Elon Musk's obsession with the letter X feels like a villain from Between the Lions, like

Young lions Lionel and Leona are sitting at the library computers, chatting while they browse the web. Lionel is wearing a nametag.

LIONEL: Boy, I sure love Twitter dot com!

LEONA: Me too! I love to tweet!

(Menacing laughter from the shadows)

???: Don't you mean... XEET?

LIONS: Xelon!!

A puppet with a large forehead and an X for a mask emerges from behind a bookshelf.

XELON: And how sure are you you're on Twitter at all? Maybe you should look in the top corner of your web browser!

LEONA: (gasps) It's an X!!!!

XELON: I like your nametag, Lionel.... Or should I say XIONEL???

(Lionel looks down at his nametag and gasps, as a stylistic X has now been taped over the first letter)

XIONEL: Noooo!

LEONA: Change it back, Xelon! We don't want your Xs!

XELON: I don't care what you want! I'm Xelon Xusk and I xove the letter X!

(XELON laughs maniacally and runs out of the library, tacking random Xs onto literally every surface, changing the sign outside from Busterfield Library to the Xusterfield Xibrary)

Smol, Ask Game - Yakuza I'm curious

So. Full disclosure. I've only played Kiwami and 0, and am like...most of the way through Kiwami 2? So any knowledge I have of the rest of the franchise is via Tumblr and reading Majima's Wiki page (that's how I got here) So do bear with me lol.

3 male characters I love: To the shock of no one, Goro Majima. RGG really just made The Best Fictional Character Ever and just use him less and less huh I KNOW a lot of the characterisation came LONG after the first 6 games but IT STILL STANDS. Also also, Akira Nishikiyama. I know I've been more stuck on him recently but he's shoved his way to the front of my brain, but I still love Majima. They are both my boyfriends <3. Now hmmm, who gets the third spot....I know he was around for MUCH less time than I thought he would be, but I'm gonna say Homare Nishitani. He's a fucked up horny freak, he's just ACTUALLY a mad bastard and he loves it and I love him for it. I genuinely wish we got to fight him more it also makes fic more difficult cause I'm like 'wait when can he show up how does Sunshine fit in WHAT IS THE TIMELI-'. He's great, even though that first fight was very fucking bitchy.

3 female characters I love: Bold of you to assume there's more than 3 characters for me to pick from. Nah but uhhhh, can we count Yuko Nishikiyama when all my love for her is basically based on my own personal headcanons and interpretations? Let's call her a bonus option. Obviously Makoto Makimura, like I don't think I need to explain that do I? I think I also have to go withhhh.... Hibiki-chan and Yuki-chan. The fucking LORE IMPLICATIONS of Goromi's dress being a custom-made pink-snakeskin version of Hibiki's outfit?? And she was probably one of the most in love with him, idk she's just very sweet I love her. And Yuki is so cringefail but she thinks she's girlboss, I love that. Honestly I love all the Sunshine girls, more importantly I love the 'spares', yknow, the Golds and Silvers and Bronzes but I've mentioned that before, I should give them their own post.

3 romantic ships I love: Good morning Majimako nation :) It's a ship that brings me nothing but pain in canon and I love them so much, so thank God for fic writers vbhjnbhjn. I say canon brings me pain but they're just so cute and they understand each other's pain in a way others can't and it's like...all Majima had to do was give her closure, yknow? There's such a tragedy to it but I love them all the same. Also shoutout to the 7 other Majinishiki shippers out there. Yes I just put my two favourite beautiful men together. But the more I think about it the more I'm like "oh but this could be SO GOOD" cause they're both assholes and would both dislike each other and reckon they're polar opposites, which they appear to be on the surface, but they're more similar than they think and the idea of them learning that and being like "oh wait a minute....oh hang on...". They could be fun and funny and beautiful and hot so yeah, I've gotten real into it lol. Now....you know, I could pick the obvious, but it's time to push another agenda: Majima x Dolly. Yep. As in Doll Girl's mum. Look her kid has already decided he's her new dad, why not make it official? I just think Dolly is super cute, she's one of my favourite girls, and idk man it's really cute even though 0 content exists gvbhnjbhjn

