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oddarin · 4 years

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It is one of the most meaningless thing I’ve done in time - all least-to-most ranks and just characters’ fact answers (those that with no pictures) from oficial Ask Arcana gathered in one place. Have no idea what that information could be used for and if it even useful but it kept me occupied and distracted from some life shit for a while, so let it be.

who is most to least likely to enjoy the movie Frozen? Lucio, Portia, Julian, Asra, Muriel, Nadia

Out of the cast, who is the most to least likely to be the jealous type? Portia, Lucio, Muriel & Nadia (tied), Julian, Asra

would you like to rank the characters from who cries most to least ugly? like from sniveling to shoujo manga tears? Muriel, Lucio, Julian, Portia, Asra, Nadia

who is the most to least superstitious Portia, Julian, Nadia, Lucio, Asra, Muriel

most to least excited to be at a WWE event Portia, Lucio, Asra, Julian, Nadia, Muriel

From worst to best at handling children Nadia, Lucio, Muriel, Asra, Portia, Julian

From worst to best for alcohol tolerance Muriel, Asra, Lucio, Julian, Portia, Nadia

Character ranking from best at keeping secrets to loose-liped gossip? Asra, Muriel, Nadia, Lucio, Portia, Julian

best to worst dancers? Asra, Portia, Julian, Nadia, Lucio, Muriel

Most to Least likely to slap you for stealing a mcnugget Nadia, Lucio, Asra, Portia, Julian, Muriel

Least to most likely to eat something weird (read: probably shouldn't be eaten) because of a dare? Nadia, Julian, Muriel, Lucio, Portia, Asra and not even on a dare

how old are each of the revealed characters? everyone is old, but in order of least old to most old: Asra, Portia, Muriel, Julian, Lucio, Nadia

Who's the best kisser? Who's the worst? Best kisser: Faust (good snake smooches) Worst kissers: Mercedes and Melchior (too much cronch)

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If the main 6 played MTG what color decks would they play? Asra: Blue Nadia: White Julian: Black (Portia made his for him) Portia: White/Green Muriel: Green Lucio: Red

How did cast look as babies? Nadia: The best baby, perfect in form and function Asra: A cute baby, always looking around Julian: Not the most handsome baby, a little gangly Portia: Round, squealing delightful baby Lucio: Red-faced screaming awful baby Muriel: Sturdy and well insulated for the long winter

Of the main six characters, which ones are capable of juggling and which ones would absolutely love doing needlepoint? capable of juggling: Portia, Asra, Muriel absolutely love doing needlepoint: Nadia, Julian incapable of juggling/ absolutely hate doing needlepoint: Lucio

what would the cast choose as their job in the mmo final Fantasy XIV? Julian: Dragoon Asra: Astrologian Lucio: Ninja, but he messes up the mudras Nadia: Machinist Portia: Summoner Muriel: Paladin

What would be the favorite attractions/rides of the cast at Disney? Julian: Pirates of the Caribbean Asra: Astro Orbiter Lucio: Tower of Terror (RIP) Muriel: Matterhorn Portia: California Screamin' Nadia: Carousel of Progress

What do the rest of the cast smell like? Nadia: Les Larmes Sacree Du Thebes by Baccarat Asra: Lord of Misrule Lush Shower Cream Julian: Leather seats in a rental car Portia: Cocoa butter and laundry soap Lucio: Fireball, Axe body spray & ass Muriel: myrrh

What board game would The Arcana gang be? Nadia: Clue Asra: Twister Julian: Sorry! Portia: Mouse Trap Lucio: Monopoly Muriel: Guess Who

Who do all the cast main in over watch? Nadia: Ana Asra: Sombra Julian: Reaper Portia: Zarya Muriel: Bastion Lucio: Genji

If everyone participated in a Winter Olympic sport, which one would they be in? Nadia: figure skate (singles) Asra: snowboarding Julian: alpine ski Portia: freestyle ski Muriel: luge Lucio: ice hockey

