Building Your Own Pool

Constructing your own personal backyard pool is the major undertaking in addition to a significant purchase that can expense more than $30, 000. Depending on intricacy, it can get professional pool businesses six to eight weeks to complete an in-ground concrete pool. Your timetable will have to adapt according to your current ability to control projects and also how comfortable you are with the pool construction method. Few-people have just about every one of typically the talents and skills necessary to build the pool. Will probably be very much better to presume the role involving "General Contractor". Your aim is to know HOW to build your individual pool rather than really doing the operate yourself. The practice of building a great in-ground swimming pool area involves very clear steps, which you can understand and plan 1 at a moment. There is often no urgency to advance on to the next step until you've got typically the last one appropriate. You can carry out it! Simply make certain you recognize every step in the sequence, together with the possible pitfalls. Allow subcontractors to apply the particular skill needed in order to do the difficult labor, with you managing the project. The first phase requires planning how to be able to build your very own pool. You can need to discover where on your own property it will go. If you include a sloped lot, you decide at just what elevation you would certainly like to the possess the pool built. How close is usually gas and electrical energy to the pool gear pad? What elevations can i set the equipment pad in? Is there space for a backhoe to get in, and even the dirt in order to get out? Any kind of easements on your property? What are usually the state and local codes that will need to be followed? After Pool selber bauen have done the first preparing you should create a CAD (Computer Served Drawing) of whatever you intend to create inside your backyard. Swimming pool design software will be available for below $100 per calendar month. Having architectural-quality drawings will smooth the process of applying for building permits and even estimating costs, as well as your actually to be able to provide a subcontractor building plans. The particular next how you can just how to build the pool is to be able to interview and identify subcontractors. No matter how heavy a do-it-yourselfer you are, you will certainly be far better away spending your time and efforts making sure all the details are properly executed through the construction process. What do an individual know about excavation, laying rebar, or perhaps plumbing? After an individual gather your "staff" for the project, an individual have decisions to be able to make about typically the raw material in addition to electronics you'll use to your pool. You will need to be able to choose grade of rebar; what choice of concrete to make use of; how thick to make the concrete walls plus floors; the class and size involving PVC plumbing; in addition to what pool tools and brands to buy for filter systems, cleaners, heaters plus heat pumps, drinking water pumps, sanitizers, valves and underwater lighting. A word about safety: consider a fence around your pool. A roaming child can make swimming pool ownership a nightmare. When you create your own pool, in addition, you must install federally-mandated safety drain systems. They are created to protect tiny hands and foot from being taken into the drain. The pool strain law followed a new tragic child pressive in which the particular girl was held marine by the suction of the strain. Now back in order to the joy involving learning how in order to build your pool area. After assessing each of the steps, and sometimes during one regarding them, you may be tempted to be able to throw up both hands and bring in a pool builder to finish the task. A word of advice: the lowest bid is seldom typically the best choice. Which goes for sub-contractors, as well. It's something of any buyers market right now. Don't be afraid to haggle. Finding how to construct your own pool is extremely satisfying, even if an individual act more since your own supervisory contractor than time laborer. There are several work opportunities it will always be rewarding when an individual are finished, whether or not you participated in the step, or effectively oversaw a pool building team.

