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forkanna · 7 years

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See also: @pankite

CHAPTER NINE

The world was nothing but a blur through the endless stream of tears. Anna's body shook from a combination of the biting night chill and her own sobs. She had lost track of the amount of time she lay curled up under the sturdy oak by the cafeteria building with her face buried into her legs.

She replayed her argument with her sister in her mind over and over again. She desperately wished for either her Papa or Kristoff to come wrap their arms around her and tell her how she didn't just fuck up any chances she had of getting her sister back… at least, not completely. Even if Elsa accepted this, there would always be that awkward tension between them now. A silent disapproval that sent Anna into another fresh round of sobs just thinking about it.

And now she understood why her mother did all that she did. Why Idunn pretended Anna never called or sent anything to Elsa. It made her heart throb in agony to think that her mother hated her so much that she would purposefully sabotage her from being in contact with her older sister over something like her sexuality. Anna cursed her thirteen-year-old self for proudly announcing her first kiss to her mother, and for being naive enough to trust that she would accept her no matter what. That family was stronger than hate. Never in a million years did she think that Idunn would cut her off and try to turn Elsa against her!

And just as they were getting close again, Anna had to go and screw it up… possibly permanently. She didn't even have the decency to stay and comfort her sister. Instead, she took off, too cowardly to hold still and listen to her in case Elsa changed her mind and told her how much she hated her.

"Hey!" came a sudden, cheerful voice that shattered the silence. "What the heck are you doing out here, all by yourself?"

"...P-Punzie?" Anna whimpered and lifted her face from her legs to look up at the blurry form of her friend. A shudder went through her and she huddled more into herself for warmth. "W-What are you d-doing? It's late..." She wiped at her raw eyes in a vain attempt to clear them before Rapunzel got close enough to see her in the state she was in. As if her shaking voice didn't give her away first. "I-It's nothing, I- I just needed some air."

There was very little hesitation before the brunette sank down next to Anna, an arm automatically draping over her back. "It is not 'nothing'. Are you okay? What's wrong, Anna?"

The warmth that accompanied the arm helped ease Anna and she cuddled into Rapunzel unconsciously. "Punzie..." She let out a sigh and sniffed. "I- I fucked up. I got into a fight with Elsa and…" She looked at the brunette. "Um… h-how do you really feel… about gay people?"

Rapunzel stared back at her for a long moment, as if trying to think of an answer. Then she whispered, "Sorry, I'm, um, not used to hearing language like that. Can you repeat the question?"

"Punzie," Anna sighed softly. "Please, be honest with me; I'm serious." She paused for a moment, praying that she wasn't about to make another mistake. "How do you feel about people in the LGBT spectrum? You defended them earlier…" She tried to smile reassuringly to show her friend that she wouldn't be mad about her answer. "I just want to know now that we're not trapped in a tent with Pastor Frollo."

"Well…" The girl was very obviously squirming, but she rushed on, "I don't feel any certain way, y'know? They're just people. Like, I'm really struggling with that and how it relates to God and Christianity, but I don't know how to… I kinda… What's the big freakin' deal? Who cares who somebody loves or doesn't love? It just seems like there's a lot of sin in the world, bad sin, dangerous sin! And we waste so much of our time on homosexuality instead of the stuff we should be working on, like… homelessness, or murder, or domestic abuse, or… I don't know!"

Anna smiled a little wider, her chest warm with affection for the rambling woman. "I think you're a really nice person, Punzie." She rested a hand on her shoulder. "If I were to tell you someone we know is gay, would you treat them different?"

At that, Rapunzel scoffed. "Probably. Like, not on purpose, though. I just have never had any gay friends. I mean, there's a boy in my class everybody's pretty sure is, but like, without knowing for… sure…" Then the thread of their conversation started to catch up with her, and her eyes widened. "Wait. You're telling me… somebody here is? A gay kid came to Bible camp?!"

"Yeah," Anna said with a half-snort. She decided to take the plunge, releasing Rapunzel's shoulder so she could nervously hug herself again. "It's me."