Main casts Starbucks orders? Julian: Black coffee and he flirts with the barista until it’s ready. Nadia: London Fog Latte. She comes in at exactly 8 every morning. Asra: Matcha latte unless there’s a new radioactive-looking Frappuccino flavor and then he gets that. Muriel: Waiting outside in the car, asks Asra to get him a water. Asra comes back with a hot chocolate and a cake pop. Muriel grumbles but accepts them every time. Lucio: Salted Caramel Mocha extra whip extra sprinkles nonfat no foam soy upside down actually coconut milk instead and then he yells at you if you get it wrong. Portia: Pink Drink and all the baristas get excited when she walks in because they love her and she always tips.

The cast as Kanye songs Nadia: Power Lucio: No Church in the Wild Asra: Love Lockdown Julian: Heartless Portia: Paranoid Muriel: Coldest Winter

Which characters would be in the fire, water, earth, and air nations? Slightly different from what you asked, but: Asra - waterbender Nadia - airbender Julian & Portia - non-benders Muriel - Earthbender Lucio - Firebender

What kind of parents are the cast at their child’s soccer game? Nadia: standing on the sidelines in sunglasses and heels biting her thumbnail and watching every move on the field because she doesnt trust the ref Asra: cheers whenever anything happens, takes as many kids as can fit in the car out for ice cream but doesn’t check with the parents Julian: chats up the other parents relentlessly and isn’t watching when his kid gets hit in the face with the ball Portia: “cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon AW WHAT WAS THAT” Muriel: watching from the parking lot inside the car Lucio: yelling on the phone the whole time, spills all 24 oz of his salted caramel mocha on the bench and doesn’t do anything about it

Which Disney movie is the favorite of each of the cast? Nadia: Fantasia 2000 Asra: The Emperor’s New Groove Julian: Muppet Treasure Island Portia: Muppet Treasure Island Muriel: The Fox and the Hound Lucio: Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True

what kind of youtube channel would each character have (letsplay, cooking, craft, etc)? Asra: very unstructured mostly-cooking channel that also features videos of him just eating weird things, and videos of Faust existing and being cute Nadia: beauty guru with very polished high-end editing Julian: doesn’t know how to use youtube but Portia made an account for him and uploads her shaky/blurry phone videos of his jazz performances Portia: likes and comments on all of Nadia’s videos while occasionally posting cute cat vids Muriel: does not have an internet connection Lucio: extremely loud letsplayer, mostly FPS

What would the cast be as animal crossing villagers? Muriel: Cranky Bear Julian: Smug Eagle Portia: Uchi Cat Nadia: Snooty Ostrich Asra: Lazy Wolf Lucio: Jock Goat

What Fire Emblem Fates' classes would each character be? Asra - Diviner Nadia - Priestess Julian - Adventurer Portia - Maid Muriel - Wolfskin Lucio - Berserker

if the arcana cast were naruto characters, which ones would they be Portia: Naruto Muriel: Gaara Lucio: Orochimaru Julian: Itachi Asra: Kakashi Nadia: Fancy Shikamaru

If the characters of arcana watched rupaul's drag race who would be their faves? Nadia: bebe, raja, peppermint Asra: yara, aja, adore Julian: nina bo’nina, sasha, raven Portia: chichi, bob, ginger Lucio: willam, kimora, mimi imfurst Muriel: Latrice Royale

WHAT ARE THE CHARAS PREFERRED FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM? Nadia: Lavender Lemon Asra: Rainbow Sorbet Julian: Pistachio Portia: Cookie Dough Muriel: Rocky Road Lucio: Red Velvet

Please please arcana cast as mcr songs Lucio: It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish Julian: Thank You For The Venom Asra: Welcome To The Black Parade Muriel: House of Wolves Nadia: You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison Portia: Give Em Hell Kid

