#gwen is awkward and annoying as fuck at the beginning of the show because SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE
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listen i know gwen is definitely flawed but all the anti gwen fics i’ve read are like
“she rolled her eyes and scoffed then she talked way too loud and told everyone their feelings didn’t matter and then she punched ianto in the face and then accidentally blew up the hub”
like. bro.
#like i said criticism is valid but i have two points#a. ALL OF THEM ARE DEEPLY FLAWED#that is the WHOLE THING#that’s like what it show IS#AND THEY CHANGE AS IT GOES ON#gwen is awkward and annoying as fuck at the beginning of the show because SHE IS SUPPOSED TO BE#ITS THE POINT#b. idk maybe i’m wrong and i’m not saying that everyone who doesn’t like her is misogynistic#HOWEVER#whenever people like#REALLY hate a character because she’s like annoying or too obsessed with her children or her boyfriend or she’s too empathetic or emotional#i do raise an eyebrow#because i don’t see people hating any characters who are men like this#i’m sure it’s happened somewhere#and everyone is entitled to their opinion#but like#something to consider#i feel the same about everyone hating jj#that one is worse i think but that needs its own post#because YIKES#torchwood#gwen cooper
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hello i am here to tell you about my best friend alice dyer magnusprotocol .
so she is working at thje oiar office of incident assessment and response which is like. magnus institute part two. or something. she has this ex boyfreind called samama khalid (i love him <3) and thjey are also besties and she got him the job at the oiar and in the 1st episode she shows him how to do things adn shes so silly abiut it shes likw . hold on let me screenshot thje fucking. the transed cript
dont look at my tabs .
anywya colin is the it guy and hes so babygirl literally,, this isnt abt him though its about alice
alice shows sam the gay people on the windows 95 ALSO SHE NAMED EVERYTHING WHICH. FUCK YEAH I DO YHIS like the system thjey use on the old ass computers. it doestn have a name but also his name is freddie . because fr3-d1 . and she also named thje voices that the compiters read out statements(??) in she named them norris chester and augustus (i am so normal about norris and chester . however if i told you WHY that woudl spoil tma for you + idk maybe youvw already had it spoiled adn seen things about them . or you dont care . either way its a story for another time anyway) alice often gets scolded by gwen bouchard who is . also working there and also shes hot. who said that uhh yes alice loves to annoy her and also gwen is so interesting to me but THATS A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME !!!!! umm what else what else REMEMBER COLIN okay this is going to be a little bit about colin . he fucking . hes such a character. ok like he Knows somwthjing is wrong ?? like he can Tell . like the way the first tmagp episode ends is . interesting . to say the least . hes probably had a fucked up fear encounter . hes even scottish . and um thjeres a bit in the first episode when sam talks to him and its so silly becausw sam is like "hey colin how is the app going" and colin is like "THIS APP KILLED MY GRANDMA ))):< " or something . not that but like he got angyr You Get It and sam is like "oh my bad. i mso sorry alice told me to ask ." and colin is immediately like ". oh . (: ok then :D tell alice it was funny adn i laughed :smiling face with three hearts emoji: " LIKE . he hates everyone except alice <33 i lovw thjem so much ): AND WE SEE TJEM INTERAC T IN THE THIRD EPISODE . I LOVE THEM SO MUCH . AUGH . ummm augh the fucking conversation with sam and colin was so funny too sam is so awkward . poor boy anyway umm what else what else . YEAH UMMM AS A LOT OD PEOPLE HAVE OOINTED OUT. ALICE IS AWFULLY SIMILAR TO TIM STOKER MAGNUSARCHIVES FROM LIKE SEASON 1 . AND LIKE . god tim makes me feel shrimp emotions UMM LIKE IN SEASON ONE HES BEINGG LIKE REALLY FUNNY AND EVERYTHING . IN S2 HE LIKE. he starts getting a bit angry at everything because things have Really started to Go Wrong at the institute and also jon is being a little bitch . and at the end of s2/beginning of s3 he like . ok so theres anothjer archival assistant in like s1/s2(??) there her name is sasha and she and tim were best friends <333 some people ship them romantically some dont but either way. they were so so close and loved each other so much adn like they always come together like yk what i mean like you cant think of one of them without thinking of the other . thats how Two Of Them they were and i love them so much and augughghgh anyway ummmmm at the end of season 1 something . happens to sasha ! and its just ! not addressed until the end of s2 but like she starts acting different and everything and at the end of s2 we like learn that sasha fucking died bcause she was eaten by the not!them which is this thing thats with the fear entity known as the stranger . and um . basically it eats people and takes their place and almost no one can tell the difference like it alters everyone's memories and all the pictures and things of that person but like theres always like one or two people that can tell that it's a . whole other person . because they remember the way the real person used to be like the not!them appears in episode 3 across the street and eats this guy graham folger (love him) and amy patel (the statement giver) like remembers what og graham was like before the not!them got him yk . and in sasha's case it was this girl melanie that remembered her (i love melanie she is this youtuber she has a show called ghost hunt uk and she and jon hate each other and Cannot take each other seriously its so funny) anyway melanie was like "hgirllie that is not. sasha i?? are there two sashas" when jon assures her that sasha let her inside after she asked abt where sasha was . yk . and then jon does Researc h
i ran out of characters for this block wait