3 platonic dynamics I love: Yuki and Majima's sibling bond means the world to me. Two cringefail weirdgirls who take turns being weird. Like one does something weird/stupid and the other is like "bro what the fuck is wrong with you" but then they switch and it's a constant bickering back and forth but you can tell it comes from a place of affection, and at the end of the day they do have each other's backs. Speaking of siblings, Nishiki and Kiryu. Yeah took my time bringing up the fuckin' protagonist didn't I? For all my Complicated Feelings towards Kiryu, his brotherly connection to Nishiki is clearer in 0 than it is in Kiwami, but when it's there it's there, man. These boys have each other's backs, they're the closest family they have, and seeing it fractured so tragically is heartbreaking. I wish they had more Heat Actions but the one they do have is delightful. OH, sorry, I had to take a minute irl to think of another platonic dynamic and I remembered: Kiryu and Rina. Yeah, the lesbian hostess from Kiwami who got the job to look at cute girls! The one who told Kiryu he can be wooed by men if he wants and he told her to not judge girls on such a binary femme/butch scale (well, 'cute/not cute'). I loved going to chat with her, they're really sweet and fun. Genuinely quite heartfelt conversations and I'm surprised how like...idk, progressive their chats are? It's sweet.

3 favorite moments in canon: This is actually very tricky to me, I've never really thought about ranking moments. Like, the games are a matter of 'vibing vibing vibing do some substories that give us some fun Kiryu characterisation do some plot I don't understand or particularly care for HOLY SHIT SUDDENLY IT'S REALLY GOOD AND THERE'S SOME GOOD CHARACTER/REALLY FUCKING COOL ACTION SCENES vibing vibing vibing' In no particular order:

The bit where Nishiki fuckin shanks Matsushige. I KNOW his psyche is shattering before our very eyes, I KNOW it's him well and truly crossing the line but like....Goddamn. I cannot have stated multiple times I find it to be his pinnacle of beauty and NOT include it, surely.

The entire Goromi interaction. What starts as a joke quickly just becomes a very heartfelt, honest chat between the two characters, and gives us a very welcome insight into Majima and what she's like when she's not wearing the Mad Dog mask. The cowards should give us a Goromi dating game.

Oh it's GOTTA be Majima's introduction, right? I feel like I can't be a Majima or Yakuza fan and not mention his intro in 0. Just the shot of those iconic shoes, seeing how he handles the whole customer conflict and faces it with such humility and grace and showmanship ALL WHILST HATING IT???? BUT MAINTAINING THAT COMPOSURE AND HAVING FUN FUCKING WITH HIM WHERE HE CAN???? Holy hell. Does the bit where he learns Essence of Blade Biting count tho because that's a favourite for a DIFFERENT reas-. (But also his intro in Kiwami was my actual introduction to him and I fell in love with him then so *shrugs*)

3 favorite headcanons: How to narrow it down to just 3? Hmmm. Actually now I think about it suddenly Every Headcanon I've Heard Has Vanished gvbhnjmbhjn. I'm not very good at making my own or ranking them so uhhhhh. Okay okay:

Trans man Kiryu is canon in my head. Idk man it just feels right.

OH I REMEMBER!! So I don't give a FUCK what canon says, too many people tower over Kiryu for him to be 6 foot. So my actual height headcanons are that Nishiki is 5' 8" (good height) and Kiryu is 5' 10", whereas Majima gets to remain his full 6' 1" glory, however, he slouches a fair amount so people sometimes people forget how fucking tall he is, so when he straightens to his full height people are like oh FUCK. These heights also mean that Nishiki, Who Is Not Short, looks quite small compared to the two men lmao

Sure he's willing to hide in empty trashcans, giant traffic cones and potholes to get the jump on his Kiryu-chan, but Majima actually can't stand being dirty. (1 year of constant torture probably does that to you) He has about 10 different products in his bathroom, a very thorough and regular hair-and-skincare routine. Probably has a floral or citrussy undertone hiding under the smell of smoke, sweat and blood he usually has.

