*sips tea*

5.

“Big Boy in the neighbourhood, alright ladies we have Chris Brown in the building. What’s good my brother” I chuckled “what’s good family” rubbing the top of my head, it’s so damn early for me “I’m glad you made it, I thought you wasn’t about to come. What time you call this? Your eyes half closed, he is half dressed. I am joking, he is dressed. I can assure you ladies but what happened?” licking my top lip laughing “uhm, I overslept. I don’t know” I shrugged “overslept? Do you even sleep? Don’t give me that bull” he always catches me out, shaking my head lightly “aight, I kind of forgot. Don’t get me wrong, I love coming here. I have had so much happening and my manager called and was like you know you got an interview and I was like huh? Where and he goes Big Boy. My eyes shot open and I came running” Big Boy side eyed “mhmmmm, we got playboy breezy in the building. We going to be back after this break” I am still half asleep, I mean I haven’t slept but I did other things. Big Boy cut to a song “my bad family, I wouldn’t do you like that” getting my hand out “I know, I know you would never do me like that. You want anything?” he shook my hand “uhm, water please” I guess I will be able to sleep after this.

Drinking the water as we came back from the song “now we have Chris Brown here, he is awake. I have watered him and he is smiling for me” placing the water down “so Chris, it’s been years. It has been years since you have entered my show, now I feel a little hurt but I know that you also kept a low profile too, but not as low as you think. You released an album, well a few but no interviews at all. When I asked for you, I thought you would have rejected” let me word this right “I just didn’t want to do interviews, I wanted my music to speak for itself. I just really wanted to concentrate on me as a person” sounds lame “which is understandable Chris, I see you are doing well but from the outside looking in you are still the same Chris” Big Boy wouldn’t sugar-coat shit so I’m ready for this “I don’t care though, I honestly just thought forget it. I love my fans and I do it for them, I don’t think my music should be based on how I act in an interview so that is the reason why I stopped. My personal life has affected my music, it would be the thing of if I am with Rihanna everyone loves me, when I am not I am the most hated person. I am just done with that” Big Boy’ eyes widened as he sat back.

“Are you done with that?” he eyed me up “I am done with people judging me yes” Big Boy chuckled “you know what I am talking about, don’t play stupid. Ok, so correct me if I am wrong please. So these are the rumours” he lifted a paper up “you messed up” he slowly put the paper down, a stupid smile played on my face “is that?” I said “yes, that is all I read. I was rooting for you, we was all rooting for you” busting out laughing “come on now, you can tell Big Boy. Did you mess it up” clearing my throat smiling still, licking my lips “to clear up rumours, I don’t want to go into detail. Yes it was my fault, now I don’t admit fault for many things but this, it was me. Things escalated and it didn’t stop” I mumbled “it said you already had Ava lined up, you tell us was that the case?” this is why I hate interviews, this is like the first one since having Liana and since the breakup “that wasn’t the case, this is how it went down. I did know Ava and things happen, I don’t really wish to say anything but I never had Ava lined up” I said in annoyance “I can see home girl with you now, y’all an item then?” shaking my head “nah” rubbing my face “no?” Big Boy repeated “no, I am not in any relationship, I am single. Ava is just there” sounds a little mean actually.

Big Boy went silent “so I woke up and came to work, read a story on TMZ. I had peers with me, they was all cheering you on calling you that nigga. Billboard awards, pictures of Ava entering your home, Rihanna leaving your home. What happened?” that was the whole reason Robyn ran to Barbados, I don’t know how that leaked out. Blowing out air “erm” rubbing my chest laughing “now you are the only guy that I know that could pull such a move off, man. This is Rihanna” chewing my bottom lip “things happen” throwing my arms in the air “things like that do not just happen, come on” I don’t want to say too much, sighing “aight, so uhm. Robyn came to the crib, she stayed the night in a different room. She was drunk and no matter what she is my shawty and I will look after her, she called me up and didn’t want to be home alone. That is it” Big boy squinted his eyes at me “I don’t believe that, mr save his ex-girlfriend from a situation” Big Boy snorted laughing, why does nobody believe me about this shit.

