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diyunho · 7 years

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The Joker x Reader - “Favorite Villain”

The “Match Made in Hell (MMIH)” Division of the Shadow World is in charge of pairing up villains. From time to time, members of the council actually have to take human form and go to Earth in order to take care of different issues. If it happens that they fall in love with the villain assigned to them, they will be trapped alongside him or her until that person dies. You just lost your assistant because it fell in love with Jonny Frost and you are determined to change that. The sooner the better.

It was just brought to your attention that Hkxcqd (that’s its name, doesn’t have an equivalent in human language) fell in love with the villain Jonny Frost, trusted right hand of the infamous Joker. You assistant was supposed to stay on Earth for a little bit in order to smooth things out for the Frost guy and his ex-girlfriend, this way they can be together again. Instead, the fool fell in love and…here you are without your main helper. That can’t happen!!! You are short on Shadows as it is.

You almost had a fit plus a meltdown, but you managed to pull yourself together since you decided you will go and see what you can do to bring back the poor lost soul. Well, Shadow. Whatever…

You float towards the “Body Assignment” Division, which places your kind in mortal shells , thinking about what rules you can bend or break in order to drag back Hkxcqd.

“Male or female?” you are asked by the front desk.

“Male!” you kind of shout since you’re in a bad mood.

“I’m so sorry, we are out of males,” the shy answer comes.

If you would have a mouth, it would be opened right now.

“Then why the hell did you offered me the option ??!!!” you scream, more and more irritated.

“I’m so sorry, I’m new…” “Goddammit, I hate newbies!!!!”

The entity wants to apologize again but you don’t have patience for this aberration.

“Shut up! Give me what we have available!!”

“Ummm, younger female? Older?”

“Younger! I want the best body; I’m in charge of my department, I can’t show up on Earth looking like crap, you moron!”

“I’m so sorry, yes, of course,” the newbie opens the portal that leads towards your destination and…

****************

“Oh my God boss!” your assistant jumps off the couch when you materialize at The Joker’s penthouse right by the balcony.

You blink a few times to adjust to the light and stretch so you can fit better in your body.

“You imbecile!” you start your tirade and walk towards the guilty party that shrivels up, startled. “What are you doing falling in love here, hm??!! Don’t you know I need you?! How can you do this to me??!!!! ” and you push your subordinate against the wall, annoyed to the maximum.

“I’m–I’m so terribly sorry, boss,” Hkxcqd stutters, nervous at the rant.

“Do I have to remind you I hold the record for the most consecutive years without falling in love with a mortal ?! 400 years !!! How come I can do it and you have to mess up, huh?! Shit, now I will have to find a way to go around this problem and take you back with me!!”

“Ummm…” your assistant gulps, not excited about the news you’re about to receive. “I marked myself with Jonny’s name and now there is absolutely nothing we can do…”

“You did what????!!!!!!!!!!” you yell so loud it hurts your own human ears.

Ahhh, the mark… If a Shadow tattoos their mortal skin with the villain’s name, there is nothing that can be done anymore. No rules to twist, no laws to alter, no nothing. In one word: you are screwed right now.

Hkxcqd lifts its shirt up to show you the ink on its tummy: “Jonny Frost– Favorite Villain” with a heart under it. A HEART !!!!!!!!

“Don’t you have any dignity left ??!!!” you lash out, losing your marbles. “ You do the most stupid thing and then you tattoo a heart by his name too ?!!!! I wish I could kill you right now but we don’t die so you’re lucky!!!!”

You hear the elevator and turn around when the doors open. The Joker steps inside first, followed by Jonny Frost. The enemy and his employer !!! But dammit, you can’t harm them since you’re on their side. But you sooooo want to!!!

While distancing a bit from your assistant, you take a quick glance to analyze their glowing halos: each villain has their personality type embedded above their heads that only Shadows can see.

Jonny Frost’s personality type is “Lethal Teddy Bear.” I guess that makes sense since your assistant specializes in this field. Still, doesn’t count for an excuse!

