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#getting Real Close 2 the anniversary november is a bad month n i always try 2 make it better but it never lasts i always end up nostalgic 4
gumdecay · 6 years
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#getting Real Close 2 the anniversary november is a bad month n i always try 2 make it better but it never lasts i always end up nostalgic 4#the hospital n nurses who like me n bandages around my wrists n routines that i dont get 2 give up on n showers that u have 2 keep pressing#the button for or theyll go cold and ruined socks from that one brief bit u have 2 walk outside n i always forget those tacky sandals they g#ive u n trying not 2 laugh at the med check bc whats the point of hiding it when i Want To Be Here i Want To Get Better but i never rlly do#ive said it b4 n ill say it again probably until i die I Want Residential!! i want 2 live in a hospital 4ever i want it 2 b someone elses re#sponsibility 2 take care of me its 2 much weight 4 me to carry i want to push it off onto someone else whos equipped 2 carry it!!#winter is a bad season and i see it coming but i let it smack me in the fuckin face Every Time like ppl joke abt seasonal depression bc we'r#e depressedall yr long right l o l but like.. winter makes it worse ok!! im already suicidal bring on the cold n its amplified by a million#like i cant go a damn minute cant go 60 fuckin Seconds w/o thinking abt how badly i want 2 die lol and november is the worst going 2 grandma#s n sam commenting on how bad my acne is when rlly i spent the last 40 minutes scratching at my face until it bled plans 2 od until l came a#nd ruined that plan (still bitter abt it esp now we're not talking again like shoulda just let me die bitch!!) stuffing my fucking face on t#hanksgiving n hating myself for at least amonth after guilty over the money spent on me @ christmas but not enough 2 tell them not 2#the whole fuckin month is cursed the whole season is cursed this fuckin Life is Cursed ok n im tired of it i just want 2 b taken care of n#As Always im blaming it on my mother not comforting or holding me as an infant/child bc fuckin Johnathon shared the bed until he was a yr n#a half n she didnt want 2 go thru that again so she just let me cry alone lol :') anyway uhhh todays bad this month is bad this season is ba#d n im not allowed 2 attempt so im not gonna but like. today feels like a Great Fuckin Day 2 slit my throat so :')) we'll see :')) if i do i#gotta make sure itll work bc if i attempt n dont die im inpatient n then No dbt for a Year lmfao so if i do it i gotta do it!! :'))#no od for me bc that never fuckin works just lands me in the hospital with sick down my front and a brain that works a Little Bit Less each#time :') this brain is already shit cant get rid of anything else or ill literally stop functioning so like. what does that leave but slitti#ng my throat?? too cold 2 drown id chicken out in a minute n theres nowhere good 2 hang myself so if i do it i gotta do it :') one slash n i#ts Done n Over with!! wonder if my bitch ass will go thru w it lmfao :'))))
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angelbabyszn · 4 years
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Can you make a part 2 of first love (Oscar x reader) or are you going to ? I feel like it was unfinished like it wasn’t supposed to happened....
First Love (Oscar X Reader) - Part Two
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Requested! Read Part One to understand part two. Part One here ➡️ Part One
OMB Masterlist
Recap:
"Y/N. I wanted you this whole time. Before our benefits. I want to be with you." said Spooky looking deep into his eyes.
You looked at him and slapped him hard which made everybody gasp.
"You should have claimed me once I told you I love you. Now leave!" you shouted with a force voice and Spooky took one last glance at you before walking out of the party.
You stared at the door he left out of as you started to cry real hard. James walked over and hugged you tight as you cried. You never thought you were kicking him out of your life. Your first love.
Part Two:
You and James were walking through the college park hand and hand while James was holding your notebooks for different classes in his other hand three months later.
Colored leaves were falling down from the trees while a little bit of wind passed through. 
It was November and you were wearing a burgundy sweater with black pants and burgundy boots. James is wearing a black Nike hoodie and sweatpants along with red Jordan shoes.
You started your junior year of college a month ago along with James. You and James were going out tonight to celebrate your three month anniversary.
"I can't wait to celebrate tonight. You got mega surprises coming up." said James with a smile as he looks at you.
"I can't wait either. You got basketball practice tonight?" you asked while looking at him.
