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#god damn this place is dead..
shadow0-1 · 1 year
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With what lurks around dark corners
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monty-glasses-roxy · 3 months
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Thinking about Roxy and my Plex Mangle meeting in a way that somewhat mirrors how Mangle met the original Roxy and Mangle just having to deal with that I guess
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cinnabeat · 1 year
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kh is so funny bc its just a bunch of people fighting for their right to exist as their own person lmao
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i've been following you for years now like the morning papers but with memes, and i'm really sorry to see you struggling. i sent you a bit of money over paypal i hope it helps
omfg it does????? i was panicking because i just started door dashing and on the last bit of gas in my car and you just bought the tank i needed 😭😭😭 i love u sm gas is so goddamn expensive in tampa. thank you for your kindness bb i will send vibes to you every night
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elprupneerg · 9 months
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i need to find the people who "inspected" my new place and said it was in good condition and i need to beat their ass so hard they quit their job and never leave any other tenants with a place as weirdly fucked up as this one ever again
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lonesomedotmp3 · 1 year
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also evil dead sucked major ass I'm sick of staying silent the more I think about it the more it seems like a total failure under any criteria u give
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ALREADY DEAD I AM SO SORRY. I DID NOT KNOW EXPECTATIONS WAS SUCH A BANGER
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lyrifaun · 2 years
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eldritchafterhours · 1 year
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Welcome to Our Abode!
Without having to say it, this is an 18+ mogai coining account, with many of the terms that we may coin or reblog being extremely nsft. So if you are a minor, click away now or you will be blocked.
Additionally, we will reblog and create other NSFT content, such as drawings, fics, imagines, and anything like that. If seeing that content makes you uncomfortable, please click away.
For those of you are still here, I hope you have a nice stay!
My icon was drawn by me while the banner is the tentakinkic flag made by @epikunpa (if you want to be untagged let me know)
Before getting into the tagging system i will be using on this blog, i would like to note that my main account is @eldritchnbinspace while my coining blog (co-run with a friend) is @mimiscoiningcafe!
Anyway, below the cut is my tagging system as well as any additional tags that i will use (will be changed as new things are added)!
Tagging System!
💔 cross my heart and hope to die | reblogs 🖤 there's parts of me i cannot hide | talking ❤️‍🔥 embracing the madness | coining ��� just shadows that dance in my headspace | queue 💄 leaving nothing but phantoms in their wake | archive ❤️‍🩹 there's no heroes or villains in this place | hoard 😈 my devils they whisper in my ear | imagines 💥 take a step into the havoc | art 🎭 they beg me to write them so they'll never die when i'm dead | writing 👑 god damn right you should be scared of me | my content 18+ mogai nsft 18+ liom nsft imagines / imagines nsft nsft art / art nsft nsft kink / kink nsft nsft writing / writing nsft minors dni / dni minors monsterfucking / tw monsterfucking / monsterfucking tw / monsterfucking kink teratophilia / tw teratophilia / teratophilia tw / teratophilia kink oviposition / oviposition tw / tw oviposition / oviposition kink mogai after hours 👠 who is in control? | templates gore / tw gore / gore tw / gore cw / cw gore / gore kink weed / weed mention / tw weed / weed tw watersports / tw watersports / watersports tw / watersports cw / cw watersports / watersports kink vore / tw vore / vore tw / cw vore / vore cw / vore kink
Note: Any kink that is not mentioned here will be tagged, using the system that I have established [insert kink] / tw [insert kink] / [insert kink] tw / [insert kink] kink! That is why my tagging system more or less will be permanently a WIP because I never know what I'll reblog/have to add to the tags because I'm forgetful
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magnoliamyrrh · 2 years
