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sisterdivinium · 1 year

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If we are to take a deep dive, it is best to assure the place we're leaping from is stable, so let's do that by starting with the obvious.

The subject in both of these sentences is the same: the Halo. Both of these characters have borne it. Both sentences present the same grammatical structure and answer directly to one another despite the distance in time and space between one and the other's utterances. To Ava, the receiver of these conflicting messages, both claims prove themselves to be ultimately true, for the Halo acts as a gift, in granting her a second chance at a life she never had, and also as a burden, as it imposes on her responsibilities and demands of her sacrifices she would otherwise have never known.

But the show itself openly invites us to dig deeper, so we should not be contented with the obvious alone.

If there is always more, then we must peel back the surface and peek at what is underneath if we are to grasp at least a fraction of the functioning of Warrior Nun in different levels—be it in small scale, pertaining to the characters themselves, or be it in large scale, including how all of it relates to us as viewers in the end.

These two moments of season one are but a fragment of the show’s comprehensive universe, but we will examine them closely to see just how much meaning we can find in them, deceptively simple as they seem.

As mentioned above, the grammatical structure of both sentences is shared between them: “the [subject] is a [noun]”. This could lead to some sort of direct description we associate with the act of definition, of explaining what something is, as in “the pope is a man” or, to use the same reference as Mother Superion and Shannon do, “the Halo is an object”. In fact, had this been the case, we would have been closer to Ava’s own conclusion of the Halo being “a hunk of magic metal embedded in [her] back”, as this is a characteristic anyone could ascribe to it upon examination.

Yet the words used by both former warrior nuns are “gift” and “burden”. If they describe the Halo, then it is not in terms derived from objectively observable traits it possesses (such as it being made of metal), but in a wholly subjective manner. When Mother Superion and Shannon say the Halo is this or that, both imply that it is this or that as relates to themselves. In relaying what the Halo supposedly “is” to Ava, they pre-interpret it for her, infusing it with their own points of view—their beliefs. What they say of the Halo is much more a reflection of who they are than anything the Halo in itself could be.

A) The gift

A gift is, as we know, a present. It presupposes a giver and a receiver, as well as some degree of gratitude on the part of the latter, even if justified by politeness alone.

Mother Superion, embodying the authority of the Catholic church, framed by candles and an altar behind her while making use of short, straightforward affirmations, does not need to clearly state who occupies these positions: we can safely infer that the giver here is God and the beneficiary of this divine benevolence is Ava. A definiteness is patent in the sentences that follow—here is the power of the institution at work, for if Mother Superion starts out by “defining” the Halo, now she defines Ava through it. An inversion takes place, as the woman allows the object to define the woman (as “God’s champion” who “fights in His name”) rather than the other way around. The church, the Halo construct Ava as a subject, subjecting her to certain ideas of what she should be. She is the warrior nun despite having no say in it, not being a warrior and much less a nun.

At first sight, it wouldn’t make sense to interact with Ava in these terms, especially if, by this scene, Mother Superion has already read her file. It wouldn’t be difficult to deduce how expressions crafted with religious colours might impact an audience that does not show any religious proclivities. Furthermore, the tradition of rhetoric has always taught that speakers ought to adapt to their listeners if they wish to get their point across, so either Mother Superion is incompetent at communication, lacking sensibility and skills, or she is making a calculated move—one that is fully supported by her hierarchical position. After all, superiors seldom need to rationally convince their subordinates of doing something given how the latter are compelled instead by power dynamics to get in line—or else.

The strategy doesn’t really work on Ava.

In semiotic terms, we could even argue that there is something confusing happening in this scene—a narrative phase of manipulation (wherein someone tries to get someone else to accept and do something), we could say that it contains hints of both seduction (a positive commentary on the interlocutor—it’s not just about anyone who can be god’s champion, so this is a positive distinction) and intimidation (the threat of negative consequences if the interlocutor doesn’t comply—there is an implied order in the sequence, meaning Ava cannot refuse to be “God’s champion”). Ava might not share in this world-view, but it is what the church and its followers propose: a gift from God is a positive value. Being chosen by God to do something, even fighting and possibly dying in the process, is a positive value. Lilith is standing right there beside them and, at this point, she would surely agree and see nothing of this exchange in a negative light.

Yet Ava isn’t a nun and indeed she does not perceive any of these “honours” as being desirable. Mother Superion’s stance, the image she presents of herself as a strict nun herself when Ava has been mistreated by them all her life, equally gives her no reason to be persuaded, much on the contrary.

The manipulation fails. Ava is told God gave her the gift of life… And that now she is to endanger and potentially lose that very same life as some sort of gesture of gratitude. The logic is unimpressive at best and frankly absurd at worst.

Within the framework of the church, however, it makes perfect sense. Misattributed and misconstrued as it might be, the motto of credo quia absurdum is still pertinent: “I believe because it is absurd”. That a god should grant life only to claim it back through violence is perfectly acceptable if one believes in this god’s unquestionable authority rather than seeing this demand as something ridiculous or cruel.

The very concepts of God, service, battle, duty, blessings only make sense to the faithful, something Ava isn’t. She’s just a puny little individual resisting the pressures brought upon her by a powerful institution.

She and Mother Superion are only speaking over one another, not really having a conversation; Ava doesn’t care to listen to what the church has to say, she doesn’t take it seriously, and the church likewise does not take her individuality, her person into consideration.

