#he was very travis-like in his figure and i fucking hate taylor for that HA
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#i just had the best sex if my life with a parisian boy omfg i am proper deceased#like how will i ever be happy with a man bc no one will be better than him#no one!!!!!#he was very travis-like in his figure and i fucking hate taylor for that HA#listening to so it goes on repeat once again
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CH 48
Liz stood just off stage in a dark hallway as the presenting actor continued on, chatting up the young woman that had escorted them back and leaving Liz to fend for herself. She looked down at the award and envelope in her hands, quickly removing the playing card from the envelope and slipping it into her dress before someone snatched it from her. She looked up and down the hall, trying to determine where she was supposed to go when she felt a hand on the small of her back.
“Hey,” Dave said quietly as she turned to look up at him.
A relieved smile spread across her face and she moved to put her arms around him, but changed her mind at the last second.
“Goddamnit, Dave!” she laughed and shoved his shoulder a little with her free hand. “You didn’t tell me you were gonna be here!”
“Yeah, I did the…,” Dave pointed over his shoulder to the stage, “Did you not see Taylor and me do the thing?”
“No!” Liz shook her head in confusion, trying to figure out how she had missed it, “Oh, Josie and I went on a little adventure... You still didn’t tell me you were going to be here. Oh, I have a gig,” she tried to mock him, but her smile gave her away.
Dave laughed and checked the hallway before leaning down to kiss her, “Congratulations”
“Ugh. Feels more like a punishment, honestly,” she looked down at the award in her hand and had the sudden urge to fling it down the hallway. “But thank you. Can we get out of here?”
“Yeah, the green room is that way,” he pointed to their left and Liz set off in that direction.
She made it several feet before realizing Dave wasn’t with her and stopped, “Are you…?”
“Yeah, just…,” he cleared his throat and hurried to her side, “just admiring your dress.”
She slipped her hand into his and leaned into his side as they walked. “Did I ever tell you that I hate surprises?” she smiled as he opened the green room door for her.
Dave was about to make some sarcastic comment, but Mark stood just inside door with a panicked look on his face. He took Liz’s award and envelope the moment he saw her and grabbed her free arm, “You have a press call right now.”
“Oh, but...” Liz worriedly looked back at Dave, but Mark continued to drag her away.
“Bring him!” he hissed, “We don’t have time!”
*
Liz once again found herself standing alone on stage, holding an award and facing a crowd of people, this time the press, but she felt much more at ease knowing that Dave was just off stage. She answered several questions before Mark announced that she would take only two more.
“What do you think Abigail Adams would say about this award?” a woman called from the back.
“She would probably think this entire process is asinine and self-congratulatory, then return to building our country’s foundation without asking for anything in return… while raising five children, keeping a home, running a farm and wearing a corset.”
They clamored to ask another question and Liz caught Mark shaking his head out of the corner of her eye. Her attitude was a PR nightmare sometimes.
“And how do you feel about this award? It’s no secret that you don’t subscribe to the traditional Hollywood mould,” another woman asked.
“I think it’s very nice to be recognized for doing hard work,” she said simply. Truthfully, she didn’t care what the industry thought of her work as she wasn’t doing it for them. She smiled politely and stepped away from the microphone, but a man in the front row yelled a question that she couldn’t resist answering.
“Why didn’t Grohl escort you on the red carpet?” She stopped and stared him down as he continued, “Any comment on why your boyfriend wasn’t with you? He’s obviously here as he performed the In Memoriam song.”
Most of the reporters were hurrying to ready themselves for the best actor winner and weren’t paying any attention to Liz and the tabloid reporter, but she spoke loudly enough so the reporter could hear, “He was too busy waiting for me backstage.”
*
Dave was replying to a text from Taylor when the blue sparkle of Liz’s dress caught his eye. She smiled at him as he looked up and didn’t wait to be completely out of view of the press before slipping her arm around his waist and leaning into his side. The cameras behind them lit up like the sun to capture Liz’s affection before the best actor appeared on the opposite side of the stage.
“That went well,” Dave said, looking over his shoulder at the flash.
“Yeah,” Liz shifted a little on her heels, “Hey, what are you doing after this?”