"It's… you're… wait, what are you saying? You're a lesbian? No. But you don't… I mean you're so…" Swallowing hard, Rapunzel started hugging her own knees. "M-maybe I should stop saying things before I say a thing that's really stupid."

"Bi, actually. I have no feelings for you or any of the other girls, before you ask," she said bluntly, "nor do I randomly want to bang you, Punzie. I like girls just like you like boys, but I doubt you want to jump every guy's bone, right?" She tried to grin but it came out as more of a half-smile, half-grimace.

"A-ah." Her cheeks were filling with pinkness, and at first Anna was worried that she really had thought those things. But what she said next was, "S-sorry, I don't normally spend much time thinking about… um…" Lowering her voice to barely a whisper, she finished, "Ess-ee-ex."

Anna relaxed and let a tired giggle past her lips. "That's okay. Just thought I would get those stereotypes out of the way before you asked about them." She leaned against the tree, the stress finally taking its toll and she looked ready to fall asleep. "Anyway, I told Elsa. She… I won't say took it badly - because really, she didn't - but I thought I might as well stay away for now so she can… sort out things, I guess."

Her voice was a little more hushed in a worried way. "Ohhh. So… oh wow, you came out to two people in the same day. And in a campground full of Christians! I'm… maybe this is the wrong thing to take away from this, but you're pretty brave."

"I feel more tired than brave," Anna confessed. "I just… I don't want to hide it anymore and sit there like a good girl while people talk down on people like me. Elsa… well, we got into an argument and it came out. I came out. With you, I just feel like I can trust you." Anna sighed, "Is it okay if I crash in your cabin tonight? I- I don't think I should go back to mine yet."

"She took it that bad?" Rapunzel asked, reaching over to perch a hand on Anna's bicep. "That sucks… I'm really sorry. After the past few days, I started to think maybe you could be the one to unfreeze the Ice Queen, y'know? But maybe…" Shaking her head, she said, "Nah, I shouldn't say anything about her, either. I talk a lot more than I should, if you haven't noticed."

"Elsa's not a bad person," Anna insisted to her friend, frowning. "She's our Mama's kid just as much as I'm Papa's… actually, Elsa took it much better than I expected. I just can't face her right now." She stood up on numb legs, groaning at the pins and needles that were only intensified from the cold. "Thank you, Punzie, for listening..."

"Wait!" Popping up next to Anna, she caught her by the elbow. "You don't have to run off. Um… yeah, Snow is sleeping over with Aurora and Belle. So if you wanna use her bunk…"

"Thanks." Anna smiled at her and they started walking towards the cabin. There was a pleasant silence between the two, just the quiet song of cicadas in the distance. Then Anna's face fell.

"I don't know how I'm going to face the kids tomorrow… I mean, they'll know something's up…"

Shrugging, Rapunzel said, "I dunno, either. We'll just have to see how it shakes out when we get there, right? I mean, maybe you can just pretend everything's the same and, um, see if Elsa will follow your lead?"

"Yeah, I'll try that. Better than nothing, anyway."

Entering the cabin made Anna let out a sigh of pleasure at the warmth. "You know, it's been a long time since I had a sleepover," she exclaimed, trying to lighten the mood, and added, "If you aren't tired, we can watch a movie, or do each other's hair or something!" The thought of a fun night helped Anna take her mind off her sister and the day ahead.

"No movies; camp rules, remember?" But then she hastily followed up with, "But I would! Totally! Um… yeah, my hair's a choppy mess, but if you wanna put it in little braids, that sounds cool! And I can put yours in a French braid — my mom taught me!"

Anna's face fell briefly, having forgotten that rule, but it lifted again when Rapunzel offered to play with her hair. "I would like that," she said, and started working on freeing her hair from their own braids, shaking it free and running her fingers through until her hair fell in soft auburn waves, roughly to about her shoulder blades.