AND HE FUCKING FINDS WHAT SASHAS REAL VOICE SOUNDED LIKE BECAUSE THE NOT!THEM CANT FUCK WITH THE OLD ASS CASSETTE TAPE RECORDERS . YK and thjen he accidentally. Releases the not them into the wild lmao but um thats a whole other story the point is we learn that sasha was not. sasha . yk anyway back to tim . s3 is so bad for him and he gets like fucking . depressed . now like theres the one whole thing with sasha (thjeres this one bit where hes like "i dont even know who im sad for" UUGHGHGHGHGH) BUT ALSO we learn that the stranger also got his younger brother danny !!! traumatizing fucking experience also why is the stranhger targeting Him Specifically . one of the reasons i hate the stranger its fucking EVIL also tim hates jon now ! and he has reason to anyway um . tim is fucking . hes Sad and going through all the stages of grief aND HE DOESNT EVEN FUCKING FINISH . BECAUSE HE DIES . IN THE UNKNOWING . well trying to stop it . and UUUHUHHGHJGHJHGHJHGJHGJHJHJKJHBGHJKJHJKJHGJKJHJJHNJKJHBJKJHBMKJHBJNMKJHBJHB a bit more on this topic when jon goes to get jonah magnus' ass in s5 he like fucking sits him down adn just like fucking goes "that was for tim" "that was for sasha" AND I WAS HHDHSMDSHJDSM and then the fucking "i dont want to die" "neither did they" I AUAYUGYUHFGJHHGCFJNKNHFGVGBHJNFGH AND DONT GET ME FUCKING S T A R T E D ON THE BIRTHDAY TAPE. anyway. um. dear god how did i get from alice to this . anyway . um . YES alice reminds us so much of tim and she even has a younger brother.,,, but yes she reminds us so much of timWHICH MAKES ME SO FUCKING. WORRIED. IM GOINg TO RUN INTO MY WALL AT FULL SPEED i am so worried :thumbsup: anyway. um. uh. this was it i think i am hgoing to go play bideo games now goodbye and remember that bones are a lie peddled by big milk to keep you buying
HKDSBKJFBMNVSDJFKDBKFJH INSANE. HI
"one of the reasons i hate the stranger its fucking EVIL" is a rly good sentence
ugh i kinda want to listen to tma now. yuor fault. affectionate
ANYWAYYYY augh tragedy fans when the tragedy tragedies
UM. this was rly good and fun to read. i dont have like. words to say about the content. but YEAG BLORBOS IN LAW YOU GO 💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥
#YUORE THE REALEST EVER FOR THIS THANKYOU <33333333#ILY ART. COOLEST EVER#tma spoilers#<- should probably tag that yeah?
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Request!!!
Hey you guys! Some of y’all have sent in requests which I am really flattered that you enjoy my writing and I am honestly SO excited to do these! here is the first one that someone gave me and I really hope you enjoy it!!! Also if you sent one and I haven’t responded, know that I have seen it, it just will not allow me to message you privately about it just publicly. Anyway here is the first for @welcome-to-americanawritings ! I crossed some of it out so there wouldn’t be any spoilers for those who don’t know what it is about.
I love you, I hate you- Part 1
“Babe wake up,” I feel my sexy boyfriend nudge me speaking in his smooth English voice, “It’s time to start the day,”
My eyes slowly open and I yawn tired, “uhhh it’s 9am can’t we sleep in a little longer?” I groan.
“Get up y/n, the lost boys have already begun getting breakfast together I let you sleep in an extra hour,” he tells me a bit more serious.
“Come ere,” I tell him and he sits close to me as I start sitting up. I roll on top of him and start kissing him.
“Y/n, stop it we have to get going,” he tells me but I continue.
“Come on it doesn’t have to be long, you know you want it,” I tell him as I continue.
I feel his body start giving into it and move my hand down to his cock and begin stroking it slowly, “Okay just 10 minutes though,” he tells me.
He starts kissing me back as his dick hardens in my hand and he rolls on top me as our skin tangles. He starts taking his pants off and I lift up my night gown and take my panties off. I feel his hand on my pussy as he rubs it and I can tell we want each other. Our physical chemistry is always the best. I feel him put his large hard dick inside me and he begins kissing my neck as I lay my cheek on the pillow. He thrusts harder each time and I can tell we are both starting to get close. After a thrust he cums in me and I do it with him both of us moaning.
“Do we have to go out? We could just do more of that all day” I smirk hugging him.
“Y/n, everyone has to do there part and that includes you,” he tells me.
“I’m your girlfriend, that should give me some ability to not follow everything that is supposed to happen? Besides the obvious that comes with being yours in physical and romantic ways of course,” I ask and bat my eyes.
“You get special treatment all the time,” he tells me and I sigh knowing he is right.
I get up and change into gray leggings and a green tank top and boots and go out to where all the lost boys are.
They all have already helped themselves but it’s fine because at least they aren’t rude about me not preparing it all. I get a plate and help myself to what I want. I sit next to Lee who was one of the newest lost boys here on the island that lots of the guys have been avoiding so I’ve been trying to make him feel more welcome. I smile and ask him how he is with adjusting and everything.
After we are done eating I help clean up. It’s the least I can do since I didn’t help in the morning.
Afterwards Pan announces that we will be doing target practice. What this is is practice shooting arrows which is pretty straight forward. If we want to take it up a notch we can put apples on our heads and have someone shoot it. We all grab our apple and dip the tip of our arrows in dream shade which is this deadly black liquid that’s found inside thorns of these bushes. It is insane how quick it can take a life.
I start shooting and hit the apple each time. A couple times I’m a little off but nothing too bad. I get bored working alone and start asking others if we can do it the “funner way” as I call it. Shooting it off the others head. I know it shouldn’t be more fun but something about risking a life like that is so exhilarating. It’s an extremely adrenaline rush.
A couple people agree who I trust and know are skilled because it would be horrible if someone went just an inch or two lower. Lee comes over and asks if he can join but we tell him it is too advance for him which is true. He literally came here knowing nothing about survival instincts. He never has gone camping or fishing or hunting we are teaching him it all. Mostly me because none of the other guys are willing to help out. I feel like I’m mothering him in the ways of Neverland.
I peek over and see him not being able to hit a single apple. I go over, “You’re gripping the bow too tight,” I critique as I examine his form, “Also you can’t stand like that,” I tell him with his legs pressed together, “You need more of a stance, put your dominant foot in front and non dominant foot a step back. That’s what I do at least,” I share and watch him readjust himself.
“Th-thanks y/n, it might help more if you show me,” he tells me. I nod and come up behind him and grab his tight fist and tell him to relax his hand and then I slowly squeeze his to the point he needs and move his feet around kicking them with my foot. I step back and he tries again and succeeds.
“There you go,” I tell him.
“Thanks y/n, you’re really helpful,” he blushes.