It’s straight up bullshit that people are saying that I had Ava lined, I wouldn’t ever do that to Robyn “ok so let’s change the subject, we have just been speaking about this. Liana Brown, she is a mini you! I actually met her, she was with Rihanna backstage at an event. I don’t if it was my ugliness but she didn’t wish to speak to me but from afar she was playing havoc with Rihanna, I swear I saw her kick Jay Z but maybe they was play fighting but she is a cutie” grinning from ear to ear “thank you, Liana is so bright for her age. She tells me off” I miss my daughter “do you and Rihanna share custody? I know you both went court, I see you both still together for her” I sighed “I don’t really get to see Liana as much as I would like too, I mean I see her. Rihanna is there when I do, if she does stay then Liana has to stay with my mom. I can honestly say I have never had Liana for a full twenty four hours and I am not the type to sound bitter but that is never enough for a father. I am a bad guy, I have done shit and made some shit decisions but my daughter, now I will do anything for her. I want to be the man in her life, her first love, her hero. I know when she is older she will see and hear the shit I done but will turn around and say but he was good to me, I am not that guy to shy away from how I feel. I couldn’t have asked for a better baby momma, Rihanna is always one hundred with me, she tells me about things, calls me if needs be. They in Barbados right now, I miss my daughter” I ranted on “that is what I love about you, you never shy away from telling the truth. It is just because I couldn’t help when I was rooting for you when you was with Rihanna” shaking my head laughing, he won’t drop that at all.

Walking out of the radio station, opening the SUV door “get in” allowing Ava to get in first, I am about to just go to sleep when I get home. Getting in the back after her “you going home?” I asked “if you want me too? Seems like you do?” nodding my head in silence “you know what he said in there? Did you have me in line? We met as friends” looking out of the car window “this ain’t no love story, we met in a studio. Come on Ava, don’t make me say things that will upset you, you will be straight back after getting upset with me” she does it to herself “you took my number that night, you was with Rihanna then. You had my number, you called me while you was happy” I don’t get what she is trying to say “and then I fucked you out of spite” turning my head to look at her “your point is?” she need to explain to me what she is on about “but Rihanna said she never cheated, seems like you always wanted to fuck me, I mean you didn’t really need to have sex with me but you did. Everyone saw the video and Rihanna really didn’t do anything” taking in a deep breath “this is why girls like you need to be switched up, don’t speak on shit you don’t know about” side eyeing her “but you haven’t switched me up?” who gave this girl a voice “you right, you don’t have a place, not when your the same girl that watched me fuck another girl in front of you. I don’t respect you like that, you won’t be on that level as Rihanna. You’re here because I want you here”  I done warned her about that shit “you’re fucking vile Chris, not even a daughter will make you respect women” mean mugging Ava “don’t fucking speak about my daughter!” Ava mean mugged me back “Rihanna is clever to keep her away from you” hitting the front seat “get this bitch out of the car now!” before I do something stupid, Big D stopped the car abruptly “get out now” she huffed hearing her shuffle away.

Sitting on the side of the pool with my legs dangling in the water, the sun rays shining down on me. Oh this is the life, so perfect. Smiling lightly, so free “mommy!” Liana shouted, letting out a sigh but I am not child free. Turning my head, taking my shades off “yes baby” I love my daughter’ bikini, a stupid smile played on my face remembering when me and Chris was together. We went to the beach and he saw Liana in a bikini and did not like it, he ranted on like she was a grown ass girl. It made me laugh so much that day, he told Liana off and she was yelling things at back him. They are so cute together “I want that” she pointed at my shades “your shades are in the suitcases, go and tell uncle to go and find you them ok?” she nodded running off, I love my baby too much. Letting out a sigh, I have been here for two weeks now and I don’t want to leave but Jay wants a meeting with me in New York. The relationship with Mychal died, very quickly when the pictures of me leaving Chris’ house leaked. I dumped him over text, very petty of me, I know. I am feeling really happy about this though, more freedom being single.

