It is one of the most meaningless thing I’ve done in time - all least-to-most ranks and just characters’ fact answers (those that with no pictures) from oficial Ask Arcana gathered in one place. Have no idea what that information could be used for and if it even useful but it kept me occupied and distracted from some life shit for a while, so let it be.
who is most to least likely to enjoy the movie Frozen?
Lucio, Portia, Julian, Asra, Muriel, Nadia
Out of the cast, who is the most to least likely to be the jealous type?
Portia, Lucio, Muriel & Nadia (tied), Julian, Asra
would you like to rank the characters from who cries most to least ugly? like from sniveling to shoujo manga tears?
Muriel, Lucio, Julian, Portia, Asra, Nadia
who is the most to least superstitious
Portia, Julian, Nadia, Lucio, Asra, Muriel
most to least excited to be at a WWE event
Portia, Lucio, Asra, Julian, Nadia, Muriel
From worst to best at handling children
Nadia, Lucio, Muriel, Asra, Portia, Julian
From worst to best for alcohol tolerance
Muriel, Asra, Lucio, Julian, Portia, Nadia
Character ranking from best at keeping secrets to loose-liped gossip?
Asra, Muriel, Nadia, Lucio, Portia, Julian
best to worst dancers?
Asra, Portia, Julian, Nadia, Lucio, Muriel
Most to Least likely to slap you for stealing a mcnugget
Nadia, Lucio, Asra, Portia, Julian, Muriel
Least to most likely to eat something weird (read: probably shouldn't be eaten) because of a dare?
Nadia, Julian, Muriel, Lucio, Portia, Asra and not even on a dare
how old are each of the revealed characters?
everyone is old, but in order of least old to most old: Asra, Portia, Muriel, Julian, Lucio, Nadia
Who's the best kisser? Who's the worst?
Best kisser: Faust (good snake smooches)
Worst kissers: Mercedes and Melchior (too much cronch)
-------------------------------------------------
If the main 6 played MTG what color decks would they play?
Asra: Blue
Nadia: White
Julian: Black (Portia made his for him)
Portia: White/Green
Muriel: Green
Lucio: Red
How did cast look as babies?
Nadia: The best baby, perfect in form and function
Asra: A cute baby, always looking around
Julian: Not the most handsome baby, a little gangly
Portia: Round, squealing delightful baby
Lucio: Red-faced screaming awful baby
Muriel: Sturdy and well insulated for the long winter
Of the main six characters, which ones are capable of juggling and which ones would absolutely love doing needlepoint?
capable of juggling: Portia, Asra, Muriel
absolutely love doing needlepoint: Nadia, Julian
incapable of juggling/ absolutely hate doing needlepoint: Lucio
what would the cast choose as their job in the mmo final Fantasy XIV?
Julian: Dragoon
Asra: Astrologian
Lucio: Ninja, but he messes up the mudras
Nadia: Machinist
Portia: Summoner
Muriel: Paladin
What would be the favorite attractions/rides of the cast at Disney?
Julian: Pirates of the Caribbean
Asra: Astro Orbiter
Lucio: Tower of Terror (RIP)
Muriel: Matterhorn
Portia: California Screamin'
Nadia: Carousel of Progress
What do the rest of the cast smell like?
Nadia: Les Larmes Sacree Du Thebes by Baccarat
Asra: Lord of Misrule Lush Shower Cream
Julian: Leather seats in a rental car
Portia: Cocoa butter and laundry soap
Lucio: Fireball, Axe body spray & ass
Muriel: myrrh
What board game would The Arcana gang be?
Nadia: Clue
Asra: Twister
Julian: Sorry!
Portia: Mouse Trap
Lucio: Monopoly
Muriel: Guess Who
Who do all the cast main in over watch?
Nadia: Ana
Asra: Sombra
Julian: Reaper
Portia: Zarya
Muriel: Bastion
Lucio: Genji
If everyone participated in a Winter Olympic sport, which one would they be in?