“Anytime,” I smile softly and walk away.
We finish up target practice and as most days we just hang out doing whatever we want. I choose to go to mermaid lagoon to hang out with my friends there. As gentle and sweet as the name sounds it really isn’t. The water is a dark blue and there’s a lot of large dark mossy rocks and not a whole lot of light shines through. I’ve swam in it before and When I tried going to the bottom it lit up this bright glimmery light blue which freaked me out with how much it contrasted the above and I never went in again since. The merpeople are great but the place gives me the creeps a little.
“Y/n!” This mermaid Selena exclaims and swims over to me. She’s always so enthusiastic I love her energy.
Soon a lot of the mermaids swim over to me greeting me, “Hey you guys!” I say.
We start chatting talking about the latest gossip and I tell them about what’s new on my side, “Yeah there’s this new guy who came here last week, Lee. Poor thing he doesn’t know the slightest thing. He’s been needing my help teaching him everything,” I share, “He’s too afraid to ask the others for instruction. I tell them about this morning.
They all start to give me smirks as if there’s something that’s not being said, “Oh honey don’t you see? He likes you!” Alice says.
“Lee? Like me? You’re lying. Anyway I’m happily in a relationship,” I tell them.
“Does Lee know that?” Gwen asks.
“I mean… he should. I haven’t said anything about it to him but that doesn’t mean someone else hasn’t said it. I mean who would want to have Pan so infuriated by hitting or making a move on me?” I comment. They all nod agreeing with me.
“Just watch for the signs,” Selena tells me.
We talk for a while longer and then I head my own way.
I go back to camp where most people are hanging out and I join in. I go and hangout with all the other guys fucking around and doing stupid shit. It gets later and darker and I haven’t seen Pan at all since the morning.
“Has anyone seen Pan today?” I ask. Everyone says no, “I’m gonna go look for him,” I look around. I go in his cave and in his tent he does business in. He isn’t in either of the places. I go in the woods with a flashlight and head to his thinking tree, he goes there when he has to be alone but of course I would never step foot close. No one would. “Pan? Are you out here?” I shout. It’s deadly quiet. I know it means nothing but still I’m really freaked out. I head on back fearing something will come get me for no reason. I know he’s a big boy and can take care of himself though. He would tell me if he were going somewhere so I’m not worried.
I head on back to camp and hang with everyone again drinking and they start playing games with all the alcohol but I know if I have too much I regret it because of stuff that I’ll do or say that is not intentional. Of course no one here knows that because I have been drunk around them yet. I always drink to the point I feel it and then stop.
I watch as everyone else gets wasted making fools of themselves and I wobble off to bed making a somewhat discreet exit as usual. Pan still isn’t there and I start to get worried.
The next day I wake up on time putting on some clothes and yawn exhausted as I stand next to each of the other boys on the end. I hadn’t seen Pan since last morning which is really weird and starting to worry me. Felix comes around and stands in front of us to give orders.
“Where’s Pan?” Someone asks before Felix can open his mouth.
“He has business to attend to. He left last morning and will be back today sometime,” he tells all of us in his flat voice. I swear Felix tries to say as little as possible about everything, he’s so ominous it’s annoying, “Now are we going to talk about Pan or let me say what to do to prepare for breakfast,” half of us roll our eyes.
He sets us off in groups, “Lee, y/n, you two are picking berries,” he tells us plainly as he gives us orders. I get a bit uncomfortable after the mermaids told me about what there thoughts on it all was.
I go over to Felix as everyone disperses, “Is there anyway I could not work with Lee? He’s cool and all it’s just I could use a break from the new guy,” I explain avoiding the real reasoning for how I don’t want to seem like I’m leading him on.
He stares at me with expressionless eyes, “Y/n you have been the only one willing to deal with him. He is not good at anything which is why he has the easiest task there is. No one has patience like you for these sort of things,” he gets stern with me.
“Lee come on let’s go,” I tell him wanting nothing more than to see Pan and hug him. I need to see someone I love right now. I just don’t get why he didn’t tell me he was going on a trip.
He follows me into the woods and I show him where the berries are and which ones are good to eat and which are not. He stays really close the whole time and the awkwardness is kicking in. I watch him do it himself and we head back.
“Hey y/n. Can I ask you something?” He asks me not making anymore distance between us as I inch away some.
“Go ahead what is it?” I answer.
“Why do none of the other lost boys want to be around me? Is it because I’m new or something?” He asks and I don’t know what to say. If I were to be honest and say how he doesn’t know shit about survival instincts that would hurt his feelings terribly. And I’m too nice for that.
“It’s not that they don’t want to be around you. It just takes a while to find your place when you first get to this island. I was the same way but I impressed everyone by-“
“Y/n! Watch out!” Lee pulls me hard to the side by my waist as an arrow shoots through the trees.
I feel weird having his hands there noticing another sign as I was told to lookout for as he doesn’t move them, “Do you mind moving your hands?” I ask. Once they are lowered the awkwardness still lingers on my end but I try to look past it. I lean out and see two guys squatting in a tree with bows, “Really you guys?! You almost killed us!” I yell angry.
“Your bleeding!” One of them shouts and then they duck and head out.
I look and feel a pain in my upper arm and see it got nicked. Luckily they forgot to dip it in dreamshade.
“Ugh! This is a WONDERFUL start to the day!” I exclaim irritated.
“You really should soak that. There’s a river right where the berry bush was,” Lee tells me.
I roll my eyes, “I’m fine I can wrap a bandage just fine when we get back,” I huff and storm back to camp pissed off not paying attention to if Lee is keeping up with me or not.
When I get back I go to the medical hut where there really isn’t much besides bandages. I force my chin down on one half of my forearm as I get the wrap started. I wrap it tighter than I should that my skin squeezes out more than it probably should.
I come out and see that everything is getting started. Knowing Pan comes back today is the only thing that is getting me through. It’s just the annoying anticipation of when he will be here.
Everything gets gathered together and we eat. I hangout with Felix.
“It must be hard, Pan being gone,” he tells me.
