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#i couldnt hug jess black in game but this is second best thing
elusetta · 6 years
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five photographs
Read on ao3 here!
It was in Jey’s favorite truck, the red one with four seats, that she first brought it up. Jess obviously hadn’t been expecting her to say anything- more often than not, these road trips were a well-deserved break for both of them, uninterrupted by talking.
The question had been bouncing around in Jey’s head for days now. Now was a better time than usual, too. They weren’t being shot at. It was sort of a weird question to ask under fire.
Jey cleared her throat. “So, uh, Jess…” Jess jumped slightly, but settled quickly, glancing at Jey with her usual stony expression. “What?”
Jey contemplated taking back the statement. It was too late. She knew Jess didn’t like small talk, but taking it back now would just irritate her more. She smiled more tentatively than usual. “Are you okay with having your picture taken?” Jess raised her eyebrows, face predominantly confused, but also the smallest bit shaken. “Why? You wanna put me on a magazine or something?” Jey laughed. “Bow Hunters Weekly. There’s probably an audience.”
A moment of blank silence passed before Jey realized that Jess may have actually wanted to know. She fidgeted on the steering wheel. “Nah, not a magazine. I just like taking pictures.”
“And you wanna take pictures of me?” Jess crossed her arms, leaning back in her seat in what Jey hoped was a thinking-it-over position. “Like, posing and stuff?” Jey almost laughed at the mental image of Jess in that weird hoodie striking a fashion-model pose, looking into the camera with eyes full of death. “No. Just, you know, being yourself.”
“Huh,” Jess said, looking out the window. “Well, sure, I guess. Prefer to be killing Peggies, but whatever.”
Jey smiled widely, watching the road twist and weave through the mountains. “Thanks, Jess.”
Jess mumbled something dismissive, and they fell back into silence.
--
Cult outposts were becoming further and further apart. At least, that was what it seemed like. Distractions came less often than they had originally, too. Now, for every reaping truck and hostage site, there was a celebrating patriot or a friendly dog to be pet.
So, to be totally honest, killing Peggies was at about number three on the to-do list right now. The pace of things was starting to slow down, and as they did, so did Jey. She hadn’t felt the real effects of everything she’d been doing for a while, but now it was all starting to kick in. She didn’t have the energy to liberate a cult outpost at the moment. Right now, numbers one and two on the to-do list were to take a nap and eat a goddamn vegetable.
But, of course, those weren’t going to happen right away, mostly because Jey had somehow gotten both herself and Jess stuck on top of a mountain. At the furthest point of the Whitetails.
She’d radioed the Militia, but it was going to take a while to send in a helicopter (and maybe even longer for the people who had received her call to stop laughing their asses off).
Jey sighed deeply and looked up at the sky. Yep, it was dawn and she still hadn’t slept. Way to go, Jey.
She looked over at her companion. “You okay, sunshine?”
Jess didn’t even look back at her. “I’m fine.” The cold silence resumed. Jey glanced around for something, anything, to break it. They were surrounded by a whole bunch of grass and trees, as well as the massive, smoking remains of three planes that had somehow managed to completely obstruct their way back. Hence the being stuck, and the helicopter, and the members of the Militia who honest-to-God could not stop laughing when Jey told them what happened.
Finally, the answer struck her. There was an outcropping of rock directly in front of the rising sun.
Jey jumped to her feet, startling Jess into nearly breaking the total cold shoulder she’d been giving the other woman since they’d gotten stuck. “Hey, Jess, go stand on that rock over there.” That was enough to confuse Jess into actually looking at Jey. “What the fuck? Why?”
Progress. Jey smiled to herself. “It’d make a good photo.” Jess muttered something about not sleeping for two days and just wanting to go home to Peaches, but still reluctantly stood up. “Fine. Which rock?” Jey took Jess’ arm, causing the huntress to wince, and trotted over to the rock in question. “C’mon. Face away from the sun.” “I’m not a fuckin’ moron, Dep,” Jess snapped, gingerly climbing onto the tallest part of the outcropping.
