#guess im gonna go the boring way of 'i like building legos' | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

lavenderek · 4 years

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sometimes when i play an old game from my childhood, like donkey kong (1994), im like, wow this is a fun game! some of the levels were too hard for me because i was a child, but the gameplay is really engaging and easy to understand!

lego island (1997) was a different experience entirely. this is my review of the first eleven minutes of game time, because i turned it off after that.

first of all, i think it was banking on the customizable nature of lego sets making for inherently humorous situations? like, all the animation showcases the lego people and structures coming apart and coming back together, pieces being replaced with other pieces, things changing colors, that kind of thing. it’s kind of cute, like, if you visit the brickster - the bad guy in the game - in jail, he’ll insult you, and then he’ll just stand there unresponsive while you click his hat and turn it into random different objects and hairstyles. turns into a different hat, and then a flower, and then a sleek bob, and then a cat. it’s pretty cute.

only, the animation and graphics are so primitive and jerky that sometimes it’s not clear what’s happening? and also, they put cartoon sound effects every single time this happens. and it happens with every object in the game.

for example, at some point you’re walking down the road and you see a woman walking toward you. as you approach her, she disappears and reappears on the other side of the road, this time with three other people all in a row. they are walking in sync like a really peppy chain gang, and leaning back really far, while goofy music and a rubber stretching sound effect play.

why is this happening? did i cause it to happen? does it mean something? is it a reference to something? what do i do when this happens? this is never made clear, so i just kept walking.

i think it was supposed to be funny, and that’s pretty emblematic of the entire game - it’s full of these like, standup comedy bits that A. aren’t funny, and B. last for seven years each.

like, i walk up to the police station, and a cop runs at me, yelling at me.

“HEY! YOU’RE UNDER ARREST! oh wait, it’s just you! you’re not under arrest. you’re in jail! no, you’re not! you must be here to build the helicopter. it’s about time! we’ve been waiting! i object! i mean, you’re in contempt! i mean, you’re under arrest! oh wait no, it’s still you. just go inside and speak to the deputy! i could really go for some pizza right now! i mean, what? cake! oh, i’ll just go over here!”

he walks back over to the police station, and i stand there like 👁️👄👁️

i try clicking around for a bit, but this mostly just makes people’s heads spin around and stuff, so i eventually just like, walk away lmao. never did find out what he was referring to with the helicopter thing

that’s the other problem, is the gameplay. the gameplay is so unintuitive that whenever i enter a building, an NPC has to give me very detailed instructions to figure out what to do next. there is no exploratory clicking around to be had, because even if they didn’t have their two minute standup to do for me, i wouldn’t be able to figure it out, i guess. that’s what i assume, because all their instructions go right over my head. i have no idea what they’re talking about.

i’ll explain. you begin the game in an information building, where a lego man gives a speech about how you are on lego island, and in order to play on lego island, you must become a lego person. in order to become a lego person, you must select their portrait on the wall, and drag it to the location on the map where you want to go.

but before you can do that, you have to click on a book and sign in. i click on the book, and there’s a bunch of letters, presumably so that you can enter your name if you’re a little kid in 1997 and don’t know how to use the keyboard. before i can enter my name, the man interrupts me and explains that i must enter my name, and then click the checkmark, and then i can begin my wonderful adventure on the glorious lego island, or whatever he says, he talks for way too long.

i enter my name, i exit the book, and now i can choose a character to play. i select Pepper, who is a child who delivers pizza riding on a skateboard. instead of allowing me to drag the portrait, clicking on him triggers an introductory animation of pepper skateboarding around with a pizza.

“i’m pepper, the pizza delivery kid! watch me go! whoa!” he hits a ramp. “45 degrees! up in the air! ollie!” he hits an identical ramp. “90 degrees! i’ve got all the degrees! more degrees than a thermometer! i’ve got more degrees than a professor! i’ve got more degrees than i know what to do with! ten degrees! two degrees! and i land it! i’ve got the pizza, here we go!”

as he skateboards away, unboxed pizza in his little lego hand, an unidentified voice comments, “Pepper: he’s hot.”

the animation ends. i’m like, “isn’t he like, a child?”