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#i really fucking hate how hard i was dissociating in class#and it happened before too when i wasnt on these meds yet#i wasn't even high.#i rly hate having to acknowledge that im like this. over and over again. that this is a reality#. and i hate having to acknowledge that im disabled in public#like im in pain in public. or occasionally limping. or needing to sit down. or looking half dead. or god worst of all being visibility#mentally ill that one makes me wanna dig myself into the dirt and never come out#i hate that im not all there. that i cant be no matter how hard i try. and then im in the middle of fucking class like#who am i?#im so used to it but its still so much to put up with all the goddd damn time and all the time having to pretend that im ok or sane or#remotely funcitoning and not lowkey having a flashback in the middle of fucking class for unknown reasons. while this brain works overtime#to mask it take it to the inner and shove someone else in the front#......... god this is why ive actually kinda enjoyed my self imposed period of solitude#and even so when my parents are sround i still have to do thst almost 24/7#like i just wanna be insane in peace fjkdd left in my own soup as we say in romanian.... it takes too much effort to mask with strangers#... idk it makes it hard too when i meet people in person sometimes? because the moment the conversation gets past casual its like...#i want to answer your questions. i do not want to lie. but i also dont particularly want to tell the truth... tho i am not fond of telling#half truths either#... this is why over the years ive prefered 2 places to meet people 1)tumblr 2)psych ward lmaoo but fr. its the same vibe#because in a ward people are at their realest. no bullshit. all vulnerability. some of the realest most genuine impactful connections ive#made w ppl have been in wards.... and. tumblr is the one place outside or wards lmao. or my own brain. where im..... where i dont mask#where i dont put an effort to mask#... so when ppl start talking to me on here (even tho im at times bad at replying sorry idk why its so hard for me i need to work on it)#its like. well. you already have likely known for months or years that im fucking insane so 🤷‍♀️#.......... i didnt used to be this anxious. and to be honest im not quite sure i seem anxious either because i have been told too often i#seem confident? charasmatic? self assured? bitch fucking where i feel like slippery cold noodles inside from anxiety#.... its partially that im not used to being around so many ppl anymore. its partially the more severe trust issues ive developed again as#of late... but at the same time probability my general fedupness thsts been brewing for 12 years with a lotta the culture here isnt helping#either... but... I also think ive just.... ive become incredibly incredibly frustrated with my mental and physical illnesses lately.. very#and their(my) limitations which i hate acknowledging. and all this fucking shame i got too over it. when i accepted it myself i did no care
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29121996 · 3 months
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#it is . Only Thursday n to recap the last 48hrs Alone;#i got fired . had a job interview . hung out w AFew People n did so mucb socialising .#had a Breakdown and a BreakThrough . and saw [redacted] uptown .#that alone is smty i amnprocessing bc what the fuck was tonighy . genuinely what the fuck am i doing and wit essing rn.#AHHHH nope. i cannot rmb this tmr i will habe to kms#oh my god . no.#fuck that mf for always makinf me feel that Thing bc damn if he doesnt . look good n set of a set of alarms i mn me#dawg . i am forev mer fuckrd as long as i live here fr . some9nes gotta move ! bc i cannot . move on romanrically if he is just .#iut here existinf and showing up to places im at . n sendijg me odd mssgd at fuck ass hours of the night like .#everything abt this n him isnso Intrigueing to ne n its addictive .#yea im fucked. truly fucked#i know i could like . Potentuslly Move On eventually and i Will .#but i know how icwork . n i do hate what that mwans tocme. awful. fucking awful.#why a MAN . whyd i have to add anothrr man to that room !!!!!!! dawg !!!!!!#rmb joking abt how if it didnt work out w him id have ti date women#n i fear i may have been right tbh. like no man is Cutting It Close. nocone does it for me like him :/#i checked mt tumblr following today . theres abt 13#1.3k of u fuckers#logically mosy od them are dead or bots#but still . thats an insane amt#anyway . my insane obsessuon w . how hr works . dawg.#sometimes i will see him or come across a photo of him n i will rmv why i do love him .#n its so fucking awful bc i am just . Fucked. im so fucked. n all of this Sucks Ass.#n idk what tocdo abt it. eho the fuck am i supposed toctslk to abt it.#logivslly him but i cant do that . even tho him brekaing nc tecgnicslly means freegame vc Dawg what thebfucj#but . i genuinsly do Not know what to fucking say. n that Sucks lol.#like.