Nadia: figure skate (singles)
Asra: snowboarding
Julian: alpine ski
Portia: freestyle ski
Muriel: luge
Lucio: ice hockey
Main casts Starbucks orders?
Julian: Black coffee and he flirts with the barista until it’s ready.
Nadia: London Fog Latte. She comes in at exactly 8 every morning.
Asra: Matcha latte unless there’s a new radioactive-looking Frappuccino flavor and then he gets that.
Muriel: Waiting outside in the car, asks Asra to get him a water. Asra comes back with a hot chocolate and a cake pop. Muriel grumbles but accepts them every time.
Lucio: Salted Caramel Mocha extra whip extra sprinkles nonfat no foam soy upside down actually coconut milk instead and then he yells at you if you get it wrong.
Portia: Pink Drink and all the baristas get excited when she walks in because they love her and she always tips.
The cast as Kanye songs
Nadia: Power
Lucio: No Church in the Wild
Asra: Love Lockdown
Julian: Heartless
Portia: Paranoid
Muriel: Coldest Winter
Which characters would be in the fire, water, earth, and air nations?
Slightly different from what you asked, but:
Asra - waterbender
Nadia - airbender
Julian & Portia - non-benders
Muriel - Earthbender
Lucio - Firebender
What kind of parents are the cast at their child’s soccer game?
Nadia: standing on the sidelines in sunglasses and heels biting her thumbnail and watching every move on the field because she doesnt trust the ref
Asra: cheers whenever anything happens, takes as many kids as can fit in the car out for ice cream but doesn’t check with the parents
Julian: chats up the other parents relentlessly and isn’t watching when his kid gets hit in the face with the ball
Portia: “cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon AW WHAT WAS THAT”
Muriel: watching from the parking lot inside the car
Lucio: yelling on the phone the whole time, spills all 24 oz of his salted caramel mocha on the bench and doesn’t do anything about it
Which Disney movie is the favorite of each of the cast?
Nadia: Fantasia 2000
Asra: The Emperor’s New Groove
Julian: Muppet Treasure Island
Portia: Muppet Treasure Island
Muriel: The Fox and the Hound
Lucio: Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True
what kind of youtube channel would each character have (letsplay, cooking, craft, etc)?
Asra: very unstructured mostly-cooking channel that also features videos of him just eating weird things, and videos of Faust existing and being cute
Nadia: beauty guru with very polished high-end editing
Julian: doesn’t know how to use youtube but Portia made an account for him and uploads her shaky/blurry phone videos of his jazz performances
Portia: likes and comments on all of Nadia’s videos while occasionally posting cute cat vids
Muriel: does not have an internet connection
Lucio: extremely loud letsplayer, mostly FPS
What would the cast be as animal crossing villagers?
Muriel: Cranky Bear
Julian: Smug Eagle
Portia: Uchi Cat
Nadia: Snooty Ostrich
Asra: Lazy Wolf
Lucio: Jock Goat
What Fire Emblem Fates' classes would each character be?
Asra - Diviner
Nadia - Priestess
Julian - Adventurer
Portia - Maid
Muriel - Wolfskin
Lucio - Berserker
if the arcana cast were naruto characters, which ones would they be
Portia: Naruto
Muriel: Gaara
Lucio: Orochimaru
Julian: Itachi
Asra: Kakashi
Nadia: Fancy Shikamaru
If the characters of arcana watched rupaul's drag race who would be their faves?
Nadia: bebe, raja, peppermint
Asra: yara, aja, adore
Julian: nina bo’nina, sasha, raven
Portia: chichi, bob, ginger
Lucio: willam, kimora, mimi imfurst
Muriel: Latrice Royale
WHAT ARE THE CHARAS PREFERRED FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM?
Nadia: Lavender Lemon
Asra: Rainbow Sorbet
Julian: Pistachio
Portia: Cookie Dough
Muriel: Rocky Road
Lucio: Red Velvet
Please please arcana cast as mcr songs
Lucio: It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish
Julian: Thank You For The Venom
Asra: Welcome To The Black Parade
Muriel: House of Wolves
Nadia: You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison
Portia: Give Em Hell Kid
What are the characters going to be for Halloween?