Jey inhaled sharply. It looked just as good as she’d thought it would. Jess looked like some kind of hunting god who was currently very pissed off. She took out the old camera she’d found somewhere- Henbane River, she thinks, but it’s honestly anyone’s guess- and snapped a picture, smiling brightly when the photo came out. “Hey, come here. It looks really good.” “I’ll pass. Does that mean I can get down?”
Jey’s smile faltered but didn’t die. “Yeah, go ahead.”
Helicopter rotors sounded overhead. Jey tucked the picture away and prepared herself for however long it would be until she could finally, finally eat a carrot and go the hell to sleep.
--
It was a few weeks later, in a different helicopter- not the one that gave them a helpful but very embarrassing rescue from the mountain- that Jey took the second picture.
Pretty much everyone she knew thought it was a terrible idea for her to leave Fall’s End so early. After coming back from her mountain escapade, she'd only barely made it to the Spread Eagle before passing out and sleeping for almost a whole day. Mary May hadn't let her leave for a few days. Said something about health. Jey had gone to Pastor Jerome for advice, but he'd just told her the same thing about taking care of herself. So she'd slept a bit more, had a good square meal, and left anyway.
It wasn't entirely for herself, either. Jess needed just as much sleep as Jey did- actually, probably more- but, being Jess, she had become extremely restless after the first couple of days. And Jey could only take so much pacing and mumbling before she had to do something about it.
Today, “doing something about it” meant calling Adelaide for a lift to some cult outpost in the north (with a request to, please, avoid the taller mountains). Which wasn’t exactly the best, considering that the whole point of leaving Fall’s End was to make Jess happy. And Adelaide did not make Jess happy.
(To be honest, pretty much nothing actually made Jess happy.)
Adelaide was rambling about another of her conquests- a “red-hot hunk of beefy sex vibes,” as she had so nicely put it- and going into a completely uncomfortable amount of detail about his pelvic muscles when Jey turned around in her seat to check on Jess. She’d been making the usual disgruntled comments, but had fallen silent for a few minutes (which was, coincidentally, how long Adelaide had been describing the more intimate details of her old boyfriend).
Looking at her, Jey could see why. An expression of pure, unfiltered, total disgust had settled so firmly on her face that she honestly looked like it would get stuck that way. Jey let out a small giggle that quickly turned into a half-suppressed laugh. Holding back tears of hilarity, she surreptitiously pulled out the camera and snapped a picture.
The sound of the camera gave her away. Jess turned her laser-eyes glare to the other woman. “What.” Jey stopped holding it back and let herself laugh until she was doubled over in the seat, wheezing. “I had to. Your face- oh my God-”
She held out the photo to Adelaide, who leaned over, took a look, and let out a laugh of her own. “Oh, sweetheart, you look like you smelled skunk.” Jess crossed her arms defensively. “You’re a skunk.”
Adelaide adopted an expression of faux offense. “Aww, darlin’, don’t you like Aunt Addie’s sexy stories?” Jess remained dead silent, so Jey replied for her, still giggling. “Adelaide, you’re the only person in this chopper who likes dudes.”
Adelaide raised her eyebrows suggestively. “Oh, I’ve done my fair share of exploration. You know, in 1976, I met this woman who-”
“We’re here,” Jess interrupted as loudly as she could.
Adelaide sighed theatrically. “Aw, damn, I was just getting to the good part.” She winked at Jey. “I’ll finish that story later, sweetie, don’t you worry.”
Jey smiled at her indulgently, opened the door, and jumped.
--
The third picture was Jey’s absolute favorite.
In another effort to cheer Jess up, Jey had taken Peaches along for the latest of their missions, and they’d taken a detour into the deepest south of John’s region to hunt for a few hours without being disturbed. From the little Jey could tell from Jess’s overall demeanor, it seemed to be working. The huntress had been making quips and shooting arrows with renewed strength.
After catching a couple of deer, Jey had sat down on the bank of the river and cast a line. It felt incredible to take a breather. Admittedly, her mind was never really off of everything she had to do, and she worried about Pratt regularly, but going at the breakneck pace she’d established without ever taking the time to breathe out seemed like suicide.
