If there's one thing I am proud about with The Apotheosis of Mari Erebos, it's that the situation is both horrifying and sometimes beautiful from both a metaphorical standpoint and if you take it from face value, even if I struggle to convey it via my current level of writing skill.

A teen is bound to a nightmare realm that grows as it's fed. It's a metaphor for abuse. A boy is forcibly dragged into something greater than what he was made for. We want to save those that we care about but we are so so small. God is dying but the thing that wants to take their place is a force of pure malicious joy and cruelty that bathes in the suffering of others. You either die to the darkness or let it into your heart. There is a world that dwarfs the universe and it's supposed to love you but it hates you viscerally and desires you carnally. You've seen so much and yet you're still so small. A girl's mind has been taken prisoner by her abusers, and one of them is hopelessly, deeply, sickeningly obsessed with her. Teens hated and abandoned by the society they were born into for something out of control got Skinamarink-ed and stripped of their humanity and dignity. An entire section of a race was wiped out for the sake of growing political greed and corruption. There is a pit of dead versions of the characters we all care for so dearly. Every death becomes just a looping vivid nightmare where you're the same age you were when you started, but your body still remembers and the fear never goes away. A ten year old has been trapped in a cycle of suffering for far too long. Someone basically becomes a god-killing machine. A baby god was manipulated, killed and possessed by someone who wanted his entire race to suffer.

You will never hear him sing again. You were born a victim and you will die a victim. The one person you thought you could trust just threw you at a wall and said you deserved to die. The friends you grew up with or the one you just made must be lost in order for the other to live. The love you feel makes you want to rip your heart out and scream at it to stop racing. You don't know who you are. This flesh should not be yours. You were born to die. You are a slave to a predetermined narrative. You were born a helpless little baby, and you will die a helpless, sad adult. This house is your haven and it is your hell. The entire world has convinced you that you deserve all the pain it gives. You are repulsive and disgusting and everyone hates you. You belong to the house. You belong to your damage. You belong to your hurt and you are owned by your hatred. You can either heal your inner child with kindness or beat it to death with hatred. Might also be a gender identity metaphor if you want it to be.

Why can't I remember you? Why am I drawn to you? Why do you still make me feel safe even though you hurt me? Why do I know your face? Why does your voice soothe the anger I hold so dearly? Why did I say that to you? Why do I care about you? Why do I know your face?

Mari befriending Juhdis only to lose him to the place that they're both victims of. Sollux helping Mari fix the bracelet while being at the mercy of Amberose. Stryga, despite everything, still being rejected because he's not goldblood enough to be one of them. Adelyn being forced to live through the same nightmare over and over again because Kuro desires revenge and suffering more than he loves her. The Anathema falling in love with The Savant after they become a part of each other's beautiful, simple lives and losing him because that's what Alternia and Liminal Space do. It's all take, take, take and those who try to give back are punished harshly.

I want people to root for Mari, Stryga and Adelyn to win their freedom from Liminal Space. I want to invoke mama bear rage over what Amberose. I want people to see what a piece of shit Kuro is due to all the indoctrination and abuse he's now reflecting onto Adelyn. I want the readers to want to kill Amberose and Kuro with their teeth. I don't want it to fall to overhype. I want to feel like hot shit for writing it. I am experiencing my first possibly-longform fanfic and it is a ride and a half.