Asra - glow-in-the-dark mermaid
Nadia - [elegant ballgown interpretation of] a swan
Julian - tortured vampire/werewolf hybrid
Muriel - sheet ghost
Portia - ninja turtle
Lucio - slutty angel
Faust - a very long hot dog
If you had to assign the characters from the Arcana to characters from Labyrinth who would they be?
Nadia: Jareth
Asra: Sara
Julian: Sir Didymus
Portia: Hoggle
Muriel: Ludo
Lucio: The Chilly Down birds
What's each character's favourite fruits?
Nadia: Concord Grape
Asra: Blue Raspberry
Julian: Fig
Portia: Banana
Muriel: Lemon
Lucio: Pomegranate
what's everyone's favorite season?
Asra - spring
Nadia - summer
Julian - autumn
Muriel - winter
Portia - spring
Lucio - summer
Who would the Arcana cast be in a cliche Noir Film?
Nadia: boss with kinetic ball bearing desk ornament and brandy in the drawer
Asra: first love turned old flame that you run into halfway around the world
Julian: haggard scientist with an unbuttoned shirt scribbling on the walls
Portia: wisecracking secretary who takes a bus a train and a ferry to work
Muriel: ominous farmer that lets people use the phone after a car breaks down
Lucio: raging starlet shattering a vase after being blacklisted by every studio
The Arcana cast as Michael Jackson songs?
Nadia: Man in the Mirror
Asra: You Are Not Alone
Julian: Smooth Criminal
Portia: Will You Be There
Muriel: Ben
Lucio: Bad
What would each character be in cats?
This probably wasn’t supposed to be Cats the musical but if you think i’m gonna pass this up
Nadia: None they’re all awful/ Munkustrap
Asra: Mister Mistoffelees
Julian: Macavity
Portia: Jennyanydots
Lucio: Rum Tum Tugger
Muriel: Grizabella
what would their favorite emojis be?
Asra: 🌚
Nadia: 🍷
Julian: 🎷
Portia: 👀
Muriel: 👁
Lucio: 💃💸😏👑
What panic at the disco songs describe each character best?
Julian: Death of a Bachelor
Asra: I Write Sins Not Tragedies
Portia: She’s a Handsome Woman
Nadia: Northern Downpour
Lucio: Victorious
Muriel: From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins
What stereotypes for a super cliché highschool do the characters fall into?
Nadia: Valedictorian who has been doing independent study and hasn’t set foot in the building for the past two years
Asra: Shows up late every class with loud ass Sunchips, does homework in glow in the dark gel pen
Julian: Eats lunch with his teacher so they can keep talking about mitochondria
Portia: Gets really hype about dances, always ends up fighting at dances
Muriel: Puts away all the folding chairs that everyone left behind
Lucio: Gets on the intercom to talk shit about the teacher who gave him a D+ on his plagiarized essay
What sports would the characters play? And would they be any good at those sports?
Muriel: Any solitary sport. He likes track and shotput.
Nadia: Swimming. She isn’t on a team, she just likes the water.
Portia: Wrestling. She’s got a few championship belts.
Julian: Grandma Devorak forced him to take One Sport in high school, and he chose long-distance running.
Asra: Beach volleyball and snowboarding. He’s just there to have a good time.
Lucio: Ice hockey, but he spends it mostly punching other players.
what dragons from books/movies/games match each character best, would you say?
As for dragons, one of our writers plays Flight Rising obsessively so here’s every character as a Flight Rising breed.
Asra: Fae
Nadia: Imperial
Lucio: Wildclaw
Muriel: Guardian
Julian: Skydancer
Portia: Snapper
What is each character most likely to do with the mc when they're feeling 'unusually affectionate'?
