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#honestly maybe. there *was* B. i don't know how much longer that might've continued if logistics hadn't put an end to it
genderfluid-druid · 1 year
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dropping thoughts like laundry into the aromanticism washing machine and watching them spin. taking little notes in a fancy journal titled "greyro??" and crossing them out, but then going back and scribbling an addendum. holding up an extravagant glass beaker full of a cool bubbling potion and peering at it through safety glasses that say "mind the amatonormativity!"
#i think there are two layers of questioning to deal with#the first layer is easier to see and that's the trauma-related layer#the second layer has been going stealth for years and is more intrinsic#the second layer *could* have been a contributing factor toward the first#so anyway the question is. as i work through the trauma and have the support of a therapist to deal with the first layer#does the second layer become an issue. or is there only the first and it's just worked itself deep enough that it now feels intrinsic#the thing is i do get crushes and i do yearn and i can't remember a time when i didn't crave the idea of a relationship#so that should be that right? not aro. at least not intrinsically.#but why did i always end up losing interest in the relationship once i had it#was it really just because i wasn't dating people i actively chose#honestly maybe. there *was* B. i don't know how much longer that might've continued if logistics hadn't put an end to it#and M....... M is a tricky one. because even though i left that relationship by my own choice. i kind of had to in order to not want to die#the thruple vibes with K were just so utterly rancid and M was just so incapable of doing anything to make it better#so yeah. maybe that one could've continued indefinitely IF two to three of the people involved had been#a leeeeetle more mature and well adjusted. maybe. but desire for a relationship was not the issue.#so okay. maybe im NOT aro. maybe i just have shitty taste in men. you know? that's a distinct possibility.#okay. so now on the other hand. let's look at how happy and enlightened I've felt since starting to *use* the aro label#cuz it actually is fantastic. the freedom to just feel love and affection for anyone I'm close to and not have to worry about#it being taken in a way i don't intend. that's great i love that#and not feeling any pressure to find The One? rocks. good shit. i can just let whatever relationships be what they're gonna be#and not have to fret over assigning a label and structures and expectations. hot shit.#(honestly it's helping me understand where M was coming from in a way that would've been. you know. pretty useful six years ago.)#i don't wanna lock myself in a relationship with friend E but it's great hanging out with her on a regular basis#cuz that's the amount of affection i feel for her. enough to chill and watch Owl House. not enough to be in each others' space all the time#(god idk if I'll ever want to be around anyone all the time ever again. that is a LOT for my limited batteries)#idk how physical affection fits into this yet. that area is still under development#but like. if my friends were cool with it and i knew they wouldn't take it too seriously then YES i would probably kiss almost any of them#and i THINK that's true and not me telling myself something i think I'm supposed to believe? i THINK.#'s always the possibility that i just very badly want to be kissed and my brain is looking to make that happen in a way that isn't scary#ah shit that’s 30 tags. i’ve done it again.
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MOD
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I SWEAR
YOU HAVE TO BE CORRECT THAT AREI IS ALIVE
IF YOU ARENT
I WILL COMMIT ATROCITIES
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//I've seen continuous doubts about my theory, and for both Timeline Anon and others, this scene felt to them like the final nail in the coffin for that theory
//The fact that you're all immediately writing her off as dead when we're not even at the halfway point and there are so many unanswered questions is astounding.
//Ahem.
//If she's gone, explain to me why there's still so many unanswered plot threads and interesting character details
Why is it that J was the one who brought up that secret? A secret that Arei herself admitted she overheard, which directly lead into that flashback scene with those two?
Why has J been going so ham on Arturo this entire time? Yes, one could easily say it's because she's sick of him and put two and two together, but honestly, it seems like a bit of a leap from "you told me you wished you had a brother like mine instead of a sister" to "your sister killed herself"
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//Again, I can totally understand her being vindictive over this, given all the shit Arturo's caused her and Eden. But from how Arturo was acting, honestly, I'm inclined to believe he didn't actually say anything like that
//But you know what makes perfect sense? The details that lead into my next point
3. We have an established time frame thanks to the alibis. We know that the scene with Arei and Eden took place not long after the playground breakdown.
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//That means that was a large window of time for the two of them to switch places. But why?
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//That's incredibly sweet, and we know she wants more friends. And we know that, at the same time, J has been dealing with Arturo. Arei just saw J pull a scalpel on Eden over his secret, so why wouldn't she want to immediately jump to the other person she likes in her own way?
//The person that's had to deal with him far longer than Eden. Why wouldn't she want to give J a hand after that?
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4. Again, we know that Arei knows that there's a murderer in the group, and even if the switch wasn't about that specifically, that probably means that she was likely trying to help with that. This means that, if the blackened of this case isn't the murderer, she had no idea who actually did it. Why reveal herself then? That would make her the most suspicious.
5. Maybe it's just me, but I can't shake the feeling that J has been acting weird these last few episodes. She's an aggressive person, and admitted in her intro that she's judgemental, but there's never been indication that she's been this vindictive. Even regarding her own secret, this feels especially harsh.
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6. This moment right here feels interesting to focus on
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//Of all things to say?
7. The biggest one for me right now is actually Charles and Whit. Clearly, those two know something's up. There may not be a conspiracy going on in this group like I initially thought, but Whit is another person who Arei clearly was close with last chapter. He was the one who cut off Teruko learning about the note at first, and then there's this bit after Eden's story
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//What are you two up to? What are you hiding?
//I'd almost be tempted to say they're suggesting Arei was actually lying, but that feels at odds with the ways they've acted and what they're saying. Not to mention Charles looks more embarrassed than concerned or angry
//Furthermore, there's the fact that there was so much attention drawn to Charles having a secret, including a CG and telling Teruko to reveal it during the trial...and then we got no follow-up on that. He was just like "Oh yeah, guess I didn't need to. It was Eden's."
//I don't buy it. There's clearly more going on here
8. Finally, the fact that they had an emotional scene like this? Not even halfway into the trial? If it was after the intermission or near the climax, if that was the last scene we got with Arei, I might've bought it. But putting it here? Not a chance. This has to be leading somewhere.
//Plus, you know who else was convinced their best friend was dead? Shuichi and Maki. And guess what? Them believing Kaito was dead was all part of the plan
//There's also the many, many unanswered questions throughout this chapter, from what it was Arei's crying reminded her of (again, still not followed up on), to Teruko's prosopagonsia (no, that isn't just here to set up something for a future case, I'm sure of it), to whatever the hell is going on with Nico, Hu, David and Ace, who are part of their own drama right now
//Yeah, sorry, I'm only increasingly convinced that I'm right about this. Admittedly, we keep getting thrown so many curveballs that it's getting harder to make sense of it all regarding the exact motive.
//But the fact that J has said things that it seems like only Arei would say and do, particularly being vindictive toward Arturo? And acted in weird ways, like being super concerned about Arei's well-being early on, saying things like "even if the person you tried to kill is still alive," all of it just odd to me
//I'm not in denial and I'm not saying this as copium, I mean that earnestly. There are so many weird writing moments and character bits, combined with hanging plot threads, that it leads me to believe that this is what they're building up to. It's really the only thing that makes sense to me right now
//Clearly they had a plan with Arei from the beginning, given that we got this huge emotional scene with her and Eden, but that can't be all there is to it. It's a sad and emotionally satisfying moment for her character to end on, but placing it here so early honestly leaves me convinced there's more to come
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