#he's like a fuckable mime
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He's fuckin adorable, holding his hand out? That smile at the end?
#giggling kicking my feet fr#look at his hips and tummy btw. biting#he's like a fuckable mime#AIW#Danhausen#aiwtough
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Hard to be Soft | 2,546 | stereobone / @stereobone
Summary: Eddie's had sex on a bed before. A lot, actually. Face down, usually, sheets dirty, barely able to breathe, someone holding him bruise-tight and pressing his face into the mattress.
But Steve, Steve kisses him soft, hands caught up in his hair. Not to pull, just to feel him, or something. Steve kisses Eddie like he wants to keep him.
The Best Remedy | 3,098 | beetlesandstars / @beetlesandstarss
Summary: “Wanna get off with you,” Eddie murmurs like he’s admitting something dirty, something forbidden.
“Yeah?” Steve breathes.
“But,” Eddie smoothes his shaky hands down Steve’s back. “I think I might pop and die immediately.”
better in the dark | 3,242 | AO3 / Anonymous
Summary: Now Steve can smile what he’s been told is his sexiest smile. “Does that mean you’ll want to do it again?” He mimes checking his watch, even though his watch is somewhere on Eddie's bedroom floor. “Because not to brag or anything, but I’ve been known to go a few rounds in a night. Give me, like, half an hour, maybe twenty minutes.”
“Well, I’ll be,” says Eddie. He looks adorable and extraordinarily fuckable with a blush staining his cheeks. “Will Harringtonian wonders never cease.”
Do Me, Baby | 3,285 | beetlesandstars / @beetlesandstarss
Summary: Steve takes a breath, fiddling with the phone cord. "Look, tell me to shut up, but, um. I could, like… help you?”
A pause. Then, voice disbelieving, Eddie says, "Help me?"
“Yeah, like, talk you through it.” Steve cringes. He sounds so stupid. Hi, Eddie! Want me to teach you how to jerk off again?
go ahead, go way low (in my honey-lovin' arms) | 3,558 | Gorgeousgreymatter / @gorgeousgreymatter-x
Summary: Honestly, there is a small (maybe not that small part) of Eddie that’s expecting to get punched for this, but that’s not what Steve does. Eddie’s pretty sure it’s not loud enough for anyone else to hear, thankfully, over the sound of whatever explosions were currently playing out on the screen in front of them, but Eddie does. A breathy little noise, almost like a purr, when Eddie’s nails just barely skitter over Steve’s scalp.
Interesting.
Please see below for more recommendations!
ink you up | 4,560 | Adure / @toburnup
Summary: "It looks good." Steve takes in the fine black lines, notes how the skin is raised and red. Figures it must be new. "When did you get it?"
"Oh, I did it last night."
Steve looks back up to Eddie in surprise. "You did it? Like to yourself?"
He laughs, tosses his empty into the sink. "Hell yeah. Why not?"
Steve drains his own and leans back. "I could never."
"I could ink you up." Eddie looks at him like he's assessing, eyes trailing from fingertips back up to shoulders and then up to his eyes. "Would be a good look for you."
memorize my number, that's why I got a phone | 4,581 | QueerOnTilMorning
Summary: "So how have the shows been going? Score any groupies yet?"
Shit. Eddie's never going to get a better opening than that, is he? He laughs, high and breathless, his heart beating a stampede from his chest up to his throat. "Actually, that's an interesting question, Steve, and it brings me to an important point. Something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while, some relevant information I should probably divulge, but I thought it might be prudent to wait until I was out of punching range."
"Sometimes I can't keep up when you talk," Steve says. "You wanted to tell me something?"
"Yeah. Yes. I absolutely did, and I'm going to tell you. Right now." Eddie twists his rings around his fingers, takes a deep breath, and says, "I'm gay, Steve."
"Oh," says Steve, and Eddie dies a thousand deaths, each more intricate and painful than being eaten by demobats. Then Steve says, "Boy groupies, then?"
hands of loving | 5,397 | kafkian / @kafkian
Summary: ‘Proud owner of twenty years pent-up hormones and counting.’ Eddie sighed, looking up at the sky and muttering something under his breath that Steve didn’t catch.
Steve was so surprised he stopped walking. ‘What?’
Eddie loudly didn't say anything, continuing on their route. When Steve caught up to him, he was bright red in the face.
‘No way,’ Steve said, stunned. ‘You’re a virgin?’
Eddie rolled his eyes. ‘Shut up, man.’
‘No, I didn’t mean – just. Really?’ Steve asked. ‘You've really never ...?’
‘I run a DnD group, got held back in school twice, and live in a trailer with my uncle,’ Eddie said flatly. ‘What part of that screams dick magnet to you?’
In the Woods Somewhere | 5,526 | AidaRonan / @aidaronan
Summary: Steve grew up hearing campfire stories about the Black Woods Monster.
He just never expected it to be real (or for it to want to seduce him.)
Eddie's Spectacular, Awkward, Very Safe, Very Fun First Time | 5,557 | alligator_writes / @riality-check
Summary: "Though he’s never had it, Eddie thinks sex will be its own kind of story.
He has three (3) thoughts in that moment:
1. He’s hard.
2. Steve’s hard.
3. He wants to ram Steve into a mattress, like, yesterday."
I'll Be Your Captain | 6,029 | plutosrose / @plutosrose & yammz / @yammz
Summary: When Steve gets out of the bathroom, he gets exactly five seconds before Eddie is crowding him against the wall. “Why are you dressed like a Playboy centerfold?” Eddie reaches out to run his fingers along the ascot like he can’t believe what he’s seeing. “Were you a stripper at one point and just forgot to mention it?”
“This was what we had to wear every day at that stupid job,” Steve manages, feeling a little like he might drown in Eddie’s intense and focused gaze. “Making three dollars an hour.”