Nadia: feed them champagne grapes and engage them in conversation so she can watch them try to talk with their mouth full
Asra: stare at them and stop acknowledging anyone or anything else
Julian: preen and spoil them to the point of being a public embarrassment
Portia: constant cuddly contact
Muriel: follow them at a respectable distance
Lucio: belt out an aria at the sight of them
What's everyone favorite manga if they read any in this world?
Nadia: Rose of Versailles
Asra: Yugioh
Julian: Blackjack
Portia: Ranma ½
Muriel: Hunter x Hunter
Lucio: Berserk
how much does faust like all the characters? like, who does she like the most/least? does she like the main character at all?
Faust adores the main character almost as much as she loves Asra. But if she had to choose from the rest:
Most good smelling: Nadia
Most fun to squeeze: Julian
Most too big to eat: Muriel
Most hard to hide from: Portia
Most attackable: Lucio
what kind of drunk is everybody?
Nadia: capable, professional drunk on the move. Never in the same room twice
Asra: touchy-feely but won’t leave the couch, still somehow manages to catch on fire
Julian: morphs into The Storyteller, everyone in earshot ends up caught in a dramatic reenactment of his life story waiting for him to take a breath but he never does
Portia: makes 6 new friends in the bathroom line
Muriel: moody, talks to no one, keeps taking everybody’s empty bottles out to the trash
Lucio: the loudest, the drama, the legend, the first to dip out when the cops show up
Of the Characters: Who tells a dirty joke? Who doesn't understand it? Who is disgusted? Who laughs? Who hides a smile? Who gets annoyed?
Lucio: tells a dirty joke
Muriel: doesn’t understand it
Julian: is disgusted
Asra: laughs
Portia: hides a smile
Nadia: gets annoyed
What are the characters usual reactions when subbing their toes?
Nadia: It Does Not Happen
Asra: hops it off
Julian: hissing, closes his eyes while he savors the pain
Portia: (string of curses) “ok………. i’m fine”
Muriel: doesn’t notice because his toes are too far away
Lucio: shrieks, revenge kicks the wall, shrieks harder
what you think everyones deadly sin would be?
the deadly cliches:
Nadia - Pride
Asra - Lust
Julian - Wrath
Portia - Envy
Muriel - Sloth
Lucio - Gluttony
On a scale of good to bad, who sings karaoke?
Nadia has a silky voice with impeccable vibrato. But she only sings karaoke alone in the bath.
Asra has an airy, intimate voice. He’s the worst at karaoke because he doesn’t even get up off the couch.
Julian has very limited singing ability, but he will talk sing the whole way through if he has to. He’s great at duets, somehow.
Portia has a throaty, powerful voice. She brings the house down with Heart and Bonnie Tyler ballads, even if she squeaks on the high notes.
Muriel has a gravelly grumble that he is convinced is useless for singing and if you hand him the microphone he’ll drop it and go stand in the corner.
Lucio has an overdone musical theater voice but he is tone deaf. He will shout out the high notes and power through the rest and if you try to skip his song there will be hell to pay
which social media platform which each character Prefer™ ?
Asra - twitter (RTs a lot of memes and shitposts, posts incomprehensible dril-like tweets at 3am)
Nadia - instagram (flawless makeup and aesthetic™)
Julian - yahoo answers
Portia - snapchat
Muriel - what is social media
Lucio - LinkedIn (you will NEVER stop getting email notifications from him)
what dnd classes would the cast be (like mage, assassin, cleric etc)?
Nadia: Paladin
Asra: Warlock
Julian: Rogue
Portia: Bard
Muriel: Fighter
Lucio: Barbarian
what would each characters spice girl name be
Asra: Mystery Spice
Nadia: Boss Spice
Julian: Suffering Spice
Portia: Sassy Spice
Muriel: Surly Spice
Lucio: Spicy Spice
how complicated is each character's personal hygiene routine?
Nadia’s personal hygiene routine: an exact science and takes a practiced team of servants to execute.