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arolesbianism · 4 months
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My ass is not beating the predictable allegations (is still thinking abt oni at 4 am)
#rat rambles#I have to go places tomorrow help#anyways this is probably just a brief buzz of reading smth fun. probably.#ok ok its kind of a choice Im having to make cause like I could just like step back but I could also step in#and while by all means I should step back and probably will I am oh so tempted to step in#who would stop me from just completely reworking the lore and making shit up there is no oni fandom#I could do whatever I want I could make the dupes characters too I could make dupe ocs and no one could stop me#but also should I let myself fixate on smth that absolutely no one gives a shit abt character wise? absolutely not Im already on thin ice#theres like two ppl here who give a single shit abt even one of the things Im into I do not need to isolate them too gmfkdjd#this is a joke btw I dont give a shit abt what my followers want from me lol#I just also don't know if Im willing to make such a commitment to smth that I ultimately can only get so deep into due to the nature of it#most of the named characters are long dead and their remains arent characters theyre just goofy goobers#its such a fun looking playground but I worry Id get bored too fast if I dont click with the rest of the cast#like the scientists are great and all but idk if I have it in me to be a jeamhead or whatever#also I was abt to say legally I cant like otto but theyre nonbinary god damnit#damn klei and their canonically nonbinary characters#diversity win! the shady morally ambiguous at best for profit company exploits nonbinary ppl too
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emeraldcreeper · 5 months
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Fucking hell when I die I want people to not say I hate fixing this media collection you’ve got here
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moongothic · 7 months
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Finished TOTK yesterday, I have a mouth, so I must scream
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Be warned, the be spoilies, but TL:DR; Good Game
I don't even know where to start, maybe the boring stuff? The gameplay changes from BOTW?
I dunno, I feel like generally speaking TOTK improved upon BOTW's gameplay mechanics in every way, or simply changed neither for better or worse
Like. The Sage Powers are fine, they're fun. But I did prefer the original Champion Abilities from BOTW. I do understand why they changed the abilities the way they did, the BOTW ones were kind of... basic. Like they were game mechanics any game could have, and some of them (Revali's Gale ESPECIALLY) could have literally broken the game and/or made much of the other new abilities completely pointless. They NEEDED to change for TOTK. And so we get the Sage Powers, which were much more situational. But they also helped add challenge to the game because they weren't these get-out-of-jail cards you could pull out of your pocket to cheese through any situation. Like no Mipha's Prayer means either you make sure you have fairies in your pocket, or you heal yourself every chance you get, or you simply die. Mipha ain't got your back. Nor Daruk. Nor Urbosa. Nor Revali. It's just you and the Sages if/when their powers happen to be useful.
That said. I did miss Revali's Gale the entire time I was playing and would have exchanged literally every single other ability in the game for the Gale. It was just so convenient man
If there's one thing I WISH TOTK hadn't changed and/or kept the same, it would be the Memories. Like. I didn't dislike the system they had going with the memories, but they way they changed it WHILE keeping it the same made TOTK's Dragon Tears a worse experience than BOTW's Memories (for me at least)
You see. Based on all the dialogue through out the game, it's kind of obvious in hindsight that you were arguably meant to do the Geoglyph Quest AFTER finding AT LEAST the first four sages, maybe even after finding Mineru and/or saving the Deku Tree. And that would be fine, but the thing is.
Like. In BOTW the Memories you really had to go out of your way to find, they were sometimes pretty well hidden and hard to find after all, but in BOTW even if you did find the Memories out of order or before doing any other sidequests, they didn't really affect the story at all, right
In TOTK, they attached the Memories to GIGANTIC LANDMARKS YOU CAN SEE FROM MILES AWAY. You don't have to go looking for jack shit, the Geoglyphs will fucking find YOU instead
NOT TO MENTION, in BOTW there was a True Ending you could only unlock if you got all the Memories, right. Knowing that OF COURSE most players would go out of their way to just fucking RUSH to each Geoglyph as fast as they could, because OF COURSE we want to know what happened to Zelda and the Master Sword
And. Like I know My Experience is not universal.
But, being the massive Fi Simp that I am, immidiately after I finished the Wind Temple I headed for the Korok Forest and the Master Sword geoglyph, because I wanted to know where Fi My Beloved is and if she's fucking okay
So The Master Sword Geoglyph was literally the third memory I watched.
The one where Zelda states she's going to become an immortal dragon to reach the future.
The third memory I watched. That fucking one.
Like. I'm not saying getting spoiled on Zelda becoming the Light Dragon so early on RUINED my precious experience, I still enjoyed the game deeply despite that. But I do, really really wish, that I hadn't seen that memory until much later. Not just because it was frustrating to listen to every character be like "oh jeez I wonder where Zelda is" when I know exactly where the fuck she is, but also because it did affect my enjoyment of the rest of the memories. Like, there's a great story TOTK is telling, but I've already seen the most important part, the part I was the most invested in, the end of it. So the rest, the way we get there... kind of doesn't matter.