The Joker’s personality type reads “Jerk”. Oh, you are an expert in this personality trait, it’s your favorite! Anyway, that’s not the point.

“Hey, sunshine,” Frost smiles at his “girlfriend,” coming over towards you two. “Did you miss me, Ellie? And… who is this?” he frowns noticing the woman he’s never seen before.

Ellie ?! Hkxcqd could have picked something better.

“Yeah, who might you be, Doll?” The Joker stares you up and down, interesting in finding out the answer. He approaches slowly, inspecting the view.

My God, what a beautiful creature and she looks completely bitchy, he huffs to himself.

“Well, this is my cousin Y/N,” your assistant introduces you.

What?! Y/N ?! Couldn’t she find another name?!

“I didn’t know you have a cousin,” Jonny kisses his girl and reaches his hand for yours; you want to punch his lights out but can’t.

“Hi there,” you mutter, your eyes throwing spikes at him and grab his palm, shaking it.

“Yes, I do, from my mother’s side. I thought I mentioned before,” Ellie playfully shoves herself in Frost’s arms.

Wowwww, how embarrassing to see Hkxcqd in this state ! Completely smitten with the mortal. Jeez!

“Maybe you did,” the henchman slaps Ellie’s butt and she squeals, forgetting you are right there.

I’ll be damned, no trace of pride left in my subordinate !!! I’m just gonna…

“I’m The Joker, pretty Doll,” he interrupts your train of thought, kissing your hand.

What’s with the smirk, Casanova? you want to say but instead you utter all bitter and crabby: “I know!”

He winks and you lift your eyebrows.

“My reputation precedes me. So you’re new in town?” J licks his lips while you let go of his hand, confused on the experience. “You could say that,” the vague reply keeps him interested.

“Wanna go for a ride?” he blurs out and he doesn’t even know why. There’s something about you that’s hypnotizing.

“No!” you cut him off and J maliciously chuckles, passing his fingers through the perfectly styled green locks.

“Ahhhh, you’re feisty, I love that. I never back out from a challenge!”

“Huh?!” you crinkle your nose, not getting the point.

One of the few things that’s not known about in The Shadow World: The Joker is an expert in bitchy type, his favorite.

Frost and Ellie keep on whispering, prisoners in their own little world and the notorious villain offers his arm, grinning:

“Come on, Daddy will show you around, hm?”

“I think I’m good,” you refuse and he yanks you away, dragging you after him.

“I wasn’t asking, woman! Move it!”

“Let go!!!” you try to escape but he has this sinister aura when he pushes you in the elevator so you give up. J presses the button for lobby and your stupid assistant doesn’t even bother to glance your way. You are one step away from firing her even if she’s needed !!!

He traps you in a corner, purring:

“Do you bite and scratch, you bad kitty?”

Jesus, you remember his nonsense from reading his file: in the matter of fact, he has no partner for the moment, he was next on your Division’s list to take care of.

“You still don’t have a girlfriend?” you directly ask, wishing for a positive reply.

“Why, you’re volunteering?” the cockiness takes over.

“Nope,” you shiver which prompts snarling from the recipient of the rejection.

“Don’t lie,” he pulls on your bottom lip, surprised he doesn’t feel the urge to kill you after your remark.

“I’m not lying; since I’m here might as well find you a match, that’s what I do!” you tell him the truth but The Joker misunderstands, of course.

“Oh, you’re a matchmaker?” he snickers, entertained.

“U-hum, you could say that.”

“Lovely,” he plays along, thinking it’s a joke. “Lay it on me, Princess: what does the expert advice?”

“First of all, I’m not a Princess, I’m the head of my Department, OK?” you correct him and J inhales your scent, dizzy from the outwordly fragrance emanating within your human body.

“Are you now?” he sighs and the elevator finally stops for the lobby downstairs.