Having mostly just her dad and Kristoff, Anna didn't do things like this often. It had been Elsa or Mama who used to do her hair when she still visited, and Esmeralda taught her how to do her signature twin braids on her own without making them look like a sloppy mess. So she was really excited to see her hair in a different style than what she was used to.

"It's so pretty and soft," Rapunzel whispered once she was running a brush through it, voice warm and as soothing as the motions. "I'm jealous; I tried to go blonde when my hair was super long, but the treatments kinda fried it and I ended up just chopping it all off."

She hummed in sympathy but was mostly distracted by the therapeutic feel of the brush and the soothing sound of Rapunzel's voice. "You look good the way you are now," she reassured, eyes closing. "I mean, I'm sure you would've looked great with long blond hair, but the way you look now suits you." She cracked an eye open to throw a warm smile over at Rapunzel. "Besides, long-haired blondes are my type, so that might've been awkward." She couldn't help but worry that the joke was a little much but it was out now.

"O-oh, really?" The laughter that followed was distinctly nervous, but mainly good-natured. "I, um… thank you? Wait, that's probably not the right thing to say here…" She let out a little growl of frustration at herself. "I promise, I'm not gonna be this dumb in a few days. You're really cool, I could tell from the first day! This is just… y'know, new territory. An adjustment for my hetero brain."

A chuckle was followed by Anna resting her hand on Rapunzel's arm and giving it a pat. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't make jokes when you only just found out…" She paused and smiled softly to herself. "Thank you again, Rapunzel, you don't know how much this means to me."

After a few more contemplative seconds, she said, "I can guess. When I fight with my parents, I just have to lock the door to my room upstairs and wait it out for a while because I can't face them. Or they can't handle talking to me without being, y'know, all parental about it and acting like I'm just a stupid kid. Sometimes, it feels like I'm gonna be in there for the rest of my life. So… even though I don't really get what you're going through, I definitely understand what it's like to need space."

The smile that next graced Anna's lips was a tad bitter. "I still feel bad. Dropping a bomb and then leaving her like that. I just didn't know what else to do… Elsa's always liked being alone when she feels overwhelmed and I couldn't stand the way she looked at me." She shivered and hugged herself.

"Well… she's probably in the same place I am. It's new. And like you said, she's overwhelmed. Give it some time, okay? Talk to her tomorrow. And even if she's still freaking out, then that just means she needs more time, right? It's probably harder for her 'cause she's known you longer."

"You're right," Anna sighed. "All I can do is sit and wait for tomorrow and see where we go from there." She desperately hoped that Elsa would still want her in her life. That they could go forward together without being split apart for a second and possibly final time. The optimist inside her piped up that Elsa wouldn't do that — that she would love her all the same, and Anna decided to believe that for now.

Despite the cold whisper from the other half of her psyche that told her she had thought that about her mother, too, and had been burned for it.

"Hey, how's that braid coming?"

"About half done," Rapunzel told her with a smile, fingers making quick work of entwining the three groupings of hair. "So… um, you and girls. How's that working out so far?"

"My first kiss was from a girl." Anna's voice wasn't as cheery as usual but it was clear by her fond tone that she had perked up from the question. "My friend Mulan surprised me by kissing me just before she had to go back to China to be with her family. And not just a friend-kiss. That's when I really started thinking about my sexuality. I went on a date with a few boys here and there, and even went out with a guy named Hans for a couple of months, but there is something about women that I find I like a bit more." She giggled, "Then my ex-girlfriend Esme waltzed into my life, and there was no more doubting where my main interest lay."

"And I haven't even been on a real date-date with Flynn yet," she breathed in wonder. "And here's you, figuring out you're… mostly-gay, or whatever, and kissing two girls when I've barely kissed the one boy! Like, we're about the same age, right? I always thought I was saving myself for marriage, and that it was a really good thing. Is that dumb? Should I be dating more, even though I think Flynn is the right man for me?"

