I’m laughing so hard rn I can’t breath. Holy fuck. Just imagine Fugaku sometimes mentioning his kids offhandedly and Naruto always being fine with it cuz his sugar daddy being an actual dad doesn’t rly change much for him (Besides making him even more besotted because Fugaku clearly loves his family and Naruto adores that).

But imagine all the ways the reveal could happen.

Naruto walks past Sasuke’s old room one morning after a major storm and sees the bedroom light on. Doesn’t think anything of it because at his old apartment every single light turned on whenever the power came back on. He walks in to turn it off, sees Sasuke staring back at him with wide eyes (he’s wearing a very slutty robe that does absolutely nothing to hide his lacy white lingerie or the bite marks on his chest) and blinks a few times before smiling brightly “you can call me mom if you’d like!”

Naruto walks into Fugaku office wanting to blow him but sees him looking through a photo album. One of the pictures is from Sasuke’s yearbook and Naruto sees himself in the background of one of the pictures. He’s sporting several bruisers from that round of foster parents and sitting alone on the swing as a familiar dark haired boy beams at the camera showing off his ninja action figure.

Itachi, vaguely connected to everyone sasuke has talked to for more than a few months and admittedly fond of the blonde, calls him one day to ask how he is. Unfortunately for everyone, Naruto put the phone on speaker and Fugaku walks into the room at the sound of his oldest son’s voice.

Fugaku’s birthday where both of his sons come home to surprise him only to hear Naruto moaning from the top of the staircase. Just absolutely screaming and wailing because he does nothing silently (frosting is definitely being licked off him too). Itachi blinks, stares at the cake he’s holding, and quietly turns to go back downstairs. Sasuke needs to be dragged because he literally froze up in horror. They both spend an hour in half dissociative states in the kitchen until Naruto and Fugaku stumble into the kitchen half naked and smelling like sex. Sasuke does a lot of pointing while Naruto immediately snaps into mom mode like “aw sasuke you brought your father a cake! That’s so sweet of you! I already had plenty to eat but I’m sure he’s hungry!

I really love Cool Brother Itachi being aware of Naruto and checking in with him whenever he can/making sure things with Sasuke don’t get too bad but the birthday thing is also amazing so hear me out:

Itachi while on the phone with Naruto hears his dad’s voice from the background and is like “Naru… hun… are you sleeping with my father?” Naruto who graduated with no less than four Uchihas in his class is very much “??? Perhaps??? You got a first name or???” Itachi frankly thinks this is good for both of them (Naruto had always looked so sad and his father has been so lonely) and just says congratulations and moves on.

He forgets to tell his brother of this.

(Sasuke deserves it if he’s being honest. After everything he put poor Naruto through some minor scaring is the least Sasuke deserves)

When they walk into their fathers house and hear the very clear sounds of sex (loud enthusiastic loud sex) Itachi does drag Sasuke downstairs and makes it very clear that he will not ruin this for their dad no matter how much he hates it.

Then Naruto walks in.

Itachi pours himself another glass of wine, drains it in one, and laughs in his brothers face.