He stared at her, trying to figure out what she was asking him.
“I mean, I thought you could come with me to this thing I have after,” she fidgeted with the award for a moment, avoiding eye contact with him when Mark interrupted them.
“Back to the hotel to change and then we’re due at the Vanity Fair party,” he said quickly, then snatched the award out of Liz’s hand and stomped off. She glared at his back as he left them alone.
“Are you asking me on a date, Elizabeth?” Dave teased.
“I’m asking, David, if you want to go to a formal event with me that doesn’t involve you lurking around corners only to leap out when I least expect it,” she said.
“I do that a lot, don’t I?” he laughed.
“Yes! You’re like a crocodile at a watering hole and I’m the idiot wildebeest. Anyways,” she waved to someone she knew then turned her full attention back onto him, “So are you going to this adult prom with me or not?”
“Fine, but only if you help me spike the punch.”
*
“I’m not sure how I feel about you in a suit, Dave,” Liz lied. She knew exactly how she felt about him in a tux, so much so that her body physically reacted when he was near her. She leaned against the elevator wall and looked him over again, not even trying to hide the fact that she was checking him out.
“Believe me, Liz. I hate me in a suit, too,” he mumbled, distracted by the floor numbers illuminating above the door and oblivious to her staring.
“I didn’t say I hated it,” she held her hand out for him, smiling when he reflexively took it and let her pull him closer. She turned his face to hers and finally recognizing the look she was giving him, he smiled and brushed his nose against hers.
“I only own the one,” he whispered.
“One is all I need.”
She made an involuntary purring noise when he kissed her, prompting Mark to awkwardly clear his throat from the opposite corner of the elevator. Liz pursed her lips to keep from laughing as the doors finally slid open and they waited until the last possible second before the doors closed on them again to give Mark a generous head start down the long hallway. Dave put his arm around Liz’s shoulders as they walked, marveling at the fact that just two weeks ago he was anxiously standing at her door at six in the morning, trying to build up the courage to knock. His life from the album release up until he met her had been a series of harsh blows, raining down one after the other in regular increments until all he was able to do was brace himself for the next. But then she happened and she was wholly unexpected. Paul had first mentioned her in the studio, telling Silva that he had found a new drummer and he was determined to bring her into the business. That conversation had stuck with him for some reason, either for the notion that a new musician had impressed his idol or for another reason he hadn’t figured out yet, but Paul would bring her up at least once a day while they were working. He was too exhausted by the recording process and the daunting two year tour that lay ahead to think too much about this mystery drummer, his life was falling apart behind the scenes and he was just trying to grab for the one thing he knew would keep him afloat. But then there she was, shyly shaking his hand backstage at the Grammy’s, beating the life out of a drum kit and holding her own against some of the biggest icons in the industry all in one night. She was refreshingly real, another flawed human walking among the false gods in a city full of myths and legends.
“Josie just has to help me change and then we can go,” her voice pulled Dave from his thoughts and he looked around the sitting room, trying to forget about the last time he had been there.
Just as Liz opened the door to her bedroom, Mark sighed from the corner of the room and hung up his phone, “You’re going to have to figure out the dress yourself, Liz. Josie and Travis are stuck in traffic. We have to leave in fifteen.” He turned and left the sitting room for the opposite bedroom to make more phone calls.
“Grrrr… eat,” Liz mumbled as she watched him retreat and lifted her chin towards Dave, “You wanna help me out of a several thousand dollar dress?”
He bolted towards her, his eyes locked on her dress and walked right into the low marble coffee table, swearing at the pain and sending her brand new award to the floor.
“Can you maybe not bust your other leg just before this thing that I’m supposed to be at?” Liz ran to his side and shoved the heavy coffee table aside, “You okay?”
He looked up at her worried face and then down to her award lying face down partially underneath the couch next to it, “Yeah, but your new man… I think I killed him.”
Liz glanced down at the golden statue and laughed a little, “Fuck him. I bet he’s terrible in bed.”
“You never even gave the poor guy a chance!” he teased, finally standing upright again.