However, we would do well to remember that Mother Superion is not simply a mouthpiece for the church—she is also Suzanne, lowly little individual with lowly individual desires and resentment just as Ava.

And, regardless of the effacement of self that monastic as well as military institutions enforce on their members, just as Ava’s subjectivity isn’t neatly negated by direct statements in line with reigning dogma, Suzanne’s own subjectivity also seeps through her words and attitudes. If not blatantly, at the very least there is a remarkable struggle taking place within her, suggested by her use of language as well as her demeanour.

The Halo, after all, defines her as well.

If bearing it is the greatest honour, a mark of God’s favour, if it defines a person, then losing it has an equal power of definition. The distinction it confers on someone is inescapable, for good or ill, and either one dies gloriously as “God’s champion” or one survives it, survives its removal, and is deemed rejected and unworthy by this so magnanimous God. The Halo soaks up all of the positive value ascribed to it—meaning those who lack it adopt a negative one in contrast, be it Suzanne who had it and lost it or even Lilith, who should’ve had it and didn’t.

Still it is considered “a gift”, something given by God… One could say it is a form of grace.

Suzanne’s noun and Vincent’s verb have the same origin, of course, the same stem. Despite the argument between them in this other scene, ultimately there is agreement between the two of them judging by their choice of vocabulary and Mother Superion’s reaction immediately afterwards. If this were not true in some degree, there would have been little need for Mother Superion to correct Ava in the first place, for Ava calls the Halo “a hunk of magic metal”, yes, but she also refers to it as “top prize”, as a reward—which, unlike “gifts”, are meant to be earned, to use Vincent’s comparison. There is a mixture of concepts here.

Without wanting to overcomplicate this text, let us say that ideology is a certain way of understanding the world and that it constructs and is constructed by our discourse, our use of language. One of the functions of ideology is that of attempting to smother contradiction, to smoothen the world’s complexities, simplify them, rationalise them away, however incapable it truly is at accomplishing that given how reality is too complex to be so tamed. Here, then, we see a notable sort of contradiction in Mother Superion’s discourse (in her ideology) that isn’t easily solved: a detail, a problem left out from the thought system. She agrees that grace, in the form of the Halo or not, is given, yet she treats it as if it were earned. This is a crack in the wall; it’s an idiosyncrasy, proof of a subject torn between the different voices that compose her subjectivity, the fragments, the different discourses that, put together, make her up as a whole.

What could be more contradictory than calling something which has scarred her physically, mentally and emotionally a “gift”?

If we create and are created in turn by means of discourse (“you are God’s champion”), if we can only understand and interact with the world when it is mediated by discourses and their correlated ideologies, what would it have meant if Suzanne had assigned another value to the Halo?

The inversion of values would certainly have ejected her from the church. If the Halo, to her, gained negative value, thus allowing her to retain some amount of positive value, her participation in the institution would be impracticable. She would be at odds with the dominant ideology, its structures, its rules… And she would face the resistance Ava faced by assuming such antagonism.

And sure, she might have regained some sort of “freedom”, but what would she have then lost? Resentment or not, there appears to be one central, recurrent positive value, one central desire to most characters in Warrior Nun and it would not be far-fetched to assume Suzanne shares in it herself and is unwilling to part with it.

B) The burden

Needless to say that if there is a generous deal of “burden” to Suzanne’s “gift”, there is also some “gift” in Shannon’s “burden”, judging by her mentioning the family she gained through bearing the Halo. Curiously enough, the dynamic of receiving something and paying for it with that very “gift”—Shannon getting a family and losing it by the very same means—is identical to the dynamics involved in getting Ava to accept her fate as warrior nun, by “paying” for the “gift” of life by risking that very same life in battle.

Shannon has received the “gift”—and fulfilled her role to perfection, allowed to thank God for it personally… If the Halo was taken from Suzanne, Shannon is the one “taken” because of it, alongside other ex-bearers.

Here there are no euphemisms. Shannon has lived the consequences of being “God’s champion” until the very end, so she has no need for distorted truths meant to keep things in order, to avoid questioning the principle of order itself which is the institutional view. There is still a struggle (there is always a struggle) as she admits to finding something positive (a family) through her loyalty to the cause even if the cause is what kills her and other women like her. The contrast between Mother Superion’s speech focused on individual responsibility and Shannon’s avowal of how it is “too great for one person to bear” tells us more than enough about how they each envision individuality, community, the possibility of action, who can make it come about—how life and death, different paths, different destinies, inform perception of the same thing.

Their values are inverted.

Mother Superion’s “gift” is Shannon’s “burden”; Mother Superion’s tendency, while alive, to value death (“You fight in His name”) is countered by a dead Shannon’s valorisation of life (“So much promise unfulfilled. So much life unlived. And for what?”) The scenes are in direct opposition to one another, they respond to one another as mirrored images.

So much so that the reply is not merely linguistic, hidden away in dialogue, but quite evidently displayed in visual terms as well. A mirror offers us reflections that are inverted—left in place of right, right as left—and so are these scenes inverted in relation to one another: in the moment of saying the sentences we’re concerned with, Mother Superion and Shannon stand in much the same place. If we do not notice, it is because the camera pans around in different angles—with the former, we watch the scene from a point at Ava's left, while the latter is shown from an angle at her right. We are literally treated to reflected images, seen from opposite points of view.