“Yes, I am!” you state with vehemence and he gets distracted: the cell phone goes off and he backs out, this way he can take a look at the screen.

“Seems I can’t show you Gotham for the moment, emergency meeting just came up. I’ll return in the morning, then we can have some fun, hm?”

You lift your shoulders up and couldn’t care less. He exits the elevator and you press the button to go up to the penthouse again, thinking:

What a jerk! , and you smile to yourself since you mean it as a compliment. Awesome villain, full of himself and arrogant as they get. No wonder he’s a legend in the Shadow World.

******************

Frost left also because he had to go to that meeting. The Joker doesn’t do anything without his right hand. Why?

A well-known fact in the Shadow World: the “Lethal Teddy Bear” villain type and “Jerk” type have great chemistry together, but they don’t even know it. Such a curse and a blessing in the same time. That’s why the Joker trusts Jonny so much and didn’t kill him yet even if he always threatens to do it. And that’s why Frost never quits his job and moves on because he believes his boss is the best, even if he’s so overbearing and demanding.

Too bad mortals can’t be aware of such things. Oh, well… it’s their disadvantage and has nothing to do with you and the ”Match Made in Hell” Department.

After you scolded and screamed at your foolish assistant for half an hour, you got tired and cooled down. Why?

A well-known fact in the Shadow World: you are “The Dark Menace” kind of Shadow and the so-called Ellie is “Easy- Breezy” Shadow type. Great chemistry between the two. That’s why you can’t hate Hkxcqd for long periods of time, no more than 10 years at once, which is nothing compared to eternity.

“I’m so sorry,” she sniffles, drinking another cocktail. “But I really love this human, I want to stay here until he dies.”

“You’re a complete imbecile!” you roll your eyes, also sipping from the alcohol she mixed for you. Hmm, not bad for being in a mortal body, this stuff makes you relax and you need it after being on the edge all day. “I hope he dies fast then, this way I can get you back.”

Ellie pouts, not happy about your wish.

“Give me a break !” you scoff. “ Jonny Frost is an excellent villain, but I don’t like him anymore!” and you signal for another drink.

You finish it in silence and then she fills up the glass again…and again… None of you want to speak anymore. Mostly because you are wasted at this point. Your eyelids are heavy but you continue to down drinks one after another until you finally fall asleep on the couch.

****************

“Oh, shit…my head,” you open your eyes, the hangover settling in. You passed out and didn’t even move from your spot.

“Hi, boss,” Ellie salutes, handing you a bottle of water.

“Yuuckk, I don’t miss being human,” you groan in pain when you realize your shoulder hurts.

“Boss, please, please, please don’t get mad at me…” she begs while you take a peek to see why your skin stings.

“OH.MY.GOD!” you manage to articulate, shocked.

There it is: “The Joker—Favorite Villain” inked on your flesh.You have no words, you are appalled.

“Please don’t do anything reckless,” your assistant pleads, realizing that this was maybe a catastrophic mistake. “I really want to stay here and I am sure you would have found a way to take me away even if I marked myself. So I marked you too, this way you’re stuck here with me…until our villains die,” and she covers her mouth, scared of what just came out.

“You…you ungrateful imbecile!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” you scream, staring at the tattoo. “How dare you???!!!! You tattooed me without my permission?! With The Joker’s name?! Are you kidding me??!!” “I’m so sorry, please forgive me,” Ellie whimpers and it’s so pathetic to hear because Shadows never cry.

“I’m going to tear you to pieces, you’re dead!!!!” you claw at your ink but it’s permanent and it won’t go away.

“I can’t die,” she starts bawling and you want to squeeze the life out of Hkxcqd but yeah, Shadows are immortal.

“I don’t care, I will still try!”

Before fulfilling your threat, you look at your tattoo again.

Now you’re bound to The Joker; not your favorite villain but the accursed ink says otherwise.

You take a deep breath and hiss:

“Goddamned Jonny Frost ruined my eternity!”