“great job, now you’re Pepper!!” yells the man. now i can play the game. i guess i don’t drag the portrait after all?

i click an arrow on the side of the screen, trying to leave, but it just takes me to a big cube, and the man gives a TED talk about the cube. it’s just like, a score card, and whenever you do a mini game, your score shows up next to whatever character you were playing. he could have explained that in one sentence. or, better yet, i could have figured that out from context when i started playing mini games. but this requires another standup routine.

i click another arrow, and finally i guess i have turned around, because i’m looking at the door to the lobby of the info building i’m in. there are some flowers in here too. i click on the flowers. with a bunch of metal clanging noises, the flower turns into a huge yellow tree. when it finishes, i am suddenly outside.

i remember when i was a kid that i would struggle to play this game for a little while and then give up. i did this a lot. i remember i was able to paint a car. i couldn’t get the car to move the way i wanted it to, so i would never be able to finish a race. i’d just paint it red, and lose the race. i also have a vivid memory of some kind of thing where the brickster escapes from jail, and you have to find him before he steals... something.

so i’m running around this unnavigable island, but sometimes trees and birds lean over and block the road and harass you, so you can’t go that way for some reason (which - relatable, that happens to me irl when i’m driving to walgreens to pick up my cymbalta). and all the while you hear the brickster’s disembodied voice being like, “you’re never gonna catch me!” and a different voice being like, “you’re going the wrong way! the brickster’s gonna get away!” and i would eventually fail this objective, and then give up and play the magic schoolbus instead lmfao. i remember this happening more than once as a kid.

so like, at first i was like, this is a lot, but it’s not for me, you know? i wasn’t trying to engage with this game as an adult, because this was a game for children. but i was clicking around and i remembered being bored and annoyed as a child, too. so like, lmao.

but the main reason i stopped playing is that the 3D pov animation as you move around the game was making me motion sick. i seriously thought i was gonna vom. so that’s why i stopped playing.

#diary post #long post

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mischiefandspirits · 4 years

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Iron Legion (22/?)

Never let it be said that Tony Stark ever does things by half. He might have grown up with little family, but he wasn’t about to keep it that way.

Tony Stark was seventeen when his first child was born, and that was just the beginning.

For Masterpost, Timeline, AO3, and Fanfiction

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Web-Warriors, Part 1

Tony Stark was forty-one when his eleventh child was born.

“That was awesome! Is it always like that?”

“Nope. Usually they have normal guns,” Peter chuckled, creeping down the wall of his apartment complex to his window.

“Master Peter, might I remind you -”

“I know, I know, Jay. I’ll give Dad a call as soon as we’re inside.”

“You really need to figure out how not to lose your clothes in dark allies,” Harley snickered as Peter reached his window.

“Maybe I should make a backpack with retro-reflective panels,” Peter chuckled sarcastically as he pulled the glass up.

“Why not?”

“Wouldn’t that be really heavy, even just considering the panels?” Peter pointed out as he climbed inside and pulled off the mask. He waited until Droney was inside then closed the window with his foot.

“Not for you, and that would just make it harder for someone to steal it.”

“That’s true, I guess. Well, it couldn’t hurt to give it a look. Can you add it to the list for this weekend, Jay?” Peter asked as he released his grip on the ceiling and dropped to the ground. “Is Neb-”

“Holy shit!” Harley yelped as Jay said, “Master Peter, turn around.”

Something smashed to the ground behind him.

Peter spun around to see Ned sitting on his bed, the LEGO Death Star in pieces at his feet.

“Busted,” Harley muttered.

“Jay, end call,” Peter said, staring at his friend.

“Wai-”

The two watched each other for a moment.

“You’re the Spider-Man, from YouTube.”

“I’m not. I’m not.” It occurred to Peter he was still wearing the suit and he slapped the release, letting it fall down so he could kick it away.

“You were on the ceiling!” he said, pointing up.

“No, I wasn’t. Ned, what are you doing here? How did you get in?”

“I used the spare key you gave me.”

Peter sucked in a breath as Droney turned to him.

“There is no record of a sp-”

“Droney, shut down.” The drone gave a chirp and landed on his desk as he whispered, “Oh, I am so dead.”