Useful Plumbing Tips From The Pro's Who Know

ΑΠΟΦΡΑΞΕΙΣ ΑΘΗΝΑ will result in critical complications for you, not to point out the prospective damage to your residence. Below are some guidelines to support you start fixing whatever plumbing difficulties you could need to have assist with. A great tip to use to stop your septic tank from backing up is to make sure you have it pumped at least each 5 years. Carrying out this helps prevent any sediment from acquiring built up in the tank, which brings about a backup in your residence or leads to your total septic method to are unsuccessful. If the price of pumping your septic tank appears a bit steep, bear in mind that the value of cleanup and repair of a unsuccessful septic method will be considerably higher. To steer clear of obtaining your outdoor faucets freeze up in the wintertime, detach all hoses just before the 1st freeze. Also, shut the shutoff valve that qualified prospects to the outdoor faucets, then switch on the outdoor taps to permit any remaining water in the strains drain. After temperatures heat up in the spring, you can reverse the method. Having ΑΠΟΦΡΑΞΕΙΣ ΑΘΗΝΑ to correct a unusual smelling kitchen sink can be a good way to keep your kitchen area smelling wonderful. Make positive not to throw hair or grease into your sink. Use baking soda if you have a peculiar odor coming from your drain. Make positive you use your garbage disposal if you have one particular to grind up any food and use water while doing this to avert harm to the blades of the garbage disposal. There are a lot of methods to unclog a drain. You can try plunging it at very first. If that does not work try employing a chemical agent from the shop. Ahead of you go and devote money at the retailer even though, if you have baking soda and some vinegar useful, you can blend individuals collectively and pour them in the drain and try out to plunge that but if all else fails they have more powerful solutions at your nearby hardware retailer. Use lots of chilly drinking water when you run your garbage disposal. When cold water hits the garbage disposal, it sharpens the blades. This retains the disposal functioning properly. Very hot water liquifies grease and causes it to buildup in the drain, triggering clogs in the pipes. Swapping out aged shower heads for vitality-productive ones can help save you funds on the power monthly bill. Most of the scorching water utilized in the house is employed while showering. Installing the vitality-efficient heads, you will be capable to save in excess of $a hundred for each 12 months. Basic issues with bathrooms can be a swift repair for even the rawest newbie plumber and is value attempting if you can take the time to study the difficulty. Seek out out the essential portion or components from your neighborhood components store and question for assistance in how to effectively put in them. If your sewer is backed up, there are things you can do to troubleshoot and thoroughly clean, including renting gear like a major line cable. Even so, often instances this does not fully take care of the difficulty. A professional demands to assess the concern then, making use of a camera technique, and completely cleaning the principal line. Frozen ΑΠΟΦΡΑΞH ΑΘΗΝΑ are on of the most pricey plumbing difficulties. This, however, is usually preventable. Make sure that any outside pipes are well insulated. In addition, as the weather conditions turns colder, make it a position to drain and detach your hoses. Finally, turn off the faucet positioned exterior. This will aid to save you cash on plumbing charges. If drinking water is backing up into numerous fixtures all above the home, it is no more time likely to be efficient for you to use chemicals or a modest hand snake. This is evidence of a blockage in the major line, and you must make contact with a specialist to just take care of this dilemma for you. Frozen pipes can direct to many difficulties, most of them expensive to repair. So you want to avoid that at all costs. To stay away from frozen pipes, make certain the temperature in your house in no way drops under 55 degrees. Seem for any air leaks around your pipes and make confident they are sealed up. Warmth up frozen pipes carefully if they have frozen. In colder locations, pipes placed closest to outer walls and ceilings could freeze if not effectively insulated. Use very hot rags, very hot water, a blow dryer or comparable heat resource. Begin heating at a spot nearest the tap, then operate backwards. Plumbing nightmares are not unheard of, considering that numerous people believe that broken plumbing will demolish their property. If you know one factor, you can easily keep away from this. In buy to stop drinking water damage to your property, you must know the place of the drinking water sign-up, and how you can speedily change it off. When you are going to do laundry in your home washing equipment, do not use excessive detergent, bleach or other chemicals. Way too several of these items can cause the organic micro organism in your septic program to be killed. Just use enough of these goods in buy to get your laundry done. A plumbing snake is an vital instrument in any homeowner's tool box. Snakes can be utilized to unclog kitchen area and bogs drains and bathrooms when clogged with hardened debris. They are beneficial as well for grabbing maintain of products dropped down sink drains. Snakes occur in a variety of sizes for home use and heavier-responsibility types can usually be rented for greater jobs. Be certain to have a managing toilet set as shortly as you can. Having a managing toilet makes use of much more water, which raises your drinking water monthly bill. To resolve it yourself, you just have to locate out what the issue is and get the provides you need. If you can't repair it your self, call a plumber. If you are observing regions in your ceiling or walls that seem to have drinking water hurt or are sagging, make certain you turn off the power before inspecting. Electric power and drinking water do not blend. The final issue you need to have is to go into the attic and get shocked by a pool of water. Plumbing problems can be really troublesome, but with some work and some tolerance, you can resolve them. With proper study and info, these problems can be fixed rapidly. Apply the tips supplied in this report and you can rid your self of plumbing troubles.

Sand driving university! – Become a master in sand driving before next summer!

There is nothing Aussies love to do more than getting out and hitting the dunes at your local 4WDing beach, the sounds and smells of sand driving is what summer feels like.