What are the characters going to be for Halloween? Asra - glow-in-the-dark mermaid Nadia - [elegant ballgown interpretation of] a swan Julian - tortured vampire/werewolf hybrid Muriel - sheet ghost Portia - ninja turtle Lucio - slutty angel Faust - a very long hot dog

If you had to assign the characters from the Arcana to characters from Labyrinth who would they be? Nadia: Jareth Asra: Sara Julian: Sir Didymus Portia: Hoggle Muriel: Ludo Lucio: The Chilly Down birds

What's each character's favourite fruits? Nadia: Concord Grape Asra: Blue Raspberry Julian: Fig Portia: Banana Muriel: Lemon Lucio: Pomegranate

what's everyone's favorite season? Asra - spring Nadia - summer Julian - autumn Muriel - winter Portia - spring Lucio - summer

Who would the Arcana cast be in a cliche Noir Film? Nadia: boss with kinetic ball bearing desk ornament and brandy in the drawer Asra: first love turned old flame that you run into halfway around the world Julian: haggard scientist with an unbuttoned shirt scribbling on the walls Portia: wisecracking secretary who takes a bus a train and a ferry to work Muriel: ominous farmer that lets people use the phone after a car breaks down Lucio: raging starlet shattering a vase after being blacklisted by every studio

The Arcana cast as Michael Jackson songs? Nadia: Man in the Mirror Asra: You Are Not Alone Julian: Smooth Criminal Portia: Will You Be There Muriel: Ben Lucio: Bad

What would each character be in cats? This probably wasn’t supposed to be Cats the musical but if you think i’m gonna pass this up Nadia: None they’re all awful/ Munkustrap Asra: Mister Mistoffelees Julian: Macavity Portia: Jennyanydots Lucio: Rum Tum Tugger Muriel: Grizabella

what would their favorite emojis be? Asra: 🌚 Nadia: 🍷 Julian: 🎷 Portia: 👀 Muriel: 👁 Lucio: 💃💸😏👑

What panic at the disco songs describe each character best? Julian: Death of a Bachelor Asra: I Write Sins Not Tragedies Portia: She’s a Handsome Woman Nadia: Northern Downpour Lucio: Victorious Muriel: From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins

What stereotypes for a super cliché highschool do the characters fall into? Nadia: Valedictorian who has been doing independent study and hasn’t set foot in the building for the past two years Asra: Shows up late every class with loud ass Sunchips, does homework in glow in the dark gel pen Julian: Eats lunch with his teacher so they can keep talking about mitochondria Portia: Gets really hype about dances, always ends up fighting at dances Muriel: Puts away all the folding chairs that everyone left behind Lucio: Gets on the intercom to talk shit about the teacher who gave him a D+ on his plagiarized essay

What sports would the characters play? And would they be any good at those sports? Muriel: Any solitary sport. He likes track and shotput. Nadia: Swimming. She isn’t on a team, she just likes the water. Portia: Wrestling. She’s got a few championship belts. Julian: Grandma Devorak forced him to take One Sport in high school, and he chose long-distance running. Asra: Beach volleyball and snowboarding. He’s just there to have a good time. Lucio: Ice hockey, but he spends it mostly punching other players.

what dragons from books/movies/games match each character best, would you say? As for dragons, one of our writers plays Flight Rising obsessively so here’s every character as a Flight Rising breed. Asra: Fae Nadia: Imperial Lucio: Wildclaw Muriel: Guardian Julian: Skydancer Portia: Snapper

What is each character most likely to do with the mc when they're feeling 'unusually affectionate'? Nadia: feed them champagne grapes and engage them in conversation so she can watch them try to talk with their mouth full Asra: stare at them and stop acknowledging anyone or anything else Julian: preen and spoil them to the point of being a public embarrassment Portia: constant cuddly contact Muriel: follow them at a respectable distance Lucio: belt out an aria at the sight of them