“I’ve already got more than I can handle,” she tugged a little on Dave’s arm, “Come on, I want you to see this other dress,” she whined.
Dave followed her, wondering what she meant by already having too much to handle and stopped in the doorway to her bedroom. Her bed was unmade, but for the chaos that the morning had inevitably held, the room was fairly clean. He closed the door behind them and wandered over to the tall upholstered vanity chair next to the large mirror while Liz checked her makeup.
“The zipper is around here somewhere,�� Liz searched for the hidden zipper sewn onto the side of the dress, twisting a bit to see if the light would give its location away.
Dave spotted a seam and held her still with a hand on the small of her back, pulling the zipper from just above her handwritten tattoo to the curve of her hip, dragging his knuckle along her skin as it was exposed. Smiling a little when she shivered, he casually sat back to watch her slip the straps off her shoulders.
“Thanks,” she whispered, preoccupied with whatever was on her mind. She held the gown up with an arm across her chest, breezing past him to the closet and disappeared inside.
Dave stared at the space she had just left for a second before following her into the small closet where he found her hanging the gown on a wooden hanger. He cleared his throat partially to avoid startling her, but also because his mouth had gone dry at the sight of her in nothing but her silver heels.
“Had I known you weren’t wearing anything underneath…” he started, her laugh interrupting him.
“Yeah, apparently not eating anything for an entire day is the equivalent of wearing one of those horrid spandex underwear things,” she muttered, pulling the shell comb out of her hair. She shook her head to loosen the curls, letting them fall over her shoulders as she reached for a white garment bag. “And that fucking dress was so heavy that I think I lost another ten pounds just lugging it around.”
Dave leaned his shoulder into the door frame and loosened his tie when she glanced over at him, “Don’t look at me like that,” she laughed, “We only have a few minutes.”
“Between that blue dress and what you’ve got on right now, I’m only gonna need a few seconds.”
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Father
John
Misty
Where oh where do I begin? I try not to pick favorites, in anything I do. I think picking favorites sets people up for failure. I figure there will be one day another candidate outshines the favorite, resulting in disappointment. But fuck it, Father John Misty is my favorite. And I trust it because there is virtually nothing he can do wrong that would take that title away- and he does a lot of textbook things “wrong”.
Josh Tillman stole my heart when I heard “I’m Writing a Novel” on WFUV Radio when I was in college (around 2012) Not knowing much about him personally, I started listening to “Fear Fun” and fell in love with his music. “Hollywood Forever Cemetery Sings” and “Everyman Needs a Companion” landed every mixed CD (yep, still made CDS in 2012) and I decided to dig a little deeper and actually check the dude out. WOAH he’s hot! WAIT he was in Fleet Foxes? OMG he has the exact the type of humor that I adore, equal parts witty, snarky and dark. Fuck, he has a girlfriend. I’m absolutely done, they’re getting married. I can’t remember a time I fell so hard for an artist post-emo/punk/highschool days (Think Gerard Way and Travis Barker).