Whilst some 4WD beaches become difficult to navigate during the cooler months due to storm damage to beaches, they still present us with a good weekend activity, and if you are new to the scene, offer the perfect way to sharpen your skills for when prime season comes around and it’s time to head out with the whole convoy!

So listen closely and we’ll offer some helpful tips to those who are new to sand driving or have just picked up a new 4WD after a few years of being limited by a 2WD!

1 Drop your pressures If you have been reading our articles, we’re probably sounding like a broken record right about now, that’s because there is nothing more effective at getting your 4WD further offroad than redicing your tyre pressures enough.

We’ve seen newbies unscrew their dust caps and release about 2 seconds of air from their tyres, which may seem like a lot of air but is not only not an accurate way to release your tyre pressures, but is also extremely inefficient.

This is why we choose to pull out our purpose designed Kwiky Tyre Deflator, by simply screwing onto your valve stem you can dump massive amounts of air easily and in control, meaning you can get your tyres down to around 16-18psi they need to give the extra float you require when smashing the dunes!

This is the most effective thing you can do to get your 4WD further offroad than any other modification, and increases your vehicles footprint by up to 250%!

2.PUT IT IN 4WD As much as your 4WD has plenty of clearance offroad, you’ll find that unless you engage 4WD you are going to sink pretty quickly. Every 4WD is different so read your users manual for the specifics of your vehicle. You also have the choice between high range and low range so if you arent sure try high range, if you start to feel your car struggling, slow right down don’t bury yourself, and shift into low range and you should be able to drive straight out of it!

3.Keep inputs smooth and in control!

Erratic movements offroad can make you quickly lose control, when you allow your vehicle to take a little more time to steer speed up and slow down you are asking less of the surface below, which means you will have a much easier time at getting your 4WD through the obstacles on the beach!

4.Bring recovery gear.

When you are on your own, getting stuck can be a nightmare, this is why bringing a mate and a Rated recovery kit will be invaluable when you are hitting the tracks! by setting up a snatch recovery using rated shackles and a snatch strap you will be able to effectively yank each other out of trouble.

5.What goes down must come up

When you have had your fun and its time to head home you shouldn’t try and find the nearest servo, we’ve seen tyres shred over just 10km of tarmac driving on reduced pressures. Chuck an air compressor in the back of your 4WD and you will have unlimited free air wherever you pull up.

The Thumper range offers a MKII and a MAX which both offer plenty of air, but if you like to race your mates, grab yourself a Thumper Max, you wont be disappointed! 6.Get out and drive

Finally, get out there, the more you drive the more familiar driving offroad will be and the more predictable your 4WD will be when you find yourself in crazy conditions!

from 4WD Supacentre via 4WD Supacentre on Inoreader https://www.4wdsupacentre.com.au/news/sand-driving-university-become-a-master-in-sand-driving-before-next-summer/ from 4WD Supacentre https://frwdsupacentre.tumblr.com/post/173624096481

Sand driving university! – Become a master in sand driving before next summer!

New Post has been published on https://www.4wdsupacentre.com.au/news/sand-driving-university-become-a-master-in-sand-driving-before-next-summer/

Sand driving university! – Become a master in sand driving before next summer!

There is nothing Aussies love to do more than getting out and hitting the dunes at your local 4WDing beach, the sounds and smells of sand driving is what summer feels like.

Whilst some 4WD beaches become difficult to navigate during the cooler months due to storm damage to beaches, they still present us with a good weekend activity, and if you are new to the scene, offer the perfect way to sharpen your skills for when prime season comes around and it’s time to head out with the whole convoy!

So listen closely and we’ll offer some helpful tips to those who are new to sand driving or have just picked up a new 4WD after a few years of being limited by a 2WD!

  1 Drop your pressures If you have been reading our articles, we’re probably sounding like a broken record right about now, that’s because there is nothing more effective at getting your 4WD further offroad than redicing your tyre pressures enough.

We’ve seen newbies unscrew their dust caps and release about 2 seconds of air from their tyres, which may seem like a lot of air but is not only not an accurate way to release your tyre pressures, but is also extremely inefficient.

This is why we choose to pull out our purpose designed Kwiky Tyre Deflator, by simply screwing onto your valve stem you can dump massive amounts of air easily and in control, meaning you can get your tyres down to around 16-18psi they need to give the extra float you require when smashing the dunes!

This is the most effective thing you can do to get your 4WD further offroad than any other modification, and increases your vehicles footprint by up to 250%!