"Yeah. But it's only for a hour. Then I can start off my Thanksgiving break with my three month anniversary with my beautiful girlfriend." say James with a smile and he unwraps his right hand from your left hand and puts his right arm around your waist to pull him closer to you while walking.
"You're so sweet. You always know what to say." you say while you gain a blush and James smiled big knowing what he does to you.
You and James stop at a building with two doors opened with students walking in and out of the door.
"Well I'm off to English." you said while you took James arm off your body and took your notebooks from James’s arm.
"Bye babe. See you tonight." said James with a smile.
"See you." you said and you gave James a quick kiss and you entered the building. 
You walk down the hall and you say hi back to people who say hi while passing through. As you were passing the janitor's closet, you got pulled in quickly resulting in dropping your books on the floor.
"What the h-" you started shouting until somebody covered your month with their hand.
You quickly took somebody's hand off of your mouth, turned around to face them and punched the person. 
"Who the h*ll are you?!" you shouted furiously while grabbing a broom and then holding it up ready to hit them. You quickly turn on the light and you see the person covering their face.
The person was a man bending down trying to stop the punch from hurting him. You saw them wearing ripped jeans, a white tank shirt with their muscles flexing out.
They got back up and looked at you while pitching his nose.
"Oscar?!" you said shockingly and Oscar moved his hand from his nose. You never thought you should see him again after your 21st birthday.
"Hola hyna. You still got it." said Spooky and gave you his signature smirk.
You slap him quick but he quickly recovers but has his hand on his right cheek.
"I deserve that." said Spooky disappointed.
"H*ll yeah, you do! Now tell me what are you doing here?! you shouted furiously and your arms crossed against your chest.
You wanted Oscar to leave so bad but you know he won't leave until you let him explain.
Oh course you think hearing him is some bulls*it but the quicker he explains, the quicker you can go to class and never talk or see him ever again.
"Y/N, I messed up. I shouldn't have called on that night about wanting to do it with you. I don't know why I did it in the first place but I know now from that night onward ruined our friendship. To be honest, I started falling for you when we started. I know it's weird but I did and I want you to know you are my type. But I just saw you as a friend-"
"A friend?! Oscar, it makes me look like a freaking s*lt! It makes me look like I'm your call in the middle of the night! Oh course you won't understand since you're a full grown man and I'm the woman in this. The woman that is always getting judged by everything every-time leaving the house. You will never understand how hard it is to be a woman." you said furiously while you have tears in your eyes and throwing the broom down on the floor upset. 
Spooky felt his heart breaking by pain with your words. He didn’t know you felt like this. All he wants to do now is to hug and confront you.
"Y/N."
"No. I'm done. I don't want to see you ever again. Ever." you said and you quickly wiped your tears from your eyes and left the janitors closet. 
You quickly picked up your books on the floor outside of the janitor's closet and quickly ran to English before Spooky could say another word to you. . 
-
"Ooo girl, James is going to be all over you tonight." say your roommate, Summer as she looks at your cute outfit for your date tonight in your dorm room.
"Chill out, Summer. It’s our three month anniversary. We are just going to get dinner and go watch a movie at a drive-in theater." you said while you were putting in your earrings in the full length mirror.
"Oh so y'all doing it in-"
"No! Oh my gosh." you said while laughing and somebody knocked on the door.
You quickly put in your other earring and go up to the door. You open it and see James with a biker jacket on, black pants and his signature Jordan shoes. He was holding roses and a small box which got you curious.
"Happy three month anniversary." said James and handed you the roses. You place them on the dresser as James walked into the dorm.
You walk over to the mirror again and fix your hair a bit before you go until you see James putting on a necklace on your neck behind you.
You gasped and you looked straight into the mirror. It was a gold necklace with a diamond crystal rose as the centerpiece.
"James...this is beautiful." you said as you hold it in your fingertips.
"Not as beautiful as you." said James and you turned around to face him and kissed him.
"Okay y'all. Leave before I get sick." said Summer while sitting on her bed making you and James laugh while leaving. 
-
An hour later, you and James were sitting in his car watching the movie at the drive-in theater.
You decided to look at James and start to stare. James was just casually drinking his pop while watching the movie. After he took a sip, he turned to look at you.
"What?" asked James with a big smile.
"Nothing. I just don't understand how I got you as my boyfriend." you said happily and James responded by kissing you with passion. You kissed him back with the same level of passion.