What's everyone favorite manga if they read any in this world? Nadia: Rose of Versailles Asra: Yugioh Julian: Blackjack Portia: Ranma ½ Muriel: Hunter x Hunter Lucio: Berserk

how much does faust like all the characters? like, who does she like the most/least? does she like the main character at all? Faust adores the main character almost as much as she loves Asra. But if she had to choose from the rest: Most good smelling: Nadia Most fun to squeeze: Julian Most too big to eat: Muriel Most hard to hide from: Portia Most attackable: Lucio

what kind of drunk is everybody? Nadia: capable, professional drunk on the move. Never in the same room twice Asra: touchy-feely but won’t leave the couch, still somehow manages to catch on fire Julian: morphs into The Storyteller, everyone in earshot ends up caught in a dramatic reenactment of his life story waiting for him to take a breath but he never does Portia: makes 6 new friends in the bathroom line Muriel: moody, talks to no one, keeps taking everybody’s empty bottles out to the trash Lucio: the loudest, the drama, the legend, the first to dip out when the cops show up

Of the Characters: Who tells a dirty joke? Who doesn't understand it? Who is disgusted? Who laughs? Who hides a smile? Who gets annoyed? Lucio: tells a dirty joke Muriel: doesn’t understand it Julian: is disgusted Asra: laughs Portia: hides a smile Nadia: gets annoyed

What are the characters usual reactions when subbing their toes? Nadia: It Does Not Happen Asra: hops it off Julian: hissing, closes his eyes while he savors the pain Portia: (string of curses) “ok………. i’m fine” Muriel: doesn’t notice because his toes are too far away Lucio: shrieks, revenge kicks the wall, shrieks harder

what you think everyones deadly sin would be? the deadly cliches: Nadia - Pride Asra - Lust Julian - Wrath Portia - Envy Muriel - Sloth Lucio - Gluttony

On a scale of good to bad, who sings karaoke? Nadia has a silky voice with impeccable vibrato. But she only sings karaoke alone in the bath. Asra has an airy, intimate voice. He’s the worst at karaoke because he doesn’t even get up off the couch. Julian has very limited singing ability, but he will talk sing the whole way through if he has to. He’s great at duets, somehow. Portia has a throaty, powerful voice. She brings the house down with Heart and Bonnie Tyler ballads, even if she squeaks on the high notes. Muriel has a gravelly grumble that he is convinced is useless for singing and if you hand him the microphone he’ll drop it and go stand in the corner. Lucio has an overdone musical theater voice but he is tone deaf. He will shout out the high notes and power through the rest and if you try to skip his song there will be hell to pay

which social media platform which each character Prefer™ ? Asra - twitter (RTs a lot of memes and shitposts, posts incomprehensible dril-like tweets at 3am) Nadia - instagram (flawless makeup and aesthetic™) Julian - yahoo answers Portia - snapchat Muriel - what is social media Lucio - LinkedIn (you will NEVER stop getting email notifications from him)

what dnd classes would the cast be (like mage, assassin, cleric etc)? Nadia: Paladin Asra: Warlock Julian: Rogue Portia: Bard Muriel: Fighter Lucio: Barbarian

what would each characters spice girl name be Asra: Mystery Spice Nadia: Boss Spice Julian: Suffering Spice Portia: Sassy Spice Muriel: Surly Spice Lucio: Spicy Spice

how complicated is each character's personal hygiene routine? Nadia’s personal hygiene routine: an exact science and takes a practiced team of servants to execute. Julian’s personal hygiene routine: splashing his face 5-7 times and gargling with his famous mint vodka peroxide formula Asra’s personal hygiene routine: sticking his head underwater until he’s awake Portia’s personal hygiene routine: putting her hair in a bun and scrubbing herself with a cloth and bucket down by the frog pond Lucio’s personal hygiene routine: milk and caviar bath every 13 hours Muriel’s personal hygiene routine: standing in the pouring rain