I feel like had they either NOT given the players advice on how to interact with the Geoglyphs so early in the game (meaning you probably wouldn't know how to see the memories until later unless you figured out how to brute force them yourself), OR had they just kept the Memories more hidden like in BOTW... IDK, I think either method would have worked better than the way TOTK ended up doing it
All that aside, I gotta say. It's not often that a story leaves me feeling as mortified, empty and sad as TOTK did. Nor as inspired and full of hope as TOTK did. Like. Normally I'm very numb and don't get invested in storie, I rarely get emotional over a story. I rarely get invested. And TOTK just managed to wack me over the head, it's genuinely impressive
Like I don't know what to say, that was so fucking good man
Like. Of course, the best parts of the story where when all the sages united together and I just WISH Nintendo would have allowed there to be more moments like that, I could not get enough and simply yearned for more. I don't even mean during gameplay, just give me a few more cutscenes man 😭
I don't even know what to say anymore. It was a good game. I don't know what to do with my life anymore now that I beat it lmao
#Moon posting#LOZ#Shout out to me when I first went to the Korok Forest#Spent like two hours trying to figure out how to get in until I realized the Depth's map matches the Surface map#And that the entrance to the forest would be in the same place#Of course. I did not remember that there was a chasm near to the entrance at all#I just knew there was a Big Chasm near Typhlo for Dinraal to use#So I just had to haul ass from all the way there#And when I finally got to the Forest Area#There's fucking GLOOM HANDS#AT THIS FUCKING POINT. I HAD ENCOUNTERED THE HANDS. ONCE. JUST FUCKING ONCE BEFORE#I did a Shrine in Central Hyrule. Came out. Walked to some trees to pick some apples. Saw something on the other side of the trees.#Before I even knew what was happening I was fucking dead#Jump scared by the god damn Gloom Hands#My only encounter#And mind you I had just barely finished the first temple. I was in no fucking way prepared to fight these fucks#But at this point I had spent so much fucking time trying to get to the Forest I didn't want to give up#So after Many Attempts (and abusing saves) I managed to somehow run past the hands and get to the actual Korok Forest#Shit it ain't good. Of course#So I go check what's wrong with the Deku Tree and. Oh. MORE GLOOM HANDS#So for like the first third of my playthrough my only goal was to get strong enough to beat the Gloom Hands and save the Deku Tree#That was the only thing I cared about. The only thing I worked towards. Must save tree and find Fi#ALSO. I DID NOT KNOW HESTU WAS AT LOOKOUT LANDING#Don't think I even went to the Landing after leaving it. So as far as I knew when Hestu left Tabantha it meant he was on his way to home#And just wouldn't appear at the Korok Forest until the Deku Tree was saved#So I played with no extra inventory slots for a GOOD LONG WHILE#WHICH DID NOT HELP WITH THE GLOOM HANDS#This game was so scary like. It did not have to go so hard on being scary and yet it did
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milo-is-rambling · 9 months
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It’s a beautiful night to cry in the shower over dead father figures in your life
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falling-endlessly · 3 months
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The Finer Things in Death
Alastor x Soulmate!Female!Reader
Summary: An AU where your soulmate's first words to you are tattooed on your body in their handwriting.
Oh dear, where's your smile?
You knew those words by heart. Could recite them backwards, in your sleep even. Those damning words have been inscribed on the inside of your ankle for as long as you could remember, the elegant cursive strokes poking out of your shoe line.
In theory, somewhere, someone else was supposed to be sporting your own neat, boxy handwriting. You'd say you lucked out with yours. Some soul marks were less than pleasant, and others were downright embarrassing (imagine having the words move, asshole written on your stomach for the rest of your life. No thank you).
At least your soulmate was trying to cheer you up, right?
Yeah, but there was just one teeny, tiny problem.
Your soulmate was dead. Long dead actually.
Were they stillborn? Did their toddler self die in a house fire or something? Night after night you laid awake in your bed, pondering what the hell could have possibly happened to have altered the entire course of fate.
All you really knew was that your soul mark was a light gray (indicating a severed bond) instead of the usual inky black, and it had been since the day you were born. Everyone was in shock to see the faint words on your little ankle. After all, how could a soul mark exist if the other person wasn't even alive to speak those words into existence?
Simply put, you were a conundrum, and it had been some time since you had dedicated effort into figuring out why? You'd accepted it. Your soulmate was dead. Life went on.
Besides, you'd spent enough time grieving over someone you'd never met before.