“Peter, you better be home,” Nebs called as the sound of the front door opening and closing echoed through the apartment.

His eyes widened and he grabbed Ned’s shoulders. “Don’t tell her you know!”

Ned put his hands on his head, grabbing at his hair. “Oh my God, dude,” he said, thankfully in a whisper. “You’re -”

“Peter? Peter, I swear you better be in there or else I’m setting that stupid suit on fire.” Nebs threw his door open, the anger fading to a blank look when she spotted him. She looked him up and down, glanced at Ned, then turned away. “I don’t want to know.”

Peter turned to Ned, who shrugged. He glanced down…

And blushed when he remembered he was only wearing his boxers.

“Wait, Nebs!”

“No. This is not what I signed up for. Put some clothes on. I’m ordering in. Is your boyfriend staying for dinner?”

“H-he’s not my boyfriend!”

“Does he want Thai? Ned, Thai?”

“Sure?” Ned said, voice faltering when Peter shook his head. “What? Doesn’t she know?”

Peter shushed him and scrambled to shut the door. “Yes,” he hissed quietly and grabbed his sweater. “But she cannot find out you know. She’d kill me! You can’t say anything to anyone! Come on, Ned, please!”

“Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. I’ll level with you… I don’t think I can keep this a secret. This is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me, Peter!”

“Ned! You know how she is when she’s mad. And if she tells Mr. Stark, he’ll take the suit back and…” And oh man, Dad would never let him be Spider-Man again. Maybe he’d even pull him out of school! No more Ned or Michelle or Liz or -

“Mr. Stark? As in Tony Stark?” Ned gasped, his loudening voice snapping Peter out of his panic. He hushed his friend and Ned continued at a whisper. “Did Tony Stark make your suit? Are you an Avenger?”

Peter hesitated, then shrugged. “Yeah, basically.”

“Whoa.”

“Ned, seriously -”

“PETER!”

The two boys jumped at Nebs’ yell.

“Don’t say anything,” Peter hissed before leaving the room. “Yeah, Nebs?”

She gave him a scowl. “Harley just texted me.”

See if I ever bring him on patrol again, Peter barely had a chance to think before she set into him.

“How could you let someone find out?”

“It’s just Ned! And I didn’t mean for it to happen! It was an accident! I forgot we were going to hang out tonight!”

“What is he even doing here? How did he get in?”

Peter fidgeted with the cuff of his sweater. “I gave him a spare key.”

“PETER!”

“You know I forget mine sometimes, so it’s just for when you’re out of town and that happens. It’s no big deal, it’s just Ned.”

Nebs rubbed her thumb against the side of her neck, a calming practice for her species. “You can’t just hand out spare keys, Peter. It’s a security risk. You know that.”

“It’s just Ned,” Peter repeated.

She glared at him, then lifted her gaze to something behind him. “Privacy.”

“Yep, yeah, cool, sorry!” Ned yelped then Peter heard his door close.

“Peter, I’m glad you have your friend, but you need to be more careful,” she said in a whisper so quiet he was sure Ned wouldn’t have heard even if he’d been standing next to Peter. “If someone were to learn about either of our connections to Father -”

“I know,” he said in a slightly louder whisper, knowing her enhanced hearing wasn’t as good as his own. “But it’s just Ned. He would never do anything to us.”

“But he could lose the key, or it could be stolen. We need to keep track of every copy that exists.”

“It’s just a key. It’s not like people couldn’t pick a lock if they wanted to get to us. It’s not like I gave him the codes to disable the security system.”

“And yet here he is,” Nebs said pointedly. “Inside when no one was home.”

“It’s Ned! Ned can have clearance. He’s not going to do anything!”

“That’s not the -” Nebs pressed her thumb firmly against her neck. “Ugh, we’ll come back to that. He knows you’re Spider-Man.”

“Yeah.” Peter glanced back at his door, shifting his weight from side to side. “How long until Dad knows?”

“Harley included Father in the group text. Uncle Happy is on his way to pick the three of us up.”

Harley better watch his back. “What’s going to happen? Is Dad going to take me out of school? Am I not going to be able to see Ned anymore? Oh man, what if he makes Ned forget I’m Spider-Man?” Peter gasped. “What if he neuralyzes Ned and makes him forget he even knows me!?”