“It’s only been a night Felix, I can survive without him, I did all those years leading up to now. I just wish he would have told me why,” I say sighing after the last part.
“I might know why,” he says quietly,“Im not sure why he’s there during the daytime but for the evening I know he’s been wanting to see this girl from London, her name is Wendy,”
#david nolan#neverland#peter pan#regina mills#emma swan#mary margaret blanchard#henry mills#captain hook#killian jones#mr gold#rumplestilitskin#prince charming#snow white#snow white ouat#ouat imagine#peterpan ouat#peter pan once upon a time#once upon a time s3#ouat season 3#ouat s3#lost girl#lost boys#evil queen#peterpan imagine#ouat fandom#fan fiction#ouat fanfiction#once upon a time fanfiction
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The Student Prince: Chapters 11-15 Review!
The Student Prince by FayJay
Word Count: 145222
Chapter 11
This chapter opens with Merlin guiltily thinking about how obsessed he’s become with Arthur. “All of which was clearly not healthy, and was also, when you got right down to it, kind of unpleasantly creepy, and made Merlin feel guilty as hell – because in spite of all the prattishness, and in spite of Arthur's complete failure to notice that Merlin kept right on saving his ungrateful arse from various supernatural uglies – well, they were becoming friends.” At least Merlin recognizes he’s being a total creeper.
In order to try and get over Arthur, Merlin has decided to go to one of his GaySoc Club meetings and pick up a one night stand. This will surely end super well.
“And that's how he found himself standing outside The Victoria Cafe, chewing his bottom lip nervously and wondering whether he should have worn jeans instead of battered cargo pants.” Definitely should have worn jeans instead of a gross ripped up pair of cargo pants, Merlin. I’m glad he’s getting out though, and meeting with new people.
There’s some super awkward and inappropriate “wand” jokes from Cedric. Gross. This is how Cedric is described by the way: “…the latter was whippet-thin and had a ratty little goatee and a very disconcerting gleam in his eye,” and, “Merlin looked back at Cedric, who was wearing a remarkable lime-green shirt that gave him the impression of a cadaverous weasel wrapped in a very large leaf, and sighed.” Pretty gross sounding, right?
Cedric then realizes he recognizes Merlin from the Sophia Falling off the Ladder Fiasco and freaks out. “’Fair play, Merlin,’ said Catrina, looking impressed. ‘Didn't think you had it in you.’ ‘Oh my God, have you had it in you, you jammy bitch?’ demanded Cedric, his eyes bulging. ‘Spill! Tell us everything! What does he wear in bed? Where did you meet him? Does that yummy policeman protect him in the bedroom too?’”
YIKES. Cedric JUST met Merlin and he’s been super gross every time he opens his mouth. Get away from him, Merlin.
Merlin excuses himself to go get a drink and I don’t blame him. Honestly, I probably would have just left if someone was talking to me the way Cedric was talking to Merlin. While at the bar, Edwin corners Merlin and hits on him in a much less creepy, but still side-eye worthy, way and asks him about the Kraken. This is like all supernatural tv shows where everyone is all, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD TELL NO ONE YOUR SECRET!!” but then like more people know the secret than people who don’t.
Merlin and Edwin go exploring some castle. It’s a pretty short scene and ends with Edwin kissing Merlin. Then Merlin is back at the dorm, drunkenly getting into his room.
Merlin knocks over a chair and wakes up Arthur. They have a really awkward conversation about Merlin going to his GaySoc meeting. Arthur asks Merlin if he hooked up with someone and Merlin gets super defensive about it. While, I don’t blame him because I’m sure he’s put up with quite a bit of homophobia, this is the passage: “’Did you cop off with somebody, then?’ Arthur asked, as if he just couldn't help himself. He was staring at Merlin's pink, spit-slick mouth and watching the motion of the toothbrush inside his cheek, and his breath was coming a little too fast. Merlin's eyes narrowed, and he spat out the toothpaste and wiped his mouth with the back of his hand,” also: “Arthur swallowed. ‘Why would I have a problem with that?’ he asked, his voice sounding hoarse. ‘It's no skin off my nose.’ He looked away, his cheeks flushing a vivid, blotchy red in the lamplight, and lay back down.” That’s clearly not Arthur being offended but rather Arthur trying to restrain himself from getting into Merlin’s pants.
Arthur tells Merlin he was just trying to take an interest in Merlin’s life. Merlin apologizes and they go to bed.
Chapter 12
This chapter opens with Merlin and Arthur tied together for a three legged-race for charity. Merlin is less than enthused, “’No, seriously – I had to do this stuff at school,’ he explained. ‘I was pants. Honestly. Pants. Sack race, egg-and-spoon race, wheelbarrow race – I'm just not your man for this kind of thing! I always came last!’” You could always have told Arthur, “no,” Merlin. Arthur has a million bodyguards he could have teamed up with.
“Merlin looked around at the rest of the people in the room, trying to see a sympathetic face somewhere ready to help him out of his predicament. He could not possibly spend an evening getting progressively less sober, with Prince Arthur locked against him ankle-to-ankle and hip-to-hip. It was cruel and unusual punishment, and he was going to lodge a formal complaint. Somewhere.” This is just annoying Merlin, you’re been exceptionally dramatic and it isn’t endearing me to you at all. Just tell Arthur you don’t want to do it and leave. Calm down.
“Oh, God. If he'd had any idea that Lance's bloody Charity Pub Crawl was going to involve getting tied to the oblivious object of his sordid fantasies, he'd have stayed at home. Or had a cold shower. Or at least worn looser trousers.” Can we talk about this weird charity? Who does a three-legged pub crawl race for charity? What charity is it? AA? Also, Arthur said it was his charity at the beginning of the chapter so… I’m confused.
Anyways, Merlin asks Arthur why he won’t race with Gawain and Arthur says Gawain’s partner is Morgause. Which seems like a poor decision. What happens if someone tries to assassinate Morgana? I can just see Morgause comically trying to get to Morgana while still tied to Gawain and falling all over the place. Plus, this is a race. Morgause might be miles behind or ahead of Morgana. “’And isn't she – I mean, honestly, I kind of got the strong impression that she and Morgana were...?’ Arthur shrugged, his cheeks reddening. ‘Don't ask, don't tell,’ he said.” “Don’t ask, don’t tell,” because Morgana and Morgause are cousins?