However, I’m really fucking glad he was and is in such a beautiful relationship because thats how his sophomore album came to be. i wasn't sure If I’d ever love an album as much as “Fear Fun” but lo & behold: “I Love You, Honeybear” took & continues to take the damn cake. Has there ever been an album (albeit, Rumours) that has described love so honestly? It talks about the honeymoon phase in depth, the ga-ga feelings and pedestals that we put our partners on in the beginning. The way new love helps us start to feel creative again, or creative in a new, fresh way. And then after time, how love can start to get a little paranoid and jealous. It’s messy, it’s raw and it sort of made me hate his beloved Emma (who eats bread & butter like like a queen would have ostrich and cobra wine. Listen if you don't get the reference but also stop talking to me: https://open.spotify.com/track/2eg2gvPXuwZ9FyrPaLgrXi) Could you I-M-A-G-I-N-E having someone write you a love song such as that? Fun fact, I heard this song for the first time freshly after ending a 4 year relationship. Bad timing? Nah, it actually was so beautiful and uplifting that the song gave me hope and made me feel secure that I haven't found the right person yet and that I didn't just lose that person (burn). It gave me hope that I’d eventually meet someone that I could picture having a satanic christmas eve with or dance around to a mariachi band with. Spoiler Alert: FJM did help me find love. I will get to that at the end. Any who, this album ruled and continue to rules my world. The title track “I Love You, Honeybear” is about taking on the shitastic world we live in with someone you love. “Bored in the USA” is about the absurdities within our pop culture and the bullshit promise of the American Dream gone wrong. The album as a whole is romantic and existentialist and I am 100%AboutThat.com
And then we were gifted “Pure Comedy”. I write that with a sigh. Not because I am disappointed but because It’s heavy. It highlights our current political and social climate and it does so in a very dark, darker than usual way. When he realeased the video for title track, “Pure Comedy” a few short months after the election I wept at my desk. The song itself is so eerie and fantastical with the baritone sax wailing the fuck off as Donald Trump’s face slyly pops up. I Think FJM is making the point that everything happening right now is so fucking ugly and wrong that it’s absurdly funny. Not haha-funny, just...funny. As in “something smells funny”, as in our country. He attacks religion, pop-stars (gotcha, Taylor Swift), environmental issues, the delusional lifestyle of LA inhabitants, you name it. But, in true Josh Tillman fashion, and we know theres a big beating heart in there, he ends the album in a hopeful way with “In Twenty Years or So”. In the song, Tillman addresses the cosmic indifference of the universe and the existential fear that comes with it. In the first two verses he sets up the great comedy: That despite all our grand gesturing and philosophizing (with the character of Father John Misty as the embodiment of this behavior), we ultimately don’t matter in the grand scheme of things. Then in the second verse he starts to assign a little more meaning to the chaos.
That in twenty years
More or less
This human experiment will reach its violent end
But I look at you
As our second drinks arrive
The piano player's playing "This Must Be the Place"
And it's a miracle to be alive
I *think* he’s saying, “Look, the world is fucked, we’re only getting worse, it’s too much to handle, but thank god I have you to navigate it with. And we have music, and it really all is amazing, isn't it”. I’m sorry it sounds like a basic Audrey Hepburn wannabe annotation of his beautifully written song, but It comforts me. It’s like a really elongated and philosophic way of saying “All you Need is Love”, but The Beatles beat him to it.
All in all, “Pure Comedy” takes us through a (trippy) walk of life thats starts out as that scene in Willy Wonka where they’re all taking a boat ride through the tunnel of hellish images, to a calm setting where all you want to do is hug the people you love and be left with the simple yet complex thought, “it’s all going to be okay”. Bravo FJM for creating such a mature and powerful album. I think melodically it is not for everyone, as it is much slower that what he’s done. But give it a good listen through and really listen to what he’s saying. If 2017 had to sound like anything (besides screams and tears) it would sound like “Pure Comedy”.
Kk thanks for reading.
OH WAIT, yeah I forgot this is a concert blog. Well! I saw him last night at the Kings Theatre in Flatbush, Brooklyn. A tremendously stunning place to see live music, in my opinion. He played most of “Pure Comedy” straight through, without any speeches or commentary. Nerd moment- I fuuucking love when artists do this with newly released albums. it shows they care about it, it shows they're not just trying to appease the crowd with favorites. It’s saying here is the art i just created and worked on for mad amount of time. Sit the fuck down and experience it. He did every song except the 13 minute “Leaving LA” (good call IMO) and the last two songs, yanno, the uplifiting ones. Then halfway through he broke out the oldies, a couple from “Fear Fun” and a bunch from “I Love You, Honeybear”. The whole theater was standing and dancing and watching HIM dance and holy shit I love when tall lanky men swivel their hips. Probably one of the best parts about seeing Father John Misty live is watching him break it down. He was even slow dancing with himself at one point during “Strange Encounter” and i was both turned on and hysterically laughing. One interesting point to make was that he was oddly quiet. He’s known for long on-stage rants, whether they're actually anger driven or just a comedy bit- they usually always show up on Pitchfork the next day. This was my third time seeing him and i’ve had the pleasure of hearing some of those rants and raves. This time he was quiet, appreciative and...mature? IDK I really liked it. I think it mimicked the seriousness of his newest album and demanded that you pay attention to the music and what it’s trying to say. I noticed a bunch of Brooklyn bros at the end of the show making comments like “he wasn't that funny!” “I thought he was going to talk more” and thats fine, but maybe consider why that is. After he came back on for his encore he played the last two songs on “Pure Comedy” and ended on a very special and postive note with a v sweet sun and moon setting in the background. Father John Misty is giving us hope.