Anything Goes in the Winnebago | 6,207 | ChronicRabbit
Summary: “Harrington’s got her. Don’tcha, Big boy?”
That’s what Eddie had said to him with that huge shit-eating grin he always seemed to flash after one of his cheeky little jokes.
Because it was a joke.
There was no reason for Steve’s heart to thud in his chest like it was trying to escape the prison of his ribs.
He was so fucked.
Scorpio Moons | 6,377 | Oonionchiver / @azrielgreen
Summary: ‘Hi.’
Eddie flinches hard, tries to back up but he’s already pressed into the wall so he just sort of bangs his head. ‘Ow, hi, hello, um, sorry.’
It’s Steve.
Steve Harrington is standing in front of him.
Eddie reverts back to a single celled organism.
‘Sorry for what?’
‘Sorry?’
Steve blinks, gives a little smile. ‘My bad, start again?’
‘S-sorry?’
Eddie would actually rather be a single celled organism.
At a medium pace | 7,147 | dartlekey / @dartlekey
Summary: "Okay, okay, fine. Jeez. You're not stupid, man, I'm stupid. And a baby."
"As you said."
"As I said," Eddie agrees, and takes a deep breath, "and I'm also a liar, because I didn't pop those stitches falling out of bed, actually."
Steve blinks, mercifully leaning back. "No?"
"Nope," Eddie presses out. "Actually, I was, uh." He forces himself to exhale, and says, "I was trying to rub one out."
Steve stares at him. "What?"
"You know," Eddie says nervously. "Crankin' the hog. Whacking off. Jerkin' the gerkin. Stroking the one-eyed snake -"
"No I got that," Steve says, and Eddie immediately shuts up, "you're saying that's how you tore your sutures?"
"Yes."
"By -"
"Yep."
"Oh my God," Steve says faintly, then starts laughing.
So Newly Charming | 7,604 | glorious_spoon / @glorious-spoon
Summary: Eddie leans against the van to peer over his shoulder as he connects the leads. He’s close enough that Steve can smell him; close enough that he can feel the shift of air on the side of his neck as Eddie breathes. If it were one of the kids, he’d shove them off and reassert his personal space, but it’s never really bothered him when it’s Eddie. It’s distracting, but Eddie is always kind of distracting. Steve doesn’t mind.
Can you pass this to Steve? | 7,772 | Thisusernameisunavailable
Summary: Note passing goes awry for Eddie when a simple prank goes a little too far.
t'hy'la | 8,036 | sparklyslug / @sparklyslug
Summary: “Because of biology,” Steve supplies, trying to steer this thing back on track.
“Because of Vulcan biology,” Eddie sighs, and seems to give in.
“Okay,” Steve says slowly, “But what–”
“Because of Vulcan sexual biology,” Eddie grits out, and puts his face back in his hands.
So he misses how Steve goes bright red, thankfully. Given how the tips of Eddie’s ears are a vibrant green, he’s in a similar situation.
“Oh, well,” Steve clears his throat. “No shame in that, Ensign,” god, he’s fallen back on rank now, if Eddie wasn’t so clearly a mess he would absolutely make sure that Steve never lived it down. He attempts a laugh, his mouth dry. “The birds and the bees do it, after all.”
“Fuck youuuu,” Eddie groans, parting his fingers to stare balefully at Steve. “The birds and bees aren’t Vulcans, Steve.”
come get your man (he got lost in my DMs) | 8,446 | hexiewrites / @hexiewrites
Summary: It’s weird because it’s not that weird. Actually, the weirdest thing about it is the guy seems to be commenting from an account with his entire name attached. It’s just weird for Eddie to open up his notifications and see:
Steve_Harrington replied to your video: Great job, this was really excellent. Loved the way your pitch changed subtly to indicate that Aeilin was turned on!
Which. Again.
Weird for multiple reasons.
600 Square Feet | 9,412 | InkandOwl / @sfintii
Summary: There’s no response from Steve and Eddie is contemplating swapping out his bun for donuts when Steve starts laughing. A full bodied laugh that has him pressing his wrist to his mouth to keep from losing his lunch all over the car and Eddie finds himself smiling despite his confusion. “Are you— Are you experiencing a medical event? What’s happening here?”
Steve chokes down some water and sighs, “My parents really sold me on this idea that I was gonna get out of school, go to college for business, take over for my dad, live in some— some mansion on a lake.” He gestures between them, “And now i’m waiting on tourists and sharing table scraps with Eddie Munson.”
Eddie huffs out a small laugh, “Bit of a downgrade, huh?”
“Are you kidding me?” Steve shoves his fingers through his hair, “This is— kind of perfect, actually.”
the moon changes colour | 9,647 | jk_rockin / @jkrockin
Summary: Steve gets bitten by a strange dog one hot summer night. It takes him a month, and a little outside help, to work out what's wrong with him.
Master Reclist · Personal Masterlist · Blog Nav.
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Pokémon/Hetalia AU:
America: has a strength based team like the biggest strongest Pokemon he can find, like definitely a gyarados and also that big rock snake one. And he names them meme names.
Italy: has a dark type/fairy type team bc he wants to win but not put effort in. He's cheating the uh you know the stats (from my limited experience playing like Soul Silver and two other games). And he likes the pretty ones/the cutie ones.
France: has all the fuckable ones AND A Mr. Mime— his team is like. All.... Almost human looking, And it's poorly balanced (Arthur, staring into the eyes of the Mr. mime that Francis carries on his shoulders. :/)
England: has all like dark/poison types— edgy shit.
Spain: has a lot of fire types. The bull one. He has like a very quick attack, first move type of team like deal as much damage as quick as possible.//
Japan: would put clothes on his pikachu, that’s what I’ve got.
Russia: You would think ice types— I think he'd have all the bear Pokémon.