“’Um. But – doesn't that mean that he's barking up the wrong tree?’ ‘He likes a challenge.’” Let’s talk about this. Now we don’t know what Morgause’s sexuality is. It’s implied she is with Morgana, so we assume she’s into women. She could either be a lesbian or bisexual, which the author of this doesn’t really seem to address (remember the Merlin/Lance fiasco from earlier). My point is, this whole, “straight guy going after a lesbian woman” troupe is super common and it’s annoying as fuck. “LOL she’s into ladies and I know it but let me harass her anyways!!!” Fucking stop.
Morgana and Gwen stumble over. They are partners for the most ill-conceived charity activity ever. “Merlin took one look at the efficient-looking man standing a few paces behind her, radiating that now-familiar aura of polite do-not-fuck-with-me, and did not need to be told that this was whoever was on Morgana duty this evening, while Morgause played at Happy Families with her Academic Grandson.” Ok, I feel much better knowing it’s not open season for assassins on Morgana since Morgause has decided to fuck off and do her own thing. Which is even weirder now that I think about it since Morgause has “long since graduated.” The fuck is she doing hanging around her alma mater for a three legged race? She’s giving me small town quarterback who still attends all the games, wears his letterman jacket all the time and lectures the current players about how he would have handled that pass, “in the good old days,” vibes.
Lance explains the rules, “’Remember, it's up to you which order you visit the pubs,’ said Lance. ‘You can choose any seven from the list – there are Charities Reps in all of them. Make sure you get your booklet stamped by the Charities Rep. They'll confirm that you were there, and what drink you had – to check that it was further down the alphabet than whatever you had at the previous pub. So if you order a pint of Guinness in the Cellar Bar, and go on to the West Port, you can't have an absinth – you'll need to order something that starts with a letter after G, like a Jack Daniels or something. Okay?’” I still don’t understand how this is raising money for charity. They aren’t paying for these drinks. Even if they were, they are going to 7 bars, that’s 14 drinks per team. If there’s ten teams, that’s 140 drinks, and I’m sure the bars aren’t giving these completely away for free, charity or not. So say each drink is $6 and half of it goes to charity, that’s $420 dollars. Is this actually a thing people do? Like are there spectators who bid money on each team? What a stupid thing to bet on. Who would do that? It’s not like those races where small children run/ walk miles and you bet on like $3 a mile. What sort of charity would endorse something like this? Running around drunkenly tied to someone seems so unsafe. THIS CHARITY MAKES NO SENSE.
“’I can't believe that you're supporting something like this!’ Merlin said reproachfully. ‘Isn't this kind of thing against the teachings of the Lord Buddha?’ Lance shrugged. ‘I'm a Buddhist, Merlin. I'm not a killjoy. And besides, it's raising money for an excellent cause.’” BUT WHAT IS THE CAUSE????? Seriously, is this a thing?
“He was all too conscious of the warm, hard line of Arthur's body pressed up against his side, and of Arthur's arm around his waist, and he really couldn't see how he was going to be able to successfully hide his growing arousal over several hours of being plastered up against the man. ‘Please?’ he added, in a small voice.” Ok, Merlin. I like you but fucking stop. You are protesting way too much and it’s getting annoying. You could have just walked away the second someone approached you with the scarf to tie you to Arthur. So dramatic. Damn. Also, Merlin needs to get better friends because they are all ignoring how clearly uncomfortable Merlin is. Lance FINALLY tells him he doesn’t have to do it if he doesn’t want to. “’Mer-lin,’ muttered Arthur, crossly. ‘Don't be such a pussy!’ He sounded oddly upset, and Merlin thought that was a bit rich, under the circumstances.” Lovely. Get new friends, Merlin.
“’Come on, Merlin,’ murmured Arthur against his ear, his breath brushing warm against Merlin's skin and his lips grazing Merlin's earlobe for just a second.’ ‘I'm not doing it without you, you git. You can't make me go with some stranger, who...look, I trust you, Merlin. I know we'll look out for each other. It'll be fine. Please?’” This is giving me an odd image because we just got a description of Merlin leaning his head on Arthur’s shoulder. So is Arthur leaning all the way over to Merlin’s other ear to do this? I know it’s supposed to be an “ooer Arthur is being super touchy feeley!!! He’s totally falling for Merlin!” moment but the image is just making me laugh.
“’Is everyone ready?’ asked Lance, looking around at the mass of couples standing arm-in-arm in front the Students' Union building in the last lingering pink-red-gold rays of the setting sun. ‘Everyone got their collecting tins?’” Ohhhhhh! So they will be harassing bar patrons for money for the charity. Got it. Is this taking place during the day? If they are getting money from bar patrons, how is this a race? Like a team could just go to every bar, ignore collecting any money, get their drinks, and leave to win the race.
The next scene is Merlin and Arthur at their, presumably, second bar. Arthur has ordered them brandy and Merlin refuses to drink it, ordering himself a pint of ale and decides he is going to order his own drinks from that point on.
Then we get this: “Merlin lifted the glass to his lips, watching Arthur's face all the while, and started drinking. And drinking. And drinking. He watched Arthur's eyes start to widen, and his glance skitter down to stare at the way that Merlin's adam's apple was bobbing while his head tilted gradually back so that he was looking at Arthur through his lashes, and Arthur started to blush. By the time Merlin put down his empty pint glass on the bar and swiped the back of his hand over his wet mouth, Arthur's eyes were bulging, and his fingers were digging into Merlin's waist quite fiercely. ‘That was – that was actually pretty impressive,’ he said, rather hoarsely, his eyes darting from Merlin's mouth to his throat and back again.”
Ugh. I see this cliché, Arthur getting hot over Merlin drinking something scene SO MANY TIMES in fanfic and it’s so annoying. This trope is so overused and so unrealistic. I’ve literally never had a dude get all hot and bothered by me drinking something. If they are intensely looking at me while I’m drinking something, they are probably thinking, “She drinks a lot of fluids. I hope she’s not diabetic. How do I casually mention she should get her glucose levels checked out?”
