I don't know where I'm going with this, but the other day my mom and I were having a conversation about her starting up a GSA in her office at work. She was telling me about the people she's been meeting and what she wants to do. She was telling me how she doesn't really want to make a float for the local Pride Parade, not because she doesn't think Pride is important, but because she wants to help the people who aren't able to go to Pride. She was telling me how she wants to find every resource possible and put them everywhere she can, all because she's learned through me that there are plenty of people who are struggling. She told me that I made her realise she cares. She told me that my coming out and my experiences so far have made her want to take action, because she knows how hard it's been for me.

My initial coming out was not an ideal scenario, I was peer pressured and met with indifference. After coming out, my parents would recommend lots of movies to me. Recommendations that I would dismiss as their usual weird 80s/90s media preferences. Movies that I have recently found out are monumental pieces of art about being gay or trans. Movies they would lovingly quote. Movies they wanted me to watch with them. Movies about people like me.

Before I came out as trans, I was having a rough night and asked my dad if we could go for a drive. It was late and dark and we were all alone on the dirt road. I remember telling him I don't think I even meet the base criteria for being a lesbian, and he told me I didn't have to have short hair and be tough if that wasn't who I was. That I could be any kind of lesbian I wanted to be. Even though I hadn't told anyone about my gender struggles, his advice really stuck with me. I can be any kind of person I want to be.

My father came back from a dragon boat competition in America with a little rainbow pin for me. My mother got pronoun pins that she wears to work. My aunt gave me my first binder.

The mother of some kids I went to school with runs a local transgender support network. I found out about it through an event they were hosting that my school's GSA was advertising. I went to many events with my friends. My parents would often drive us all. I remember the laughs and the tears and connections I felt. Family friends have a kid who came out recently and my parents told them about the local organisation. My mom ran a donation drive through her work for it. A coworker of hers told her she was able to help her kids after finding out about it through the drive. A whole spiderweb of connections and care.

I've had kids I used to babysit reach out to me. I've been the first person they've told about being gay or bi or trans.

I remember when I was younger and I accidentally got outed to my all-girls cabin at bible camp, and immediately responded with shame and embarrassment. I remember finding the small handful of other kids who were like me. I remember them consoling me over having to wear a dress, how maybe next year I can cut off all my hair and wear a suit. I remember sneaking out on the last night to hold hands and watch the stars.

I came out as gay when I was 14. I came out as trans when I was 17. I'm 20 now. I still think about the people I've met, however brief, and I wonder how they're doing, if they're in their 20s. I hope so.

I think I will watch those movies tomorrow.