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#grumpy ol' dad lieutenant
detroitbecomefandom · 1 month
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Connor: I’m a sensible, peaceful man.
Hank: Five minutes ago you threw a chair at Gavin.
Connor: That was a sensible, peaceful compromise from the table I was going to throw at him.
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adrienisweird · 28 days
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Getting rid of gloom
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This is a Bleach Tickle fic, so if that's not ur thing then just. Yk don't read.
It's very late when i'm finishing this, so it might be a bit messy, but I had to get it out of my brain. It's based on the scene where the screenshot above came from^^^ Renji was so goddamn teasy I just had to.
SPOILERS FOR SOUL SOCIETY ARC (And slight for the Bount Arc)
Lee!Ichigo Kurosaki, Ler!Renji Abarai
Tickles, swearing below!!
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Everyone was shocked as to how they hadn't noticed the gloom practically radiating off of their tough-guy redhead before Ganju pointed it out. It was true, the negative spiritual energy was practically flowing off of him in waves, it was almost suffocating.
Ganju made breif eye-contact with Renji before grabbing Ichigo, loudly proclaiming he was going to cheer him up and asking if there was a place to do so. Urahara's eyes shone with mischeif as he opened the the hatch to the secret, underground training facility underneath his shop.
Ichigo opens his mouth to protest, but before he is able to string a sentence together he is knocked out of his body by Rukia. He lets out a small squeak when both Ganju and Renji each reach around one of his arms and start dragging him toward the now open hatch, protesting with multiple "Hey- come on!"s and "Guys can't we talk about this?"s in an exceedingly nervous tone.
The next thing he knows he's being thrown down the long shaft leading to the training grounds, letting out a (very manly) screech of fear. He unceremoniously tumbles to the floor when he lands, swearing as he sits up and dusts himself off, cursing both Ganju and Renji for not giving him more time to prepare.
The two other men follow shortly after, conveniently climbing down the ladder that they'd denied him the luxury to try and use.
"Haha! Oh man, nice style Ichigo!" Renji laughs at the younger boy covered in dust.
"Oh shut up!" Ichigo retorts, brushing himself off with embarrasment.
What proceeds can only be described as porovoking a sleeping bear, with Ganju having to leave to help Hanataro at the general store, leaving Renji to provoke Ichigo back into his old fearless self.
Eventually with an especially hard hit from Renji's released Zabimaru and a comment about Ichigo being a coward, Ichigo's spiritual pressure increases rapidly as he remembers that he doesn't need to worry about winning or losing, he *will* win, there's no other option.
Renji smiles as he sees the explotion of spiritual pressure and the fire reignited in Ichigo's eyes. However, he wavers as Ichigo starts walking towards him, seemingly being fully ready to fight Renji to his very last. Thankfully, he was just back to being good ol' Ichi.
Hours pass as the clashes between Zabimaru's and Zangetsu's honed spiritual pressures lessen in frequency, their two wielders eventually collapsing next to eachother on the ground, heavily panting.
"Hey, Ichigo."
"*huff* Yes?"
"So... you *were* scared of that guy, huhh?~" He smirks, teasing Ichigo about his earlier freakout as he pokes the grumpy teenager in the side with Zabimaru's hilt.
"Gh- I was *not* scared! I was just being **realistic**" He huffs, twitching at the poke to his side, sitting up and batting the offending hilt away.
Renji's smile grew sadistic as he saw the young redhead practically jump away from the hilt.
"Oh, Ichigo~!" Renji sing-songed, creeping up behind the grumpy boy.
"What IS it, Renji-" Said boy cuts himself off the moment he sees the lieutenant's mischevious smile, instantly recognizing the glint in the other's eye. It seems Renji has discovered one of Ichigo's best kept secrets: He is extremely ticklish, stupidly so, and this is a fact that Ichigo hides from anyone and everyone, as he finds it extremely embarrassing and childish.
He'd even managed to keep it from his dad and sisters, they think that he stopped being ticklish shortly after their mother died.
Yet, here he was, exhausted from hours of relentless sparring and a, now forgotten, sense of anxiety and dread. He found himself unable to cover up the twitches from the tickly pokes Renji delivered with Zabimaru's hilt.
Before he could get a chance to prepare himself, Renji pounced, effectively pinning Ichigo's back to the ground, and he wastes no time digging into Ichigo's sides as he straddles the squirming boy's waist all while grinning like a kid in a candy store.