2.PUT IT IN 4WD As much as your 4WD has plenty of clearance offroad, you’ll find that unless you engage 4WD you are going to sink pretty quickly. Every 4WD is different so read your users manual for the specifics of your vehicle. You also have the choice between high range and low range so if you arent sure try high range, if you start to feel your car struggling, slow right down don’t bury yourself, and shift into low range and you should be able to drive straight out of it!

  3.Keep inputs smooth and in control!

Erratic movements offroad can make you quickly lose control, when you allow your vehicle to take a little more time to steer speed up and slow down you are asking less of the surface below, which means you will have a much easier time at getting your 4WD through the obstacles on the beach!

  4.Bring recovery gear.

When you are on your own, getting stuck can be a nightmare, this is why bringing a mate and a Rated recovery kit will be invaluable when you are hitting the tracks! by setting up a snatch recovery using rated shackles and a snatch strap you will be able to effectively yank each other out of trouble.

5.What goes down must come up

When you have had your fun and its time to head home you shouldn’t try and find the nearest servo, we’ve seen tyres shred over just 10km of tarmac driving on reduced pressures. Chuck an air compressor in the back of your 4WD and you will have unlimited free air wherever you pull up.

The Thumper range offers a MKII and a MAX which both offer plenty of air, but if you like to race your mates, grab yourself a Thumper Max, you wont be disappointed! 6.Get out and drive

Finally, get out there, the more you drive the more familiar driving offroad will be and the more predictable your 4WD will be when you find yourself in crazy conditions!

My Junkyard Mustang Project: A Story of Regret and Fun via /r/cars

My Junkyard Mustang Project: A Story of Regret and Fun

I've seen people post pictures of their new projects, so I figured I'd post pictures of mine along with it's ridiculous story about terrible luck and people from the car community coming together.

TLDR at the end for those who (understandably) don't wanna read a super long story.

In May of this year, I made a terrible/amazing decision. I bought a '99 Mustang GT automatic convertible that (barely) ran from a Pick N Pull for $1,000. It ran and drove from the yard, however not quite as well as I thought. http://ift.tt/2Epnx67 (picture from the lot)

I thought she was beautiful, except that the convertible top's plastic vinyl window was so dirty that it was impossible to see out of, even after washing it dozens of times.

Being an enthusiast who hadn't had a project before, I was super excited to start doing mods immediately and getting the car into better shape. Then, about two days in, a rod came a-knocking on the engine. I realized I would have to put in a new one, and the next day found that a shift solenoid in the auto transmission had blown out and that there was metal in the pan.

I figured that since I had wanted to at some point, there would be no better time to swap the car's transmission to a manual than when the transmission would have to be removed anyways.

$1,200 later, a fresh 4.6 and TR3650 were sitting in my (parents) driveway, and my car was thrown on jack stands to start this project. http://ift.tt/2FhnDOl

I had a family friend/mechanic help me with the project, and although he was charging me next to nothing and I was paying him what I could, he had to work 7 days a week to support his household and I ran out of money once the old engine and trans were both out. At this point, the car begins to sit for a few weeks, as I had nowhere near enough knowledge or skill to reinstall an engine and transmission.

At this same point, during this limbo, I rode with my friend to a car meet. He decided to meet up with some friends in a little group on the way so that they can all drive together to the meet. One of those friends, some guy named Frank, also had a sn95 mustang, so I introduced myself and followed him on instagram. He had a really cool car he called the "stealth mare" and I loved what he had done with it. Anyways, moving on.

A couple weeks later, I was not sure what to do to keep this build moving. I couldn't afford a "real" mechanic or a shop, and I couldn't do the project myself even though I had basically all the tools. Out of sheer desperation, I sent this Frank guy a DM hoping he could help me. He was super open to giving me a hand on the project (more accurately me giving him a hand since he actually knew what he was doing, but I digress) and a day or two later we got to work. Even when I offered to pay him when I could, he was super nice and refused to take some money for helping me.

Here's a snazzy little timelapse of us once we finally got to the point of mounting the engine/trans into the car. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=da_QlJqPoYg

After around a month's worth of weekends, we finally got everything done. However, I had gotten some misinformation and Ford is evil. I thought that the car would be completely unable to start with the auto trans' computer, and had bought an ECU from Pick N Pull which I had installed. Thus, the car wouldn't start. I loaded the car up on a tow truck and sent it to a dealership to reset the evil PATS anti-theft system (because I didn't know most locksmiths could do it).