Feeling someone tug at my legs, looking down and seeing Mel “bitch, if I fell in that pool I would kill you. I don’t need this weave to be wet just yet” Mel chuckled “don’t be telling Leandra that, she would kick you in the pool” Mel has a point “if that bitch does, I will cancel her ass and she will be removed from the jet ride home” looking over at Leandra “speaking about that, where we going? LA or New York? You keep giving me mixed answers” I paused thinking “well it’s been two weeks away from Chris and he is having a fit but we are going New York” I said “oh, what changed?” Mel held the side of the pool at the side of me “Chris seems to have these stupid outbursts and rants, I have been ignoring him but he text me saying I am turning Liana on him and I said the only nigga doing that is you, I called him last night and he was in a club but he has been in a club and studio for the past five days so Liana has not spoken to him. He asked for her and she won’t speak now” Mel’ mouth hung open “she is not here for his shit” shaking my head “she’s not, I think she asks for him and then when I am saying daddy busy she thinks he doesn’t want to speak to her, so she is sad about it” hearing Majesty and Liana both screaming “girls! No running, you can hurt yourselves” they make me nervous, it’s near a pool too.

Looking down at my nails sighing “you finished in there?” I shouted from outside the door, I don’t know how I trust that girl on her own in the bathroom, but she will only go to the toilet as long as I am not there. Potty training is the devil’ work “auntie how long?” Majesty stood in front of me “I don’t know, Liana will do as she pleases. It will be a wait” it has been a very weird experience for me and also difficult being out in events with her, I had to put a diaper on her most of the time but she is coming along just fine. She openly said she wants to be a big girl “lovey, lovey, kiss, kiss meee” Liana said, frowning at the wall “she sing” Majesty whispered “Chris Brown” she giggled placing her hand over her mouth “I see” crossing my arms over my chest, I can’t just stand here because I don’t know what she is doing. Pushing the door open a little, seeing Liana bent down, her behind in the air and a whole lot of toilet roll in hand “uhmmm you need help?” I asked, she is trying to wipe her own butt I ain’t going to complain “no mommy, I got it” she said, look at my baby go.

My daughter actually did a great job, I am proud of her “you tell mommy when you need toilet again” Liana held my hand “I am, I’m big girl now” she grinned “yes you are princess” walking down the steps “where did you go crazy?” Rajad said to Liana “I wipe my own butt!” Liana said, letting out laugh “really?” Rajad said, Liana nodded “I tell dad?” Liana asked, she is asking for him which is a good thing “of course you can” tugging at her hand “come then baby” Rajad gave me a smile “actually come, let’s go upstairs to call him” turning around “I talk dad, I tell him I swim” smiling from ear to ear, I love her so much.

Pressing the phone to my ear as I sat on the edge of my bed while the phone rang out, Liana stood in front of me staring at me all wide eyed, I hope he picks up “yo” Chris said, he picked up “shocking” I mumbled “Liana wants to speak to you” I said, he cleared his throat “uh yeah, hold up. Facetime me instead” he disconnected the call, I think he is in bed still “daddy wants to facetime you, come sit here” patting the bed, Liana giggled clapping as she climbed up on the bed. Watching her get comfortable, I tapped the icon to start the facetime and pass the phone to Liana, he doesn’t get the pleasure of seeing me first “little momma!” Chris said, Liana cheesed “dad” she stared at the phone in shock, bless my baby “look at you, you got a tan. You having fun there?” she nodded “dark” she pointed at the screen “yeah, I just woke up. I been awake working very hard for you, I miss you so much. Tell me what you been up too though” Liana looked up at me “tell daddy about you swimming” I don’t know what’s wrong with her now, she looked sad at that moment, she looked back at the phone “I play in water” watching Liana’ body language, it changed so quickly, that was weird “that sounds so fun baby, I saw pictures of you. You looked so pretty” Chris said “and, and” Liana pushed her hair back with her free hand “I wipe my own butt” I snorted laughing, I know she was dying to say that. Hearing Chris laughing ever so loudly “oh wow baby, you wipe your own butt now too? Stop growing” Liana giggled.

