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free--therapy · 8 months

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Anon here!

Just dropping in again to say thank you hehe 🫶

This page has been such a big source of positivity and support for me throughout my low periods and you've been so so kind to me. I might say this many times but I'm just genuinely very grateful honestly.

There are many times when I feel I'm bothering you or relying on you too much when I ask any of my doubts especially when I ask things about weird topics or share some of my more "ridiculous" worries with you. But you never show any judgement and even when I'm judging myself, wondering things like "Am I a disgusting person for doing xyz, reading xyz and stuff?", even then you help me realise that it's okay and that I still deserve to be loved and be happy despite anything.

Also, when you told me that I've grown in the past year and getting closer to healing, I genuinely cried because I'd been so confused recently as to if I should be chasing recovery or should I let it come to me without rushing by focusing on living my life day to day. In the end, I chose the later because it's the one that made sense to me. Thank you for always validating me 🫶

Honestly, exactly when I start feeling like "I'm over all my worries" that's exactly when new worries or new thoughts about old worries come up again. Sometimes it feels very overwhelming. Since one of my biggest fear is any type of chronic/long term problem that would stop me from living life, so my thoughts tend to be like that.

As in, on the complex spectrum. Like...most times they feel meta and hard to make sense of or to rationalise. And what makes it worse is I keep feeling like "I need to solve the thoughts" or that I need to "Get some conclusion" for any worry thought for me to get over it. So when I get thoughts that I can't exactly find a conclusion to, I get worried.

You know, while I do get anxious about certain thoughts but most of the times, I'm just busy in the head going back and forth trying to find a "conclusion" or a solution so that I can leave that thought and move on. So I end up trying to rationalise but that many times mixes in with rumination. And it's worse when there's no certainty because not having certainty about thoughts makes me feel like the topic won't ever "close" or something. So I feel I need to let go of this habit because it makes me stay in my head sometimes.

I was doing very good since August began but yesterday, I did have a new worry thought come up about worries itself lol and since I haven't been able to find any "certain" conclusion, it's been bothering me. I'm trying to find my way around how to respond to it. Hopefully I'll be able to let this go soon.

Maybe I'll have other thoughts popping up in my mind too that might make me worry or overthink but no matter what happens, I hope I can learn to let go and move on with my life.

You once asked me, when I was talking about the intrusive thoughts thing, that why was it that I kept worrying that those thoughts would stay and why certain thoughts affected me like that. I realised this.

It's like I just love life in a sense? That sounds kinda cheesy lol sorry. It's just I love to live and enjoy small things and hang around people I love and do things I like. The things I like doing, I love to do them and I just like to enjoy small and big things. All types of things like listening to music, eating my favourite foods, watching anime, reading manga, playing the piano, sky watching with my siblings, travelling...so many things I love to do.

So the idea that someday something might happen to me that would make me not enjoy these things as much is very scary to me. That's why I'm scared of thoughts that seem like they'd never end. So thoughts/worries like forming associations about intrusive thoughts, wondering if something is physically wrong in my brain (about anxiety) that I can't actively work on, or any other thought that presents an uncertainty which I cannot draw "sure" conclusions to makes me feel like they'd make my life miserable if they don't go away or something. I just don't want long term overthinking over irrational thoughts and I also have a worry that what if I get seriously depressed due to certain thoughts? What if I stop enjoying life the way I like it or stop enjoying life how I want to.

I really don't want that so I guess that's where most of my thoughts come from especially the thing with thoughts that seem like they'd never go away. Also, I don't want to feel like there's something wrong with me. Maybe that's why I don't like the idea of labels too. Any kind of labels (negative ones) make me feel like they'd become my identity or something and I don't want that I guess. I'm just stubborn about weird stuff haha

My sister says that maybe it's because I'm a Taurus that I'm like this lol. She says so many parts of me like how I always help her solve emotional conflicts but never share my worries with her or how I act like I'm always right (even though I know I'm not) and being stubborn is because I'm a Taurus lol we joke about it quite a bit.

Anyway, sorry for all the rambling! I apologise for always sending in pointless asks or adding unnecessary info 😭 And once again, thank you so so much for being so kind and supporting me 💖 I'm always grateful 💖

Hey Anon,

Thank you for the kind words. It's heartwarming to know I could have such an impact on someone, so I appreciate that and I appreciate you!

Please don't ever think that you're bothering me or that any of your worries are ridiculous. I know well enough how to establish boundaries if I feel like I'm getting too overwhelmed, plus I know how to communicate as well, so I won't hesitate to let you know if I need a break :) Also, no thoughts or worries are ridiculous because they matter to you. I've had the same sorts of feelings about the things I used to worry about because growing up my parents would either dismiss my fears or straight up laugh at me because of them, which made me feel like I was crazy, but also that I couldn't go to them with these sorts of things. It created a lot of internalization and I wouldn't wish that on anyone! You deserve to be heard, so don't feel ashamed for having the worries that you do because for all you know, there might be other people out there with the same ones and they're just as afraid to share them too.

You're still young anon and because you are, I know it can feel like how you're feeling right now is going to be how you'll be forever. I'll tell you from one recovering overthinker to another: it won't be forever! Each day you're battling with your mind and trying all the things you've learned to help combat it will bring you closer to overcoming how you're feeling. Eventually you will feel more confident when it comes to handling any of your thoughts, whether they're something that you feel like you've already gotten over already or something new. You've got thissss!!

There will definitely be times where you feel stuck in your loops going back and forth with certain thoughts and you can't break free of them. This doesn't necessarily mean that you'll be stuck there forever or that the thoughts cannot be solved. At these points you may just need some different perspectives and that's usually when you have to get to a point where you're comfortable enough to share them with other people who can give you those perspectives. We only know what we know, but we need other people to help us think of certain situations differently, especially if these people have been through similar things or doubts/worries as you.

I understand what you mean. Life can definitely be enjoyable and the last thing any of us need is something coming along to take that enjoyment away from us. This is the challenge in life though! We all get bombarded with so many things the older we get and we end up making less and less time for ourselves and the things/people we love. This is why it's important to find a balance and make sure to be intentional about how often you stick to doing the things you enjoy, otherwise life becomes burdensome, frustrating, anxiety-inducing, and so on.

#ask #answered #anon #overthinking #worries #anxiety

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