After 4 days of waiting, they said the car still wouldn't start even though the PATS was reset. There was also a decent exhaust leak from a missing nut, you'll understand why I'm saying that soon enough. I got the car towed back to my house in defeat. They told me the car would crank but not start. I was heartbroken, being so close yet so far. After around a day of it sitting on my driveway once again, I dejectedly got into the car because at that point I at least wanted to hear the car crank after all the work I had put in.

However, everything in the car just sounded off. Electronics weren't quite right, and the car didn't do squat when I turned the key. It seemed to me that after sitting for 2-3 months, the battery was out of wack. I took it over to my auto parts store (where it had a warranty, thank God) to get it tested. They gave it back to me and said it tested fine and charged right up. I threw it back into the car, still no dice. I thought something was still wrong, so I took the battery out of my Grandma's Mercury Sable (Basically a rebadged Ford Taurus) and shoved it under the hood. After so much work, I was just desperate to hear the car crank. However, I got a lot more than a crank when I turned the key. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aCxWh017G4Q

I remember literally shedding a few tears of joy. I texted Frank about our little victory, and he came right by to see our project finally roar to life. To be honest, I wish I could have kept the exhaust leak a little bit because the sound was fantastic.

Unfortunately, it wasn't all that easy after that. Time for less pictures and more problems.

I took the car for a test drive, and it drove great. Except that shifting into reverse was a nightmare. Grinding non-stop and sometimes it just refused to let me shift into reverse. After driving it around for a couple days, fixing the exhaust leak, and getting the required paperwork for move permits (bought the car with absolutely no title) to drive it on the road, I had 2 days to decide whether or not the car would be ready for me to drive it to University, as I would be moving to Riverside from the San Francisco area to start classes.

Sadly, the next day it refused to go into any gear without a battle, and I realized the car wasn't in the mechanical shape to drive 400 miles to school, or to survive in its current state after that. I had to make the super tough decision to leave my newly running car at home to be checked out in my absence by, dun dun dun....a shop.

Sure enough, the transmission that I had gotten from the wrecking yard was trash, the clutch I ordered for it was all messed up, and the valve covers were leaking oil from a crack. I let them go ahead and change out the transmission (family friends, gave me incredibly good rates and did a perfectly fine job), and try to put everything back together.

Then came the issue of timing. After being at school for around a month, the car was almost back together (it took them a while because they were doing it after hours for insanely cheap for me). I wanted to bring the car to Riverside, to finally drive my baby. I was flying home on a Friday, and on the Monday before they found that after trying to patch one of the cracks that was leaking oil, the entire valve cover needed to be replaced. I ordered one from a dealership in my area that could be picked up Wednesday, and I was hoping it would come in in time. Sure enough, it came Wednesday....and was the wrong bolt pattern. Damnit Ford.

I decided then to instead order aftermarket valve covers from Trickflow (10/10 would recommend BTW), as they were the correct pattern, and were a pair of aluminum covers instead of ugly plastic. These looked way nicer and cost the same as a single cover straight from Ford. I ordered them on whatever the fastest shipping method was for an extra $50, and they were set to arrive the same Friday I flew in.

My goal, if everything went perfectly, was to get the new valve covers and get them installed Friday, use Saturday and Sunday to stress test the living hell out out of the car to make sure it would survive the drive down to SoCal, and then Monday to take it to my school in Riverside.

Somehow, everything almost went perfectly according to plan. Friday night, I picked up the car in perfect running condition, and proceeded to put ~300 miles on it over the weekend before I was to drive it 400 more to school.

I did mention that I got the car with no title. This meant that to get plates/a title, the car needed to pass a brake/light inspection and a smog test. The Brake and Light was done, but the o2 sensors didn't seem to have all their information dialed in before leaving Monday. However, my 60 day failed smog pass (needed to drive the car on the roads) was about to expire at that point, since I got it before the first manual transmission gave up on life. I thus decided to get the car smogged on the trip back to school, approximately an hour's drive away.

A side note, the car's air conditioning wasn't running at the time due to electrical adaptation issues with the new computer. The day climbed to over 100 degrees, and after my stop for my smog check (which I passed) I began to head towards my school.