Colour, too, guides our reading of both scenes set side by side. With Mother Superion, we are in the realm of the church and its associated earthly tones as established throughout the first season, whereas Ava’s vision of Shannon paints the dream church in a shade of blue. Blue is, of course, the hue which had been mostly tied to Jillian Salvius, to ArqTech, to science. With science comes the concept of reason, as opposed to the sepia haze of faith.

Mary is also drawn against a backdrop of bright blue sky when she is investigating the docks and relying on her reason rather than her faith concerning Shannon’s death.

Shannon’s opinion on the Halo might be just as subjective as Mother Superion’s before her, but it is filtered through personal experience and observation, through reason rather than blind belief in a mission.

Yet we are forgetting something. Ava, having died already, claims there is nothing on the other side. If that is so, why is she meeting Shannon now? And why is this meeting taking place in circumstances that reflect previous events in an inverted manner?

As dreams often reuse what we have lived when awake, re-rendering our memories, transforming them, so it is possible that Ava is not having a vision but a dream—that she is talking not to Shannon, but to some facet of herself, Ava, manifesting as Shannon after connecting with her memory through the warrior nun book.

As Ava clings to it and the knowledge it affords her, it would make sense for her conscience to finally figure out a proper retort to what she heard of Mother Superion in that earlier moment, a retort fuelled by new information and by her own reasoning. At the very least, it would be more plausible to consider this hypothesis than to assume her vision of Shannon is a real communication with her spirit granted by the Halo, for, if we are witnessing a new phase of manipulation, then the message being transmitted this time concerns the Halo’s “lifecycle” itself—and how it must be brought to an end. If it is sentient as some characters believe, why would it let Ava meet Shannon and be exposed to the idea of working against the Halo’s own interests of perpetuation?

After all, the implications behind Shannon’s words are evident: again, if the Halo also defines the woman, then it defines sister Shannon, sister Melanie and all other warrior nuns going back to Areala with one word which will soon apply to Ava and whomever follows: that word is dead, crushed under the burden.

And this time, the message, a sort of compassionate provocation (“a burden too great to bear”—even for you), hits its mark, inspiring Ava to end the tradition and be the last warrior nun.

We are not in the semantic field of religion, even if it is there, in the background, being answered to; here we are not speaking of God or battles fought for this distant general in the sky, but of family, of women slaughtered in the name of a mission. This is no longer some ethereal question but an immediate concern. Whether this is Shannon or Ava herself subconsciously masquerading as Shannon to facilitate her own “awakening”, the point gets across now that it is transmitted in language that makes sense to Ava, now that there are common values between speaker and listener.

One could even hypothesise that, at this point, Shannon being a former warrior nun lends credibility to her words in Ava’s mind as she is a woman experienced in this role Ava is supposed to play.

If so, we can also understand the bridge of empathy that is built between Ava and Mother Superion later on when it is revealed that Suzanne, too, was a halo bearer and that she, too, has carried this “burden”. Both forge new understandings of one another through this common background and a personal exchange that is nothing like their first encounter—when the “gift” is said to have rejected the older nun, when its “burden” is divulged to Ava.

As Ava recognises Shannon, so do Ava and Mother Superion eventually recognise one another as well—so do they begin to comprehend how they did carry similar values, only obscured by their dissimilar ideologies and their resulting language use. If no other, then the value of family is what binds them together through Suzanne’s new disposition to embrace all of her sisters and Ava’s newfound conduct in considering them her sisters to begin with. They come closer in the catacombs and, at last, meet halfway by season two.

Yet we, the viewers, as touched by this miscommunication that ends well as we may be, after all of this talk of gifts and burdens, we remain none the wiser on what the Halo actually is.

C) The energy source

As previously exposed, we are kept in the dark because most sentences that speak of this iconic object in the series are subjective, focused on the characters’ own relationship to it or their ideas about it rather than any substantial data on what it might truly be apart from a “hunk of magic metal” currently in Ava’s back.

Perhaps because we spend so much time with the nuns, satisfied as they are with the logic of plain belief instead of concerned with tangible, provable things that can or should be explained. The most we get is the information on how the Halo is some kind of weapon, an amplifier attuned to the bearer’s body and soul.

Enter Jillian Salvius.

While her understanding of the Halo is admittedly insufficient, her research on it limited, her available vocabulary and scientific knowledge too slim (!) to encompass such an item, she does not say something like “the Halo is a mystery” or “a conundrum” as she says of Lilith later on. It would be true, just as it being a “gift” or “burden” is true considering those who called it thus, yet Jillian uses another sort of language instead.

Being a scientist, doctor Salvius opts for what we consider to be appropriate scientific modes of speaking, that is, by creating an impression of objectivity. It is not her personal reaction or opinion of the Halo that she offers, but whatever traits she can see or learn of in that moment: an energy source, an object that defies physics, a foreign body of undefined material. Ava “translates” this as being “an alien battery”, but the fact is that we are served a definition of the Halo unlike those we had before. It isn’t much, but for once we are not given a character’s personal interpretation of it…

Or so it seems. We none of us are capable of being fully objective, for none of us can rid ourselves of our selves—Jillian posits the Halo as an energy source, which seems innocent and impartial enough, but soon afterwards we understand what that means to her.

In themselves, the words “energy source” don’t carry many other connotations. Yet, for Jillian, these words that seem so neutral and “scientific”, so clear cut, do not sustain the facade of objectivity. She has spoken of energy before, it is an active component of her research, a common word in her lexicon; to Ava, “energy source” is “a battery”, but to Kristian and Jillian, who are part of ArqTech, who know what goes on within its walls, these words automatically acquire another meaning.