Normally Ichigo would've easily been able to kick Renji off, but the exhaustion mixed with a need for escapism has tanked Ichigo's physical strenght, not to mention Renji had lots of raw physical power himself.
"GAH-!! R-Renji! Get oho- Off!" The usually stoic teen's face had flushed a nice shade of pink and he was desperately pushing down the giggles bubbling up to the surface.
"Pfft- no way man! I had no clue you were ticklish!" Renji scoffs, relishing in making the normally stoic boy crumble to just a few touches. (It was also good revenge as he had just gotten his ass handed to him by Ichigo while sparring- though he'd never admit Ichigo won.)
"I'm nAHT!" Ichigo's voice breaks as a laugh almost sneaks to the surface, colouring the tips of his ears a dusty pink.
"Oh? You're not?~" Renji hums as he raises a single eyebrow at the teen who seemed ready to burst by this point, goofy grin and eyes crinkled with joy.
"Ex-aHA- actly! So you can qUIhit ihIHIT-! SHhhIHIT!" Ichigo swears as Renji slowly crawls up toward the boy's ribs, meticulously rubbing circles to get both on and between each rib, driving the poor guy up the wall.
"Hah! Well you seem pretty frickin' ticklish to me!" He smirks teasingly, leaning in closer to the flustered teen's face while narrowing his eyes.
"DahHamn it! Ihi'm gohoing to kill yoHOU, bAhastard!" He threatened, though it was very much empty, and not very threatening coming from a guy whose face is slowly matchinh the colour of a tomato.
"Hey, where else are ya ticklish?" Renji removed his hands from the teen's ribs, keeping them in a claw shape while hovering over the other.
"Wh- why would I tell you That!?" Ichigo (very manly) squeaked out, never breaking eye-contact with Renji's hovering hands while tugging on his own, which had been pinned under the older man's knees.
Renji looked at Ichigo's face, and when he realized what Ichigo was looking at he experimentally wiggled his fingers, and watching as Ichigo's mouth was warped into a wobbly smile and a blush dusted over the boy's cheeks and ears.
"No way..." Renji smile grew as he realized he could have a lot of fun with this new information.
"What th-the hell do you meAH-" Ichigo screeched as Renji shot his hands toward his sides, but after multiple seconds of giddy waiting the ticklish shocks never came, and as he opened his eyes he's met by Renji's stupid smirk and his hands hovering just above his waist.
"Ihi- AhEM. I'm going to kill you, Renji, I sweAAHA-!" He blushes as he realized what Renji had done, and the smug bastard cut him off by digging his thumbs into Ichigo's hips, causing said boy to gasp and buck before falling back into franically kicking his legs.
"Oho man, the others are going to looove this!" Renji laughed along with Ichigo who had now given up on trying to throw Renji off of him and had his head thrown back with laughter.
"Dohon't you dahare tehell them! Ihi'm gohoing to mahake your lihife a living hehe-AH!" Both boys stop in their tracks at the sudden loud noise the laughing boy let out, and as Renji tries to understand what caused a reaction like that, he realizes his hand was resting on Ichigo's thigh.
Turns out he had squeezed the grumpy teen's thigh as he tried to readjust himself to get easier access to the redhead's waist.
"Renji. Renji don't you fucking dare." Ichigo tried to give said man the sternest look he could, but given he was smiling with suspense and his face was covered in a deep blush, that didn't have much affect other than making Renji want to wreck him.
"Well, now i have to! Sorry not sorry, Ichigo!"
He snickered at the boy's face as he reached back with his hands and started squeezing up and down, immediately throwing the boy into hysterical laughter.
Ichigo throws his head back with laughter, a crimson red bleeding to his neck and ears, and small tears prick the corners of his eyes.
"gYAHAHA! NAHAHA- REHENJI YAHAH- STAHHAHAHAP-! IHI CAHANT- PLEHEAHASE!" Upon hearing Ichigo plea for mercy, he finally lets up and gets off of the breathless boy, letting him breathe and curl into a ball of phantom-tickles and giggles. Seeing him like that, a goofy smile on his face and eyes scrunched up in joy, reminded Renji that the 'Tough' Ichigo was still just a teenage boy, and a small pinch of fondness overcame his heart before being drowned out by the hilarity of the whole scene. The 'tough-guy' farce Ichigo had carefully crafted was completely gone, instead there was a flustered and (totally not happy) smiley boy covered in dust from his previous kicking.