Germany: would have the most balanced team ever, nothing else would matter— like if you did the math right now on the MOST balanced team you could make that's it. That’s his team.
Prussia: would have an entirely bird team, and I would personally find it annoying bc the Skitty that my spouse says I should replace for being weak and useless would not be able to hit them.
Bonus: I think Rome would have only sexy Pokemon also but in a wildly different vibe than Frances deeply unnerving human team
#hetalia#pokemon au#hws America#hws Italy#hws France#hws England#hws Spain#hws japan#hws Russia#hws germany#hws Rome#hws Prussia#txt post#Hetalia au
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Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Episode 08 second part
(Masterpost) (Other Canary Malarkey )
Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!
Flower Town, Continued
The boys continue their ramble down main street. When they see an interesting crowd of people, Lan Wangji wants to hang back, actually verbalizing that it’s too crowded for him. He’s made a lot of communication progress since first meeting Wei Wuxian. Wei Wuxian reassures him, and hits him with a series of irresistibly fuckable coaxing expressions...
...and then grabs and drags him.
However, WWX only drags LWJ nearer to the crowd, not into it, letting go before he and Nie Huaisang step over to the group. Being taken out of his comfort zone is part of why Lan Wangji signed onto this Wei Wuxian ride, and as they grow closer WWX is learning LWJ’s particular parameters so he doesn’t cause a kernel panic total system crash.
Nie Huaisang recites some relevant poetry and Wei Wuxian praises him for being so cultured. I continue to love how sweet these two are with each other.
(more after the cut!)
Flower Boys
Lan Wangji gets rewarded for his bravery with a flower shower, and he blisses out, gazing at the pretty.
Nie Huaisang blisses out, gazing at Lan Wangji
Wei Wuxian valiantly tries to pretend he’s not totally heart eyes for Lan Wangji.
He fails.
Collecting the Yin Iron
Wen Chao is taking his own road trip, collecting Yin Iron and making trouble for our gang. This Yin Iron chunk is at the Flower Lady’s house.
Is...this a good way to store Yin Iron? It seems kinda precarious and, uh, stupid.
Next he goes to hassle the dancing rock lady, who, like OP, is a hystersister, but unlike OP, isn’t delighted about it. Having her female essence Yin removed some years ago made her hot all the time and now she eats souls if she gets a chance. Mood. Rock Lady needs better vitamins.
Anyway, Wen Chao is actually pretty effective at this Yin Iron getting thing, until he tries to catch Lan Wangji in a roadrunner trap anyway, and I don’t mind saying his dad should have more faith in him.
In between Yin Iron stops, Wen Chao takes a moment to menace Wen Ching, blah blah Wen blah blah Yin, oh my god this storyline is the dullest. But we do get to see her beautiful scabbard up close.
Before Wen Chao frees the rock lady from her bonds, she has a magic circle on the ground, like the one Wei Wuxian broke in Episode 1 by stepping on it. Seems secure. She is also bound in these chains. What are these chains (highlighted with white in the picture) supposed to accomplish, exactly?
Since they leave her front hand totally free, they are definitely not going to stop her from grabbing any of the dumbasses who consistently come and put offerings on the altar directly in front of her, is what I’m saying.
Wen Chao blasts the protection charm on the floor with some fire, and all of the chains fall off, so now Rock Lady is free to get her grouchy on.
Let’s review the master plan for hiding the Yin Iron, shall we? Of 4 pieces of Yin Iron, Xue Yang hid one up his ass somewhere that’s never revealed. The other three were hidden in 1. a well-warded secret ice cave, 2. A public-access temple 3. A flower. This is what happens when you don’t have a project manager.
Compatibility Score=Hard Nope
Wen Qing and Jiang Cheng sit down in a tavern for the world’s most antagonistic first date.
As it turns out, Wen Qing is being helpful. Aggressively helpful. Also, we discover that even when he’s got googly eyes for a girl, future Clan Leader Jiang takes no shit when it comes to confrontations. This is a heartening development, considering his parents’ terrible dynamic.
After Wen Qing delivers her message she tells her team to chill, and gets ready to sneak up the mountain to cause more trouble for her boss.
Flower Lady House
The boys continue to be a few steps behind Wen Chao, getting to the flower lady’s house and finding nothing but a feather.
Whenever we have an overhead shot of roofs I wonder where all the guards went. Possibly I have spent too much of my life playing Assassin’s Creed.
1. Nie Huaisang is very smart and observant 2. Nie Huaisang has super cool braids. There are even tiny side braids snaking up from his ears to his topknot.
Hey babe, how about some eye contact? Okay babe, but make it quick.
Dafan Mountain Town
Meet Granny, who is actually very nice and a good babysitter later in the story, but right now is baked out of her gourd.
Wei Wuxian tucks his sword in between his legs so he can make hand gestures while Nie Huaisang admires his hilt.
We can dance if we want to, we can leave your friends behind
Because your friends don’t dance and if they don’t dance they’re no friends of mine
The gang wanders through the deserted town, which seemed pretty creepy back when I was young and idealistic and hadn’t seen goddamn Yi City yet.
Now it seems quaint and well-maintained. Also the town isn’t really deserted; the inhabitants are in the makeup tent getting their zombie cracks painted on.
Rock Lady Temple
Baked Granny and Vaguely Hostile Temple Tender Guy are like “sure, you kids can sleep in the haunted house, have a nice time with that” and our gang just fucking goes to sleep all at the same time like they’ve never seen a monster movie before.
Which is hotter: this fire, or this man asleep in this outfit with red laces on his vambraces and his red robe splayed all over the place and his knee up in the air and...ok, really there’s no need to even ask this question.
[too soon, OP, too soon. #FatalJourney]
Nie Huaisang wakes up all scared and startled, and Wei Wuxian subtly indicates his lack of concern.