Julian’s personal hygiene routine: splashing his face 5-7 times and gargling with his famous mint vodka peroxide formula
Asra’s personal hygiene routine: sticking his head underwater until he’s awake
Portia’s personal hygiene routine: putting her hair in a bun and scrubbing herself with a cloth and bucket down by the frog pond
Lucio’s personal hygiene routine: milk and caviar bath every 13 hours
Muriel’s personal hygiene routine: standing in the pouring rain
What's everyone's favorite alcoholic drinks?
Asra - St Germain, tequila, blue curaçao, lime juice, hibiscus syrup (serve in a champagne flute or martini glass, garnished with a wildflower or tiny umbrella)
Julian - whiskey, Kahlua, Grand Marnier, lemon juice (serve in a highball glass)
Nadia - Chambord, white wine, seltzer (serve in a wine glass, chilled or on the rocks)
Portia - beer & apple cider with a shot of rum (serve in a lowball glass)
Muriel - Baileys, butterscotch schnapps, hot chocolate (serve warm, in your coziest mug)
Lucio - Jägermeister & Goldschläger topped with overproof rum (serve as a flaming shot)
what would be each of the characters' favorite genre of music?
Asra: Bossa Nova and EDM
Nadia: Obscure Opera and Calming beach sounds
Julian: 20 minute tracks of Quality Jazz
Portia: Reggae and dad rock
Muriel: New wave and white noise
Lucio: Top 40 and Dark Funky Disco
who would the arcana characters be from mean girls??
Asra: the guy who asked what day it was
Nadia: cady
Julian: gretchen weiners
Portia: janis
Lucio: regina george
Muriel: damian
Which Hogwarts house would each of the Main Cast belong in?
Asra & Julian - Ravenclaw
Nadia - Slytherin
Portia & Muriel - Hufflepuff
Lucio - Gryffindor
What would the characters modern!au job/career of choice be?
Lucio owns and manages several nightclubs and has a trashy daytime talk show
Asra does really low-budget magic shows at kids’ birthday parties by day, and DJs at one of Lucio’s clubs at night
Nadia is the city mayor, an international chess champion, and concert pianist
Portia works at Home Depot (used to be a waitress at Red Lobster but the tips were terrible), but she wants to be a zookeeper
Julian is a doctor at an underfunded hospital with lots of drama
Muriel lives off the grid in a broken-down van in the woods
Just due to mild curiosity what would be the casts favorite musicals?
Asra - Legally Blonde: The Musical
Nadia - Chicago
Julian - Les Mis
Muriel - Wicked
Portia - Cats!
Lucio - Phantom of the Opera / Kinky Boots (it’s a tie)
what cryptid is every character
Asra = Chupacabra
Julian = Mothman
Nadia = Nessie
Portia = Loveland Frog
Muriel = Bigfoot
Lucio = Jersey Devil
how would the game's characters celebrate the MC's birthday with them??
Asra would take them on a long journey without telling them where they were going (but would keep them entertained with riddles) to a scenic oasis, where he would pretend to drown so MC has to dive into the water and at the bottom is a magic flute that can summon a swarm of bees (their favorite!)
Nadia would throw a tastefully brief festival in their honor. MC would be lavished with pampering (by professional pamperers) from dawn to dusk and when the clock struck midnight, they would be presented with seven bejeweled eagles (one for every day of the week)
Julian would meet them for dinner in a shady tavern, bring them heaping plates of food and offer unsolicited advice for the coming year. About halfway through the meal he would have to scramble out the back door because law enforcement arrived on the scene but he’d put it an order in the kitchen to bring them something for dessert
Lucio would declare the day a holiday and call it Day of the Beloved One of Lucio. They would have to sit uncomfortably still while a master artiste painted their portrait and a mile-long line of peasants laid gifts at their feet.
Muriel doesn’t celebrate birthdays because time is a human construct
Portia would throw a big loud party with a barbecue :D
Since it is soon, what would the characters do for Valentines day with us (the MC)?