This was also my first manual car, so I wasn't used to operating a clutch. This meant not only that I was bad at it, but that my leg was not used to the workout that is an SN95 clutch over long drives. I got on the freeway to sit in agonizing, blisteringly hot LA traffic for about 15 minutes before I realized that I wouldn't survive if I tried to do this all the way home. Thus, I got off the freeway and tried to used main roads to make my way to school. I knew it would turn an hour into probably two, but there was little traffic (all based on stop lights, so tolerable for a new clutch operator) and it was much less hot/stressful as the car was actually moving.

Then things went wrong yet again. About 45 minutes (in that traffic) from my school, I was driving through a city called Azusa, when I heard a super loud hissing sound and saw yellowish smoke billowing into the car's cabin. I assumed my car was overheating and that it was coolant, and I thus pulled over and called trusty AAA to come take my car. I wanted to check the cooling system and all, but I had no tools/method at school and thus had a shop pressure test the system to find that everything was alright. In reality, I had melted a piece of a rubber air conditioning line, shooting Freon everywhere. Thankfully, no big issues, got the car back on the road.

Then, after a lot of time and money spent on some mods and cleanup, the car began to take shape into what it is today. I'm super happy with it, and even though it was more painful and expensive than I ever could have imagined, I wouldn't have had it any other way. I met so many new friends from the car, learned so much about how to work on cars, and now have a project I'm proud of.

Here's the car as it sits now:

http://ift.tt/2EsmdPX http://ift.tt/2FmdT5k http://ift.tt/2Eqx6BH http://ift.tt/2Fn1wWH

TLDR: Bought a junkyard mustang for a grand, the engine and trans died immediately after, swapped it to a manual and put in a new engine with help from the car community in my area, and now have a dope project that's accumulated around 5K miles in the past 3 months with no issues.

