thinking about friendship and community as concepts vs reality thinking abt how I have less friends now than I did last year but I'm way more social and open with people now and I'm also more inclined to ask ppl around me for help with certain things and repaying them i.e. someone asks me to help clean up their new apartment and in exchange I get to keep whatever junk I like that I found in the process or someone cuts/styles my hair and I bake them sth etc. and it's weird bc I don't consider these people friends yet if I describe my relationship with them it ends up sounding way too transactional and impersonal than it actually is. and I sometimes also feel bad that I'm "using" ppl while not thinking of them as friends or wanting to deepen our bonds but I also know that im NOT using them? I think? im just finding myself in a strange place bc of my dynamic w ppl around me lately