Nebs slapped her hand over his mouth. “You watch way too many movies and overestimate Father’s abilities. He doesn’t have a Neuralyzer.”

Peter pushed her hand away. “Are you suggesting he couldn’t make a Neuralyzer?”

“Don’t challenge him to make one, please,” she groaned. “Father does not need a Neuralyzer.”

He chuckled for a second before the worry set back in. “So what’s he going to do? Will -”

She shoved her phone into his hand. “Stop panicking and just ask him yourself.”

Peter nodded and read through the group text.

Brat:

Sad: I’m surprised it took this long

👑Queen👑: What happened?

Man-Child: Who is that

👑Queen👑: Ned

Man-Child: Who

Sad: Ted

Man-Child: 😞Haps go pick up the kids

Sad: Already on my way

👑Queen👑: What happened?

Brat: Pete climbed in through the window and he was there

Sad: So how to get inside the dealership be home yet and she wouldn’t let him in Peter‘s room

Brat: If your asking how he got in the room, I have no idea

👑Queen👑: Just focus on driving, Happy

Man-Child: Reming me to look over the dictation for the phones later

Man-Child: How’d you know about this anyways

Me: I’m home now. I can’t promise Peter will be alive long enough for Uncle Happy to get here.

Brat: Pete took me on patrol with him

Sad: i’m almost there so don’t kill him yet

Brat: It was pretty boring until he nearly got blown up

👑Queen👑: What?

Man-Child: He WHAT!?!?!???!!??!?

Peter’s eyes widened and he quickly texted the group.

Me: I did NOT nearly get blown up!!!!!!!

Man-Child: Pete wth!?!?!!?

Brat: Did too

Me: That’s not what happened!!!!!

Me: Shut up you trailer!!!!!

Man-Child: What happened!?!!??!?

Brat: Trailer

Me: I went to stop an atm robbery and the guys had some high tech weapons

Me: Delmars got blown up not me

Me: I was gonna call you as soon as I got home

Me: But then Ned

Brat: He also ran into the burning building

Me: 😠

Me: I had to save mr delmar and Murph

Me: I’m perfectly fine

Brat: And what about when that guy threw you against the ceiling

Me: IM FINE!!!!!

Me: Get out!!!!!!

Brat: It’s my group text

Brat: You get out!!!!

👑Queen👑: Boys, be nice

Brat:

Man-Child: Were talking about this more when you get here

Me: 🙁I know

👑Queen👑: Peter, are you really okay?

Me: I’m fine. Promise mom

🤖: Are these weapons something we should look into?

Man-Child: I’ll check the footage, but we’ll probably just alert the fbi

Me: So whats going to happen with Ned

“Uncle Happy’s here,” Nebs said, coming over from the window.

Sad: i’m here hurry up

Man-Child: Well talk when you get here

Me: Ok on our way

“I’ll go grab Ned,” Peter sighed, giving her her phone back.

“Don’t forget pants.”

Blushing, he went back to his room and opened the door. “… Hey Ned.”

“… Hey.”

The two stared at each other.

“How’d it go with Nebula?”

“Why are you wearing my mask?”

It was weird to watch the mask’s eyes blink, Peter had to admit.

Ned shrugged.

“Peter!” Nebs called.

“We need to go,” Peter said, grabbing a pair of pants and putting them on.

“Where are we going?” Ned asked as he hopped up and came over.

“Stark Tower.” Peter grabbed a duffle bag and shoved his suit inside.

“No way, really?”

Peter nodded, then nearly dumped the suit back out as Ned slammed into his back.

“This is the best day of my life,” he said as he hugged his best friend with enough force that Peter was thankful for the enhanced durability.

The boys pulled apart and did their handshake.

“Come on, let’s go before Nebs comes in to yell at me more.”

Ned pulled off the mask to reveal his wide smile.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Peter and Nebula were being way too calm about this, Ned felt.

They were being driven by Tony Stark’s personal driver in Tony Stark’s car to Tony Stark’s tower to meet Tony Stark!

