-- Long personal/diary post --

tw - death / animal death / abuse

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I still miss Orbit so much. I both admire, yet cannot understand, how people can get over the death of an animal companion…. i can’t. It’s been almost two years and it still feels nearly as awful, like it just happened yesterday. I always dream of him, we always go on wonderful adventures or just roll around in flowers, and when I wake up, everything seems a bit cruel. He was so healthy and smart and intuitive and sweet and protective. He always slept by my side even though he was too big and I loved it so much….

I met him in 5th grade, he was originally the cat of my mom’s abusive (now ex, and dead, good riddance) partner. My mom’s old boyfriend was a rich construction manager, and he often left Orbit alone outside for days at a time during his disgusting drinking binges. I immediately bonded with Orbit the first night I was driven over to meet my mom’s new partner. We watched Artificial Intelligence.. I remember everything about that movie and it still fucks me up…. the personal symbolism relating to Orbit now destroys me whenever I think of it. The whole movie is about a robot boy, programmed and taught to love, who spends the whole movie looking for his human mother. He eventually finds himself at an underwater theme park, and prays to a statue of the blue fairy until aliens find him. They ask him many questions, and quickly learn that all he wants is to be with his (now dead) mother. He had a piece of her hair still. The aliens asked if he wanted to spend just one more day with her, by cloning her hair, but no more than one day. Even though it was incredibly painful, he said he wanted that more than anything. They had one perfect day together. His mother kissed him goodnight, and then, as promised, she didn’t wake up.

Orbit moved in with us a week after that. I met my chosen sister Nina Moon very shortly before Orbit moved into my house, along with my mom’s abusive partner. Nina moon lived closeby and she’s always been there for me, as have my other wonderful friends, but… thank goodness, there was a lot they didn’t see or know about. During everything good and bad, I had my boy. I protected him, took care of him, and gave him natural meat and good food that cured his bladder crystals and other disorders arising from previous neglect. Orbit literally attacked my mom’s ex when he tried to hit me once (and chased away any dog that ran at me). Orbit was a giant maine coon (so large, they had to use dog scales and dog-sized inspection/holding bags for him at the vet…) with huge teeth and claws. That fucker’s back bled. Orbit also always knew when I was upset or in pain. He was constantly at my side, purring and acting so affectionate until we both fell asleep. He was partially outdoor, he loved the outside, but I was very often with him, he had a huge forested creek domain with an acre pasture, and he ALWAYS came running when I called his name. I went through middle school, high school, and the entirety of college with my boy. All the abusive and medical torture… He was there to take care of me in the emotional sense, the way I was most deprived. I don’t like sharing my pain and horror with my friends, or anyone, unless necessary. I don’t want to pass the fear on. Orbit helped me be strong and kind throughout everything.

I remember our bedtime ritual; I would play Dragon Age (I had received Inquisition as a gift for slaying organic chemistry and graduating with honors and I was finally so happy) with him on my lap; one hand sloppily playing the game and the other relentlessly petting him. He purred SO loud, everyone commented on it, and I adored it. He rumbled the whole couch with happy purrs.

The night before he passed away, I had been gone all day to see my sister in Salem, to meet her new kitty. I was so happy to come home that night to see Orbit. I never took him for granted. He was my precious baboo. I would skip seeing friends to spend time with him, heheh. He was my everything. We had such a lovely night. He was extra affectionate, and ran to my friend’s car when she dropped me back off at home. I couldn’t even play dragon age that night, I just kept playing with Orbit and petting him. Something was different and I somehow knew that night, he was especially precious. He slept close against my chest, purring as I fell asleep. When I woke up, we played, then raced to the kitchen together like always – he ALWAYS won, heheh. I fed him, and he pranced outside happily. When I called and called for him, this time, he never came back to me. I searched everywhere, running in the mud, screaming…. until I found him curled up in the moss and new spring flowers beneath the old Hawthorn tree. I kept screaming for what felt like forever. I still feel like he was taken from me even though I’m so grateful for him. I miss him so much I can’t even think about him or see another cat without crying. The only reason I hope for an afterlife is for him. Not even to see him again, just… for him. he deserves a beautiful magic kingdom where he can be eternally happy chasing mice and rolling in the flowers and sleeping in the warm sunlight. He was too perfect for any world. I keep some of his preserved fur and a crystal mosaic urn with his ashes on my altar, and whenever I see it, all I can think of is how I would trade it for one more day with him in a heartbeat.