You got up from your seat and got on James' lap while kissing him. James formed a smirk when he grabbed your wrist while kissing you.
You stop kissing him from his lip and move down to his neck. You hear him make a quiet noise which motivates you to continue on.
"Victoria..." he said quietly, making you quickly stop kissing his neck. You slap him hard. 
"VICTORIA?!" you shouted at him furiously and James eyes widened in fear because of what he just said.
You quickly got off of him and got out of his car. You take off your heels and start to jog down the road in your dress as tears start to flow down your face.
"S*it." said James as he quickly puts on your seat-belt, turns on his car and then starts driving after you.
A few minutes later, James pulled up right next to you when you were walking on the sidewalk. James rolled down the window.
"Y/N, I-"
"I don't want to hear it. We are done!" you shouted and you spotted a bus rolling up to a bus stop ahead of you. 
You quickly got out some money out of your wallet while running to the bus stop. You quickly got on the bus and sat down before James could speak to you again.
"Y/N!" shouted James as he got out of the car and tried to catch up to the bus you were on but the bus was too far from him.
You looked out of the window and saw James face. James saw you and gave you a guilty face. A face full of regret and sorrow. But yet also a face of guilt.
He cheated on you. With Victoria. Your close cousin. You stop looking out of the window and sit down in a seat. You didn't know where you were going but a certain person came into your mind.
-
30 minutes later, you got off of the bus to a certain neighborhood. You walked down the sidewalk still barefooted with your heels in your right hand and your purse in the other.
You stopped and you walked up a bit of stairs to knock on a certain door. A moment later, the door was opened by a certain somebody and you gave them a small smile.
"Oscar. Can I come in?" you asked shyly and he looked at you with a straight face but his eyes were filled with concern.
Spooky widened the door more and you entered his house.
You quickly went into his room and dropped on his bed to start crying your eyes out. Spooky quickly came over to you and started to confront you. 
He wrapped his arms around your wrist and put his head on your left shoulders. You turned around and faced him while he was still holding you around your body.
"Oscar...I miss you." you said.
"I miss you too." said Spooky and he took his right hand and moved your hair from your face to get a better view of your face slowly.
He started to study your face while you looked back at him in his eyes. You always felt something was there every time you looked into Spooky's eyes but you don't know what it was. You never felt it with James at all.
Spooky slowly started to lean in and then gave you a kiss. A slow but passionate kiss. You kissed him back quickly.
After the kiss ended, both of you stared into each other's eyes.
"Y/N. I love you so much. I hope you can forgive me." asked Oscar, confessing.
"I love you too. No matter what happened to us, I will always love you." you said and you kissed him again in his arms. I guess you can say you finally got together with your first love after that night.
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loveaningenue · 7 years
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2015: The Bearding Timeline (pt. 1)
Newbies were freaking out last week because of the picture on Josh’s Instagram. As bas as it was, it wasn’t nearly as bad as 2015. I wasn’t in the Kaylor fandom in 2015, but I was following Taylor at the time, so I had a good idea of the stunt in 2015 before I did my research. So here is the timeline of Taylor’s and Karlie’s bearding in 2015. Pictures are linked on words and dates (should I add them?).
Remember that Kissgate was in December 2014 and that everything in 2015 is the consequence of that event. Calvin Harris was Taylor’s 'boyfriend’ for 15 months. Joshua Kushner has been Karlie’s 'boyfriend’ since 2012. 
I excluded all likes about Tayvin by Taylor, Josh’s comments on Karlie’s Instagram posts (he commented a lot of 🍉), The Kloss’ likes, Taylor’s likes on Calvin’s Instagram and vice versa, and same for Karlie and Josh. 
I don’t particularly like talking about Josh for reasons, but I felt like this was needed for anyone who wasn’t there in 2015. I should say that I won’t call Calvin or Josh any names or assume their sexuality here. That doesn’t mean that I like Calvin. On the contrary, I dislike him for various things but calling him names, for me, is unnecessary. 
January 3: Karlie posts a picture of Josh on Instagram of their trip in NY. 
January 4: Karlie posts a picture of Josh on Instagram of their trip in NY.
January 26: Karlie posts a picture of Josh on Instagram. 