Rock Lady Fight
Actually, of course, Nie Huaisang’s perceptions are right on the money, and the statue very sloooowly comes to life and attaaaaaaacks them. Spinning ensues.
Wei Wuxian deploys his bondage talisman, this time in yellowish-white. He probably picked blue before to remind him of Lan Wangji’s headband.
[note: for more spin-fighting be sure to check out my fanvid!]
The actors are really good at all this mime work. The CGI doesn’t always live up to their efforts, but they manage to sell it, most of the time.
Lan Wangji is a great fighter, let’s see what cool moves he will use to get out of this “hand lightly resting on my sword hilt” situation.
Lan Wangji, are you fucking kidding me?
Eventually the fight choreographer comes back from his lunch break and lets Lan Wangji put his arms down. They finish their scuffle with the rock lady, sticking her back on her pedestal. Lan Wangji uses a magic flint-and-steel maneuver...
...and Wei Wuxian deploys some extra-fabulous talismans.
This effectively keeps the rock lady confined for the next several years, so--go go battle buds!
Zombie Attack
Once Rock Lady is taken care of, the undead zombies living puppets attack.
Battle couple are on the same page throughout all of this, and decide to let go of the windows and doors they are holding closed in favor of putting a talisman on the center door only. Which, in the way of all zombie deterrents, works awesomely for about 2 minutes of screen time and then totally fails.
Duhn-duhn-duhn! We end on a cliffhanger. What will happen? Will our intrepid gang survive? Is Jiang Cheng going to help, since he’s lurking just off camera? Nope
Next rewatch is coming soon!
Soundtrack: 1. Safety Dance, Men Without Hats 2. Stand, REM
#fytheuntamed#the untamed#wangxian#cql#the untamed gifs#restless rewatch the untamed#canary3d-original#the untamed spoilers
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Misc. Discord Stuff (1/??)
“Stonks was not meant to be there I apologize “
“ i just had an epiphany and it’s that [name1] and [name2] both think gators are free dogs “
“ [NAME] HOLY FUCK THEY’RE JUST GIVING OUT FREE DADS”
“ j̸̚͝a̵͂́z̸̋̈́z̸͗͝ ”
“ Which one of these 2 things looks more fuckable if you have no morality?”
[with intense excitement] “ BITCH BOI!!!”
“ she looks like if halloween was a person--”
"well if people are gonna laugh at me, i might as well give em a damn reason to"
“ YOU KNOW HE BE CLAPPIN THE ALIEN CHEEKS ”
“ [name]'s a fucking twink help ”
“ BECAUSE SHARKS ARE ONE OF THE FEW KINDS OF FISH THAT HAVE DICKS... SHARKS FUCK!!!”
“GIVE HIM THE WEED FRUIT”
“— I LEGITIMATELY READ THE FIRST AS “DR. MILF” FOR A SECOND...”
“ the jelly come from jellyfish in spongebob and so it can't be vegan because there's no way the jellyfish can consent to that---”
“hes like a dilf without kids--”
“my music taste is like making a salad with meat, cheese, vegetables, and fruits-- like just throwing a whole fucking watermelon into a salad”
“ WEST VIRGINIA... ...MOUNT JEMIMA.”
“thimbo“
“Hi grapefruit, I'm Dad.“
“uwu comwade eat the wich uwu“
“anyways capturing a mr mime is perfectly ethical because all mimes are in fact not human and very poorly-disguised impostors ... do not turn your back on them“
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The Man of My Dreams
For: @ibelieveinturtles
Ship: Brock Rumlow/Darcy Lewis
Sweetheart Prompt: Heart Throb
Word Count: 4,641
Rating: E
Other tags: SHIELD Agent Darcy Lewis, Dreams, Crushes, Bachelor Auction, Snark, Companionable Snark, Flirting, Smut, One Shot, POV Darcy Lewis, POV Brock Rumlow, POV Alternating
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
DARCY
“So, like… I was having this dream, right?” Darcy began, reaching over to steal a chip from the bag Bobbi had in front of her. “Like, you know I don’t normally have dreams that make any kind of sense. Or that I even remember usually.”
“Right, yeah…” Bobbi nodded, snatching her chip bag out of Darcy’s reach. “But judging by your tone, this one was neither nonsense nor forgettable?”
“Correct,” Darcy said. “It was neither of those things. It was a…” She lowered her voice for the next part. “Sex dream.”
Her friend had no reaction. “So? I have those all the time. Me and Timothy Olyphant tear up the sheets on a regular basis. Sometimes Uma Thurman joins us.”
Darcy rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t about a celebrity though. It was about someone I know.”
Bobbi’s eyebrow twitched an almost infinitesimal amount. “Someone you know?”
“Someone I see on a regular basis. Someone who comes into my office on the regular.”
“You’re about to say it’s me, and then we’re going to find out this has been some straight dude lesbian porno the whole time, aren’t we?”
“No,” Darcy sighed, kicking her under the table. “It’s Brock, you goober.” She’d meant to whisper that last bit. But it all came tumbling out without preamble. “It’s Brock, and I think… I think I’m having feelings.”
Bobbi’s jaw dropped, which was a helluva reaction to get from her assassin-friend. She also scooted the bag of chips back over for Darcy to reach. This was chip-sharing news. It was serious.
“You’re not. You can’t have feelings for Brock. You said it before. He’s hairy and icky.”
“I only tell him that in order to keep his ego in check. Do you know how impossible he’d be if he found out I thought he was attractive?”
Bobbi groaned. “Only too well.”
“Okay, so you know this obviously has to stay between us, right?”
“Obviously.”
“Okay, well…” Darcy chomped down on another chip.
“So you’ve got the full-on hots for Brock now?” Bobbi teased. “Not just an aesthetic appreciation for how long he spends in the gym?”
“I don’t care if he’s shredded like a bag of cheese at a Taco Bell, the most aesthetically pleasing thing about him is that fucking jawline.”