Also I felt this deserved it’s own paragraph but his band absolutely blew me away. I would 100% go see them live without vocals. He had an entire orchestra + five piece band. Another additive to the experience compared to past Father John Misty concerts, as he’s always played with just a 5 piece band. It made the album come alive in the most spectacular way.
All in all, he is still my favorite. I hope to see much more from him in the future because I think he has a really really good thing going on on all levels. So back on the topic on Father John Misty and hoping to find love. JOSH, BABE. if you ever see this, I owe you some thanks. If it weren't for you and if it weren't for Tinder syncing my Facebook page likes, I never would have matched with my current partner whom we both share a massive and almost grotesque love for you & we wouldn't have anything to talk about on our first date, or a an album to makeout to for the first time. so really, thanks. At the risk of sounding like a cheese dick, It’s amazing to me that your song, the one that gave me hope and an idea of an ideal partner, led me to so much happiness. Awwwww.
Steam “Pure Comedy” & go through an existential crisis, today! https://open.spotify.com/album/3CoFoDt6zt5EKxmTpOX32b
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CH 41
“If it were any warmer, this would be Malibu,” Dave bent to pick up a shell at his feet before looking it over and handing it to Liz.
“What a fresh hell that would be,” she scrunched up her nose and looked down the beach, counting just a few other people with their dogs on the mile long stretch of sand. They were completely alone at the far sound end of the cape and a mild breeze came in off the waves, but it was warm enough to walk barefoot in the sand. Her phone buzzed in her back pocket and she pulled it free.
I’m so sorry. I didn’t know he would go straight to the bar.
She sighed and tapped out a reply to Travis.
It’s fine. I just wasn’t expecting him. We’re cool.
Liz put her phone in her sweatshirt pocket when Dave bumped his shoulder into hers. “Travis says he’s sorry,” she said.
Dave shrugged and looked over her head to the rock sea wall behind her. “If you weren’t in any danger then he has nothing to be sorry for, right? Isn’t that all he signed up for?”
Liz was surprised he understood the situation so well when she barely grasped it herself, “Are you my voice of reason now?”
“I’m just saying that if you have that reaction every time you’re around the guy you’re supposed to be co-parenting with, I’m going to die an early death. A very happy early death, but early all the same.”
She flipped the shell he had given her around her fingers, smiling at his words. “I just wasn’t prepared for it,” she muttered. It wasn’t the sight of Kyle that freaked her out as much as it was him seeing her with Dave. She wasn’t ready to have the ‘who is he to you’ conversation with someone she had been devoted to for an entire decade and she wasn’t even sure what Dave was to her. After the night before, she felt like they had evolved into something more than whatever it was they had in LA, but it had been so long since she had dated that she wasn’t sure what exactly it was. On top of all that, she didn’t know how Kyle would react to her moving on. It had always been Kyle leaving her for someone else that inevitably lasted a couple weeks, maybe a month before he came back and she stupidly let him back in. And Kyle had a bit of a temper when he felt threatened which Liz was really trying to avoid.
“Is that a ship wreck?”
Dave’s question pulled Liz from her thoughts and she looked up as they approached a point in the cape that reached out into the sea making a natural sea wall between two beaches. The tide was receding, revealing several blackened tree stumps in the water.
“That’s the ghost forest. We only get to see it when a bad storm comes through,” she turned back to the rock point and looked for any signs of storm damage.
“A shipwreck would have been cooler,” Dave replied, turning away from the waves to put his arms around Liz.
She leaned into him, resting her head on his shoulder, “Those tree stumps are 4,000 years old! There’s a wreck just north of here, but a storm is coming.”
Dave looked out to the clear, bright horizon, “I think whoever predicts the weather smokes far too much weed.”
