imagining my f/os taking care of me as i deal with a fucking excruciating migraine all day is, and continues to be, self-care

wow 2nite is Sadness Nite apparently. a friend who has been flaky af in the past made plans with me for passover on friday and then in that same fucking convo was like ‘and on saturday can you sleep over?’ bc we havent actually hung out one on one for so fucking long. And then at passover on friday shes like ‘oh and you can still sleep over tonight right?’ and im like ‘nah you said saturday ive gotta be at work in the morning’ bc she apparently just forgot despite it being written in text and specifically asked about saturday. so she’s like ‘well ok i can still make this work after i go to a dinner i planned to go to saturday night’.

and like then basically let me know today that earliest she could show up was 10pm. and then at 10 pm texts to say she hasnt even left the dinner and doesnt even know when she’ll be leaving the dinner. so i said just call it a rain check. but like. tbqh i had been considering cancelling earlier bc i was so tired but i was like ‘hm nah ive committed to this i’ll do it’ and like tbqqh part of me kinda didnt want to see her bc this is a pattern where i keep putting in so much time and effort (and gas money) to see her as often as possible without keeling over and dying of emotional strain and she flakes at every turn. and when we do hang out its like 1) feeling constantly like a third wheel bc like i said we havent hung out one on one in ages bc if she’s heading south enough where i can reach her shes spending time w/her partner (and hes also my friend so double count on that third wheeling) and 2) shes got this enormous personality that can be fantastic but can also be a fucking steamroller but shes also very sensitive and shit and like. people have given her enough shit in her life about her personality, and i don’t want to contribute to that nonsense but i dont know how to respond to the steamroll-y feeling without feeling like im being super fucking harsh, so i just mostly roll with her to the best of my abilities. But like i shouldn’t be the only one doing that? 

like i shouldnt be the only one picking up on her insecurities and matching her halfway so as not to be a dick, and putting in so much effort, and letting her set the tone for shit, when she isn’t doing that? and i shouldn’t have to chase her down for plans which she commits to then flakes on? and i shouldnt have to be fucking invited specifically for plans which she then also flakes out on?