Now, Ned knew his family was well off, but they weren’t private driver well off and they definitely weren’t Tony Stark well off. And Peter… Well, Peter was a scholarship kid, and though Ned would never judge him for it, it did mean he thought Peter and Nebula should at least be freaking out as much as him.

“How many times have you done this?” Ned whispered.

“Had someone find out?” Peter answered, not whispering back. “Well, Mr. Stark found out, obviously, and he told Nebs, but that’s it.”

“No, I mean riding in one of Tony Stark’s cars.”

Peter’s nose scrunched up. “Dude, don’t say his name like that.”

“But he’s Tony Stark!”

Nebula snorted. “You didn’t say you’d made friends with a fan.”

“Who wouldn’t be a fan of Tony Stark?”

Nebula muttered something in Italian and Peter snickered, shoving her.

“Mr. Stark is cool, but he’s not…” Peter flailed as he searched for the words.

“Dr. Banner?” Nebula suggested with a smirk.

“I outgrew that years ago and you know it!” Peter hissed, blushing. Turning back to Ned, he said, “Just stay calm.”

“Calm? Dude, I’m pretty sure I’m dreaming! This is so cool!”

Peter whined and put his face in his hands, only coming up for air when his phone went off. Ned peaked over his shoulder to see his texts.

Casta-net: TFW your girl finds out about your side chick

Me: Who told you

Casta-net: Who do you think?

Me: I’m going to kill Harley

Casta-net: Wish I was in the country

Casta-net: I wanna see who’s more embarrassing, Re or Nedward

Casta-net: Before you finish, yes it is possible for Re to be embarrassing

Me: He’s literally iron man joe

Casta-net: He’s literally Iron Nerd

Casta-net: You and Plates are just too blinded by love to see how much of a dork he is

Casta-net: Then again you both are major dorks too so birds of a feather

“Who are you texting?” Ned asked.

Nebula grabbed his chin and turned his head. “Your friend is way too nosy. How did you manage to keep your secret this long?”

“Leave him alone, Nebs.” He pushed her hand away from Ned as he shoved his phone back into his pocket.

Only to pull it back out a second later when he got another text.

Chicken: Pete!!!!

Chicken: Haley says you got busted by your bf

Merida: Haley

Chicken: Shut up Lila

No, I’m Texas!: Haley

Brain: Haley.

Me: Haley

Me: Also, don’t call him my bf Cooper

Brain: He’s right. It makes it sound like they’re dating. And we all know he’s likes that Elizabeth girl.

Me: Who let this child in here?

Brain: I’m smarter than all of you combined, Peter.

Merida:

Me: You wanna go Cho!?!?!?

Me: I studied with Bruce Banner I ain’t afraid of an eight year old!!!!!!!

Brain: I’m ten, and I studied with my mom! I can take you!

Chicken: You two don’t even do the same type of science!!!!!

Chicken: Now shut up and give us details!!!

Chicken: What’s going on with Ned?

Me: Don’t do the same type of science… can you believe this guy?

Brain: 평민

Chicken: PETER!!!!

Merida: You’re both pretty now what happened?

Me: Nothing happened

Me: Ned just came in my room at the wrong time and found out about my connection to Mr. Stark

Chicken: What’s Stark going to do to him?

No, I’m Texas!: Nothi my?

No, I’m Texas!: Nothing! Shit!

Merida: Nothi my?

Me: Nothi my?

Chicken: Nothi my?

Brain: Nothi my?

Nubs: Don’t curse in front of the children, Harley.

No, I’m Texas!: How the heck!?

Merida: Wait, who are the children??????

Nubs: I’m hacked into your and Peter’s phones. Amadeus, Cooper, and Peter are the children.

Merida: Nice

Chicken: I’d say something, but I’m honestly kind of scared of you Peter’s sister

Nubs: As you should be. Off your phone, Peter. We’re here.

Ned and Peter both looked up just as they disappeared into the underground garage.

“Noooo! I missed seeing the tower!” Ned groaned.

“Maybe if you weren’t snooping you would have seen it,” Nebs pointed out, giving Peter a look.

“Who were you talking to?” Ned asked.

“Just some friends I made while working with Mr. Stark,” he said nervously with a shrug.

“Are they Avengers too!? Do you all hang out?”

“Peter’s not an Avenger,” Nebula said, opening the door and getting out.