“Give me his number so I can send him some product,” Liz mumbled into his sweatshirt before looking up at him, “For real, we should head back.”
*
“How the hell did you know a storm was coming?” Dave yelled over the wind as they ran up the steps to her house.
She unlocked the door and hurried inside, rain dripping from her clothes as she flipped on the gas fireplace. “My collarbone was screaming at me,” she grimaced, rubbing her shoulder a bit. “Doesn’t your leg hurt when the weather is about to change?”
“I guess it hurts a little, but I figured it was from walking, you weirdo,” he peeled off his soaked sweatshirt, giving her a quizzical look.
“I was told it’s something to do with the pressure in the air, but I like to think that the guy that my bone graft came from was a meteorologist,” she laughed a little and jumped when large gust of wind crashed against the house.
“You have a dead guy’s bone in your body?”
“That’s what she said,” she grinned and grabbed his sweatshirt from him, crossing the tile floor to the hallway that the laundry room was in.
Twenty minutes later they were bundled into her bed in their underwear, listening to the wind and rain outside while Dave flipped through the channels on the TV.
“Ugh,” Liz grumbled as her face briefly flashed across the screen.
“Ooo what does the outer world have to say about you today?” Dave teased, flipping the channel back. She lunged for the remote, but he held it above his head and out of her reach as video clips of Liz on various red carpets and in interviews played in rapid succession.
After finalizing her divorce in May of last year, she was seen cozying up with several different men throughout the summer…
“Slut,” Liz grumbled sarcastically as a series of candid photos of her in various social situations vaguely near another famous human male appeared.
Ben Affleck
“Producer of the last movie I was in and also, no thank you,” she shook her head, annoyed.
Chris Pratt
“I buy beef from his ranch... not a euphemism.”
Jason Momoa
“Fuck, I wish,” Liz laughed when Dave glared at her.
Aaron Rodgers
“He bought me a drink and I told him Russell Wilson is my favorite quarterback.”
Valentino Rossi
“His interpreter didn’t believe me when I said I ride and I almost fought him.”
The pictures then changed from candids to two separate photos stitched together and Liz rolled her eyes, “Now they’re just grasping.”
Leonardo DiCaprio
“I’ve literally never even met that man.”
Harry Styles
“I… don’t know who that is.”
Pictures of Liz and Johnny at their many Disney premieres scrolled by.
But the actor and sometimes rocker that claimed most of her attention last summer seems to have fallen out of favor for a different rock star…
A grainy cell phone shot of Liz and Josie staring up at the stage at Dave’s show appeared, then immediately changed to a blaring commercial. Liz looked up at Dave, but his eyes were glued to the screen.
“And here I thought my only competition was Radar,” he muttered, flopping back against the headboard.
“Please tell me you don’t honestly believe that dumpster fire of a show,” Liz said, sitting up on her knees beside him.
Dave just shook his head, but he was beginning to fully understand what Taylor had meant about the unwanted media attention. She was a big deal right now, one of the most sought after celebrities and her disappearing from LA the week before the fucking Oscars only made the media more blood thirsty. It wouldn’t be long before they were pounding on his door asking about her.
“That,” Liz jabbed a finger towards the flat screen mounted on her bedroom wall, “is not me. That’s not anybody. They have twenty four hours of air time to fill so they make shit up.”
“I know.”
“So stop looking at me like that.”
He again remained silent as the commercials ended and Liz’s picture popped back up on the screen.
… Colbert seemingly left the Hollywood rebel in the dust while falling into the arms of the ‘Nicest Guy in Rock’
A picture of Liz and Depp on set gave way to a closely cropped version of the picture of Dave and Liz in the hotel lobby before Liz gently took the remote from Dave’s hand.
No sightings of Colbert as Oscar week heats up and sources say she’s hiding out to prepare for her next big role which is already generating Oscar buzz for next year. Here’s hoping the Best Actress favorite appears before they announce her name on the big night.
“I’m quitting the industry,” she said quietly, pressing the mute button.
Dave felt his heart skip a little, “What? Why?”