"If it feels right, that's all that matters, Punzie." The warm words of her Papa from the day she had confessed her conflicted feelings came back to Anna, so she passed them along: "If you think Flynn is the man for you, then you don't need to date anyone else. I don't find it dumb that you're waiting for marriage, or not kissing, especially if you aren't comfortable. You should do things at your own pace and not feel ashamed for it." Anna shook her very gently, to make sure she was still listening. "If this Flynn loves you, he will wait until you are ready. If he doesn't and tries to push you, he isn't worth it."

At those words, Rapunzel smiled and let out a soft chuckle. "Well… he does push for kisses. But not too much. And he never, ever brings up going further; he knows we're waiting and it's as important to him as it is to me." Then she added in a whisper, "But maybe I do want to try kissing now; I mean, we're over eighteen, right? And we're still together after a year of courtship."

"If you feel you're ready, then kiss him," Anna encouraged. "And don't just not do it if you think that it's something the Bible frowns upon. Kissing isn't a sin, believe me." She remembered sharing that particular worry with her father and having him exaggeratedly regale all the times her Bible-strict mother used to kiss him before they were married, much to Anna's embarrassment. "Congratulations on that, by the way! A year!"

"Thanks," she giggled with a bashful smile. "He's such a dork, but he's my dork." Then she patted Anna's shoulders. "All done! You know, I think I have an extra shower cap, if you wanna bag it up so it'll still look nice tomorrow."

Anna stood up and walked over to the mirror over Snow's desk. She was instantly struck by just how different and pretty she looked with her hair draped into a single, elegant braid down her back. She looked kind of like a redheaded version of Elsa, and the thought made Anna smile.

"I think I'd like that; we'll see what the kids have to say about my new look." She spun on her heel and felt the slight smack of the braid against her shoulder, which made her giggle. "What do you think, Rapunzel?"

"I think you look fantastic!" she gushed, clapping her hands. "And not just because it's my handiwork, I swear! Like, your hair is just made to be braided, dude!"

Snorting at the little "dude" thrown in there, she looked back at the mirror and smiled, admiring the image looking back… and her traitorous brain wondered how Elsa would react to seeing her like this. Would she be impressed at how mature she looked? Would she say anything?

"I think we should head to bed now," Anna announced after a long moment. Her enthusiasm was curbed by the unexpected bout of tiredness that came with the thought. She cursed herself inwardly for ruining her good mood again. "It's really late."

"Yeah," Rapunzel admitted with a sad little nod. "I mean, if you need to talk more, I'll be just a few feet away, though. Don't be afraid to speak up! Oh, and um, I don't have an extra toothbrush or anything, but I have some jammies! If you want 'em. They have little green lizards all over." After a second, she added in a mutter, "I like lizards."

It didn't take long for Anna to get dressed and ready for bed, her hair carefully tucked into a shower cap to keep the beautiful braid intact while she slept. The pajamas were a little small on her since Rapunzel was shorter, but Anna didn't mind as she slipped hesitantly into Snow's bunk.

"She won't be mad?"

"Nah. I'll explain if she is, but I kinda doubt that'll happen. She's not petty." As she snuggled into her bunk, Rapunzel whispered across, "Hey, Anna?"

Anna snuggled into the blankets, which were made from some very warm, soft material that felt like heaven against her bare patches of skin. "Yes Punzie?" she replied when she got comfortable, already feeling the toll of the day taking over and the dark blanket of unconsciousness starting to settle in her brain.

"I… I know it was hard to trust me, with your secret and all… but I…" Her voice was a little more strained when she spoke again. "I'm so glad I stood up to Pastor Frollo today. So, so glad."

"Thanks for standing up to him, Rapunzel," Anna murmured sleepily, hiding a smile into her pillow. "I'm really glad you did, too. It's really nice knowing someone cares." She blinked and let out a sigh. "You're a good friend and I'm really glad to have met you."

She struggled to stay awake and say more, but the bed was too comfortable and the pull of sleep too tempting. With a last hum, she closed her eyes and gave in.

To Be Continued...

#forkanna writes #bind us together lord #elsanna fanfiction #pankite #forkanna the writer

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