3 least favorite things about it: *sighs*. Okay: 1. Its treatment of female characters. See Exhibit A) Yuko. As we introduce more female characters I fear it'll only get worse. And the thing is, I quite like the women we get!! They just Keep Being The Same!!! Like can I have something beyond Hostess/Bar Employee Who Is Nice To Kiryu and preferably DOESN'T die with little fanfare or just get written out? Makoto probably got out of this the best but even then, not really imo?? She still had her agency taken from her in that last choice. Idk man that's the crux of it ain't it, these women having little agency beyond how to serve the men in the story.

2. I Do Not Care For These Main Plots. By that I mean I am FAR less interested in these bits of political intrigue/conspiracy and plot twists about who works for who because I simply forget who half of these cunts are and I don't actually care. I care about the relationships between the characters, which granted is a more personal taste, but it always feels like....they have something there, and they kinda know it? But not enough to give it the rich and in-depth exploration it deserves because it'd rather throw a twist my way that someone's actually Korean or something about Jingu. (NO SERIOUSLY WHO THE FUCK IS JINGU WHAT WAS HAPPENING IN KIWAMI?!?!?) It leads to Substory Kiryu and Main Story Kiryu being two different men in my head, and I much prefer one over the other

3. Kinda related to the treatment of female characters but like. The softcores. The telephone club minigame. The catfight club. MesuKing. Please stop. They're not sexy, they're not fun, they're just really uncomfortable. It doesn't help that the girl in the background for telephone club game is the fucking same but with a different bikini colour like would it KILL yall to get some body diversity?? Actually if you did that the joke would be she's fat and ugly hahahahaha so funny I loooove this I'm Having Fun Playing the game alongside bae and/or bestie honestly makes it more uncomfy, but watching softcores on my own for the sake of a substory somehow feels sadder. We started fuckin' reviewing them lmaooooo like "Okay THAT'S a pretty tasteful and sexy pose, I'll use that for ref. And now I don't know what she's doing. Please stop looking at me like that" etc etc. Basically anytime the game tries to offer me a 'sexy surprise' or a minigame with tits in it I'm just very uncomfortable. I visited that catfight club ONCE for the uh. Wait which Billionaire was it? GAMBLING KING!! Yeah him and then I never went back because why the hell would I, this is MesuKing But Even Worse. So yeah. Please stop. (I feel like they won't)

That was very long and rambly and probably more in-depth than ya wanted/expected, I'm sure others just write their faves and leave it at that lol. Despite my little experience with the franchise overall and my many issues and criticisms, I do actually quite like this franchise so far. By that I mean my brain has decided to adore Two Characters so I have a feeling I know what games will be my faves overall lol.

HOWEVER I'm actually really looking forward to playing 3 because it's got Mine in it and I've heard it's good, 4 gives us my boy Saejima who I'm excited to learn more about (and Akiyama?? I think?? Idk I'm pretty sure he sings Baka Mitai in 5 aka The Best Version of The Song). 5 introduces us to a Ms Mirei Park and BEFORE YOU ALL START: I'm reeeeally looking forward to making my own judgement because she's SO divisive as a character I cannot help but be fascinated. Ooh same with Yasuko in 4. I think I'm gonna like her, but I might not. Who knows?

And of course from the Entire Hour we played of 7 I already love Ichiban and I think he's gonna be my best friend ever, what a cutie. I'll even sit through turn-based combat for his sake (I KNOW SOME OF YALL LIKE IT AND I'M HAPPY FOR YOU I'VE JUST NEVER BEEN INTO JRPGS THE CLOSEST I'VE GOTTEN WAS POKEMON MOON WHICH I NEVER FINSIHED BUT THAT'S A STORY FOR ANOTHER TIME)

Anyway uh. Hope yall enjoyed my ramblings lol