Your lifestyle was not extravagant by any means, but it was comfortable. You had a steady income, lived on your own in an apartment in the city, and survived off of more than ramen bowls. Every day you would come home and read in your little fluffy alcove that you'd built yourself by your window, or pop open a bag of chips (and the occasional bottle of wine, if you were feeling fancy) while you watched the latest crime show releases from your couch.
Yes, so comfortable was your little routine, that you didn't notice the robbery happening in the convenience store you were browsing in, or the stray bullet coming for your head until it was too late. Your skull exploded in a world of pain, eyes rolling back as your body crumpled to the ground.
Dying was an interesting experience, to say the least. Your soul floated from your body, the final notes of music that blasted from your earphones fading into nothingness like the sound of a car driving away.
There was a brief moment where you were struck numb, hovering in the air as you stared down at your glassy eyed corpse, blood pooling alarmingly from the circular shaped hole in your head. You heard screams of the other customers behind you, but they were kind of muffled, like you were underwater.
It didn't last long though, because before you knew what was happening, you felt an almighty tug downwards,  like an anchor had just chained itself to your stomach.
And that was how you ended up in hell. Fun. What were you here for? You had no idea. Maybe God got mad that your teenage self stole a few packs of gummy bears in high school. But a life of eternal damnation and suffering seemed a little harsh, didn't it?
Before you could contemplate the semantics of it though, something...strange happened. Your ankle, right where you'd tried countless times to forget your soul mark existed, was burning like a fucking brand.
You hissed sharply in pain, frantically pulling down your sock to assess the damage. Was the eternal punishment starting already or something? Shit, you had terrible pain tolerance.
But what you saw made you gasp. In fact, you could hardly believe your eyes.
Because in the place of your faded grey soul mark, the letters had been reinvigorated, darkened with a swift hand and—glowing they were glowing holy shit.
"Hah," you huffed in disbelief, shaking your head slowly. "So that was it, huh? I was destined to meet my shitty soulmate in hell this whole fucking time?" You punctuated the last words with a few angry kicks to an unassuming patch of weeds. What a cosmic joke at your existence.
But, like you always did in shitty situations, you gathered all of your raging emotions, stuffed them tightly in a box at the back of your mind, and cooled your head. Freaking out in this place would do you no good.
Turned out hell was pretty much like the world you'd left, except for the fact that you could kill someone on the street and nobody would bat an eye. Like all of the depraved aspects of humanity were on full display now in a somehow still functioning society.
You managed to snag a job at an old record store, the owner giving you one look before grunting and gesturing to the register—but not before lifting his jacket to show you the long assault riffle strapped across his chest. Yeesh, you got the message.
It wasn't a bad job by any means, especially considering where you were. Sure a little boring and monotonous, but you'd restock thousands of old albums if it meant staying away from the overlords.
Oh, yeah, another thing. Overlords were like the big shots around hell. Messing with them usually meant a death sentence, or worse, a contract.
And if there was anything at all that you picked up from all those nights of watching television, it was that you do not make deals with the devil. Really, elementary level shit. And you'd never actually seen Lucifer, mind you, but these demons were probably a close second, right?
Yeah, so really, you were just living a shittier variant of your life on earth it seemed. Repetitive, safe and comforting. You were even starting to like the scent of musty cardboard, as weird as that was.
And once again, all thoughts of your soulmate slipped your mind.
Until one day, when everything went to shit.
****
It started like this: with the sad sight of your empty fridge.
You groaned, dragging a tired hand down your face. Seriously? You thought you'd restocked already, damn it. 
Your stomach growled achingly, and you sighed, wondering if you'd actually die again if you starved yourself. Begrudgingly, you decided that you didn't really want to chance it, throwing on the first set of clothes that you saw and slipping out of your dingy apartment to make a quick grocery run.
You generally hated leaving your apartment, and didn't do so except to retrieve bare necessities or walk across the block to go to work.
Why? Well, see exhibit A to your left: some poor, random demon screeching and running around on fire. See exhibit B to your right: a turf war between two rival gangs. And finally how could you forget, cannibal colony, slurping up intestines like bloody, chunky spaghetti. Disgusting.
The worst thing about hell wasn't the fact that you were in hell, it was the fact that the worst of the worst people were all cramped together like some fucked up refugee camp, and some people were significantly worse than others. Which sucked, for the poor unfortunate souls just trying to get by. Like you.