Yes, that of a battery, but one with a very specific purpose. Under the guise of neutral discourse, a very personal interpretation of the Halo, just as if it were a “gift” or “burden”, lies hidden. It is an energy source—one that doctor Salvius can potentially use to power her contraption. It is a “solution”, perhaps even a “gift”, of circumstance if not of god.

And it, too, defines Ava despite herself. When it fails, Jillian says she was wrong about Ava, not the Halo, thus conflating the two.

In the end, even she who might well be the smartest character, the one most closely connected with science and concrete knowledge, cannot guard herself from letting the unsaid (or “unsayable”) slip through her lips. She, too, in spite of her apparent objective language, exhibits a subjective kind of relationship with the world around her, influenced by the ideologies that cross her being.

D) Ending thoughts

Perhaps, when all is said and done, we are never truly able to follow that maxim we’ve seen more than once on Warrior Nun.

Perhaps we simply cannot think or act if we do not perceive things as at least partially related to ourselves.

It is not necessarily a bad thing, though, as long as different views can coexist, as long as they do not trample one another, as long as one person or group don’t elect themselves as the owners of truth, attempting to eliminate all who do not follow them as Adriel tried to do. In a democracy, in a place and a moment in history where there is freedom of thought and creed and speech, the phenomenon of various voices competing for the spotlight, taking turns under it is normal and healthy.

Warrior Nun gives us a fascinating insight on the multiplicity of voices that compose a society, even if there are elements of it which seek to suffocate those voices. It is a microcosm where different ideologies, through language, are confronted with one another, where they struggle to make sense of things—and where each of those points of view over a given subject might carry a morsel of truth. The Halo is a piece of metal and a gift and a burden and an energy source; none of these ideas or perceptions necessarily exclude the other, none is “more correct” than the other because, if so, then the question would be: as regards which character?

To Ava, at least, it is all these things and maybe more.

There are attempts to implant a hegemonic interpretation of facts. The very story of Areala, Adriel, the Halo’s trajectory along the centuries, how this is “the way it has been for one thousand years” is a strategy to cement a singular view. The repetition, the constant reworking of tradition, telling this story over and over with each warrior nun… That is the church at play, ideology trying to fill in any gaps, keep things as they are, conserve them and the structures that organise them, guaranteeing that things have one certain sort of sense and not another, one value, one meaning.

But life is not stagnant and people are not all swallowed whole by ideology even when they subscribe to it willingly, as a member of a church would. There are always things that cannot be explained, things that are beyond the scope of ideology—contradictions, pesky little details that escape the invisible goggles with which we look at reality. The truth is that it is far more complex than we can contain it with a few buzzwords, man-made or divine. There is always another side, always a reply, a constant dialogue between our different ways of seeing, understanding, being and, therefore, speaking.

A more visible example comes from those scenes in season two where Yasmine and Adriel are both telling the exact same story, only through their own perspectives, interpreting it in their own ways.

The show provides many opportunities to see how varied human voice can be, how the point of view of whoever is telling the story bears a mighty influence on the narrative, whether consciously or not, malicious or not. That, in turn, may inspire us to look around us, in the real world; to look at how we are representing things, others and even ourselves as well as how others represent us through the words we use.

This is not an exhaustive study, long as it is. As said before, it is but a glance at two scenes, two little lines of dialogue which are, however, intimately connected with others, with the stuff of the entire show—with the stuff of life. We could write more on how possessive pronouns and other sorts of phrases with the idea of the Halo “belonging” to someone or being “owned” by someone are used, just to remain in the area of discourse about the Halo alone.

But the present text has given all it had to give and its author does not wish to be a burden on her readers any more than she already has been.

#warrior nun #mother superion #ava silva #sister shannon #jillian salvius #look i tried my best not to throw jargon at you #it is strange for me to NOT mention bakhtin foucault pêcheux ducrot althusser greimas courtès perelman olbrechts tyteca & co #but the theory is there working beneath the text. i didn't want to scare anyone with the whole academic stuff #so i have tried all i could to use it without mentioning it directly and guarantee that anyone can understand what i've written #you will tell me if i have managed to convey my message or not #i hope i have. i don't like using a word like ideology without defining it but i want to trust in readers' intelligence #anyway. discourse analysis with some semiotics thrown in. i hope you have as much fun with this as i did!#i chose these two moments because i found them pretty cool #but we could talk about how language works in warrior nun for years probably #how it ties everyone together despite differences in understanding how it appears and reappears with new meanings #anyway I'VE SPOKEN ENOUGH #analysis and similar #exercises in observation

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sae-you-sae-me · 7 years

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Hello :) I really love your headcanons they are great and you are muffin awesome. I was surprised to see that requests were open so I'd like to request an scenario/ headcanon with RFA+V+Saeran with an MC that can see her own and everyone elses's read thread of fate (Not sure If I wrote it right) so when she meets them she knows who her soulmate is. I hope that my english is not bad and that you are fine. Thank you in advance and I hope you have a great day :)

We can’t believe we reached the level of muffin. Thank you…and hope you like these~

Zen:

You knew he was your soulmate before you met him through the RFA

You had landed front seat tickets to one of his shoes awhile back

And the string on your finger led right to his

You couldn’t believe it, and to be honest, you were almost distracted for most of the show

Gathering up your courage, you sneak behind stage to maybe get the chance to talk to him

You weren’t sure how to tell him, but at least fate brought you together, right?