Jess didn’t like fishing all that much, so Jey had been expecting her to put up some resistance, make a few irritated comments or something. Instead, she’d quietly sat down next to the deputy and watched the water.
It was almost weird. She looked so… peaceful. Maybe the cult had something with all that “let the water wash away your sins” garbage.
Peaches stalked down toward them and stretched, doing one of those creepy huge cat yawns. To Jey’s surprise, Jess stroked the cougar on the head, and to even more of Jey’s surprise, the cat just laid down and put its head in Jess’s lap.
Okay. Jess was sitting on the bank of a forest with the head of a puma in her lap. If that wasn’t some kind of hunting-goddess animal magic shit, then Jey didn’t know what was.
More than that, though, the dark feeling Jess usually carried with her was gone. She didn’t look happy. She looked serene. Jey had seen “not angry” on her before, but this was something different.
Jey put down her fishing rod and took out her camera, focusing it for a moment before snapping a picture. As always, the noise startled Jess, but the shock quickly faded and she went back to petting Peaches. The cat seemed to be enjoying it immensely, purring loudly and stretching out so that it was practically flat against the ground.
The photo came out of the camera. Jey waited for it to cool off before tucking it into the pocket of her flannel.
“Why do you like taking pictures of me?” Jess said after a long minute. She glanced down at Peaches.
Jey cast the line again and thought about it. “I guess because I like you. You’re my friend. I wanna remember you when all this is over.”
Jess scratched Peaches behind the ears, looking exceptionally pensive for someone whose normal form of expression was racing around in the forest putting arrows through people’s heads. “I never had a friend before.” Jey laughed. “Well, you do now, like it or not. You have me, and Grace, and-” she gestured to the puma- “you have Peaches, if she counts.”
“‘Course she counts,” Jess said absent-mindedly. “She’s a good girl.”
Jey felt a tug on her line, but trying to reel it in startled the fish away. She fell back into the comfortable ambience of the forest.
After another few minutes, and even more uncharacteristically, Jess spoke again, still looking down at Peaches. If Jey’s eyes weren’t playing tricks on her, the huntress’s face had turned the smallest bit pink.  “Thanks for… for bringin’ me along, Dep.”
Jey smiled. “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”
The fish tugged again on her line.
--
The fourth picture was a little weirder than the first three. The picture itself wasn’t weird, more of the manner it was taken. Usually, Jey needed something to spur her into taking a picture. It was never really just for the hell of it. The rock against the rising sun, Jess’s expression, Peaches sitting in Jess’s lap. There was always something.
This time, they’d just been walking along the Henbane River, alone except for the nearly imperceptible padding along of Peaches. They weren’t really going anywhere. Sometimes, this was what the battle to save Hope County looked like- walking around, climbing on a quad occasionally, following the roads and taking down whatever the cult threw at them. In these moments, it was easy to forget. The mountains looked so peaceful, the trees were so pristine… it looked like a painting, not a battlefield.
It was a little harder to forget about the cult when an effect of it was walking along with you.
Jey had to admit that every time she looked over at Jess, she felt a surge of guilt. Maybe if she had gotten here a little earlier. Maybe if she’d used her connections, gotten the information about Eden’s Gate before they could take hold, she could have prevented everything that had happened. She’d even had daydreams where she, as her spoiled little ten-year-old self, came to Hope County with her parents and swept child-Jess away to Alabama.
Yep. Jey had gotten attached.
When she got too consumed with thinking, she had to consciously remind herself that none of it was possible- and that Jess was strong, could take care of herself. To be honest, the fact that Jess was as well-adjusted as she was spoke volumes about her resilience. It was sort of amazing.
Jess did like to say that one thing. “You’re lucky you got me,” in her rough tone, only a touch lighter than usual. It was true, after all. Sometimes Jey thought that maybe she was a little bit below Jess’s level. But, for whatever reason, the huntress still traveled with her. Put up with her bad jokes and her goofy smile. And didn’t freak out when she blew things up just because they were there.
Huh.
Jey glanced at her friend, and an undeniable warmth settled in her chest. She knew this feeling. It was that feeling of having Boomer jump up on her and lick her face, seeing Hudson for the first time in weeks in John’s bunker, hurrying Kim and Nick Rye to the clinic while taking completely unsafe shortcuts.