You sighed, ducking under a stray stream of bullets (you weren't falling for that shit twice) and side stepping pools of blood and guts. Just a regular Monday morning in hell. God damn it.
It seemed luck wasn't on your side though, because an ugly, dog-headed demon blocked your path, sneering down at you smugly. "Hey bitch, it's your lucky day. The big boss is hiring, and you fit the profile."
You clenched your grocery bags in a white-knuckled grip. Nobody would give a flying fuck if you were dragged off of the street in broad daylight. "Not interested."
"Oh it wasn't a suggestion," he chuckled darkly. You tensed as you were surrounded by at least four other demons. Shit, you knew you should have slept in.
"You like apples?" You nodded sharply at the demon in charge.
His face twisted in annoyance. "Why the fuck do y—"
You reached into your bag, before hurling a granny smith straight at his forehead. He yelped as it made contact, stumbling back as he shook his head in confusion. While everyone was still in shock from your weapon of choice, you shoved your way out of the circle, gunning it straight down the street because your second life did depend on it.
"Get her!" You heard a yell of absolute rage, making you shiver. Fuck, that did not sound promising. That apple must have really pissed him off.
Putting your limited aerobics to use, you ducked, dodged and lunged through the crowd like a pro. Your heart pounded wildly in your chest, air burning your lungs as you pumped your legs faster. But of course, your grocery bag ripped open, sending all of your food tumbling and you by extension, tripping and face planting in the dirt rather pathetically.
A meaty hand gripped a handful of your hair, yanking it up harshly. You cried out as he pulled, hands uselessly trying to smack his away, but his hold only tightened. A liquor-filled breath and cheap cologne invaded your senses, making you cough.
"Uppity bitch," he growled, giving your scalp a painful yank for good measure. "You actually thought you could get away? Maybe I should teach you a lesson, huh? Sample the goods."
You froze, every nerve in your body going cold. So far in your stay in hell, you'd managed to avoid the more depraved souls here. You kept your head down, didn't draw attention to yourself, and were mostly left alone. Looked like today, your luck had finally run out.
"Get the hell off of me!" You spat, twisting around vehemently, only for your head to snap to the side as you were harshly backhanded.
"Stop your fucking whining and stay still!" He snapped, narrowing his eyes.
You bared your teeth, snapping at him aggressively.
A round of mocking chuckles went around the group of your kidnappers, the one holding your hair giving you a wicked grin. "Shit, that was cute. Really—"
He didn't get to finish his sentence, because his head exploded. Literally exploded, blood and brain matter dripping from your face. His hand went slack, dropping you on your wobbling knees.
Everyone was silent for a second, staring at the bloody mess where the demon was standing two seconds prior.
And that was when you heard it. Static. Loud, crackling and ominous.
Your mouth went dry. Shit. Shitty shit shit. You knew what that meant. How could you not? The asshole broadcasted his killings all over hell like a fucking psychopath. And now, it was your turn to become hell's gory entertainment. Fan-fucking-tastic.
You stood frozen, breath stuck in your throat as dark, menacing tendrils slowly curled along the walls. A large, grinning shadow rounded the corner, before the culprit himself stalked into view, razor sharp teeth on display as he tilted his head. "Oh," his grin widened. "Am I interrupting?"
"N-No man," one of the braver demons stuttered, taking a step back. "You can have her—"
Splat.
You turned slowly to face the bloody wall, eyes wide in disbelief.
"How distasteful," the radio demon shook his head. "As if I'd participate in your brainless thuggery. No, no. Unlike you gentlemen, I have class. Truly," his eyes lit up like glowing radio dials, a dark shadowy mass rising behind him as his antlers branched out like a gnarled, rotten tree. "Did your mother never teach you any manners?"
Faster than you could blink, the demons around you were reduced to blood, cartilage and splintered bone. The overwhelming irony scent made you want to gag, but you didn't dare move a muscle, eyes fixated on the terrifying sight before you.
When the radio demon noticed your staring, his smile sharpened, antlers shrinking as he leisurely approached you. Oh no. Nononono.
You struggled to keep from hyperventilating, your body going into shock as he leaned into your personal space. Two bloody fingers pushed into your cheeks, forcing your mouth into a morbid, artificial smile. "Oh dear," he tutted in amusement. "Where's your smile?"
You jerked back violently, eyes wide as icy cold realization washed over you. Dread squeezed your lungs as you stared at the grinning, bloody figure of your soulmate in horror.