Bobbi inhaled sharply, nodding. “That jawline’s what shreds the cheese at Taco Bell.”
“Okay, so I thought the feelings I got after the dream would go away, but it’s been like two weeks, and they haven’t.”
“You want me to ask Hill to send you to Hawaii or something? You could get a suntan, forget about old whats-his-name. Find yourself a cabana boy. To mix your drinks and toss your salad.”
Darcy had to admit, the offer sounded tempting. But she was happy with what she was doing now. Which was training with Bobbi to become a better field agent and get sent out on more missions. She had the brain for hacking, but she needed the strength so SHIELD would actually send her out to do it. If she asked for a fluff assignment just because she was all gaga over a sex dream where Brock went down on her like it was his job, then well… she probably needed to reevaluate what she wanted out of this job.
There were far worse reasons to ask for a fluff assignment. Hot and horny for Agent Rumlow wasn’t one of them.
“Nah, I should be fine. I might need to go get a massage or something. I could be stressed. They say that sex dreams are never about sex, right? It’s about… something else I’m lacking.”
Bobbi stifled a laugh, but not very well since Darcy could very well hear it. “Yeah. Something you’re lacking.”
“Stop it,” Darcy grabbed the last chip. “I’m gonna book a massage, wanna come with?”
“You know I won’t say no to a spa day.”
“Didn’t say anything about a spa day.”
Bobbi shot her a look. “You’re just gonna get a massage and not get a wrap and a facial?”
“Well, when you put it that way…” Darcy pulled out her phone to book appointments on the spa’s app. “Under the usual pseuds?”
“You know it.”
“So, uh… speaking of people upon which we have crushes…” Darcy said, dragging it out in a sing-song way that was annoying Bobbi. She reached for her bag and slung it over her shoulder.
“Just say it, you know you want to.”
“How many bachelor raffle tickets are you buying now that Lance is up for grabs?”
“Zero,” Bobbi said with a smirk.
“What?” Darcy followed her out of the cafeteria. “What do you mean, zero? Are you guys over again?”
“Again. For good. Good riddance. I heard Simmons is selling a romantic picnic. I might go for that,” Bobbi said with a shrug.
“Oh? You and Simmons?”
Her friend smiled and mimed zipping her lips. “Nothing to talk about yet, so…”
“Fine, fine. I guess I’ll just languish away in the land of the unknown gossip.”
“Guess you’ll have to,” Bobbi replied, linking her arm with Darcy’s to hurry her up towards the parking garage.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
RUMLOW
Rumlow knew he probably should have either made his presence known or somehow left the cafeteria before Darcy got started in on the meat of her story. But every time he started to move, his chair would squeak, and he knew she’d hear him. Then she’d turn around and be embarrassed. Because, by the time he figured out he should leave, she was already spilling to Morse about her sex dream. About him.
Did it make him a pig if he preened a little because of her dream? Her dream about him? He couldn’t imagine any man in his position could hear Lewis talk about her nocturnal fantasies and not square his shoulders a little. That didn’t make it okay and he knew it. Most men were not the type of person anyone should aspire to mimic. He probably shouldn’t be taking the easy way out and using them to gauge where he was on the dickhead meter.
He stayed stock-still like his years of training prepared him to do. His back was to the two of them, but he could see their reflections in the shiny mirrors placed all over the lunchroom. Probably due to some rule that served to make everyone a little less nervous. Ever since that whole Hydra incident, everyone had wanted eyes in the backs of their heads. Everyone had also given him dirty looks for an entire year after he’d come back to the organization. Even after he’d been outed as a triple agent, they still didn’t trust him.
It didn’t seem to matter if the logistics of him being a quadruple agent were close to nil. But he was digressing.
The task at hand was to wait until Lewis and Morse were finished with their discussion and keep both of them from seeing him folded into a table at the corner, trying to look smaller than he was and blend into the wall.
He was far from the only other person here. In fact, one could wonder why Lewis chose such a crowded room to talk about her little clandestine crush on him.
“So you’ve got the full-on hots for Brock now?” Morse teased.
Rumlow couldn’t see it, but he was fairly certain Lewis was rolling her eyes now. He would be.
They talked for a while longer before they left for a spa day. He had to say, he was relieved Lewis wouldn’t be transferring. He very much doubted a sex dream would account for a transferral across the country like that. Plus, SHIELD allowed inter-company relationships. As long as they were disclosed to HR.
What, did she not think he’d reciprocate? Did she really not know how much he’d give to have her return one of his heated glances? Just one?
He picked up his fork again, swirling it through the leftover mashed potatoes on his plate. Before he could do anything, he’d have to come clean to her. After years of lying to everyone he knew, being truthful was very important to him.
So he’d have to tell her the truth, then he could gloat all he wanted about Darcy liking his chiseled jaw. She liked it a lot, apparently. Even more than his abs. Which he kind of thought was one of his better features. But whatever. He wasn’t about to argue with a lady he found one-hundred-percent fuckable in every single way. Hell, he’d even call her pretty if she asked. How’s that for a supposed dickhead.
Yeah, that didn’t really change anything, now that he thought about it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DARCY
Darcy was minding her own business while losing a staring contest with the vending machine because while she was indeed focused inward, it wasn’t on what snack she wanted. Because truth be told, she didn’t really want a snack at all.
Well, she did want a snack, but the snack she wanted was obnoxious and conceited and knew he was a snack and who wanted a snack that knew he was a snack, right?
He is not the snack you’re looking for… she thought, her mental-voice wavering and her mental hands shimmying. She’d make a good Jedi, dammit.
“Hey, you got a second?”
She turned, halfway through assuring the person standing behind her that she’d almost made her selection when she realized that wasn’t what they’d asked at all.