#1

James is a 24 year old student. A "late bloomer" who decided to go to university as his 4 year gap year excuse had stopped working with his parents and they wanted him to get a job. He has a bedsit at his university in SE London. He originally was in halls, but couldn't stand the constant social interactions. Despite being modest, James' apartment has nice touches beyond a normal student. A 42" curved Samsung television, surround sound, a Technics sl record player, powered by a valve amp, Baxter Candles and a bonsai tree. He wears a Ralph Lauren fleece, Levi Jeans, Adidas Gazelle trainers and a two tone Seiko 5. His doorbell rings. He undoes the bolts, the yale, but leaves the chain on. Not soon after pulling the handle, the door is forced open and the chain goes taut. Sam: What's with the locks? Don't want me in James: Pretty much mate. S: Oh fuck off, let us in I've got something for you J: Is it the 80 quid you owe me? S: Better than that. J: is it the 80 quid you owe me and the DVDs you fucked off with last year? S: Stop being a tight cunt. You'll let me keep the 80 quid and the DVDs after this mate. James unbolt she door. Sam is hurried, with a backpack. He produces a black bag with cans of Tyskie lager, and another black bag which he throws on the coffee table. S: have a look at that. He opens his can, and froth briefly explodes. He tries to stop it escaping with his mouth, but most goes on the floor. J: Thanks mate. Really helpful that. He opens the bag. There's a DVD inside. "Buttman and Rubbin". He looks at Sam. J: I've been single for 5 months now, but I'm not desperate enough to watch *he reads off the DVD* Buttman provide his own justice on the streets of Cockham. S: You don't know what you're missing. You'll never guess what they call the Batmobile. J: the Buttmobile? S: You've definitely seen this before. J: I haven't, and I'm not really bothered. Anyway who buys porn on DVD anymore? I've only got one DVD player, it's in the living room, and I haven't got curtains. S: Look, I'm not bringing this round so you can have a tug. We were at a party last night, and one thing leads to another, there's this guy who calls himself The Baron. Claims he makes porn. I reckon it's bullshit, but I googled him and sure enough he does. J: Right... S: Anyway, The Baron loved a drink, we got talking and he brought out a bag as big as a golf ball. Didn't even break it up, just smashed it into his face and snorted it up. Gave some to everyone. Tells me this guy named David used to sell him the best gear in London, but he's had to go back to Poland for business reasons. J: okay... S: Well you sell gear don't you? J: Gear, not golf balls. A couple of grams down the pub. A few for mates. S: Well get the order in and go see the Baron. I told him about you and he gave me his address J: you told him about me? S: I didn't mean too, he's just very convincing. A skill he's probably picked up after years of getting people to fuck on camera. J: look I'm not really wanting to see the baron. S: well I've already told him we can sort him a couple of grams. J: naturally We, even though you're not involved. S. I'm a middle man. J: you're a fucking idiot. I've got 2 grams here, you can take it to the Baron and keep 20 quid if you never bring porn to my house again. S: well I need more than that. J: that's a couple though? 2? S: well I need a couple more. J: so 4 grams? S: Look he said he wanted a taster. 10 grams J: A 10 gram taster?? S: look. He pays over the odds for gear. He's got no idea what any things worth in the real world he's that minted. J: And I'll just sort 10 grams even though I can't afford it right now? S: Look, tick it. Get 10 grams, 9 for the baron in 10 bags over priced, 1 gram left you can sell at a cut rate and better profit? J: Cut rate? S: Well I'm not helping you for free! J: You're not fucking helping me! S: look, think about it. A one off. J: I'll think about it. For now that's all. Anyway, where's did you get this DVD S: Patel had it in stock believe it or not. J: you brought it from the local newsagents? Won't you feel a bit embarrassed when you go back? S: no no no, I bought a Birthday card at the same time so he assumed it was a gift for someone. The uber stops outside a Mayfair house. It's imposing, and grand in all aspects. Music can be heard playing. A glass smashing. Laughter. S: did you do your homework? J: What? S: the DVD. * flashbacks to James watching butt man and rubbin* J: I'm not that desperate. S: Well if the baron asks you questions you're fucked. I told him you're a fan J: That I'm a fan?!? S: It was my in. anyway I watched it so I can but in * he thinks for a second and gestures to James as if he intended the Pun* S: but all you need to know is he fucks for justice, and when he sees a beacon of light in the night he cums J: Must be a nightmare if the powers down on his street. Sam looks at him confused. The doorbell rings. They wait. And wait. Finally the baron answers. He's about 33 but looks 43. He has slicked back hair, shorts, sunglasses and a robe on. He looks like he's come out of a swimming pool, except he doesn't own a pool B: Sean! How ya doing The baron has a Mongrel English American accent. Not because he's lived in both places, but because he thinks it's good for business. S: it's Sam but not bad! B: is this Johnny? J: James... B: Johnny come in. Sean go get yourself a drink. He points towards a globe bar. Sam has trouble opening it. B: Johnny I am telling you, I've been crying out for this! Keeps the nerves calm, the brain ticking and the stars fuckin - He motions to some girls in bikinis. They also look like they've just gotten out of a pool, but it's becoming more and more apparent there's no pool. B: Sit! D'ya like movies? J: Yeah actually, I'm a bit of a... B: The Movies are great! But have you ever been disappointed you couldn't be in the movie? J: I'm not sure where this is... B: We make the movie goers dream possible! Most people wonder what it's like to fuck their favourite characters James thinks. He's never wanted to fuck his favourite film characters. His favourite movie is Schindlers list He sees a poster for Buttman and Rubbin J: Oh that's you is it? B: That's old news. Look at this. He produces a poster for Scooby Doo Me. J: that's a ... clever name B: isn't it? It answers the question of what it's like to watch the whole cast of Scooby Doo get their rocks off. J:... even Scooby? B: Scooby? Something wrong with you ya sick fuck? You wanna see a dog get fucked. J: No! It's just you said the whole cast and... B: And you wanted to see if the dog gets fucked? Christ kid. The dog and the mystery machine were not in our plans... J: The mystery machine? That's not a character and who would want to watch someone fuck the mystery machine B: Look kid, no one fucks the dog and no one fucks the van. I'm sorry if that's not good enough for you but we've got rules and morales here He crosses his leg. A bit of scrotum shows J: look I've got your stuff B: 10 Gram taster. Perfect. Hand it here He hands it over. They stare awkwardly. B:... Yes? J: well I was wondering when you were going to pay me B: Whoa whoa whoa when? If kid, if. It's a taster, a free sample. I'm just covering my ass here, you're new to me and no one likes getting fucked James looks at him confused B: well, the guys and girls here do but J: you know what? It's fine. Take the taster. When you call me next you'll pay for it all, Deal? The Baron spits on his hand. J: No need to shake you look like a man of your word. He gets up and starts to leave. Sam has finally prized the globe bar open J: were leaving S: James I've just got J: were leaving.