Liana keeps giving me these sad glares and I don’t understand why “baby, what is wrong? You wanted to talk to dad” she pouted looking down at the bed “what’s wrong?” Chris asked “I go there” she pointed at the phone “baby, you will come here soon. I promise, I will see you as soon you come back. You will see me and grandma, I will buy you a toy for wiping your own butt too” a small smile played on her face “Liana!! Come on, uncle is making us ice cream!” Majesty ran into the room, Liana gasped “dad, I go” she is too busy now “aight, I love you baby. Talk to me later” she nodded placing the phone on the bed, she shuffled off my bed and I was quick to grab my phone and straight disconnect it, I don’t wish to speak to the devil.

I was about to step out of my bedroom until I looked at my phone, he is calling me back “fuck my life” I whispered, closing my bedroom door answering the call “hello” I didn’t want to be rude and start an argument “sorry” he said “no need, I don’t care. I really don’t want to know unless you are calling in regards to Liana” I have no choice in that “don’t be like that with me Robyn” letting out a sigh “call me Rihanna please, Robyn is dead to you” I hate him calling me Robyn, the guy I loved called me that “I love you” he is so annoying “you had Ava lined up, I heard the interview. I don’t know what hurts more Chris, the fact you still have her around or the fact she walks into the home we bought together. I am still trying to decide on that. Did you have fun having sex on the same bed we made love on huh? The same bed we used to stay up at night on when Liana wouldn’t sleep, the same bed I showed you how to clothe, feed, change Liana diaper on because I was too lazy to show you in Liana’ nursery. You ruined all that shit in that home. I hope she is keeping you warm at night. Jesus, I hate you and I hate myself too” the phone is silent “anyways, I am going New York, not to despite you but because I have a meeting. You see how normal people work, they don’t go and destroy a whole life in one night. They speak, you know like I am doing now. If there is anything you can do right in the world is please do not let Liana down, when she wants you to talk to her then you fucking talk to her, you walk out of that club and you drop your fake hoes. Don’t upset my daughter, goodbye Chris” disconnecting the call, throwing my phone on the bed just because I do not want to talk again because he will ring back.

Staring at the wall rather than this movie, I have no idea what my family is watching because my mind is somewhere else. I think I am in denial, Chris had this girl already there. Wasn’t I good enough for him, I don’t understand because he says one thing and does another. I feel like shit because not to be big headed but she is not on my level, he never gets another girl as good as me. I bet that girl is living it up, the very home. Taking in a sharp breath, that place brings me bad memories and I hate it. We have had lovely memories but that one night ruined everything, when he said to me that he would fuck another girl I knew he would, it still pains me that I had to grab everything I could and leave that home with my daughter. Dramatic as it sounds I didn’t want there to be an argument because it would have been and Liana would be there, she would have heard. This way Liana heard nothing, all she knows is that we moved but kept asking why and I said that mommy and daddy are happier this way and this happens sometimes, I lied about the mommy part though. Feeling someone poke my side, turning my head “come” Mel waved me over, pushing myself off the couch.

With my arms crossed against my chest “you good bitch?” I shrugged not saying a word, Mel held out the blunt for me “you need it” she said, taking the blunt from her “Mychal messaged me on Instagram” taking in the blunt slowly “he said he acted stupid, he wants to fight for you. Get you back I guess” rolling my eyes as I blew the smoke out “I don’t have the time, I am over men” passing the blunt back to Mel “heard Chris kicked ole girl out of the car” I do not care, I remained silent “I know I can’t really do anything to make you happy and with the way you are feeling, you will somehow find a way to get yourself better because I know you do. You have got me if you need me whenever” opening my arms, shuffling over to Mel “thank you, just I always find myself being the joke. I bet god laughs at me when I go back to him” embracing Mel “love sucks Robbie, there is always that moment where Chris does change but you got us, you got Liana. God gave you the greatest gift” stepping back from Mel “thank you” this is why I run to Barbados, no negativity. Even though I am the fool to go back to Chris when everyone told me no, I will be back on top once get back to America, nothing will bring me down.