moms picking apart their daughters appearance cause.. never had a mom
wwwyzzerdd420 · 1 year
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I really just do not get women At All
#understand that i used to 'be one'#i was never under the impression that men would hurt me#i wasn't raised by women so maybe thats why? they never were able to infect me with that paranoia#i never felt unsafe around any man not even homeless men in the streets downtown San Antonio at night#i was never catcalled until my mid 20s#i was never ogled or at least i never noticed until my mid 20s#so i didnt even think that kind of thing happened to women cause it never happened to me#and ngl i was only catcalled ONCE and i was heavily made up with a wig and costume#ive always been too ugly to be harassed#i didnt even experience the trauma of moms picking apart their daughters appearance cause.. never had a mom#the first time i was ever body shamed was by other girls my age who HAD moms who were incredulous -#that i was in 4th grade and not shaving my legs yet (wasnt allowed/taught)#second time ever was in 6th grade after we moved to a predominantly white town and all the rich girlies started ripping me apart#i really truly and genuinely wonder if i HAD someone who cared about me raising me would i even be trans?#would i still be a man if i were raised with a mother and if my older sister took ANY interest in helping me?#would my perspective be different if my main romantic abuser had been a man instead of a woman?#and like. ive engaged in some RISKY behavior#like going on what i thought was a friend date with some divorced loser i picked up as an uber driver#like almost getting kidnapped while delivering pizzas on my birthday#like going to conventions dressed scantily clad completely alone with nobody checking in on me?#would my perspective be different had any of those times gone poorly for me?#or did these incidents not work to make me a paranoid woman because theres some different male wiring going on in my brain?#everything goddamn else traumatizes me so easily so im Genuinely asking here.#im more traumatized from being called bad names on the phone while trying to WORK than from almost being raped by a stranger#is that a bad thing????
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