#had to go with you're losing me because that's the one i'm hyperfixating on rn | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

venus-dawnstar · 1 year

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I have a love/hate relationship with my autism...

Autism is interesting. At least, I find my autism entertaining. To set an example of what I mean, here's a list:

Pros:

-Fuck, music is so cool. I love it and I can feel it moving in my brain.

-I can tell if something is different or off really easily.

-Want me to explain your emotions to you bc even you don't understand them? Oh, don't worry, I don't know how I'm feeling either. No judgment. Anyway, time to examine your body language and tell you what every thought you're having rn is.

-You don't know where to eat? I have a maximum of 5 foods I can keep in my system at every waking moment, ask which one I want. (More ARFID than autism, but still.)

-Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm good texture, much comfort.

-You talk to me for 2 minutes every day? You say hi to me every morning? Good, you're now part of my routine. You may become the highlight of my day with just a small gesture.

-Yooo this painting has 5 people hidden inside. Also, I think this artist has a flaw in this section but succeeds really well in this section and-

-You want something to talk about? I HAVE SOMETHING TO TALK ABOUT! MEMEME I DO! ASK ME ABOUT [hyperfixation] P L E A S E !

-.O. You got me a gift! You shouldn't have. What is it? [Literally anything that isn't one of the 10 things I dislike] Omg I love it! Thank you so much! *Keeps it for the rest of my life*

-You know when I trust you. You'll notice. Don't worry about how or when. You'll just know.

-"Words, words, words, words-" "How tf are you on chapter 15 I left for 8 minutes-" "Shhhhhhhhhhhh. I'm at a really important part. Words, words, words, words."

-Want to know when I'm too tired? I stop walking on my tippytoes. That's when.

Cons:

-FUCK EVERYTHING IS TOO LOUD TOO LOUD SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP

-Ow why is everything so bright that hurts

-Mmmmmmmmmmmm everything hurts. How do bones hurt? Mmmmmmmmmmmm tension headaches.

-EW NONO TEXTURE GET IT OFF GET IT OFF GET IT OFF I WANT TO PEEL THE SKIN THAT TOUCHED IT OFF OW WHY IS IT PAINFUL

-I can't sleep. My brain doesn't want to. Yeah, I know it's 6 AM.

-What? Huh? Da fuq? Uhhhhhhh.. OH OH OH yeah yeah yeah. Why did that take so long to process?

-WHY IS THERE A BREAK IN THE ROUTINE I HATE IT WHEN A PATTERN STOPS. BAD BAD YUCKY BAD. WHY? PANIC.

-*Static* "Hey. did you hear what I said?" "Oh sorry I zoned out. What?"

-Why am I irritated by this? It's not a big deal. Why am I crying, literally all that happened was [thing most people would call insignificant that I find really important]."

-A thing got denied, guess that's a permanent no. Time to lose all hope in it.

-Everything is awesome and I love life and I'm so happy and- *break in routine, bad texture, sensory issue, bad item, something gets slightly off* GODAMNIT

The main inspiration for this list was from this afternoon. My partner and I were about to go walk the dog and pick up food along the way. But what happened? My shoes were missing. They weren't in the place, let alone the room I always put them in and have for the past months. A break happened in the routine and I panicked so badly that my partner had to pull me into a hug and tell me it was okay. I almost started crying bc my shoes were in the wrong place and I didn't know where they were at first. I was excited, practically jumping for joy because I was about to pay for and have a date with my partner. Then, a pattern broke and I almost had a panic attack. I found my shoes, put them on, and boom. I was happy again. Of course, it took me a while to get past the initial shock from it. But afterwards, I was giddy as a kid on Christmas.

TLDR; Autism has its ups and downs, some of mine are listed above. Also, I lost my shoes and it almost sent me into a panic attack. So that was interesting.

#Not everyone with autism is the same #if you don't relate to this it doesn't mean you don't have autism #actually autistic #music #sensory #is it a blessing?#is it a curse?#or is it just a part of me?#pretty much a vent post #My brain said I'm not allowed to talk about the shoe thing without a prompt or someone asking if anything interesting happened today #So I made the list to make myself feel like I'm not just venting about my bad moment today to literal air cause no one is gonna see this #sorry for the rant

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karlnapitydimensions · 2 years

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Can I be honest with you? That last post made me sad.

I'm not here to force you to stay in the fandom, but I really need to vent somewhere anonymously because I'm at my fucking limit at this point, because so many people that made Mcyt content started stop making, changing or straight up erased their content, and this was my favourite Au because I love Karlapity and there isn't much content for this ship because people prefer Karlnap, so it kinda hurt because the names that you choose are strange, expecially Sapnap's (Saponite? No offense but why?). I'm sorry for this rant but I'm at my fucking limit, you're the sixth in three days, and my best friend told me that he'll stop roleplay Mcyt forever, and that was the only fandom where me and him had in common, so I'm a bit of a mess rn

I understand, it sucks when a fandom fizzles out while you're still going strong. MYCT as a whole is dying down to a point where even I, someone who was in it for years but started checking out a while before everyone else, have noticed. It can be such a big part of one's life, especially with hyperfixation or special interests in the mix.

I hope you know nothing about our story but names and (maybe) some looks will change. We only decided to break away officially because... well, we already were! This is the world we made and over so much drifting time the blatant connections became awkward and even limiting. I can't speak for CK but I know that I felt bothered trying to write my own characters when they were supposedly based on stories/creators I hadn't watched in more and more time.

I'm sorry the names seemed jarring to you, but I can explain to them if you like:

We derived Cue for Q as we used shorthand for quackity so often and from cue ball as in pool, which is a bar game that seems fitting.

It really hurts to hear you dislike Saponite so strongly (/nm) as I have it from my special interest. Saponite is a type of prismatic crystal that forms from igneous rocks (cooled lava). We picked it because he is part golem, it sounds similar to his OG name (and we get to keep the "sap" 1920s slang joke), and it has nite ("knight") in it.

You don't have to keep being a fan of this world. I understand if the official cut makes our story uninteresting to you. I'm genuinely sorry you're losing so much so fast but I hope you know you really aren't losing this universe or anything in it, just it’s living connection to content creators and SMP. They’ll still be honored as our inspiration. I also hope you know it's okay to grieve something like this--not just a blog change but the decline of myct in general. I really wish you well anon, thanks for getting this far with us. I do hope you decide to stay, though.

- Inky

#ask

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