Nadia would take you on an elegant river cruise stocked with 130 varieties of tiny cake and a private crooner hired to serenade you but she would end up throwing them overboard for not hitting the high notes
Asra would take you to the mall and splurge on all the stuff you both can’t afford but wait way too long to get lunch so you get into a fight and he proposes in the food court
Julian would show up on the 15th after with all the candy he scored at 75% off, pretend it was on purpose that he got the day wrong, and wake you up at 3 am to come clean because the guilt was eating him alive
Muriel would light some scented candles, cook up a sensual meal and throw a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace for you to enjoy alone while he escapes into the woods
Portia would pack a picnic of chicken and tortilla chips, take you to the beach where you could splash around until the sun goes down and lull you to sleep on the sandy blanket with her acoustic guitar
Lucio would have servants fill your room with floor to ceiling flowers while you sleep and wait impatiently for you to wake up like
Would you roommate with any of the characters?
it’s hard to decide, so here are some pros and cons
Asra - pro: never home / con: leaves dishes in the sink for weeks
Nadia - pro: your home will be spotless / con: it’s spotless because she orders you to clean it for her
Julian - pro: medical professional / con: half of your apartment is now this
rate the characters on how #extra they are
Muriel: 4/10
Lucio: 13/10
Everyone else: 10/10
Which character could be best described as "tender"?? "Spicy"???
“tender”: Muriel
“tender”/“Spicy”: Asra, Portia
“Spicy”/”tender”: Julian, Nadia
“Spicy”: Lucio
what the favorite Pokemon of all the characters were.
Asra - Ekans, Delphox, Espeon
Nadia - Noctowl, Gardevoir, Musharna
Julian - Absol, Bisharp, Murkrow
Portia - Chansey, Politoed, Hoothoot
Muriel - Pangoro, Aggron, Wigglytuff
Lucio - Houndoom, Pyroar, Skarmory
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Types Of First Dates You Should Never Ever Go On
Weve all been there. You swipe right, he swipes right. You start texting and he doesnt attempt to immediately whip out a photo of his erect penis 3.5 seconds into the conversation. Jesus. He could be The One. But then he suggests an idea for your first date and it is horrifying. Like it makes you question everything you know about this person that youve never met IRL and whose existence you just discovered 7 days ago. You cant trust anyone. Tbh if the suggestion is anything other than lets get drinks, Im not going. Like, you want me to show up to something where I might have to be sober? And talk to new people? And, like, have meaningful conversations? Nope, sorry. My personality is not cut out for that shit. I would rather you have just sent me that dick pic from the get-go so I would have already known youre a fucking weirdo and moved on.
Personally, Ive been asked on a lot of weird first dates. Like, dates that would surely have ended in the guy wearing my skin as a suit. And as its 2017, aka the era of thriving fuckboys, I can only imagine the worst is yet to come. So in order for you to protect yourselves from the fuckery thats bound to ensue when you regularly use a dating app, these are six first date ideas that you should never ever agree to, ever:
1. Any Outdoor Excursion
First of all, if youre into the outdoors and doing things then idk how we matched in the first place. Im gonna take a wild guess here and assume that I was blackout when we matched or you had a dog in your profile picture. Just a guess. BUT if we did match and get to talking and you asked me to, like, go for a “hike” with you? Or go on a “boat ride in Central Park”? Honestly, Im using the question marks here because Im not entirely sure people do these things as I havent actively chosen to go outside in weeks. Asking for a friend, but do people do things anymore? Message me if you know! K, thx. REGARDLESS, if you think Im trekking to some undisclosed outdoor location that a) does not include alcohol or b) has shitty wifi service then you are sorely mistaken, sir. Ive seen this episode of and it does not end well for the girl that follows a beautiful stranger into an electronic dead zone Central Park.