But he was hugging some other girl

The hug became a hold…and then he was kissing her cheek and calling her pet names

You asked a nearby stage hand, and it turns out he was already dating

You were a little heartbroken, so you kind of fade out

Despite the string on your finger, you didn’t really want to see him again

Fast forward a few years later, and you see him in the chatroom

You know he’s single now, but you’re still kind of turned off…because everyone knows they have a soulmate

Then one day, the topic comes up in a chat

Zen starts sharing that he didn’t believe in soulmates until the end of his last relationship, where he found that dating around just didn’t suit him

After that, you kind of softened on him a little

You guys talk a lot more…and you find yourself falling for him more and more

When you guys finally meet, you tell Zen that you can see the strings and who everyone’s soulmates are

He jokingly asks, “Yeah? Can you tell me mine? Getting kind of lonely here.”

You smile and lift up your own finger

He thinks you’re joking at first, but when he realizes you’re not, he’s so overjoyed

He was so worried that he was falling for you, and once again, it would end like all his other relationships

“I didn’t believe in soulmates before, and I was beginning to doubt again…and then you came in.”

Yoosung:

Yoosung also believed in soulmates

So he always wanted to save himself for his soulmate

When you two first talked about the topic in the chatroom, you found it rather refreshing to hear someone who believed in it

Then you met him at the RFA party

And you string led straight to his

You didn’t want to freak him out so you stayed quiet

But you were a little more open to him otherwise

Since soulmates could also be platonic, you weren’t sure pursuing a relationship would be the best idea

So you took it slow

You did grow very close to him though, and you found yourself connected to him in someway for sure

Then one day, you two were just working together on something and laughing as usual, and Yoosung just blurts, “I think I’m in love with you.”

You’re shocked to say the least

His nerves gets to him and he starts rambling, but you get the gist of it

He says he thinks you could be his soulmate, and he really hopes so because he finds himself completely smitten by you in a way he’s never felt before

After some awkward silence, he buries his head in his hands, “I guess there’s no way to know for sure, huh?”

You chuckle nervously and tell him you’re on of those people who can see strings

And he deflates thinking that if you knew, you would’ve told him

You’re quick to fix that mistake

He pulls you into this bone crushing hug

Jaehee:

You had always seen strings of soulmates

You had watched your friends as they realized their soulmates…you had watched soulmates pass each other on the street

But there was no string on yours

You knew that a string could appear on people at any time in their life, and not being born with one didn’t mean you didn’t have a soulmate

But since most had their string appear by the time they were children, you had slowly given up on the idea of you having one

It was a part of life, and by the time you joined the RFA, you were indifferent to it

Despite this nonchalance about soulmates, you still felt a connection to Jaehee

You found yourself opening to up to her, and she was opening up to you a lot as well

You two tried to meet on several occasions, but it never happened because of work on both your ends

So, in the end, nightly phone conversations became a thing

Then one day, after you hang up, and you notice a yellow string tie around your finger and slide out the door

You call Jaehee right away and she has to calm you down a little because you’re mildly freaking out

She knows your stance on soulmates, and that you can see the strings and yet never had one yourself

You had mixed feelings about honestly

You and Jaehee had such a strong bond, and thinking that you might have a stronger one with someone else due to fate was off putting

After this incident, she knew she had to meet in you person, even just to be reassuring

She makes the time and you do too and finally you two meet for coffee at a cafe

You freeze the moment you see her

She asks you what’s wrong, but she knows when you look at your finger…then across the way to her hand

You press a hand over your heart, “Thank goodness.”

Jumin:

String Theory King

You two seemed to understand each other from the start

Of course, this would lead to a lot of deep conversations at any time of the day

You noticed he often used the analogy of a tangled string, and you found it odd…considering you often saw the tangled strings of others lives when it came to soulmates and connections

You jokingly brought it up, but he seemed to dismiss it so you dropped it

You were always intrigued by the idea of soulmates, but you never thought about your own too much

But you felt connected to him, and he admitted as much to you

Your bond only grew stronger as the days past, and finally it happened that you got to visit him at his penthouse

When he saw you, he just seemed to stare for a long time

He apologized and said something along the lines of staring in your beautiful eyes

But he started acting stranger since that meeting

You thought you were reading too much into it

But you could’ve sworn his glances were longer and that he often looked at your hands before his eyes darted to the ground

You ignored it for the most part and your friendship went on as usual

Then one day, you were sitting across the table from him and you noticed your string…it was so short…and it connected to his finger

He smiles at you, “So you finally noticed.”

Turned out he could also see strings, and he noticed yours and his right away

He also figured out that you could see strings too, in the way you watched strangers

But he never wanted to rush things, so he stayed quiet

There was no grand confession

He just reached out and held your hand and you both smiled in acceptance

Seven:

You two got along as soon as you entered the RFA

Time did nothing to change that

You were also beginning to like him a little, but with your ability to see soulmates, you were trying not to feed those feelings

As coincidence would have it, you had a dream that he was your soulmate…which was odd since you hadn’t met him yet

Were you in for a shock when you two finally did meet at an RFA party

Your string was connected straight to his

But you weren’t exactly sure how to tell him

Sure, you two were pretty open about most things….but this was a totally different thing

Still, you dropped subtle hints and your dream gave the perfect opportunity

You told him in a casual way, and he completely laughs it off

It stung a little, but you managed to chuckle

If this was fate, things would work out in the end, right?