What's everyone's favorite alcoholic drinks? Asra - St Germain, tequila, blue curaçao, lime juice, hibiscus syrup (serve in a champagne flute or martini glass, garnished with a wildflower or tiny umbrella) Julian - whiskey, Kahlua, Grand Marnier, lemon juice (serve in a highball glass) Nadia - Chambord, white wine, seltzer (serve in a wine glass, chilled or on the rocks) Portia - beer & apple cider with a shot of rum (serve in a lowball glass) Muriel - Baileys, butterscotch schnapps, hot chocolate (serve warm, in your coziest mug) Lucio - Jägermeister & Goldschläger topped with overproof rum (serve as a flaming shot)

what would be each of the characters' favorite genre of music? Asra: Bossa Nova and EDM Nadia: Obscure Opera and Calming beach sounds Julian: 20 minute tracks of Quality Jazz Portia: Reggae and dad rock Muriel: New wave and white noise Lucio: Top 40 and Dark Funky Disco

who would the arcana characters be from mean girls?? Asra: the guy who asked what day it was Nadia: cady Julian: gretchen weiners Portia: janis Lucio: regina george Muriel: damian

Which Hogwarts house would each of the Main Cast belong in? Asra & Julian - Ravenclaw Nadia - Slytherin Portia & Muriel - Hufflepuff Lucio - Gryffindor

What would the characters modern!au job/career of choice be? Lucio owns and manages several nightclubs and has a trashy daytime talk show Asra does really low-budget magic shows at kids’ birthday parties by day, and DJs at one of Lucio’s clubs at night Nadia is the city mayor, an international chess champion, and concert pianist Portia works at Home Depot (used to be a waitress at Red Lobster but the tips were terrible), but she wants to be a zookeeper Julian is a doctor at an underfunded hospital with lots of drama Muriel lives off the grid in a broken-down van in the woods

Just due to mild curiosity what would be the casts favorite musicals? Asra - Legally Blonde: The Musical Nadia - Chicago Julian - Les Mis Muriel - Wicked Portia - Cats! Lucio - Phantom of the Opera / Kinky Boots (it’s a tie)

what cryptid is every character Asra = Chupacabra Julian = Mothman Nadia = Nessie Portia = Loveland Frog Muriel = Bigfoot Lucio = Jersey Devil

how would the game's characters celebrate the MC's birthday with them?? Asra would take them on a long journey without telling them where they were going (but would keep them entertained with riddles) to a scenic oasis, where he would pretend to drown so MC has to dive into the water and at the bottom is a magic flute that can summon a swarm of bees (their favorite!) Nadia would throw a tastefully brief festival in their honor. MC would be lavished with pampering (by professional pamperers) from dawn to dusk and when the clock struck midnight, they would be presented with seven bejeweled eagles (one for every day of the week) Julian would meet them for dinner in a shady tavern, bring them heaping plates of food and offer unsolicited advice for the coming year. About halfway through the meal he would have to scramble out the back door because law enforcement arrived on the scene but he’d put it an order in the kitchen to bring them something for dessert Lucio would declare the day a holiday and call it Day of the Beloved One of Lucio. They would have to sit uncomfortably still while a master artiste painted their portrait and a mile-long line of peasants laid gifts at their feet. Muriel doesn’t celebrate birthdays because time is a human construct Portia would throw a big loud party with a barbecue :D

Since it is soon, what would the characters do for Valentines day with us (the MC)? Nadia would take you on an elegant river cruise stocked with 130 varieties of tiny cake and a private crooner hired to serenade you but she would end up throwing them overboard for not hitting the high notes Asra would take you to the mall and splurge on all the stuff you both can’t afford but wait way too long to get lunch so you get into a fight and he proposes in the food court Julian would show up on the 15th after with all the candy he scored at 75% off, pretend it was on purpose that he got the day wrong, and wake you up at 3 am to come clean because the guilt was eating him alive Muriel would light some scented candles, cook up a sensual meal and throw a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace for you to enjoy alone while he escapes into the woods Portia would pack a picnic of chicken and tortilla chips, take you to the beach where you could splash around until the sun goes down and lull you to sleep on the sandy blanket with her acoustic guitar Lucio would have servants fill your room with floor to ceiling flowers while you sleep and wait impatiently for you to wake up like