The radio demon. Psychopath and mass murderer.
Your soulmate.
What the FUCK.
"T-This," your voice shook. "This is not happening."
There was a sudden screech of radio static, before his own eyes widened. Shit. "What," he said sharply. "Did you just say?"
"A-Ah," you trembled, leaning back. Every single nerve in your body was alight, screaming at you to get the ever-loving fuck away from him.  In what was probably the stupidest and most desperate plan of your life, you pointed over his shoulder fearfully. "Look! Another one!"
As soon as he turned his head, you bolted down the street.
****
You slammed your front door closed behind you, double—triple checking your lock before sliding down to the floor in a panting mess.
Immediately you grew paranoid. What the fuck were you thinking? A lock wouldn't keep the radio demon out. You needed fifty more locks and ten more doors. You needed to barricade yourself inside for the next month. You needed—
"Hello there!" An exuberant voice chirped.
You screamed, throwing the first thing you could grab in his direction. He caught the house slipper, inspecting it in amusement, before tossing it over his shoulder.
"My, did I scare you sweetheart? Apologies," he grinned smugly, relaxing in your recliner with a mug of coffee. Your favorite mug.  
You blinked. What the fuck?
"What are you doing in my house?" You squeaked, fingers digging into your welcome mat.
"Oh dear, allow me to introduce myself," he set the mug down on your coffee table, leisurely rising from the couch and offering a hand. "I'm Alastor! A pleasure to be meeting you sweetheart, quite a pleasure."
You didn't take his hand, instead choosing to gape at him like a dead fish.
He retracted his hand, tilting his head with a shit-eating grin. Twirling his cane, he continued like there wasn't just an awkward and terrifying pause. "I hope you don't mind that I followed you! You see, I believe our conversation was cut a bit...short." His eyes glowed as unidentifiable symbols floated in the air around him.
As quickly as they appeared however, they disappeared like they were never there. Jesus Christ, this man was giving you emotional whiplash. "Anywho!" He perked up again, ever the charming grin on his face. "Enough about me! I've yet to catch your name, darling."
Fuck. You really didn't want to give him your name.
But before you could open your mouth, he leaned closer to you, grin widening ominously. "I hope you're not thinking of lying, my dear. I must say, I'm not very fond of that quality."
"Y-Y/n!" You said quickly, raising your hands to shield your face.
There was a slight pause, before a gentle touch swiped at your cheek, retracting after a moment. You peeked your eye open, only to become vaguely ill at the sight.
"You had a little something on your face," he chuckled in amusement, holding out a clump of brain matter. With a swift flick, it was magicked away.
"What do you want?" You whimpered, overwhelmed with the entire situation.
"Oh dear, is it really that strange for me to want to get to know my soulmate?" He tilted his head, leaning towards you uncomfortably close.
"Y-Yes, actually," you stuttered, trying to look anywhere but his prominent red eyes. "I thought you'd do something more along the lines of...killing and eating me." You shrunk back as his grin widened. "Please don't eat me."
"How morbid, I would never!" He waved it away, like the idea was preposterous. "My word! What awful rumors you've been hearing about me!"
"You frequent cannibal colony and I just saw you tear apart six demons like they were freshly baked bread," you stared at him incredulously. "What hasn't been spot on?"
He paused, before giving you a humoring chuckle. "Well it seems your impression of me needs correcting!" Before you knew what was happening, nimble fingers encircled your wrist, pulling it forward gently. He pressed warm lips to the back of your hand, before giving you a charming grin. "Enchantée, ma chère."
You blinked, breath stuck in your throat. "What—What does that mean?"
"Oh, don't you worry your pretty little head about it!" He gently set your hand down, before pinching your cheek condescendingly. "Well my dear, I'm afraid I have other responsibilities I must attend to!"
He stood up with a flourish, leaning on his microphone cane as he smirked at you. "Not to worry!" He snapped his fingers, and a slim, feminine shadow emerged from the ground. "Missy here will watch over you in my stead."
"What? No, I—"
"I'll be back before you know it!" He offered a chilling smile, before melting into a puddle of shadows.
You gaped at the spot where he once stood, trying to process what the actual fuck just happened. Your gaze slid over to the feminine looking shadow, still standing in the corner of your living room. She grinned at your attention, teeth sharpened.
You closed your eyes, head thumping back against your door in exhaustion. 
"I'm so fucked."
****
Enchantée, ma chère : Charmed, my dear
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