Time goes on, and your feelings for him only grows

Unfortunately, he gets more and more aloof as well

He answers your calls less, seems more closed, and always has an excuse why you can’t meet

When the whole thing about the bomb being in your apartment comes up, he has no choice but to rush over to fix it

Things get super tense, and you finally address him about him pushing you away and acting cold since you two seemed to get along so well

He blows up at you, and says he’s one of those people who can see soulmate strings

He claims your string is not connected to his

Little does he know, you can very easily see that it’s not true and you finally tell him as much

He shies away with the realization that you see it too, but he still tries to push you away

With each attempt, this string gets brighter as if emphasizing the truth

Finally, he just breaks down knowing he can’t fight fate any longer

He apologizes quietly

He gives this really sweet confession, but he ends it with “I guess I’m just tied to you somehow.”

He didn’t mean it…but that only made you two laugh twice as hard

At least you were back to normal

Saeran:

You had a string tied to you when you were a kid

But sometime in your early teen years, the string disappeared

At first, you thought your soulmate had died…but then it reappeared

It faded in and out

Then it completely disappeared again around the time you entered the RFA

You weren’t sure the reason, but you were really worried about your soulmate

You thought he might have been battling death or something with the way it went in and out…and maybe now he was finally gone

But then you agreed to help Saeyoung find Saeran, and the string slowly appeared again

You could never tell where it was connected though, as it faded as the string went on

You decided not to think about it too much and threw yourself into helping your friends

Specifically, into helping Saeran recover

You weren’t sure what drew you to him, but you always felt a soft spot

As he recovered, you noticed the string grow a bit brighter…and brighter

Coincidentally, you and Saeran grew closer and closer

Then one day, you could finally see to the end of the string

It was Saeran

He had finally gotten to the point where he could love again, and so the string was growing brighter every day

You still didn’t tell him…and you waited until he was in better shape

But he approaches you, “I don’t really believe in soulmates, but if I did…I think it would be you.”

You look softly down at the string connecting your fingers, “Yeah. Me too…”

You didn’t have a soulmate

Or so you thought

The string didn’t appear as a child, and it didn’t appear as you got older either

You had just accepted the fact

But when you joined the RFA, you felt a connection to V

It wasn’t really deep or magical, but something subtle

You understood him, and he understood you

But he had Rika…and he was still getting over Rika

You accepted that

Even when she disappeared a second time, you were there for him as he healed

Little did you know, as time went on, he was growing feelings for you

You were so accustomed to not having a soulmate, you didn’t even notice for a long time that a string had appeared on your finger and connected straight to his

In fact, you didn’t notice until he took your hand in his and said, “You know…this might sound weird, but I feel connected to you in some grand scheme. It’s like…fate or something.”

You stare down at both of your strings and smile, “You don’t even know…”

Check out our other headcanons~ Masterlist

#Anonymous #mystic messenger #mystic messenger zen #hyun ryu #yoosung kim #jaehee kang #jumin han #saeyoung choi #luciel choi #saeran choi #mystic messenger v #jihyun kim #mystic messenger scenarios #mystic messenger headcanons #mystic messenger imagines

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seriouslyhooked · 7 years

Text

Blue Eyes (The CS Mixtape) Part 139/?

Series of CS oneshots inspired by music. Collection on FF Here.

A/N: Scene rewrite that creates some dialogue when Emma and Killian are dancing in Camelot (episode 5x02) and conveniently ends before Robin gets hurt and everything goes to shit. Inspired by a reader request for ‘Blue Eyes’ by The Cary Brothers.

Since the moment she’d shown up in Camelot, Emma had been struggling. Struggling to control her newfound urges to use black magic. Struggling to keep Rumplestilskin out of her thoughts. Struggling to act the way everyone needed her to so they all didn’t worry too much about her being on the edge of darkness.

It was an impossible balancing act, and Emma’s mind was being pulled in a million different directions. There was the side of her that was a devoted mother and that would give anything to spare her son and family from feeling any pain on her behalf, and then there was the new, ugly residue that darkness bestowed upon her. Rumplestilskin was only the tip of the iceberg and the voices in her head were loud and angry, taunting and tempting all in one. But for the moment she was treading water and keeping her head above it all. For the moment Emma was holding on in the hopes of finding a way out of this mess and back home where she belonged.

There was one person in this ballroom right now, one person in the world really, who provided her with most of that hope. He was the only person who wasn’t constantly looking at her with pity and regret and his understanding and unyielding faith in her was a power greater than the voices in her head. Killian was still here, still seeing her as Emma and not the product of a sacrifice she’d willingly made. Just as he’d always seen her as more than the savior, he saw her now as more than someone that was a liability or tainted goods.

Yes he was worried, yes Emma could see that fear deep in his heart, but it wasn’t of her: It was of letting her down. Killian hadn’t wanted this ball at all, urging everyone to forget such a scheme and to focus all of their efforts on helping her, but now, as Emma descended the staircase to the sound of some royal crier announcing her name, she saw his hesitations disappear. There was the man she loved, looking at her with his blue eyes the way he always did – with love and trust and so much joy it made her heart skip a beat.

Breathe, Emma. She counseled herself internally. Just one foot in front of the other.

It was easier said than done since all eyes were on her and her mother and she was never going to be fully comfortable in a fairy tale world donning a gown like this, but Emma powered through, guided by Killian’s gentle smile and how handsome he looked. He stood there beside her father, looking every bit the pirate in a sea of noble people and she loved that. He wasn’t pretending to be anything he wasn’t; he was just Killian Jones, a pirate, a hero, and a man who loved her with everything in him.

