#he is stupid as all hell. politically completely incompetent and doesn't even really have any hobbies aside from 'sparring' i guess | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

saccharinerose · 10 months

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Hearing about the pregnancy subplot in ACOSF firmly cemented that Rhysand is a complete and utter fucking moron.

Like dude was really going to just keep quiet about his wife 100% dying in childbirth and taking him with her bc of their magic suicide pact with basically no backup plan whatsoever.

He was just fine and dandy with Feyre going into labour and dying, confused and in agonizing pain. She dies, their baby dies but he never has to deal with the consequences bc a second later he would also keel over dead.

The rest of the Inner Circle would wank themselves over how tragic and noble he was for keeping this secret from his Wife Who Is Totally His Equal Guys I Promise... at least right up until the moment they realize the canonically sexist magic of the world probably chose Rhysand's dipshit uncle as the next High Lord and everything goes to shit.

Great job, buddy. Gold star for you! I just know SJM is going to crown you High King or whatever and pretend like you’re not woefully under-qualified for the job!

#saccha's thoughts #anti sjm #anti rhysand #anti acosf #honest to god what do the actual fans of this book like about this dude???#he is stupid as all hell. politically completely incompetent and doesn't even really have any hobbies aside from 'sparring' i guess #his fashion sense is non-existant all well #is it just bc feyre describes him as beautiful in her PoV?#in which case: can't relate #most fanart i have seen makes him look like every factory-made white male instagram model with tattoos and a sun tan

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uselessheretic · 2 years

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protagonist bias is a funny thing bc if you look at what izzy and stede's first few interactions are like from izzy's perspective it's like:

you bought some nice british hostages with your own money from a tribe as a way of supporting local businesses. when out of nowhere some stupid british aristocrat jumped out of the bush, broke your friend's nose, and stole one of the hostages that you paid for

moving on from this, your boss doesn't say much other than mock you for being bested at swordplay (even though it was an ambush and completely unprofessional) before telling you to go invite the little asshole onto the ship. presumably it's to kill him (the uszh) for fucking up his business, but honestly you just wanna wash your hands of the whole thing and move on

your boss, god rest his half insane soul, insists though and that you specifically need to go when you'd rather just send one of the boys. so you go out to a bar that you fucking hate and find the obnoxious man from before to let him know that your boss wants a word

everybody knows who your boss is. he's fucking blackbeard for fuck's sake! except for stede fucking bonnet apparently who immediately responds to your polite invitation by accusing you of stealing his hostages (which you paid for!) and calls you iggy

so fuck this guy, right? blackbeard's gonna kill him anyways, and if he wants to make it worst on himself by not having the manners to even listen for two seconds to explain who your boss is, then that's on him!

"so i'll tell my boss you're declining then"

"tell him he has terrible tastes in flunkies and that he can suck eggs in hell!"

well fine then! you will!

once again, you just want to be done with the whole thing, and maybe you omit a few facts as you relay the news to your boss. did stede know that your boss is blackbeard? well, it seems like stede fucking bonnet knows everything in this entire fucking world so yeah you suppose he did

you don't understand your boss's orders most of the time, but in the end you still follow them so when he says attack the spanish you attack the spanish. he must have it in real bad for this guy if he wants to kill him personally, and honestly it doesn't seem worth the effort to you, but who the fuck are you to complain?

and when things are all done and set, you're ready for this whole ordeal to be over. you know the steps from here. repair the ship, kill the crew, move the fuck on until your boss gets some other insane idea in his head and makes you track down another random bloke for the fun of it

but no... you're going through the motions, but your boss is fucking around and playing with toy ships and screaming about being bored and wanting to try dying. you wait for as long as you can, coaxing him into thinking of a plan and moving on, but it seems he's finally snapped and is really set on you all dying

also he's playing dress up. for some fucking reason he's playing dress up while you're only hours out from certain death because it's too late to run now. even as you try to explain the seriousness of the situation your boss continues to brush you off because he's definitely truly actually crazy now! this is it! the man has snapped and think he's an aristocrat running around in tights and waiting to die!

and maybe you're a bit rough when you ask stede how the ship is stocked, but now isn't the time for niceness. unfortunately, the man's a fucking idiot and has no idea about any of the basics of running a ship because he's the worst pirate captain you've ever met (and that's including calico jack for fuck's sake) you are surrounded by incompetency and it's all stede fucking bonnet's fault because the man couldn't honor a fucking business transaction

and then things are fine. because yes, your boss is crazy, but no, not that crazy (yet.) you're embarrassed for snapping and slink off to resign like you said. you even apologize for the harshness of your words, but you get that you acted out of line

but you don't go. because your boss asks you to stay. the only reason why you don't go is because your boss asked you to stay. because he's depressed and he's tired and he can't keep doing this pirate shit anymore and you know that. so when he says he has a plan to 1. leave piracy and become a wealthy aristocrat 2. make you captain once he's gone and 3. kill that fucking twat. yeah, you're all in baby

and you know what your boss does instead?

he fucks stede bonnet right on deck out in the open because stede bonnet is a menacing, seductive, slut

#ofmd #our flag means death #israel hands

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