And besides, the snack she wasn’t looking for was behind her. Brock Rumlow and his should-be-illegal jawline were standing there, looking at once lickable and slappable in that confusing way he had.
Sighing, she nodded. “Yeah, I got a few. Whatcha need, Stallone?”
He smirked a kind of a half-cocked, half crooked sort of expression that made him even hotter. If that were possible. Which it apparently was. “Stallone’s looking pretty rough these days, can I choose another actor?”
She wrinkled her nose and shook her head. “You don’t get to pick ‘em, sorry bout it.”
“Yeah, whatever. Listen… I need to talk to you about something,” Brock began, lowering his voice in a way that both made Darcy have to lean forward, and also tickled her in places she wasn’t about to admit to being tickled by a voice.
“What’s up?” she asked, leaning against the side of the vending machine.
“Look, I saw you in the cafeteria the other day… with Bobbi?”
Alarm flared immediately, her skin heating up and cooling just as quickly. “Oh?” Maybe he hadn’t heard it. Or at least hadn’t heard the whole entire thing.
Oh please Thor, let him not have heard the entire thing. Let the sound of air whistling between his ears have drowned it out or something… please?
“Yeah, I, uh… I should have told you I was sitting there, I’m sorry…” he said, reaching up to scratch the back of his head in a way that at least felt contrite.
“Sitting where?” Darcy asked, her voice sounding shrill and a touch panicky.
“Behind you. I couldn’t see you, so I didn’t even know it was you and what you were talking about until it was too late. I didn’t want to embarrass you so--”
“So you just sat there and listened? Dude! Not cool!”
“I know, I know… I’m sorry.”
“Oh, I’ll bet you had a good little laugh at my expense didn’t you?” Darcy asked, her tone icy and cold. “So funny how I’m all warm for you, isn’t it? Well, suck a dick, Rumlow! You’d only be so lucky.”
He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily. “Are you done? Because I wanted to have an adult conversation about this and--”
“And nothing. I am done. Do you know? Because it’s not a real crush. It’s just because of the dream. That’s it. It’s going to go away.”
“Oh, is it?” he asked, sounding very much like he didn’t believe her.
But Darcy didn’t really care. Anything was better than having him make fun of her, or worse… having him ‘let her down easy’ or whatever it was he was trying to do.
“Yup. It’s gonna be gone by Valentine’s Day, I can guaran-damn-tee it.”
“By Valentine’s huh? You’d better go out and snap up a date then,” he sneered.
“Maybe I will! Hell, you know what I’m gonna do? I’m gonna buy ten of those bachelor raffle tickets they’re selling around here. I”m gonna buy ‘em, hope and hope and cross my fingers, and if they call my name, I’m gonna hook up with a hottie. You know anyone who’s selling them?”
“I am,” he said smugly. “I’m one of the bachelors being raffled.”
“Awesome. Put me down for ten. I’ll Venmo the money to wherever.”
“They set up a fund. I’ll message you the information…” He pulled out his phone and swiped around until Darcy had a link in her DMs. She immediately sent the money, not looking up at him once. “Thanks. I’ll see you there,” he ventured.
Darcy chuckled. “Not if I see you first, Stallone.”
She wasn’t sure what that was, exactly. But she was embarrassed and had just spent a thousand dollars on bachelor raffle tickets. Someone should take her debit card away when she was like this.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
RUMLOW
The raffle took place the week before Valentine’s Day, and Rumlow had worn his formal wear, like he’d been instructed to. He thought he looked pretty good. He’d even spent extra time on his hair. Well, more time than usual, and that was saying something because he was not born with this volume naturally. It took work.
Raffle cards were drawn by Agent May. With her smirking face, she drew card after card. Some men, some women. Some were people he knew, some weren’t.
And one by one, the bachelors and bachelorettes were chosen, until there were only about five of them left. Himself, Lance Hunter, Mack, May herself, and Simmons.
May drew the next raffle card, and her eyes widened, grinning as she read the name.
“Darcy Lewis.”
Rumlow’s stomach dropped down into his gut. She’d said she wouldn’t choose him. That’s what she’d said.
So why was he so nervous? He shouldn’t be nervous.
Except he didn’t want to see her pick any of the others up here. He could see her picking Simmons just so Fitz wouldn’t have a conniption. Simmons wasn’t a threat per se.
If she picked Hunter, though. Or Mack. Or May.
Rumlow’s stomach settled like a stone in his gut as he watched her make her way up from her seat to the stage to take her pick.
May was grinning between him and her like she was expecting something to happen. He was almost sorry to disappoint her. But it would also be fun to watch Darce subvert May’s expectations.
Darcy was looking between the five of them up here. Rumlow subconsciously reached up to straighten his collar and someone catcalled. At him? He couldn’t be sure.
And when she opened her mouth to speak, he was dreading what she’d say.
“Agent Rumlow, I guess.”
His eyebrows raised in pure surprise, but he was the only one who seemed surprised.
“Certainly seemed to deliberate on that decision,” May teased and nodded in his direction. “C’mon, Rumlow. Tell her what she’s won.”
“I uh… I’ll take her out dancing and for a five-star dinner. I’ll be the perfect gentleman,” he added at the end, to another round of catcalling. He wrinkled his nose. People were gross. “I mean it,” he added. “No sarcasm.”
Darcy tilted her head and held out her hand. Realizing belatedly that he was supposed to take it and vacate the stage, Rumlow stumbled a little as they left the stage and walked back behind the makeshift curtain they had up.
“I thought you weren’t going to pick me,” he said, smirking a little as Darcy rolled her eyes.
“Don’t make me regret my decision. You promised to be a gentleman.”
“On the date.”
“Fine, but no funny business or I’ll cancel the date. I don’t mind donating a thousand bucks to charity.”
“That you didn’t have to bother, I’d have taken you out for nothing.”
“Yeah, I know. But at least this way, you can’t make fun of me for falling for you.”