Would you roommate with any of the characters? it’s hard to decide, so here are some pros and cons Asra - pro: never home / con: leaves dishes in the sink for weeks Nadia - pro: your home will be spotless / con: it’s spotless because she orders you to clean it for her Julian - pro: medical professional / con: half of your apartment is now this

rate the characters on how #extra they are Muriel: 4/10 Lucio: 13/10 Everyone else: 10/10

Which character could be best described as "tender"?? "Spicy"??? “tender”: Muriel “tender”/“Spicy”: Asra, Portia “Spicy”/”tender”: Julian, Nadia “Spicy”: Lucio

what the favorite Pokemon of all the characters were. Asra - Ekans, Delphox, Espeon Nadia - Noctowl, Gardevoir, Musharna Julian - Absol, Bisharp, Murkrow Portia - Chansey, Politoed, Hoothoot Muriel - Pangoro, Aggron, Wigglytuff Lucio - Houndoom, Pyroar, Skarmory

#what I spend my life on #the arcana #the arcana game #asra alnazar #nadia satrinava #julian devorak #muriel #portia devorak #count lucio #asra the magician #the arcana muriel #ask arcana #I just like to organize information too much

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samanthasroberts · 6 years

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Types Of First Dates You Should Never Ever Go On

Weve all been there. You swipe right, he swipes right. You start texting and he doesnt attempt to immediately whip out a photo of his erect penis 3.5 seconds into the conversation. Jesus. He could be The One. But then he suggests an idea for your first date and it is horrifying. Like it makes you question everything you know about this person that youve never met IRL and whose existence you just discovered 7 days ago. You cant trust anyone. Tbh if the suggestion is anything other than lets get drinks, Im not going. Like, you want me to show up to something where I might have to be sober? And talk to new people? And, like, have meaningful conversations? Nope, sorry. My personality is not cut out for that shit. I would rather you have just sent me that dick pic from the get-go so I would have already known youre a fucking weirdo and moved on.

Personally, Ive been asked on a lot of weird first dates. Like, dates that would surely have ended in the guy wearing my skin as a suit. And as its 2017, aka the era of thriving fuckboys, I can only imagine the worst is yet to come. So in order for you to protect yourselves from the fuckery thats bound to ensue when you regularly use a dating app, these are six first date ideas that you should never ever agree to, ever:

1. Any Outdoor Excursion

First of all, if youre into the outdoors and doing things then idk how we matched in the first place. Im gonna take a wild guess here and assume that I was blackout when we matched or you had a dog in your profile picture. Just a guess. BUT if we did match and get to talking and you asked me to, like, go for a “hike” with you? Or go on a “boat ride in Central Park”? Honestly, Im using the question marks here because Im not entirely sure people do these things as I havent actively chosen to go outside in weeks. Asking for a friend, but do people do things anymore? Message me if you know! K, thx. REGARDLESS, if you think Im trekking to some undisclosed outdoor location that a) does not include alcohol or b) has shitty wifi service then you are sorely mistaken, sir. Ive seen this episode of and it does not end well for the girl that follows a beautiful stranger into an electronic dead zone Central Park.