“I’m sort of an Avenger,” Peter said, following her.

“No, you’re not. End of discussion.”

Peter pouted at her before returning to Ned. “No, they’re not Avengers. Joe, Jocasta, works for SI and so does Amadeus’s mom and Harley’s dad. Lila and Cooper’s dad used to work here too, but he left.”

“Do they know you’re Spider-Man?” Ned asked as the four of them climbed into the elevator.

“Only Harley and Joe. Harley’s dad is super high up and Joe works security sometimes. Lila, Cooper, and Amadeus just think I intern with Mr. Stark.”

Ned nodded, glancing around the elevator. His eyes widened as he realized something. “Wait, did you say you studied with Bruce Banner!?”

“Uh, yeah,” Peter glanced at Nebula and the driver (who was still with them, kind of weird) nervously. “Um, Mr. Stark kind of introduced me to him.”

“Cool!” Ned said, but something nagged at him.

When did Dr. Banner leave again?

“Oh good, I’m not running late?”

Ned blinked and looked over at the woman getting into the elevator with them.

Pepper Potts smiled and held out her hand. “Ned, right? Peter’s told us so much about you.”

Ned stared at her for a moment before shaking his head. “Ms. Potts, it’s an honor to meet you, really, but I’m pretty sure our classmate Michelle would legitimately kill me if she knew I had shaken your hand before she’d even gotten a chance to meet you so I’m not going to do that.”

Peter groaned as Ms. Potts dropped her hand.

“Peter’s friends are fans,” Nebula said blankly.

“I see,” Ms. Potts said with amusement. “Well, it’s nice to meet you all the same Ned. Please call me Pepper.”

“Oh my God,” Ned whispered as Ms. Potts, Nebula, and the driver stepped out of the elevator.

“Cool it,” Peter whispered, elbowing him.

“Do that harder, I think I’m dreaming,” Ned joked, then groaned when Peter did just that. “Okay, ow, not dreaming. You didn’t have to do it that hard.”

Peter went pale. “Sorry, are you okay? Did I hurt something?”

Ned frowned, then remembered Peter had super strength and could probably really hurt him on accident. “It’s fine, just a bit harder than I was expecting,” he said, stepping out of the elevator. He barely noticed Peter’s sigh of relief as he spotted a familiar face sitting in the penthouse. “What’s your uncle doing here?”

“Uncle?” Peter asked then groaned. “Does everyone have to be here?”

“Yes,” Nebula said, sitting down on the couch.

“No,” the driver said, heading towards a hallway. “I’ve seen the kid make a fool of himself enough for one day.”

“Would you like me to leave?” Vittore asked, looking uncertain. “I didn’t realize my being here would be disagreeable.”

Peter immediately started shaking his head. “You’re fine, Vi, just… a lot going on today. How’ve you been?”

“Fine, I’ve just been doing… research on some things.”

“Oh, on what?”

Vittore frowned and looked around. “Where’s Mr. Stark?”

“Sir will be up shortly. He was waylaid by a group from R&D.”

Ned jumped and looked around. “Who was that?”

“J.A.R.V.I.S. An AI created by Tony. He runs the tower,” Ms. Potts explained, gesturing at the couches.

“He and Vi are the only pure ones in this place,” Peter muttered to him as they sat down.

“Excuse me!” Ned jumped as a young woman appeared right in front of them, her arms crossed as she glared down at Peter. “What about me?”

“Remember that month where you made it so that anyone who said the word Stark inside the tower got Rickrolled.”

“That was your idea!”

“Yeah, but you actually did it.”

“That was you two?” Ms. Potts said, glaring at them.

They immediately pointed at each other.

“Fri was the one that did it! I just said it would be funny!”

“Baby-Bro told me to do it!”

Ned frowned as everyone but he and the new woman flinched and Nebula hissed, “F.R.I.D.A.Y.!”

“Baby-Bro?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Word of warning: I might not post next week or the week after. Something came up so I'm moving. I'll try to post, but no promises.

I decided to use Vittore Shade instead of Victor Shade for Vision since I already had Victoria for Tori.

#sm: homecoming #peter parker #nebula #ned leeds #iron family

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