“I wouldn’t do that,” he countered.
She shot him a look.
“I’d barely do that.”
“I’ll see you on Valentine’s, Rumlow.” She turned to leave. “You’ve got my number.” It was a statement, not a question.
He did have it. And he’d have complained more about their short convo if he hadn’t gotten to watch her walk away. She was wearing a pair of tight jeans and a ruffled blouse.
Fuck, she was pretty.
There. He was getting better.
--------------------------------------------------------------------
DARCY
Darcy shifted in her seat after Brock had pushed her chair in behind her. The food was already ordered, she’d just come back from the bathroom to find out it had been served.
Prime rib and sweet pea risotto.
Hers was untouched, which… was kind of a given considering that even at his worst, Brock wasn’t an animal who would steal his date’s food. But his was untouched too, which meant he’d waited for her to return.
He’d just taken his seat and scooped up his fork and steak knife, holding them poised as he looked at her expectantly.
“You want me to say grace?” she asked, quirking an eyebrow expectantly. He was Catholic. Or he pretended well. He had that saint on the dashboard of his car. Why did she know that?
He chuckled and shook his head. “Not unless that’s your thing. I was just waiting for you. It’s the polite thing to do.”
“Yeah,” Darcy agreed. “Yeah, it is.” Her voice sounded sour, but she wasn’t sure why.
The date was everything he’d promised it would be. And maybe that’s what was wrong. He was being a total gentleman. And this wasn’t what had attracted her to him. This weird Ken-doll approach to a romantic evening. Hell, she half expected him to have a hot pink Jeep Wrangler when he picked her up. Everything he did felt forced and plastic.
Dancing had been fun, but he had held her a respectable distance away, the only heat she felt was from his hands on her waist. He had this way of looking at her sometimes. The heat barely contained behind those dark eyes of his, and she felt like she was about to combust.
That look was gone. Or hidden, at the very least.
And now they were eating dinner. Well, they were about to, and he was waiting for her to start before he even so much as cut his steak? This was weird. Too weird. She didn’t like it.
“Eat when you want, dude. No skin off my nose,” she reached for her steak knife and began to slice through the prime rib.
It was good. It wasn’t like she was expecting aged prime rib to be bad or anything, but it was really good. She ate too much. But she still tried to eat some of the dessert. It was chocolate lava cake with vanilla ice cream and some kind of cherry cordial on top. They lit it on fire before bringing it to the table.
And as she and Brock shared it, she caught his eye, their spoons clinked, and she saw an inkling of that heat she’d been missing. He was looking at her like he usually did, not like Date-Brock had been. “You wanna go back to my place?” she asked.
“Well, the date officially ends when I take you to your door,” he said warily.
“Okay, so the date ends and then my good friend Rumlow comes in for coffee at eleven at night for no reason other than I have coffee to make and he’s in the neighborhood? Sound good?”
She happened to know she was fresh out of coffee, so she really, really hoped he’d either settle for tea or realize this wasn’t actually coffee she was asking for.
He swallowed visibly, his throat bobbing before he nodded. “Yeah. Sounds good.”
They left after he paid for the meal. He offered his arm after they put on their coats. She hung on with both hands and could feel his muscles flex even through his coat and suit jacket. The cab ride back to her place was kind of quiet, except for the occasional throat-clearing sound from their driver, who looked as if she was about ten minutes past ready to be home.
Darcy kind of knew how she felt. But for different reasons.
Brock joined her on the ride up to her apartment from the lobby, standing a respectable distance away from her in the elevator and pressing his hand against the doors to allow her to exit first. They arrived at her front door and he held one hand out to kiss the back of hers. She gave him a sweet smile, thanked him for the lovely evening, and disappeared behind her door.
She counted to ten and opened it again. “Heya Brock, wanna come in for coffee?”
“Absolutely.”
She reached out to close her fingers around his tie and drag him back into the apartment after her.
Her heart was thrumming, beating hard and fast as she pulled him close enough for his lips to finally crash over hers. “I promise I wasn’t trying to do this tonight,” he whispered between kisses and shrugging out of their coats.
“Why not?” she asked, grinning against his lips when their teeth clacked once.
“Was trying to be polite,” he replied, kicking off his shoes and following her lips first into her apartment, never breaking the kiss even to talk.
She was working her fingers in his tie to loosen the knot when she spoke again. “I didn’t like Date-Brock, so I hope he’s gone for good.”
“Oh thank god, I didn’t like him either,” he murmured, following her towards the stairs. “Holy shit, your apartment has two floors?”
“Yes, I bought the one above me when it vacated. Now shush and stop being so polite, Rumlow.”
“Look, sweetheart, I’ll manhandle you if that’s what you want, but I ain’t ever gonna shush.”
“Ah, so you’re a screamer?” she teased, inhaling sharply when his hands fumbled at her back for her zipper, found it, and slid it deftly down her back.
She stepped away, her dress pooling around her feet as she stepped back up the stairs, turning at the last second because falling on her ass wasn’t the way she wanted this evening to go.
Maneuvering the stairs was kind of tricky, especially when Brock couldn’t keep his damn hands to himself. He kept running his palm over her ass when she turned to climb up a few steps, popping the elastic in her black lace panties and saying shit in that raspy, sex-drunk voice of his.
“Fuck, honey, you look even better going than you do coming…”
Darcy arched her eyebrow at him. “You haven’t seen me coming yet, don’t get ahead of yourself…”
They were finally at the landing on her second floor. Brock laughed and she tugged him by his waistband into her bedroom. She made quick work of the button and the zipper on his suit pants, and he slid out of them like he was made to do it, crawling up after her on the mattress.
Okay, so his abs were definitely something she’d write home about. Grammy Lewis would have some words about Mr. Brock Rumlow, and none of them were fit for children to hear.