^Me when someone suggests going outside

2. Extravagant Trips To Europe

Contrary to what would have you believe, first date trips to foreign countries are not actually, like, safe to go on with a stranger. Let me go out on a limb here and say that a person who suggests this type of date is less likely to be The One and more likely to be The One To Sell You Into Sex Slavery. Just saying. And if youre thinking, like, no one actually suggests things like this in real life then I applaud you because clearly youre doing something right and not going flirting with psychopaths. Cheers! And though Ive never personally been asked to meet someone in Europe for a first date (yet) this did really happen to a friend of mine. I wish I was joking. The scary thing is this friend was actually considering taking British Stranger Danger up on his offer. To which I responded with this:

But dont take my word for it, Im just a girl whos successfully spent 25 years on this earth without being abducted and/or murdered. *screams internally* To be fair this girl did not end up murdered and/or someones sex slave. Shocking, I know. She actually had quite a lovely time, BUT THAT’S NOT THE POINT. The point is that I stand by my earlier statement about girls ending up dead. If you’ve seen any Liam Neeson movie then you should know that nothing good happens to girls when they travel abroad with strangers or very slutty friends. So just as a rule of thumb, maybe never go abroad to meet someone for the first time, lest your face end up on a milk carton. Just say no, girls. Say no to drugs, say no to unsolicited dick pics, and say no to free Euro tripswords I literally never thought Id speak. I guess theres a first time for everything.

3. A Wedding

If someone asks you to be their date at a wedding, just know that this date will 100 percent end in the guy emotionally masturbating his problems all over you by the end of the night. No normal, emotionally stable human would ask a dead-ass stranger to be his date to a wedding. This isnt senior year formal. You cant just ask some rando in the library to be your date so your ex will get jealous of all your pics. This is a wedding. A sacred moment between two strangers that you do not know because you are just a random person at this wedding. Never forget that. Tbh I barely want to go to people’s weddings whom I actually know and care for, much less a random couples wedding with a guy who def lied about his height in his Bumble bio. Nope. That idea is garbage and so is the human who suggested it. Next.

4. Stoop Invites

What is a stoop invite, you ask? Its when a guy literally asks you to come sit on his stoop. Because this is New York City and no one owns anything its not even his own stoop, its the buildings stoop. So basically he just asked you to come sit on a public slab of concrete with him because he is a cheap motherfucking asshole. Though, I am sure sitting on his stoop is some sort of euphemism for where hed really like you to sit. Vomit. Either way its cheap and creepy and I am not fucking down for that.

Guy: So you, me, my dick stoop… what do you say?

Me:

5. A Dinner Date

You might think Im over exaggerating, which to be fair 99 percent of the time I totally am, but not this time because, people, a dinner date is a trap and you SHOULD NOT FALL FOR IT. It seems innocent enough, maybe even a little romantic because it seems like hes down to spend more money on you than the one half-priced beer from whatevers on tap at happy hour. But drinks can last 15 minutes (depending on how fast you chug) while dinner can last HOURS. I mean, what if you hated this dude by the time the waiter brings out the complimentary bread basket? Are you telling me that in order to indulge in something I love, I have to sit through 90 minutes of some douchebag who only wants to talk about ~in minute detail~ his last deep sea fishing trip with his bros? Tbh Ive done less for free bread sticks. Either way dinner is not a good first date option. Maybe a second or a third date, but it’s def not something I want to sit through with a fucking stranger.

6. An Invitation To Cross State Lines

Ive said it once, Ill say it again, but even my hoe-ass has limitations and I draw a hard line at the New York state border. I have been in many a healthy mature Snapchat relationships since moving to New York that somehow always end in the guy saying, actually Im living in Jersey right now. Like, what do you want me to do here? Take the PATH? New Jersey Transit? That seems like a lot of effort for someone who probs lied about his job title and def used a photo from his senior year frat formal for his profile pic. NOPE. Lifes too uncertain rn and I cant waste my time on this foolishness so its gonna be a no from me. Sorry pal.

Jesus. This is seriously making me want to delete all of my dating apps rn. I want to, but I wont. Because I am a romantic masochist who likes wasting the best years of her life on guys whose best attempt at writing a bio is I call myself Jared, but you can call me tonight

*looks for the gun emoji*

Source: http://allofbeer.com/types-of-first-dates-you-should-never-ever-go-on/