She pulled out the camera and took a picture. There was nothing really special about it. It was just Jess, face neutral, bow drawn.
Jey smiled to herself and slipped it in with the others.
--
The fifth photograph was a change.
Jacob’s blood was fresh on Jey’s conscience- not that it was any weight. Out of all the Seed siblings, she had hated him the most. What he’d done to Pratt was unforgivable. What he’d done to her was…
Well, Jey would prefer not to think about it.
But the depth of the fear and pain he’d put her through was nothing compared to the triumph that followed. It had begun in mourning- the loss of Eli had affected everyone- but slowly morphed into hesitant celebration. And when Jey left the Whitetails, her heart still heavy, there was nothing but overflowing joy from Fall’s End. Even Pastor Jerome, usually so solemn, had offered her congratulations.
Dutch had called her. Let her know that this was it; this was where it ended. She had been to the cult compound before, just to scope it out, but the thought of actually facing Joseph was something else completely.
In a way, it felt nostalgic. It had been maybe five months since the helicopter had crashed. For all his presence, all his influence, Jey had only seen Joseph once between then and now. This last mission, no matter how it went, would be like returning to that time before Hope County, moving back into the real world.
Jey knew something in her had changed. No matter what they’d done, you couldn’t mow down hundreds- maybe thousands- of people and come out the same. How long would it be until she could hear the roar of planes above her head without her hand snapping to her gun? How long would it be until she could hear a church song without flashing back to the cult? The answer to both of those things could very likely be never.
Maybe she couldn’t go back at all.
The dark thoughts sturred a lump in her throat. Jey forced herself to snap out of them. The Spread Eagle was dark, lit by its neon signs. Dusk fell outside.
She set down the beer she’d been having and left the bar.
She should be happy, but she wasn’t. Fall’s End usually felt like home. It didn’t now.
Glancing down at the radio on her belt, Jey sighed.
“You look fuckin’ sad,” said a sudden, familiar voice.
The tension went out of Jey’s shoulders and she smiled, a spot of warmth finally coming back to her. “Not really.”
Jess folded her arms across her chest and leaned against the peeling white paint of the bar. She stayed silent for a few moments, then tentatively raised her voice. “So, uh… I was thinking…” She trailed off for much longer than usual.
Jey smiled encouragingly. “Thinking what?” Jess fidgeted. “Uh- how it’s, you know, kinda unfair that you get to keep all the pictures you took.” “I thought you didn’t care about them,” Jey said, only a little bit teasing. “I can give you one, if you want.” Looking even more uncomfortable, Jess shook her head. “Nah. That’d be weird. Me having a picture of myself, that’s just-” She cleared her throat, looking up at the changing sky. “I was… well, I was kinda wondering if maybe I could take one. Of- of you, I mean.”
Jey’s smile dropped, but only because of pure surprise. Jess? Showing some kind of- well, Jey thought- affection?
That was new.
She shook off the stunned silence she was stuck in and replied, smile blooming even bigger. “Sure. Yeah. ‘Course you can.” Taking the camera off of its usual place by her neck, she handed it to Jess, trying not to look too happy.
Jess, who was a little bit more than red at this point, focused it for an unusually long time.
The shutter snapped and the photo came out. Jess looked down at it (was that a tiny little smile?), then tucked it into one of the many secret compartments on her jacket.
Not wanting to ruin the moment, Jey waited for a good half minute without talking. But eventually, she had to know. “Why’d you want to take my picture?” Without even making a sarcastic quip beforehand, Jess responded, still not looking Jey in the eye. “‘Cause I like you, and you’re my friend. Like you said. If we gotta say goodbye, I don’t wanna forget you.” She looked at Jey for a brief second. “You’re kinda the only thing I haven’t lost.”
The buoyant feeling in Jey’s chest became almost too much to bear. Without thinking, she pulled Jess into a tight hug that, to her surprise, the huntress didn’t reject. In fact, after a moment of awkward tension, Jess returned it.
Yeah. This was okay.
Everything would be okay.
Maybe she had found home after all.
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