So Merlin and Arthur get progressively drunker. There’s some awkward flirting. “’Oh, bite me, Your Majesty,’ he said, and launched a spectacularly successful (if perhaps, upon reflection, not very well thought out) stealth tickle attack sent them both toppling off their chairs and had Arthur convulsing and yelling and flailing on the floor within seconds, to the fascination of the crowd in The Central. Merlin reflected, in the back of his mind, that it was probably a Very Good Thing that he UK press had signed that agreement to hold off on buying any paparazzi photographs or interviews relating to the prince until after he turned nineteen.”
Just some platonic tickling between bros. Where one character ends up straddling the other. Nothing to see here.
Also, don’t be stupid, Merlin. Just because the media is banned from taking photos, it doesn’t prevent the general public from taking photos and posting them all over the internet.
The chapter ends with Merlin awkwardly calling “Uncle” and then the two of them leave the bar.
Chapter 13
This chapter opens up with the beginning of Raisin Weekend. So we have no idea what happened with this alleged “charity.” Who won? Where did the money go? How much did they bully poor bar patrons into giving them? How many people died from accidentally drunkenly stumbling into the streets because they were tied to another person and lost their balance? The ending to that scene is super abrupt and I honestly feel like I missed an entire chapter somehow.
So Merlin occasionally obsesses over his near kiss with Arthur in the pub and wonders if he should have gone for it. No no no no. It’s a BAD idea to kiss your straight roommate who happens to be the heir to the throne in a very public place. Do not do that. You’re welcome.
Merlin thinks about the possible consequences of having done that, “Or possibly molesting the heir to the throne was one of those obscure laws that overruled the whole no-death-penalty thing – like the ancient and never-revoked ruling that said that anyone on the Isle of Man could legally shoot a Scotsman seen wearing a kilt on one of their beaches. There was probably some statute somewhere that said anyone trying to get their end away with the Prince of Wales would have their head chopped off and stuck on a spike in the middle of Tower Bridge, or something. Merlin made a mental note to look that up, just in case.” Well, yes Merlin. Good job for recognizing that molestation is illegal. A + It probably wouldn’t get you killed but don’t do it either way, no need to look it up. Don’t fucking sexually assault people. And don’t put jokes about it in your fanfics.
“Still, occasionally, when he watched Arthur chewing the end of a biro earnestly as he scribbled notes for an essay, or when he sleepily spied on Arthur stretching in preparation for his morning run, or when he lost himself in the sound of Arthur's voice rambling on about his latest lecture from Gabriella Slomp about ‘”Obbes and Grot-i-us and Nat-si-o-nal law and In-ter-nat-si-o-nal law,’ or the sight of his shirt riding up to reveal a sliver of his back and the top of shockingly perfect arse as he leaned over to tie his shoelaces...occasionally, just occasionally, Merlin thought maybe it might have been worth it.” Ok. Several things to say about this section. Way to misspell national and international. I’m not sure if it’s supposed to represent Arthur’s accent by being spelled that way or something but it still makes no sense because you don’t pronounce hard T’s in either of those words so the s is unnecessary.
Now, let’s talk about this “shirt riding up to reveal a sliver…” part. This is yet ANOTHER ridiculously overused trope in fanfic that makes no sense. Ooer an inch of someone’s back/stomach (the stomach example is how I usually see it in fanfic). How sexy .Said no one ever.
If Arthur reaching over to tie his shoes is showing so much skin that Merlin can see, “the top of a shockingly perfect arse,” then Arthur needs to pull up his damn pants.
Lastly, but most importantly, IT WOULD NOT HAVE BEEN WORTH IT. No sexually assaulting people, damn. I don’t feel like I should need to spell it out.
“As Raisin Weekend got closer and closer, Morgana took to smirking at her Academic children in a very disconcerting fashion, and randomly producing a soft blue tape measure with which she measured wrists and ankles and waists and legs and various other bits and pieces, whilst chuckling to herself.” Just including this because it made me think of Katie McGrath’s ridiculous and excessive smirking in season three of Merlin.
So Merlin asks Arthur if his Academic Dad is someone in Arthur’s pilot club and Arthur tells Merlin he didn’t end up joining for various reasons which all make sense to me but Merlin is super dramatic and over the top about it. He makes a big scene about how it’s not fair and blah blah blah. Calm down, Merlin. Arthur tells Merlin he still goes to the air plane hangar once a week. “So – what, you sit there with your nose pressed up against the glass like Tiny Tim, watching all the cadets having fun without you? That's...creepy and weird, frankly.” Lol, Merlin. That was actually funny. Arthur tells Merlin he takes his own plane out.
So Arthur tells Merlin he doesn’t have an Academic Dad. “You don't have an Academic Dad yet?!‘ ’ Given that they'd both just stepped out of the cold, bright Autumn morning and into the University Library, shouting was probably not really the best of all possible plans. Arthur slapped his forehead in frustration, looked from Merlin over to the audience of intrigued students and unimpressed librarians, and turned on his heel and walked right back outside again.”
God Merlin is so tactless. He always has to make a giant scene about everything. I used to like you, Merlin but you’ve been really getting on my nerves the last two chapters. Have some self-awareness, damn.
Arthur turns around and leaves; Merlin runs after him, apologizing. Probably still yelling at the top of his lungs to continue attracting attention. Of course Merlin starts to fall so Arthur grabs him and saves him, holding on just a little too long. Just bros, people. Just bros.
Arthur then walks away. As he should. I would still be pissed too. “And with that he stomped off down the path, leaving Merlin standing there with a head full of questions tumbling like leaves on a blustery Autumn day.” I’m going to give that an unnecessarily dramatic, flowery language warning. You’re on notice, fic.