February 3: Karlie posts a video taken by Josh on Instagram. The video was identical to one that Josh posted in 2014. 
February 14: Karlie posts a picture on Instagram for Valentine’s day with Josh in it. 
February 15: Karlie promotes Oscar Health on Instagram. 
February 24: Taylor meets Calvin at the Elle Style Awards in London. Ellie Goulding stated months later that she played matchmaker for them. 
February 25: Taylor talks with Calvin and Mick Jagger at the 2015 Brits in London. 
March 6: On their one year anniversary, Taylor makes it very clear that March 6 is their anniversary, just days after Calvin breaks up with Aarika Wolfe. 
March 22: Josh posts a picture of him and Karlie at a wedding on Instagram. 
March 25: Taylor and Calvin are spotted in Nashville by fans wearing matching outfits. There aren’t any paps in Nashville, so Taylor usually relies on fans to take pictures. 
March 26: Taylor goes to Kenny Chesney concert in Nashville with Clavin Tree and Calvin’s manager. 
April 2: Taylor and Calvin go to Haim’s concert in WH. Taylor basically sits on his lap while they both look really bored. Taylor usually dances/sings at concerts, but she didn’t look that happy there. 
April 14: Calvin is photographed leaving Taylor’s LA house. Taylor, nor her friends, have ever been seen leaving her LA house, so why with Calvin. It’s also a private property where paps aren’t allowed to camp out. 
April 18: Karlie and Josh go to Coachella together.
April 19: Karlie posts a picture of her and Josh at Coachella on Instagram. 
April 24: Josh is at Karlie’s Karlie Kloss x Frame Denim Meet and Greet in NYC.
April 29: Calvin posts a picture on Instagram of Meredith and Olivia. 
April 30: Taylor and Calvin drive around LA. Taylor spends most of her time on her phone though. 
May 3: Karle posts a video on Instagram and comments “courtesy of @joshuakushner”
May 4: Karlie and Josh go to the 2015 Met Gala in NY and Josh looks happy as always.
May 9: Taylor and Haim go to Calvin’s set at the 2015 Wango Tango in CA. 
May 12: Taylor and Calvin go on a date in Venice, CA. 
May 17: Taylor and Calvin attend the 2015 Billboard Music Awards. They go full out with PDA and are later called out for it. Josh and Karlie posts a picture of her close to a lighthouse, making it seem like they’re together, but the post location is in Manhatten, 3 hours away from where the picture was taken. 
May 26: Taylor and Calvin go on a date in NYC.
May 28: Taylor, Calvin and Ed Sheeran eat at The Spotted Pig in NYC. Pictures from that date are proof that their relationships PR. As Taylor and Calvin walked out of the restaurant hand in hand, they unclasped their hands seconds after the paps took pictures and Calvin would have pushed her inside the car if there weren’t any paps. Karlie is seen for the first time arriving at Taylor’s apartment in 2015. Gigi Hadid and Calvin are also there and the picture for Karlie’s 23rd birthday that Taylor posted was taken there. 
May 29: Calvin is photographed leaving Taylor’s apartment. 
June 7: Karlie and Josh go grocery shopping after hiking. 
June 8: Gigi posts a picture of her, Calvin and Karlie in Taylor’s kitchen for the National Best Friend Day (but she barely knows him yet uses a picture with him). 
June 10: Taylor posts the “Swan goals” picture. This is the first picture she has of her ‘boyfriend’ on her SM, but she said in 2014 that her next relationship would be kept private. Also, most likely a latergram (and her hair is completely dry). 
June 12: Karlie posts a picture (collage) made by a fan of Josh and her at the 2014 US Open, an event where they looked like they didn't want to be there, for his birthday. 
June 13: Karlie goes to an event in Russia with Josh. 
June 14: Taylor, Calvin, Gigi, Joe Jonas, and Jessica Alba eat at Soho House in Hollywood, a private place for celebrities, but the paps sill got pictures. 
June 20: Calvin catsits Taylor’s cats. 
June 22: Calvin tweets “I just played a gig inside a giant owl and my girl just changed the entire music industry what a day”.
June 23: Taylor says “I happen to love Scottish people” at her show in Glasglow, Scotland. 
June 28: Taylor, Calvin, Gigi, Joe, and Karlie go on a boat ride in London and pictures were taken by a local PR photographer.