The response she had to Killian in this moment was dizzying, and though her body had felt mired down by a slowly descending despair since appearing in this land, Emma couldn’t feel anything but lightness now. The sun had set long ago but it felt like it was shining for the first time since everything had happened, and the moment Emma made it down the stairs and took his hand, she felt freed from so many of the troubles she was facing.

“Swan, you look…” Killian began, failing to find words when he so often had the best ones waiting for her.

“I know,” she countered, recalling another bright moment from their past. This was a mirroring in a way of their first date, where she had been a little speechless and he had been the cocky charming one. Now Emma clung to this sense of fun and humor and the butterflies fluttering through her. Only moments ago it hadn’t felt like there was space for such thoughts in her life, but maybe she was wrong. Maybe she could be strong enough to fend all of this off if she had Killian to hold onto.

They waited for a moment then as Regina was presented as savior to secure their charade here in Camelot, and as Henry’s other mother made her way to be honored by the royals of this realm, Killian grumbled out a gruff assessment of the situation before them.

“If you ask me, the Queen is enjoying this just a bit too much.”

Emma smiled despite herself, not because she disagreed with Killian. If anything she thought he was right – there was a part of Regina that fed off the attention and was probably enjoying being celebrated in a ballroom like this instead of actively feared and hated. But Emma’s smile was more because of him and his continued protectiveness than anything else. Killian always said what was on his mind, especially when he thought Emma might be doubting herself in any way.

“Maybe so. But think of it this way: now you can spin me around the room with less people staring. Who knows? We might even be able to sneak a moment alone.”

Emma’s words were purposefully chosen to rile him up, and she delighted in the moment where Killian’s body tensed. He was so predictable in some ways, falling into her flirtation so quickly, but it made Emma feel powerful and sure of herself. Killian was undeniably attached to her, and it was nice not having to wonder where they stood. Now she knew, and before Emma had been dragged away into the darkness she’d told him too. This was love, and even if there were a lot of problematic elements in their lives right now, for tonight at least they could linger in that and let the rest of the world fade away.

Soon enough the dancing commenced and Killian pulled her into the fray of the other people milling about the space. The music was familiar to the dances they had during their stint in the past, and with the help of her partner, and her own past experience, Emma felt herself easily moving through all the steps and through every twirl and curtsy. But the best part wasn’t the fairytale-like setting or the spinning around in her favorite pirate’s arms, it was the way Killian continuously engaged her, making her laugh and smile and hope even in the midst of so much going on.

“What do you think it says about us that all our dances come in moments of great trial?” Killian asked at one point and Emma chuckled, letting that serene feeling that laughter could bring wash over her.

“I think it says we live a little more dangerously than most people. But the future has to hold some dances that don’t feel quite so life and death. We have to have hit our quota for moments like these.”

She expected Killian to laugh at her quip, but instead she watched as an intensity that hadn’t just been there came to his expression. He wasn’t angry in any way, but he also wasn’t laughing which concerned Emma. Had she done something wrong?

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked quietly, feeling the creeping of a blush upon her face.

“Do you see a great many dances together in our future, Emma?” He asked, and now Emma understood his response. Emma wasn’t exactly the biggest planner and this hint at more longevity and continued romance for them when all of this was done was still new to their relationship. She wanted to give him comfort and to confirm that they were permanent and not going anywhere, but Emma also wondered if this was the right time for grand declarations. In the end she decided to go with some humor that held an underlying truth.

“If you play your cards right, yes. I can see more than a few for us to come,” Emma countered, trying and succeeding this time to lighten the mood.

Killian used her shift in tone to his advantage, however, twirling her around in an unexpected spin that made Emma laugh loud enough to draw attention from her parents and Henry. She only glanced their way for a second (and part of her wondered at the girl by Henry’s side), but she could see that Killian’s calming her was calming all of them too. Emma appreciated that more than she could say, but then she focused again as her fingers traced his outstretched hook and she tried to keep her footing. The last thing she wanted was to spoil the moment with the reappearance of her two left feet.

“You truly are remarkable, Swan,” Killian finally said when that set had ended and another began and Emma beamed at him, loving and accepting the compliment. She’d fought off his advances for so long and in the beginning she’d found herself rejecting his praise and reasoning that he couldn’t really mean it, but the truth of his feelings was so clearly on display here for everyone to see that she had no choice but to take it as fact.

“My dancing really impresses you that much, huh?”

“It’s more than that, love, as you well know. It’s everything. You’ve always been the strongest person in the room – hell you’re the stronger person I’ve ever known – but you never cease to amaze me in just how much you’ll overcome.”

Hearing words like that were bittersweet in a way. Honestly Emma didn’t feel particularly tough, and more often than not she was terrified that with one wrong move she’d fall off the edge and become that darkness she’d sworn to fight against. But knowing that Killian saw her this way helped, and there was a difference between his acknowledging her perseverance and the pressure everyone else was putting on her. Killian would never fault Emma for stumbling on her way to being rid of this. He’d just continue to stand here beside her with his hand in hers, helping her stay in the light.

“It’s easy to be strong when you aren’t alone,” Emma admitted.