Grammy Lewis wasn’t the mental image she really wanted in her head right now, so she laid back on the pillows and watched Brock’s muscles ripple as he moved above her.
She’d like to climb on top of him, but he never let her get that far, hovering over her and rutting against her hip while his lips did absolutely sinful things to hers. And then down the column of her throat. And then down over her collarbone and then…
He pushed one hand under her breast until the nipple just popped over the lacy edge of her bra. He licked it roughly, wetting the lace in the process and making it rasp over the sensitive peak. Her hands tangled in his hair and he grunted. Growled. Rocked his hips against her until she could feel the stiffness of his cock sliding against her mound.
“Fuck,” she whispered, yanking on his hair and causing him to release her breast. His dark eyes searched hers and she reached down to shimmy out of her panties.
He followed suit, pushing his jockeys down over his hips and kicking them off.
Brock ran his fingers over her pussy, tucking two fingers inside and wriggling them in a very pleasing way. “Fuck me, you’re soaked…”
“I’m trying to fuck you,” she whispered, biting her lip when he pushed one of her legs up at the knee and lined himself up. He was thick, so he pushed in slowly, but when his hips met hers, Darcy gasped.
“You okay?” he asked, his eyes scanning her face.
“Yes, I’m fine. Just fuck me,” she commanded, reaching around to sink her nails into his ass cheeks, relishing the hiss that resulted.
He sat back and extended her leg up so her ankle rested on his shoulder and leaned forward again, his hips setting a grueling pace that rocked her so hard, she had to moan. She couldn’t not moan at this point. One hand snaked between them to her other breast, to push it up out of the bra as well. Once they were both out, they bounced, nipples brushing over lace and making her breath catch as his hips hammered into her.
Their skin slapped and the bed hit the wall, her headboard rattling in time with his hips. He was hitting that spot inside her, the one that made her toes curl and that she couldn’t reach herself unless she had some sort of toy. But this was… god it was so much better.
“Brock,” she hissed. “Please, please, babe… I’m--”
“Almost there?” He grinned and slid his hand down between them to thumb over her clit and push her right over the edge without hesitation.
He must have finished soon after because he was pulling out and ducking down between her thighs to flick his tongue over her clit and make her back arch. His tongue dove down into her opening and when she realized what he was doing, it just made her clench her thighs all the more tightly around his head.
“Jesus, Brock…”
Her second orgasm wasn’t nearly as intense as the first, but she was shaking when he pushed up on his elbows and leaned his head against her bent knee.
“You want one more?” he asked, licking his lips in an obscene way that made her want to say yes, even if her clit couldn’t possibly do anything else without hurting.
“Maybe later,” she said with a sigh, falling back on the pillows as he crawled up beside her.
“You’re right, you know.”
“What?”
“You look better coming than going.”
She would have swatted him, but she had no energy, so she just rolled over and cuddled against his side.
“You’re gonna stay, right?” she asked, jutting out her bottom lip when she looked up at him.
“Not sure it’d be polite,” he teased.
“Definitely stay then. Because your rudeness turns me on.”
“Was I rude in your dream?”
“Yes,” she said with a giggle. “Not as rude as you were just then, though.”
“Sorry, I’ll always ask before oral.”
“You’d better not,” she warned, hiking her leg up and over his hips before settling down.
#Taserbones#Darcy x Rumlow#Rumlow x Darcy#Darcy Lewis#Brock Rumlow#lemon#Sweetheart Prompts#ibelieveinturtles#My writing
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show me things i cannot see (shine a little light on my soul) - COMING SOON
“You’re excited to one-up some poor fool, aren’t you?” Suki asks as she appears through the leaves, sitting down beside Katara. “You only dress up to be this fuckable when you’re excited to one-up some poor fool.”
Katara shakes her head, handing the joint over. “Not at all, and I resent the accusation. I’m just here to have a good time, and say hi to all the people who haven’t seen me for four years.”
“Like Zuko,” Suki croaks through a mouthful of smoke, and Katara rolls her eyes.
“No, not like Zuko.”
“Okay, but, Katara, be real: like Zuko.”
She stubbornly purses her lips. “He probably won’t show up, anyway. Sokka says that Ozai has him basically chained to his desk at the firm—”
Suki cocks an eyebrow. “And you think he’d skip a party thrown by his very best friend in the whole world, where he will, for the first time in four whole years, have the chance to press your buttons?”
Katara sighs as she takes back the joint. “Whatever, fuck him,” she mutters. Suki fans herself dramatically.
“Girl, listen, if Sokka wasn’t already my wife, I would one hundred percent throw myself through the gauntlet for the chance to take Zuko in a manly fashion. You may have blocked him on Instagram, but I’ve had front row seats to watch our beloved crispy duckling transform into some seriously choice swan.”
“Ugh,” Katara mimes gagging. “I bet he’s even more insufferable than he was before. Can’t wait.”
#Avatar The Last Airbender#atla#zutara#zutara smut#college party AU#cw: drugs#oh no they got hot#i'm alive! i know it's been forever#i've been in a bad way#but i have had such a delightful time writing this fic#it has involved so many redrafts but it's gonna hit like a sucker punch
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everyone needs to shut the fuck up about mr. mime. he looks just like the pokemon and the idea of using miming techniques like the glass wall irl is super neat. his mannerisms are really well done and dont feel clunky when used in place of dialogue. his personality is clear and defined even in the small clip-it shown in the trailer. this website's love of clown based characters is entirely dependant on whether or not theyre fuckable. now that there is a neat clown-adjacent character that is untouchable by monsterfuckers (do not @ me), yall are panicking and throwing him out completely. in doing this you are missing any potential of his character actually being really cool. in this essay i will
#mr mime#and ill leave it at tha#im only half joking. i really do think hes super cool. i just think all clowns are cool tho#sticky notes#greatest hits#god dammit
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