“I hate it. I hate that,” Liz tilted her head towards the TV, now displaying paparazzi shots of Dave and Liz leaving the show on Saturday, her neck still streaked with red scratches. “I like acting, but it’s not worth it.”
“What about all the projects you have coming up?”
“Most of them are so far out that I can bail without legal consequences, but I have hard commitments to the next three films.”
“And how long will that take?”
“At least a year and a half,” she sighed, leaning back against the headboard next to him.
“Principle photography starts in London in three weeks on the first one, the other two are in Vancouver.” She looked over at him when he remained silent. “And you? Any big plans?”
“Just my usual post-album depressive state. Taylor, Chris and Nate have other projects lined up, so we’re on hiatus for a bit.”
“You’re breaking my little fan girl heart, Dave,” she cried, clutching her chest with a smile.
“It’s fine. I’ll take the girls to Disneyland every other day and pretend like it isn’t eating my soul from the inside out.”
“Hey, those soul sucking Disney trips paid for this house!” Liz laughed. She was happy to change the subject, but didn’t like where this was headed.
Dave looked down at the sheets between them. “I’ll probably write, maybe call Josh and Jones to do something,” he shrugged.
“Dave,” Liz said, suddenly serious, “Are you telling me you’re making another Vulture’s album?”
He looked over at her, a shadow of a smile on his face, “You’ll have to force that one out of me.”
Liz narrowed her eyes at him, “Challenge accepted.” She slid off the bed and disappeared in the walk in closet, returning a moment later and tossing a small bag and lighter onto the sheets next to Dave.
He picked it up and suspiciously eyed the professional packaging, “Selkirk Cannabis Company.”
She climbed back into bed and sat across from him, taking the bag from his hands and tearing it open. “This is a late season harvest,” she mumbled, slipping the joint between her lips and lighting it. She inhaled slowly before handing it back to Dave.
He stared at it for a moment before laughing a little, “The last time I smoked, Taylor fucking Swift had to come save my ass.”
Liz exhaled sharply with a smile before taking the joint back from him. “I heard about that,” she mumbled, her voice a little raspy from the smoke and crawled up the bed until she was inches from his face. “She’s a customer of mine,” she said, slipping her arm around his neck and taking another long drag.
“She smoked out Bieber that night,” Dave replied distractedly, his eyes focused on her lips. He was fascinated with how she could go from adorable to seductive so quickly.
Liz smiled and dipped her head, shotgunning her drag to Dave. He pulled her closer as soon as their lips met, running his hands up the backs of her thighs.
“I can almost guarantee it was my weed she did it with,” Liz said when she pulled away, smiling when Dave took the joint from her hand.
He took another drag, tasting her vanilla chapstick on the paper and leaned back against the headboard, “So how does one grow good weed?”
Liz shrugged. “Years of trial and error, I guess. It all comes down to sex.”
Dave’s eyebrows shot up and he coughed a little, “What?”
“Female plants produce the bud and what they want is a male plant to send them some pollen, so they produce more sticky resin to try and capture any that might be floating through the air.”
“O… kay?” Dave took another drag, trying to follow along.
“So I did a little experiment in college and found out that if you have a male plant nearby, but not close enough to pollinate, the female plant goes crazy and produces more and more resin. Therefore, sexual frustration equals great product.”
“Very scientific,” he replied, already feeling his head swimming a little.
“If you call a bunch of broke and stoned college kids scientific,” she laughed, watching his eyes close just slightly. “You ready to tell me about that album yet?”
“I’m not saying a word,” he laughed.
“Oh, no?” Liz smiled and took the joint from his hand, leaning over to set it on a glass tray on the nightstand before reaching back and unsnapping her bra. She slowly pulled the straps off her arms, holding the fabric to her chest to keep it from falling, “How about now?”
He grinned and shook his head slowly, relaxing back into the bed. His smile faded as she tossed her bra aside and his hands shot up to touch her, but she grabbed his wrists to stop him. Her slow smile returned and she kissed him lightly before snaking her way down his body. Dave sat perfectly still in Liz’s bed, his eyes wide and staring straight ahead at the fireplace mantle as he felt her hand slip into his boxers and her hot breath against him, “We’re making another Vulture’s record.”
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