June 29: Calvin attends Taylor’s concert in Dublin. 
June 30: Calvin attends Taylor’s concert in Dublin. 
July 1: Taylor and Calvin eat lunch together in RI. Taylor has to rely on fans to take pictures. 
July 2: Calvin posts a picture of Taylor with the caption “She cooks too” which is sexist (but Tayvins failed to point that out).
July 3: Taylor decides to celebrate the Fourth of July on the Third of July to get pictures of her and Calvin because Calvin has a show on the fourth.
July 9: Karlie posts a picture taken by Josh and Josh posts a picture of his and Karlie’s feet a day before Karlie goes to Taylor’s concert.
July 17: Calvin says in an interview “For me it could be a lot worse, and I'd still be, like, insanely happy with her so I'm good with it”, but in most pictures of them together, he doesn’t look happy. “There’s a hold bunch of times where we’ve been hanging out and nobody’s clocked it. It’s not like every single time we go out, we get a photograph taken of us” which is the opposite of their highly Instagrammed relationship.
July 18: Taylor tries to tell people that Calvin is her prince Charming and Calvin attends Taylor’s concert in Chicago.
July 19: Josh posts a picture of Karlie in Rome. 
August 1: Karlie and Josh are photographed in NYC. Here’s a post talking about it. 
August 3: Karlie’s birthday a.k.a International Watermelon Day 🍉. Taylor decides to post a PR post for Karlie’s birthday pic on SM, but the only problem is that Calvin is the main focus of the picture. Josh also takes the opportunity to use the watermelon in his caption for his birthday post. Karlie comments on Josh’s post with ❤️😍❤️ (she also comments on a fan’s post for her with Thank you so much @swiftkloss ❤️😍❤️ xxxx). 
August 11: Calvin ‘catsits’ Taylor’s cats while she goes to a party.
August 17: Josh posts a picture of Karlie on Instagram.
August 25: Calvin attends Taylor’s concert in LA. 
September 20: Josh posts a picture of Karlie on Instagram.
October 27: Calvin attends Taylor’s concert in Miami.
October 31: Karlie and Josh attend a wedding together. 
November 1: Josh posts a picture of Karlie on Instagram of the wedding they went to.
November 15: Karlie and Lorde attend Satuday Night Live’s afterparty. Josh is pictured there. 
November 16: Taylor posts a picture on Instagram of Olivia Benson with Mariska Hargitay’s Moon Man and an hour later she edits the caption and adds “photocredit: @calvinharris”. 
December 13: Taylor doesn’t celebrate her birthday, but she does go to a birthday party for Apple streaming’s head’s daughter with Calvin. She and Calvin are the only celebrities photographed there. 
December 21: Josh posts a picture of Karlie on Instagram a day after the 1989 World Tour Live is released. 
December 23: Calvin goes to see her in Colorado and they try to make it look like he’s spending Christmas with her by posting pictures on Instagram, but the dates don’t line up. 
December 24: Taylor posts a picture of her and Calvin on Instagram. 
December 27-31: Karlie goes to St-Barths and tries to make it seem like Josh was there with her.
December 31: Taylor, Ruby Rose, and the Haim sisters go to Calvin’s set in LV for the countdown.
Well that sums up most of the bearding in 2015. A reminder for newbies that 2015 was the worst year for Kaylor. You know what they say, couples that beard together, stay together. 
For info about all of Tayvin and Joshlie: Tayv!n the PR Stunt Masterpost,  The PR Stunt, and Little Bits of Information. 
Just to conclude Tayvin, they broke up in early June 2016. Josh and Karlie are still together (see Josh’s Instagram). If there are any questions about them, my inbox is open. Don’t think that Kaylor is not real because of Josh, there are many reasons why they are bearding together, so do not have doubts when it comes to Josh. Coachella (April 14-16 & 21-23) is soon and they usually go together, so we should expect some pics there (hopefully they’ll skip this year). They haven’t been following their past patterns and have been doing minimal interactions in 2017 (snow pic, the watermelon pic, and the Turks & Caicos pics). 
For more: 2016: The Bearding Timeline (pt. 2), 2017: The Bearding Timeline (pt. 3).
Some other posts I have that include Taylor’s PR relationship: Swifthaal Timeline TaCo Timeline
If I missed anything, message me. 
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