Later, Merlin goes back to the dorm and Arthur tells him that Lance called him up and asked him if he wanted Lance to be his Academic Dad. Arthur wonders if Merlin called him up and told him. He admits to it, though I don’t think it would have been strictly necessary considering how many people were in the library when Merlin screamed his comment. Word gets around. Lance probably just heard about the incident. Or maybe literally heard the incident take place.
Chapter 14
Merlin and Arthur arrive at Morgana’s house and Morgause answers the door. Arthur asks where her “deadly” kitten Mordred is. We learn that it’s Raisin Sunday Tea Party and everyone has to pick out a hat. Even though Merlin is no longer worried about drunkenly doing magic in front of people, he still worries about Arthur. “Which meant that all he had to worry about was being careful not to say or do anything inappropriate to Arthur – and by this time, he thought he could have earned a BAFTA award for his compelling portrayal of Platonic Best Friend. Bloody well done him. Fifty points to Gryffindor, damn it.” These lies Merlin is telling himself right now.
Morgana gifts everyone with their “Raisin Strings.” Arthur’s is the best one as it’s basically just a necklace with a plane pendant modeled after his real plane. Gwen gets a hip flask in honor of her and Morgana winning the pub crawl and her budding alcoholism, and Merlin gets a massive stuffed Kraken. On a string. To wear on his neck. And Morgana’s explanation is so cringey I want to die for Merlin, “Because Merlin's terribly fond of the Pirates of the Caribbean movies. And I understand he has a thing for tentacles. Or was it testicles? One or the other. Possibly both. Anyway, that's enough of me talking – let's hand over to the lovely Helen!”
After their tea party, which was cups of whiskey, they start playing a bunch of ridiculous games, most of which involve more drinking. Then, they all get into groups of four for, you guessed it, Twister! In 3D! “But rather than placing your hands and feet on different coloured circles on the floor, you're supposed to put your hands, or face, or bum, on various different parts of the other people in your team. The aim of the game is to successfully obey the game master's instructions; so long as you've got your hands, face and bum pressed up against whatever they're supposed to be on, and your teammates have too, your team is still in the game. When your team drops out, you each have to down a cup of Grandma Morgause's Blue Meanie Punch. Any questions?” In case you were wondering.
Percy is on Merlin’s team. “Merlin grinned back appreciatively, and reflected that it might not be so bad; Perceval played a lot of football, and it showed. He was a smidgen shorter than Merlin, but impressively athletic, and strikingly good looking, with skin the richly burnished red-brown of a just-split conker, and dark hair in dreadlocks that fell down past his shoulders.” That description.
LOL I mean, it’s funny because Tom Hopper is like a million feet tall and massive. This was written before his character was introduced on the show but still. I’m laughing.
Merlin’s team loses and there’s two teams left. “Merlin, Andi and Percy all piled together on the sofa, Merlin wriggling down so that his back was on the cushion, his legs hooked over the arm rest and his head pillowed companionably on Percy's thigh.” Quite an interesting decision there, Merlin since you pretty much just met Percy. As long as he’s cool with you laying on his crotch, I guess. Kay’s team topples over so Arthur’s team wins, naturally, “…and Merlin was clapping and cheering madly as Arthur disentangled himself blushingly from his partners and then looked over in Merlin's direction with an expression that Merlin had not the faintest idea how to interpret.” I’ll interpret it for you, dumbass. Arthur is jealous of you being face first in some other dude’s lap.
The next came involves sucking chocolate balls onto a straw and dropping them into a glass. Kay makes a disgusting joke regarding Merlin’s sucking skills. Die in a fire, Kay, etc. etc.
So then this happens: “He was doing quite well, he thought, until he glanced up and saw that Arthur had frozen with his straw poised over his own pint glass, and was just staring at Merlin with an intensity that made Merlin flush suddenly scarlet. He looked back down at his box in confusion, but then had to look back up at Arthur again, through his eyelashes, and Arthur was still staring at him – staring at his mouth, in fact – and Merlin could feel himself getting embarrassingly turned on,” and “…and Arthur was licking his lips, like – like – but clearly Merlin was having some kind of alcohol-induced breakdown, because there was no way that Arthur was giving him any kind of heated come-hither-ish looks.” The secondhand embarrassment. I cannot. Arthur, be more obvious that you were imagining Merlin give you a blow job. Merlin, be more obtuse.
Later, Merlin once again brings up Gwen and Lance and he asks her if she’s finally going to get together with him. Gwen is annoyingly dense about it but, I have to agree with her getting annoyed with Merlin bringing it up over and over and over. Fucking stop.
Next is a jelly shot contest. Merlin is lying on the floor with his shirt off; Blanche, his partner, is blindfolded and will be eating the shots off him. Arthur sits and stares at Merlin the whole time. It’s awkward and weird.
The next game involves Chocolate Matchmakers. I have no idea what those are because we don’t have them so I just kind of imagine them as chocolate covered pretzel rods. So they have to pass them around through each other’s mouths and with each person, it gets shorter and shorter because the person passing the candy bites of the end that’s in their mouth. Arthur is of course sitting next to Merlin for this, so Merlin is understandably losing his shit. Poor Drunk Merlin. Oh and there’s a donut on the matchmaker so whomever gets the donut wins? Whatever. These games are weird, but very stereotypical drunk games.
So Merlin gets ready to pass to Arthur and it’s all very tense with the chocolate quickly melting in his mouth, Arthur grabs the end of the chocolate, “…but instead, he found Arthur was still moving towards him, closer and closer, his lips sliding down over inch after inch until he'd swallowed up chocolate and doughnut and all, and was pressing his mouth against Merlin's, swiping his tongue lingeringly over Merlin's startled lips as he stole the game.”
NORMAL BRO STUFF PEOPLE. NOTHING TO SEE HERE. MOVE ALONG.
Merlin freaks out and goes to the bathroom, for which I don’t blame him. Then he masturbates in the bathroom, which is really awkward because he’s at someone else’s house.
Chapter 15
So now we get to the part in the story where I accidentally hate Gwen even though what happens next isn’t her fault. Well not entirely. I also hate Arthur. A lot. Because he’s a complete ass. Stay tuned!