Emma’s eyes watched Killian’s cerulean ones go slightly darker. They still held all the same warmth and affection, but the hint that they were in this together had added an extra layer of sincerity. Emma noticed in all the times they’d been a couple that Killian wanted nothing more than to be tied to her, to belong to her and in this sphere of people who meant the world to her. He was looking for home and he found it in her, just as she was beginning to find room in her world for a certain charming Captain.

“You’ll never have to be alone again, love. I can promise you that.”

The sweetness of his words was a balm for the meanness that swirled inside of Emma. It fully silenced the dueling parts of light and dark within her, and left just her and Killian in a room Emma rationally knew was filled with people. She stopped her movements, forgetting the dance and their audience all together, and watched as her intentions dawned on the handsome man before her. Then Emma pulled Killian in for a kiss by the familiar leather collar and felt her world click back into place.

When their lips met the full effect of his power over her (or really their power over each other) was realized and Emma rejoiced in that feeling of rightness that had alluded her since leaving Storybrooke. This was something she’d missed and something she needed. It was a beautiful reminder of what she still had, Dark One or not, and it also cemented the fact that the two of them together made a real magic no darkness could overtake.

But even if this moment was pretty close to perfect, it surely had to end, especially when Emma and Killian were being watched by her parents and her son. Emma honestly didn’t know which sound pulled her out of the kiss. It could have been her father’s grumblings, her mother’s sounds of thrilled appreciation, or Henry’s teenage annoyance at seeing his mother make out with someone, but when she pulled back from Killian she found herself laughing again. It was absurd, but here in a ballroom in Camelot, things almost felt – dare she say it? – normal.

“Perhaps we should return to dancing, Swan… just for the time being.”

The innuendo in Killian’s voice that hinted at their having more together later made Emma shiver, but she knew he was right. For now they’d just have to wait, but at least Emma knew that she had everything to keep fighting for and a surefire weapon against the darkness battling for her heart. And it might not be tomorrow or the next day when she found answers, but Emma knew that she would. They were all going to win in the fight for her heart, and then they were all going to go home and get that happily ever after they’d been promised.

…………..

Wish enough, wise man'll tell you a lie Window broke, torn up screens Who'd have thought that you'd dream Of a single tragic scene

I just want to sing a song with you I just want to take it off of you

'Cause Blue Eyes You are all that I need 'Cause Blue Eyes You're the sweet to my mean

Fess it up, dot on the palm of your hand I can help you to stand Saved it up for this dance Tell me all the things you can

I just want to sing a song with you I just want to be the one that's true

'Cause Blue Eyes You're the secret I keep 'Cause Blue Eyes

All the lights on and you are alive But you can't point the way to your heart So sublime, when the stars are aligned But you don't know You don't know the greatness you are

'Cause Blue Eyes You are destiny's scene 'Cause Blue Eyes I just want to be the one

I just want to sing a song with you I just want to get it on with you

'Cause Blue Eyes You're the secret I keep 'Cause Blue Eyes I just want to sing a song with you

I just want to sing a song with you I just want to sing a song with you

Post-Note: It’s always so hard for me to decide which story arcs are my favorite, but when it came to 5B I had so much I liked, and yet also so many moments I wish there was just a little more detail for. The ball was one of them, and so this was a shameless attempt on my part to rewrite a scene I thought could have been fluffier. But I should also say thank you the reader who requested this song a long while back, and to all of you who have also sent requests my way I appreciate it! You’ve all given me the chance to see this mixtape continue on and on and that’s an awesome feeling for me as a writer. Anyway, hope you all enjoyed and thank you guys so much for reading!

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3, Part 4, Part 5, Part 6, Part 7, Part 8, Part 9, Part 10,Part 11, Part 12,Part 13, Part 14, Part 15, Part 16, Part 17, Part 18, Part 19, Part 20, Part 21, Part 22, Part 23, Part 24, Part 25, Part 26, Part 27, Part 28, Part 29, Part 30, Part 31, Part 32, Part 33, Part 34, Part 35, Part 36, Part 37, Part 38, Part 39, Part 40, Part 41, Part 42, Part 43, Part 44, Part 45, Part 46, Part 47, Part 48, Part 49, Part 50, Part 51, Part 52, Part 53, Part 54, Part 55, Part 56, Part 57, Part 58, Part 59, Part 60, Part 61, Part 62, Part 63, Part 64, Part 65, Part 66, Part 67, Part 68, Part 69, Part 70, Part 71, Part 72, Part 73, Part 74, Part 75, Part 76, Part 77, Part 78, Part 79, Part 80, Part 81, Part 82, Part 83, Part 84, Part 85, Part 86, Part 87, Part 88, Part 89, Part 90, Part 91, Part 92, Part 93, Part 94, Part 95, Part 96, Part 97, Part 98, Part 99, Part 100, Part 101, Part 102, Part 103, Part 104, Part 105, Part 106, Part 107,Part 108, Part 109, Part 110,Part 111, Part 112, Part 113, Part 114, Part 115,Part 116, Part 117, Part 118, Part 119,Part 120, Part 121, Part 122, Part 123,Part 124, Part 125, Part 126, Part 127, Part 128,Part 129,Part 130, Part 131,Part 132, Part 133, Part 134, Part 135, Part 136, Part 137, Part 138

#captain swan #captain swan fic #captain swan ff #cs fic #cs ff #cs fluff #cs oneshot #scene rewrite #5x02 #cannon divergent #emma swan #killian jones #captain swan mixtape #cs mixtape #the captain swan mixtape #blue eyes #ouat fic #5-A

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