^Me when someone suggests going outside
2. Extravagant Trips To Europe
Contrary to what would have you believe, first date trips to foreign countries are not actually, like, safe to go on with a stranger. Let me go out on a limb here and say that a person who suggests this type of date is less likely to be The One and more likely to be The One To Sell You Into Sex Slavery. Just saying. And if youre thinking, like, no one actually suggests things like this in real life then I applaud you because clearly youre doing something right and not going flirting with psychopaths. Cheers! And though Ive never personally been asked to meet someone in Europe for a first date (yet) this did really happen to a friend of mine. I wish I was joking. The scary thing is this friend was actually considering taking British Stranger Danger up on his offer. To which I responded with this:
But dont take my word for it, Im just a girl whos successfully spent 25 years on this earth without being abducted and/or murdered. *screams internally* To be fair this girl did not end up murdered and/or someones sex slave. Shocking, I know. She actually had quite a lovely time, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. The point is that I stand by my earlier statement about girls ending up dead. If you’ve seen any Liam Neeson movie then you should know that nothing good happens to girls when they travel abroad with strangers or very slutty friends. So just as a rule of thumb, maybe never go abroad to meet someone for the first time, lest your face end up on a milk carton. Just say no, girls. Say no to drugs, say no to unsolicited dick pics, and say no to free Euro tripswords I literally never thought Id speak. I guess theres a first time for everything.
3. A Wedding
If someone asks you to be their date at a wedding, just know that this date will 100 percent end in the guy emotionally masturbating his problems all over you by the end of the night. No normal, emotionally stable human would ask a dead-ass stranger to be his date to a wedding. This isnt senior year formal. You cant just ask some rando in the library to be your date so your ex will get jealous of all your pics. This is a wedding. A sacred moment between two strangers that you do not know because you are just a random person at this wedding. Never forget that. Tbh I barely want to go to people’s weddings whom I actually know and care for, much less a random couples wedding with a guy who def lied about his height in his Bumble bio. Nope. That idea is garbage and so is the human who suggested it. Next.
4. Stoop Invites
What is a stoop invite, you ask? Its when a guy literally asks you to come sit on his stoop. Because this is New York City and no one owns anything its not even his own stoop, its the buildings stoop. So basically he just asked you to come sit on a public slab of concrete with him because he is a cheap motherfucking asshole. Though, I am sure sitting on his stoop is some sort of euphemism for where hed really like you to sit. Vomit. Either way its cheap and creepy and I am not fucking down for that.
Guy: So you, me, my dick stoop… what do you say?
Me:
5. A Dinner Date
You might think Im over exaggerating, which to be fair 99 percent of the time I totally am, but not this time because, people, a dinner date is a trap and you SHOULD NOT FALL FOR IT. It seems innocent enough, maybe even a little romantic because it seems like hes down to spend more money on you than the one half-priced beer from whatevers on tap at happy hour. But drinks can last 15 minutes (depending on how fast you chug) while dinner can last HOURS. I mean, what if you hated this dude by the time the waiter brings out the complimentary bread basket? Are you telling me that in order to indulge in something I love, I have to sit through 90 minutes of some douchebag who only wants to talk about ~in minute detail~ his last deep sea fishing trip with his bros? Tbh Ive done less for free bread sticks. Either way dinner is not a good first date option. Maybe a second or a third date, but it’s def not something I want to sit through with a fucking stranger.
6. An Invitation To Cross State Lines
Ive said it once, Ill say it again, but even my hoe-ass has limitations and I draw a hard line at the New York state border. I have been in many a healthy mature Snapchat relationships since moving to New York that somehow always end in the guy saying, actually Im living in Jersey right now. Like, what do you want me to do here? Take the PATH? New Jersey Transit? That seems like a lot of effort for someone who probs lied about his job title and def used a photo from his senior year frat formal for his profile pic. NOPE. Lifes too uncertain rn and I cant waste my time on this foolishness so its gonna be a no from me. Sorry pal.
Jesus. This is seriously making me want to delete all of my dating apps rn. I want to, but I wont. Because I am a romantic masochist who likes wasting the best years of her life on guys whose best attempt at writing a bio is I call myself Jared, but you can call me tonight
*looks for the gun emoji*
Source: http://allofbeer.com/types-of-first-dates-you-should-never-ever-go-on/
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from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2018/03/20/types-of-first-dates-you-should-never-ever-go-on/
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