Merlin gets back from the bathroom and spots Arthur speaking to Gwen. Merlin is upset because he wanted to tell Gwen everything that happened; I would too. Then Arthur gets all flirty and up in Gwen’s space, “…and then Arthur was leaning even closer and pushing a strand of curls behind her ear, murmuring something, and she was stumbling over her words and going wide-eyed and startled, staring up at him...”
What in the actual FUCK are you doing, Arthur? Merlin has the best possible reaction, “’Oh,’ said Merlin, blankly, and he turned on his heel and went to find Mordred.” That is word for word what I would have done in the situation. Poor Merlin.
Merlin is playing with Mordred when Morgana finds him and they have a really sweet, though sad for Merlin, and honest conversation about Arthur. Morgana is really nice to him about it and she even acknowledges Arthur was flirting with Merlin. “I could shake him. He was definitely flirting with you down there, and it's not fair. It's really not fair.” DO IT, MORGANA. SHAKE HIM. DO IT NOW.
Later, Lance shows up to pick them all up for his portion of the festivities. “When Lance had shown up to collect his Academic kids Merlin had seen him watch the way that Arthur leaned into her space and wrapped his hands around her waist from behind, resting his chin on her shoulder, making her giggle – and Merlin had watched the light go out of Lance's eyes then and there.” Yikesapolooza. What the fuckering fuck are you doing, Arthur? Can you be more of a self-serving asshole? You know how Lance feels about Gwen and you clearly know how Merlin feels about you. Plus you JUST flirted heavily with Merlin. I don’t care if you are just asserting your straightness after the whole Merlin kiss because you’re having a big gay crisis. Fucking no. You’re hurting three other people with this nonsense.
Arthur spends the whole walk flirting with Gwen which ends up in a tickle fights on the ground. Hey, remember when he did that with another character earlier? Also, get up off the ground you idiots. Gross.
Merlin and Co are at Lance’s friends’ house and Arthur and Gwen are still grossly flirting in front of Lance and Merlin. Merlin confronts Lance about not asking Gwen out. “’Well – I mean, I've – um. Do we have to talk about this?’ ‘Yes,’ said Merlin, firmly. ‘Yes we do. Because it's driving me batshit insane, and because I really need a distraction this evening, and you, you lucky man, are it…’” Fucking finally. It’s driving me insane too, Merlin. Damn.
So basically, Lance used to be fat and ugly and that’s why he won’t do casual flings.
Which is stupid and doesn’t answer the question about Gwen whatsoever. “It's just that I don't really do casual flings, that's all. It's not my cup of tea. But when I met Gwen – it was like she was exactly who I'd been waiting for my whole life. I can't describe it. As soon as I saw her – I mean, she just walked in and the whole room lit up. I wanted to do something amazing for her – climb mountains, slay dragons, something. Just for her. She took my breath away.” That’s way too excessive, Lance. Calm down.
Merlin tells Lance to get his shit together because Gwen is super into him. Cue: “Gwen had got her arms around Arthur's neck, and her knees on either side of his lap, and was kissing the crap out of him.” Of course. Merlin gets up to get another drink. Probably not the best idea since he’s been smashed for about 6 hours at that point. He should really just go back to his dorm and sleep it off at this point. Poor Merlin.
As Merlin is in the kitchen, Edwin magically shows up and they start engaging in some inappropriate PDA against the fridge when Arthur walks in on them. Because of course he does. Merlin looks at Arthur, “At an Arthur who was blushing a shocked, blotchy scarlet and staring at Merlin like he wanted to punch him. Or possibly punch Edwin – Merlin wasn't entirely sure.” Arthur leaves. And fuck him, honestly. He has no right to be pissed off at Merlin for being with another guy when he was LITERALLY just making out with Gwen. In front of Merlin. Asshole.
So this section was ok. I don’t like Cedric being gross towards Merlin at the GaySoc meeting. The charity pub crawl really threw me off. Seriously, is this a legit thing that people do? I get just doing a three-legged pub crawl race with your friends for fun but charity? Really? What charity wants to be associated with drunken debauchery? Also, I’m getting real tired of Arthur being super obviously into Merlin, Merlin being deliberately obtuse about it and Arthur doing nothing. What an ass.
Now let’s talk about the Gwen/Arthur/Lance/Merlin love square. It’s stupid. Genuinely stupid. Gwen might be stupid about Lance’s feelings but there’s no way she doesn’t know Merlin, her BEST FRIEND, has feelings for Arthur. Plus, she insists Lance is too good for her and doesn’t have a thing for her and yet has no problem accepting making out with THE PRINCE OF WALES? REALLY, GWEN? REALLY? She is honestly so dumb. If I liked Lance, I would tell him to stop wasting his time and find someone better. Ok, I know I’m getting blamey towards Gwen but I do think she does hold some responsibility for her actions here. Obviously Arthur is also 100% in the wrong here. He knows Gwen likes Lance and Lance likes Gwen. He also has to know Merlin is somewhat into him or else he never would have gone for that kiss during the tea party. Arthur is just using Gwen, which is really fucking gross, to assert his straightness to Merlin (and probably himself but I don’t care about him and he can fuck off). I don’t care. Stop being an ass and purposely hurting everyone around you. Because that’s what he’s doing. Merlin deserves better than this asshole, prince or not.
Other than that, I liked the pub bar crawl just as a general scene, minus the charity stuff that makes no sense. I also liked the tea party chapters. All five chapters were pretty enjoyable to read. It’s some good Merlin/Arthur angst, particularly during the party, right up until Arthur fucks it all up. I also like Morgana actually being really sweet towards Merlin about Arthur. And three cheers for kitten Mordred. Flawless character.
Until next time:
#merlin#bbc merlin#the student prince#Merlin fic#review#stupidest charity activity ever#drunken platonic tickle fights#NOTHING TO SEE HERE#SERIOUSLY MOVE ALONG#NORMAL BRO STUFF#Morgana smirking#Gwen is stupid#Lance was fat so that's why he won't ask out Gwen#makes perfect sense#teaparty#cat Mordred#Merlin deserves better#Arthur can go away#Kay can get hit by a bus
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