And hey, now Ichigo was back to his- albeit flustered- grumpy self, the anxiety he had earlier is now completely forgotten!
He was so telling Ganju and Rukia later. Maybe even Urahara.
(Extra scene)
Ichigo laughed as Renji grumbled at the bitterness of coffee, something the lieutenant had apparently never heard of before. He saw his opportunity to take revenge when Rukia commented on the lack of depression Ichigo now had.
"Yeah, took a lot of..convincing, but he came around eventually!" Renji added a few wiggly fingers in the air for some extra effect, and relished in the brilliant red that took over Ichigo's face.
"Hey! It wasn't that big a deal!" Ichigo huffed, trying to refute Renji's teasy comment.
"Oh?~" Renji leaned over to Ichigo with a smirk and drummed his fingers on the tabletop, and sure enough the teasing along with the wiggly fingers made Ichigo flush even redder.
"D-don't give me that look!" He indignantly squeaked as he looked away.
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Guys. Lee!ichigo is my fuxking blood rn. He's just so easy to tease.
Tags: @nataliewritez , @duckymcdoorknob the ppl who make me wanna write :]
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janeykath318 · 7 years
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Biological Misunderstandings
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detroitbecomefandom · 8 months
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Connor: Lieutenant, I regret what happened earlier.
Hank: How did you get in here?
Connor: I'm not here to discuss your lack of home security. I'm here to apologize.
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detroitbecomefandom · 2 years
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Connor: HYDRATE OR DIE-DRATE!
Connor: *aggressively throws water bottles*
Fowler: Uh... what's up with him?
Hank: He's trying to yell mental health and wellbeing into us.
Connor: I APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU!
Hank, crying: It's working.
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Connor: Morning, Lieutenant. What are you drinking?
Hank: Water
Connor: That doesn’t smell like water
Hank: It’s imported
Connor: From where?
Hank: Russia
Connor: Are you drinking vodka at nine am?
Hank: It’s nine fifteen
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detroitbecomefandom · 10 months
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Connor: Firstly, I want to establish that there is no ongoing predicament or emergency.
Hank: ...Okay.
Connor: But hypothetically, where do we keep the fire extinguisher?
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Hank: Can I have a new partner?
Fowler: Why? You have Connor
Hank: Exactly. I don’t want Connor, he’s weird
Fowler: Tell you what: Go on this one mission with him and when you get back, I’ll assign you a new partner
Hank: Ugh, fine
[After the mission]
Fowler: Welcome back! I have that new partner-
Hank, carrying Connor on his shoulders: Nah I’m keeping him
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detroitbecomefandom · 10 months
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Connor: I think I'm a great cook, for your information.
Hank: Yesterday I watched you microwave a carrot and set half the kitchen on fire.
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detroitbecomefandom · 10 months
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Sixty: I swear, no matter how long I've known people, there's always someone who's surprised that I'm left handed. 
Hank: You're left handed?!? 
Sixty:
Sixty: *Punches a wall*
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detroitbecomefandom · 2 years
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Connor: Can I ask a question, Lieutenant?
Hank: Shoot.
Connor: *shoots the ceiling*
Connor: Can I ask my question now?
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detroitbecomefandom · 2 years
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Connor: You bought a burger?
Hank: Yes.
Connor: From the same truck that hit Gavin?
Hank, with a mouthful of food: Well, me starving ain't gonna help him!
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Sixty: There’s no law against using your New Year’s resolutions for evil
Hank: Go to sleep, Sixty
Connor, thinking about it an hour later: He’s not wrong though
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Hank: Not to brag or anything, but I have a date for New Year's
Connor: That's great! Who is it?
Hank: January First
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detroitbecomefandom · 2 years
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Fowler: What's up, Hank?
Hank, after spending the full day trying and failing to keep Connor out of trouble: My blood pressure
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detroitbecomefandom · 2 years
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Kidnapper: We have one of your sons, pay us and you will get him back.
Hank: Which son?
Kidnapper, while Nines is staring at him intensely: t-the superior one
Hank: He made you say that, didn’t he?
Kidnapper, on the verge of crying: Just come and take him back. Please. 
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